by Soraya Lane
Damn bourbon. It had been his father’s weakness all his life and Jack hardly ever touched the stuff… until last night.
Father. Thinking about his bastard of a father was what had made him start drinking in the first place. That and the fact that no matter what he did, no matter what he wanted, in nine months time there would be a kid out there knowing he was his father. Because he was not, not, going to bail on his child.
Jack slowly placed his feet on the ground and collected the bottle. If he had another one handy he might have been tempted to dull the pain some more, but he had animals to feed and jobs to do.
As if reading his mind he heard a loud woof from Rosa. He squinted, wishing his eyes were still shut, and saw his dog sitting in the doorway.
“I hear you,” Jack mumbled.
She barked again, this time with her head tilted at an angle.
“I know. Bad idea,” he told her, shuffling past and heading for the shower. “You should taste my breath right now.”
Jack turned the faucet on and stared at himself in the mirror while he waited for the water to get hot.
He looked like shit. His eyes were bloodshot, his hair was sticking up in weird tufts, and his skin looked like all the color had drained from it.
And now, not only was he going to be a dad, he was also in danger of losing his ranch. He’d already been in touch with his lawyer, advised him to drop the proceedings, that he’d be fulfilling the clause.
If things could have gotten any worse for him, now they had. There was nothing, nothing that could make his life get any more complicated or fucked up.
He’d waited all his life for his dad to die, and now he was going to be one.
The sun was beating down on Maddison’s shoulders so fiercely, she knew her skin would start to fry if she didn’t get up. But she didn’t want to move, let alone go back into the house. Because then there would be more questions – answers to which she didn’t even want to think about right now let alone talk about – and out here she was able to at least be miserable on her own.
Instead of heading around the front to where her parents were, she slipped in the backdoor and grabbed a hat and shirt. At least then she could protect her skin, even if she did get hot as hell beneath the layers.
Maddison wandered aimlessly, just needing to move. She had that antsy feeling in her legs, like they’d been fidgeting for days, desperate to stretch out and cover some serious ground. And maybe her mind needed it to.
Ever since she’d found out she was pregnant, she’d felt the need to touch her belly, like a magnetic pull that she was unable to fight. A girl or a boy? It was the question she’d been thinking about all morning, when she hadn’t been wondering how to deal with Jack. How to tell him how she really felt; how to tell him again what an amazing father she knew he’d be; and that she’d let him off the hook if he wanted to be free. Because she’d never push him into this, just like she never would have gotten pregnant on purpose.
She knew where her feet were taking her even if she didn’t want them to. But when had logic ever stopped her from heading over to the Gregory ranch? It hadn’t since she’d been home as an adult, and it sure as hell hadn’t when she’d been a girl.
Maddison didn’t want to see Jack, not yet, but she always took comfort from walking the boundary line, being able to look left or right and see nothing but grass stretch endlessly into the distance. And now was no different. Except for the nervous flutter she felt in her belly, the knowledge that the child she now carried was part of both ranches… so long as Jack didn’t lose his.
She’d lain awake all night, thinking about the baby. Thinking about Jack. Whether he’d find someone else to marry. Whether he’d change his mind about being a dad. About all the what ifs.
Maddison was puffing now, out of practice when it came to walking across the fields and up the incline.
And what she saw made her stop.
From the boundary, looking across to his farm, she could see the graveyard. The burial plots where generations of Gregory family members had been buried. She always stared at the large gravestones, always smiled at the way the large tree positioned behind them seemed to sweep down and across with its low branches, as if reaching to touch them. But today the instinctive smile froze on her face.
Because she saw a man bent over in front of one of the stones. It had to be Jack, even though she couldn’t be sure. She watched as the man stood straighter, then sat down on the grass.
It was stupid, because she knew he needed space, knew he needed time to just be. But she climbed the fence away, started walking toward him, because they needed to talk – now more than ever. And if he didn’t want to talk, then Maddison would do what she always did. She’d sit right beside him and wait it out, so he knew she was there for him whenever he was ready.
She refused to believe that Jack was no longer her friend. Because if she did, her heart was going to break all over again.
Jack knew someone was approaching. He stared hard at the gravestone, the inscription that he always read over and over, even though he’d known it by heart since he was a boy, and wiped at his eyes.
It didn’t matter how many years had passed, he could still shed a tear when he thought about his mom – about that day, about losing her, about growing up without her.
And he’d put money on the fact that it was Maddison standing behind him, because aside from his brother, she was the only person who’d ever come here with him.
“Hey.”
Her soft voice made him wish things were different between them, but it didn’t take away his anger.
Jack looked over his shoulder, acknowledged her. “Hi.”
He listened to her sigh then sit down. She knew him too well, would just wait him out, but he wasn’t interested in going back in time with her today.
“I was just leaving.” Jack didn’t mean to sound so rude, but he wanted to be alone.
“Can I say something?”
He could tell from the croak in her voice that she was close to tears, and he hated it. “Me saying no has never stopped you before.”
