Paradise Syndrome

by Louise Hall

  “What the fuck is the Fremont Troll?” Kian laughed.

  “I can’t believe you haven’t been out there yet,” Trent got his phone from the top shelf of his locker. “Lacey loves it.” Lacey was Lena’s daughter from a previous relationship; she was about the same age as Lola.

  I’ve been so lonely.

  As Kian drove home from training that afternoon, he looked up at the Space Needle and Cate’s words from the previous day began to make more sense. He realised that they hadn’t done any of the things he’d planned for them during the five months they’d been apart.

  Almost every day during those five months, he’d done the exact same drive to the Seattle F.C. training facility in Bellevue and every single time he would look up at the iconic Space Needle and think about how great it was going to be when Cate, Lola and Mats finally arrived in Seattle.

  Except that when they’d got here, just like when they’d been in Manchester, his football commitments had gotten in the way again. Cate, his mum and the children had gone up to the top of the Space Needle without him.

  He tried to remember the last time they’d done something as a family and came up short.

  By the time he pulled The Tank as Cate joking called it into the driveway, he resolved that things were going to be different from now on. He loved being a professional footballer but he didn’t want to be a stranger in Cate’s and the children’s lives.

  “Cate?”

  “We’re out here,” Cate called from the back of the house.

  She was sat on the porch swing, showing Mateo the book she’d bought for him all about Seattle ferry boats. Lola was in next door’s garden playing football with Luke.

  “I’ve got something to show you.” Kian scooped Mateo up from Cate’s lap.

  “Where are we going?”

  “Lo, can you come here?” Kian called across the grass.

  “Dad, we’re playing football,” Lola grumbled.

  “It’s cool,” Luke shrugged. “My dad will be home soon. See you tomorrow, Lola.”

  Kian wouldn’t tell them where they were going. He parked the car at the bottom of a hill and unstrapped Mateo from his car seat. “I’ll get the pushchair,” Cate looked up at the steep hill. She really didn’t fancy pushing it all the way up there.

  “I’ll carry him,” Kian insisted. “Let’s go.”

  When they got to the top, Cate stopped for a moment to catch her breath while Kian, Lola and Mateo went on ahead.

  “Mum, it’s so cool,” Lola ran back to Cate and grabbed her hand, tugging her forward. Underneath the bridge was a huge troll made of steel rebar, wire and concrete. It was clutching a VW Beetle as if it had swiped it from the freeway above their heads. Lola helped Mateo join the other children who were clambering all over the sculpture.

  “How did you know this was here?” Cate laughed, watching them.

  Kian wrapped an arm around her waist, “something one of the guys said at training.”

  “Look, his eye is a hubcap,” Lola giggled. “It’s so cool. Mum, please will you take a photo so I can show Noah and Emily.”

  Cate took lots of photos of Lola and Mateo and then Kian insisted that she pose for one too. “You’re evil,” Cate muttered as Lola and Mateo dragged her in front of the Troll. “It should be a felony to take photos of a woman when she’s eight-months pregnant. When we get home, I’m so going to delete this.”

  “No, you’re not,” Kian laughed, “you look beautiful, angel.”

  “Ha,” Cate laughed. “I’m the size of a house, Kian.”

  He kissed her cheek, “a beautiful house.” He jumped back before she could swat him.

  One of the other tourists offered to take a photo of all four of them so they posed in front of the troll, its large head looming ominously above them.

  Afterwards, they walked around the Fremont neighbourhood, taking in the local oddities. They took photos of the Fremont Rocket, the huge statue of Lenin and the slightly creepy Waiting for the Interurban. Mateo particularly liked the houseboats on Lake Union and the bronze statue of J.P. Patches.

  “Can you imagine if we lived on a boat…?” Lola winced. They’d stopped for a late lunch of warm pita breads stuffed with spicy falafel and salad at a small café. It was still warm enough so they were sat at one of the metal tables outside. “I dread to think how many times Mats would say “boat” every day? Ugh, it’s like his favourite word ever.”

  Mateo was sat on Kian’s knee. When he realised that they were all looking across at him, he giggled. “Boat.”