She sighed again before standing and shoving her hands deep into her pockets. He was watching her now, unable to be so rude as to keep his back to her.
“I meant what I said the other day, Jack. You would be an amazing dad, no matter what you think.”
He fought against the urge to grind his teeth. “Leave it, Maddison.” It came out as a growl and he couldn’t help it.
“I can’t leave it, Jack.” She moved around to sit across from him, so she could look at his face. He stared straight ahead, refused to make eye contact with her. Because she was still Maddison, and that meant he didn’t want to say something to her now that he’d regret for the rest of his life.
“Jack, whether you want to accept it now or not, we’re having a child. You can walk away if you have to, but I won’t. Can’t. And I need you to know that…” Her voice trailed off.
“What?” He’d gone from not wanting to hear a word she had to say, to needing to know what she’d come all the way over here to say.
She took a deep breath, looked away from him. It gave Jack the chance to study her face, to look at her silhouette. She was so fucking gorgeous it took his breath away. And they’d come so close to…
“I knew your mom, Jack, and I loved your mom. And if you gave a damn what she would think? If you want to be the kind of man she’d be proud of? You wouldn’t let fear stop you from being a father.”
Jack stood, anger pulsing through him so violently he was fighting not to slam his fist into the tree. “Don’t you ever, ever bring my mom up again. You hear me, Maddison?”
She rose too, came to stand so close to him he could have grabbed hold of her. But she wasn’t scared, stared him straight in the eye. Her hair was blowing around her face, but she made no attempt to restrain it. Just stood dead still and stared at him.
“You can hate me all you like, Jack. I don’t expect you to forgive
me. But if you want to be the opposite of your dad? Then you know what you need to do.” She reached out to him, touched his hair, trailed her fingers down his cheek. “I know the kind of man you could be right now, the kind of man you want to be. But you’re so hard headed that you’re going to end up being like your father without even realizing it.”
He was so angry with her, but he couldn’t push her away. Because he knew she was right, and he hated it.
“In nine months time, we’re going to have a child. And like it or not, you’re going to be a dad.”
He could see the dampness in her eyes, knew how hard it was for her to talk to him. To say what she was saying.
“I trusted you.” Jack had said it before but last time he’d yelled it at her like he was cursing. Now he said it because he had to. Because he needed to know if she’d entrapped him. Needed to know if she’d genuinely been utterly caught up in the moment, like he had been. “We were best friends, Maddison.”
Now she was crying. Tears were starting to fall fast down her cheeks, curling down her chin and dripping down onto her top. Her bottom lip was trembling, but still she held his gaze.
“You’re still my best friend, Jack.” She choked out the words. “I would never break your trust. You know that.” He was staring at her. “I’ve been on the pill most of my life, Jack, and I just forgot, alright? I wasn’t thinking about anything but you that night, not even about how I’d been wanting a baby for so damn long. And now I’ve got one. Only now? I’ve lost you.”
Maddison turned and walked away, head down, leaving him alone. Letting him brood on his own.
He should have called out to her. Gone after her. But he couldn’t. Because he needed to figure out what the hell had just happened, what he was going to do.
She was right.
If he couldn’t trust Maddison, there was no one left in the world he could trust. Because she was best friend. Because she’d never hurt him, not intentionally. Even after all these years, he knew she couldn’t. No matter what had changed, no matter how badly she wanted something, Maddison Jones would never break his trust.
Which meant he’d screwed up.Bad.
And she was right about his mom, too. If there was one thing she’d want her son to do, it would be to step up and be a man. To look fear in the eye and not give a shit about it.
He knew what he had to do.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
“You sure everything’s okay?”
Maddison looked up at her mom, leaning through the open door to where she sat out on the porch. She was swinging back and forth in the old swing that they’d always begged her parents not to sell, her toes trailing against the slightly rough timber underfoot.
“I’m fine. Just exhausted.” She wasn’t even close to ready to tell them about Jack. Or about the baby. Right now she needed time to process everything.
“I don’t want you to worry, but your father’s lying down.”
That made her sit bolt upright. “Should I go find Charley? Is there anything I can do?”
Her mom placed a hand on her shoulder. “The one thing he’d want you to do is treat him like nothing’s wrong. Do you know how embarrassed he’d be, if he knew I’d told you he was taking a midday nap?”
She was right. “It’s so hard seeing Dad like this. Knowing…” Maddison didn’t want to finish the sentence.
Her mom squeezed harder before dropping a kiss to her head. “We just need to carry on and enjoy him. It’s all we can do. It might be a month, a year, or many years, so we just enjoy every second as a family.”
Maddison blinked fresh tears away. She wasn’t used to blubbering so often, but between her dad and the pregnancy – maybe she could blame it on the hormones.
“Looks like you have a visitor.”
She wiped at her eyes and turned slightly to see the driveway. Jack.
“Oh.” She tried to make a non-committal type of sound. “He might be here to see dad.”