  He fell asleep on the journey home. “You’re worn out, aren’t you, buddy?” Cate whispered softly as she gently undid the buckle on his car seat.

  She felt a couple of raindrops on the back of her neck. “I’ll take him,” Kian offered. “Why don’t you go inside?”

  While Lola ran upstairs to tell Noah and Emily all about the Fremont Troll, Cate went into the kitchen to get a glass of water. She felt a little nauseous but knew that it was only natural to feel like that in her last month of pregnancy. She couldn’t believe that she only had a month to go. With all of the trauma of being separated from Kian for five months and her depression, it really felt like it had been the longest pregnancy ever, much longer than with Lola and Mateo.

  She tenderly rubbed her bump. For the longest time, she’d felt like this pregnancy was more of a burden than a blessing. But now that she was getting help for her depression, she was slowly starting to get excited about the new baby.

  Earlier that day, while Lola was at school and Mateo was having his lunchtime nap, she’d found herself looking at baby clothes online.

  She felt guilty that she hadn’t bought much for the baby beyond the absolute necessities. She’d set up the nursery a couple of weeks ago but she realised now just how bland and functional it was. It was definitely nothing like the nurseries she’d so painstakingly created for both Lola and Mateo, which had been overflowing with love. While they’d had large hand-painted murals, this baby’s nursery just had stark, white walls. It wasn’t like the baby would be sleeping in an empty, cardboard box; she’d bought the basics like the crib, changing table and a seemingly endless supply of white Babygro’s. But there was nothing special - no brightly-coloured mobile dangling above the crib, eager to attract the new baby’s attention. No cuddly toys piled up on top of the ottoman, just waiting to be squished by chubby, little arms.

  “Hey,” Kian put his hand over hers. “You OK?”

  “Yeah,” Cate shook her head. “I’m fine. I was just thinking about the baby.”

  Kian frowned, “I should have been there for you at the doctor’s office.”

  “It was a faulty probe, it wasn’t your fault,” Cate settled back into the warmth of her husband’s embrace. She didn’t want to ruin what had been a perfect day so far.

  “I still think that we should sue.” Thinking about the distress Cate must have gone through during those sixty plus minutes when they couldn’t find the baby’s heartbeat made Kian want to obliterate that fucking clinic until all that was left was rubble and ruined reputations.

  Cate shook her head, “I don’t want to have to relive it. It was bad enough the first time.” She put Kian’s hands on either side of her bump. Even though it was their third child, he still felt a little awestruck every time he felt it kick inside Cate. “Dr Swift is one of the best OB-GYNs in Seattle. The baby’s fine, Kian. I’m fine. Let’s just focus on that, OK?”

  The back door swung open, letting in a draft of cold air. “Mom, you can’t just barge in,” Nate protested.

  “It’s the kitchen, Nathaniel,” Abby scolded her son, “It’s not their bedroom.”

  “It’s still their home,” Nate rolled his eyes behind her back.

  Abby held Cate’s hands. “Ah, you must be Cate. Nathaniel has told me so much about you.”

  “Um, thanks?” Cate looked across at Nate, wondering just what he’d said. She knew that Abby had also suffered from depression when she was pregnan
t with Nate.

  “Good things, I promise,” Abby smiled warmly.

  Cate looked at Nate, “I didn’t know your mom was coming to visit?”

  Nate shrugged, “neither did I.”

  Abby shook her head, “you thought I’d miss your birthday? You’re my son.”

  “I know,” Nate shifted uncomfortably, “I just thought that after what happened with Dad…?”

  Abby darted her eyes towards Cate and Kian. “It’s OK, Mom. They know.”

  “Oh,” although she was surprised, Abby quickly regained her composure. “Your relationship with your dad is just that, it’s between you and him. I can’t change him; the Lord knows I’ve tried. You’re my son, Nathaniel. I’ve loved you since you were a tiny little thing in my belly and that’s never going to change, OK?”

  “Abby’s a force of nature, isn’t she?” Cate laughed as she and Kian got into bed later that night.

  “She reminds me a little bit of Irene actually,” Kian lifted up his arm so Cate could snuggle against him.

  Cate looked up at him quizzically, “my mum?”

  “Yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever told you this but a couple of days after we got back from Vegas, she called and asked me to come to the house.”

  Cate was intrigued, “what did she say?”

  Kian smirked, “it was definitely the toughest interview I’ve ever had. She wanted to know what my intentions were.”

  “We’d got married and were expecting a baby,” Cate balked, “surely it was obvious.”

  Kian kissed the top of Cate’s head, breathing in the delicious scent of blackberries, “she just wanted to protect you, angel, like Abby does with Nate.”

  “She gave me some good tips actually,” Kian chuckled, “I’m definitely going to use them on Lola’s boyfriends.”

  “Hey,” Cate swatted his chest, “don’t be sexist. What about Mateo’s girlfriends?”

  Kian switched off the light and Cate snuggled down, resting her head on Kian’s chest. She liked falling asleep listening to the steady thump-thump of his heartbeat.

  “What if one of them is gay?” Cate asked quietly. Abby clearly knew that Nate was gay but she’d talked around it, never actually saying the words.

  Kian lifted up her t-shirt and pressed the palm of his hand against the small of her back, “then we’ll be even more fucking protective of them. The world is harsh enough as it is.”

  CHAPTER 22

  “That baby is going to be born soon,” Abby remarked as Cate climbed down the step-ladder. Although they had a cleaner who came once a week, Cate had been busy scrubbing the kitchen cupboards when Abby had let herself in through the back door.

  Kian had already left; he had an away game against Houston the following night. Although she was doing much better, he still hadn’t been comfortable with leaving her overnight. He’d accompanied Cate to her last appointment with Dr Chen, who’d tried her best to allay his fears. But he’d only reluctantly agreed to go after Nate had promised that he would take really good care of her and that he’d text Kian with regular updates.

  When Cate had first found out that Abby was staying next door at Eric and Allison’s house, she’d thought that it was a little strange. It wasn’t like Abby was a member of their family or one of their close friends, Layla was their son’s nanny but the more time she spent with Abby, the more she realised what a powerhouse she was. She reminded Cate of her older sister Remy, who had this uncanny ability to get you to agree to do something before you realised what it was you were actually agreeing to. Cate had found this out to her cost when she’d been roped in to babysit her two hyperactive nephews.

  Cate shook her head and switched on the kettle, “I’m not due for another couple of weeks.”

  “You’re nesting,” Abby gestured to the kitchen cupboards, which were now so clean that they sparkled in the morning sunlight, “that baby is coming soon.”

  Cate poured Abby a mug of herbal tea and they sat at the kitchen counter. “I want to throw my son a birthday party.” When she saw Cate’s panicked expression, she patted her hand, “not here, sweetheart. Eric has already offered to host it at his house.”

  Cate felt like she had whiplash. Eric had made it very clear that he didn’t want Nate here in Seattle so why would he offer up the home he shared with his wife and son for Nate’s birthday party?

  “Allison is going to be working that night,” Abby continued, “she doesn’t mind us having the party as long as it’s all tidy again when she gets home the next morning.”

  Cate was only half-listening. Surely Eric must know that Nate still had feelings for him?

  “Cate?” Abby put a hand on her arm, making her jump and spill hot tea all over her wrist.

  “Sorry,” Cate went to the sink and ran her wrist under the cold water tap.

  Abby chuckled, “I was just saying that I haven’t thrown a birthday party for Nathaniel since he was eight. We were stationed in Germany at the time. Layla is going to take care of the food and drink; she’s really a wonderful cook, you know? I just need help with the decorations. Will you come to Target with me this afternoon?”

  Cate nodded. Although the nursery looked so much better than it had done a couple of weeks ago, she still needed a couple more things.

  “Wowzers.” Abby and Cate had been trudging up the steep hill from the waterfront to Target when there was a chorus of loud cheers and cat-calls behind them. They turned around just in time to see a whole pillion of naked bike riders. Abby quickly reached for her glasses which were hanging on a chain around her neck. “I can see now why Nathaniel and Layla like it so much up here.”