“Maddison,” her mom said with a chuckle. “Why would a rancher like Jack drive all this way in the heat of the day for a chin wag with your father? I think it’s fair to say he’s here to see his fiancée.”
She tried not to grimace. “Yeah, of course.” She hadn’t breathed a word to anyone about their argument, had just slipped in the back door that night and gone to her room.
Her mom disappeared back into the house and Maddison walked around the front. Whatever Jack had to say to her, it wasn’t going to be nice, but at least she wasn’t still in her pajamas. Being caught out looking mopey and pathetic would have made the entire situation even worse.
“Hey Jack.”
The look he gave her made her shiver. Made a warm sensation tickle all the way to her toes at the same time. Because Jack was smiling. And he was holding a bunch of flowers that must have been near impossible for him to find in the first place, without driving at least an hour.
“These,” he said, walking toward her with purpose in his stride, “are for you.”
She held out her hands and took them, dipping her nose into the bouquet to inhale their fragrance. “They’re beautiful. Thank you, Jack.”
Maddison stood, watching him, knowing he had something to say that wasn’t coming easily to him. He was standing straight, tall enough to block the sun from her eyes, his big shoulders covered in his usual shirt, with the sleeves pushed up to the elbows. His jeans were worn, faded out like they wouldn’t last more than a few months. And his eyes – they were trained on hers, smiling, kind… forgiving.
“Jack…”
He held up his hand, and she stopped. Knew that she needed to let him talk, because she’d talked enough for both of them since she’d been back.
“These are to say sorry.” He tilted his head down, looked into her eyes as he cupped her face in his hands. There was so much tenderness, so much compassion in his touch, in his eyes, in the way he spoke to her, that she would have just about forgiven him for anything. Jack couldn’t lie, and he sure as hell couldn’t act. This was real. “For being a jerk when you needed me to be your friend.”
Maddison nodded. She didn’t trust her voice right now, but she needed him to know that she accepted his apology.
“Do I get a second chance?” he asked
He’d shuffled his body forward, was standing so close that she could inch forward and press herself against him. “A second chance at what?”
At being her friend?Her fiancé? Her baby-daddy?
Jack stepped back and it was like she was alone again. Only for a moment, but losing that tenuous connection to him so suddenly after he’d apologized, it was pain all over again.
Only this time he didn’t walk away. Jack pulled something from deep in his pocket, something that he cradled in his big palm as he towered over her, before taking her hand and holding on to it tight.
“Maddie, what you said about my mom yesterday was right.”
She raised her eyebrows. “It was?”
Jack laughed. She loved the sound of it, loved that he was relaxed in her company enough to laugh like that again.
“Mom would have wanted me to be a hero, not a coward. And for all my tough talk about not being a dad? About being scared to end up like my old man?”
She nodded, waiting, not wanting to interrupt him.
“It was bullshit.”
Now it was Maddison’s turn to laugh. “We’re all scared sometimes.”
Jack lowered his head, dipped his shoulders toward her to reduce the distance between them. She was tall but Jack was taller, his body big against hers. She liked that he made her feel delicate, like he could protect her.
“Are you scared right now?” He voice was deep, low, suggestive.
“Yeah.” The word sounded like it had puffed out on a breath.
“You have nothing to be scared of,” he told her, mouth closer to hers than it had been less than a second ago.
“You, Jack,” she said, bravely staring into his eyes. “I’m scared of you, of us, of ev
erything.”
He shook his head, still holding on to her hand. Only this time he dropped to his knee, staring up at her with an expression that she’d never seen on his face before.
“What are you doing?” she murmured.
“Something I should have done the day you arrived home and told me we were expecting a baby. Before then even.”
Maddison focused on breathing, her heart skipping faster that it should have been.
“Jack, you don’t have to marry me.” It hurt just to say the words, but it was true.
“Maddie, I don’t have a lot to remember my mom by, not physical things, but I still remember her telling me as a child, when we were riding around the farm, that one day she’d give me her engagement ring to give my wife.”
Emotion clawed at Maddison’s throat when Jack opened his palm. “I remember it.” Of course she remembered it. The blue sapphire surrounded by diamonds that his mom had always worn, even when she was working on the ranch, wasn’t a memory that would just disappear.
“You can’t give this to me.” He couldn’t. Because Jack didn’t love her, had only ever planned to marry her out of convenience. And if he’d changed his mind now it was because of the baby, which still made it convenience only.
“I can’t think of anyone she’d have loved me to give it to more than you.”
She appreciated the gesture, but still… “Jack, she wanted you to give it to the woman you love,” Maddison said, the words hard to expel.
“Maddison,” he started, pulling her down so she was on her knees with him, the ring flat beneath both their palms. “We’re kidding ourselves that our engagement was ever about convenience.”
Heat crept up her neck, flushing her face. Jack was right, it had become so much more than something convenient to her, her feelings toward him building every single moment she’d spent with him.
“I love you, Maddison Jones,” he said, touching his forehead to hers. “I’ve loved you since you were a gangly girl, and I love the woman you’ve become.”