  As they came out of Target laden down with shopping bags, Cate’s phone rang.

  It was Nate. “Um, Cate, you need to come home.”

  Cate tucked the phone in the crook of her neck and picked up her shopping bags, already hurrying downhill towards the ferry terminal. “What happened?”

  In the background, she could hear Lola whimpering, “Mum!”

  “Lola’s sick. I think Mateo might be getting it as well. There’s a nasty stomach bug going around; they’ve closed the school.”

  “I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Cate quickened her pace.

  When they got home, Abby took the bags of decorations from Cate. “I’m really sorry…”

  “Nonsense,” Abby shooed her towards the house, “you go. Your children are sick.”

  When she walked inside the house, there was an unmistakable stench of vomit. She went upstairs and found Lola, Mateo and Nate in the middle of hers and Kian’s bed. Nate looked apologetic, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know where else to go. They’ve both been sick in their own beds.”

  From the looks of it, they’d both been sick all over Nate as well. “Why don’t you go and grab a shower?” Cate pinched her nose. “I can handle it from here.”

  “Are you sure?” Nate stood up. He was cut off by the sound of Lola retching, she clutched her stomach and another burst of brown sludge covered the sheets. “Mama!” Mateo cried. He was covered in vomit; it was all over his clothes, his hands, caked in his hair.

  “Please go,” Cate pushed Nate towards the door, “before I change my mind.”

  “Up you get,” Cate said to Lola. She picked up Mateo, pulling the vomit-covered sheets clear off the mattress and walked into the master bathroom. She put them all in the bath and turned on the shower, making sure the water wasn’t too cold.

  “Mum!” Lola looked wide-eyed at Cate. She and Mateo were both drenched.

  “Stay there,” Cate warned. Trying not to gag herself, she stripped the dirty sheets off both of their beds and opened the windows to let in some fresh air before going downstairs to put them in the washing machine. Before she went back upstairs, she picked up fresh pyjamas and a couple of buckets from the cupboard underneath the sink.

  “How are you feeling now?” Cate asked when she walked back into the bathroom.

  “Cold,” Lola scowled. At least they were both clea
n. “Come on then,” Cate said softly, “let’s get you changed.” She handed Lola a bucket, “if you think you’re going to be sick again, use this.” While Lola was drying off, Cate scooped Mateo up out of the shower, “bad Mama!”

  Cate removed his wet clothes, dried him off and changed him into clean, dry pyjamas. “Sick!” Mateo cried, patting his little tummy. Cate quickly reached for the bucket again.

  She took them downstairs and settled them at either ends of the sofa, with their buckets on the floor in front of them. She tucked the wedding quilt around them and put on a Disney DVD. Usually Lola would protest that they were just for babies but she must have been sick because she just lay there, quietly watching the movie.

  “How are they?” Nate asked when he came downstairs; his blonde hair was still damp from the shower. Cate was loading yet more washing into the machine.

  “I’m hoping it’s just a twenty-four hour thing,” Cate shrugged. “Thanks for looking after them.”

  “Nonsense,” Nate grinned, “it’s my job.”

  After she’d finished loading the washing machine and made up all of the beds with fresh sheets, Cate was exhausted. Nate offered to warm up some of the vegetable lasagna his sister had made earlier but Cate shook her head. It didn’t matter how many windows she opened or how much she cleaned, with every breath she took in she could still smell vomit.

  She suggested Nate spend some time with Abby and Layla next door. He reluctantly agreed as long as she promised to text him every half an hour to let him know that she was OK.

  Cate walked into the lounge; the DVD had almost finished so she put on another one and curled up on the sofa with Lola and Mats. Even though they were both asleep, they shifted so that they could cuddle up to Cate and she gently stroked her fingers through their inky-black hair. Lola slept like Kian, staying in one position the whole time whereas Mateo was a wriggler like her, he chattered away in his sleep; sometimes she could make out words but other times his lips were just moving silently.

  They both dozed off and on, waking just long enough for Cate to try to get them to take some sips of water. At least they hadn’t been sick again.