"Oh, my God," I whispered, as my eyes filled with tears, blurring my vision.
“You have witnessed it?”
Cyn asked and I nodded, feeling the tears fall from my eyes. I was speechless with awe. Was this what my Grandmother had always been able to see?
I blinked forcing the tears out of my eyes and looked at Bri. Just like with Cyn the layers disappeared, and the ray of light shot out of her essence. It transformed into a beautiful Queen Bee above her head. She was half human, half bee, just like the one Bri had described seeing. It was her spirit animal. Her shimmering wings extended fully and she shot up into the sky. The glittering shower followed, and she dissolved into it. The second beam of light came, and a woman appeared over Bri. Like Cyn's priest man she wore a long robe, yet the light came from the staff in her hand and what seemed like a crown on her head. She twirled lifting the staff until a ray of light flew from its end, and the shower of sparkles fell over her, she disappeared into it, and the glowing light waves surrounded Bri.
More tears rolled down my cheeks. "This can't be possible." Art kneeled in front of me, and it was then I noticed that I was sitting on the floor with him. I shut my eyes before I could see his lights. I didn't want to see him just yet.
"It's ok, Bòidheach. I’m here with you. Are you all right?”
I nodded, and felt him pull me into his arms. “It’s the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, Chewie,” I whispered, unable to talk from the emotions I was experiencing.
“I’m glad.”
He kissed my cheek, and I took a deep breath trying to concentrate on my ability. Would I still be able to choose when I wanted to see it? Turn it on and off? I had to find a way. I couldn't see this all the time. It would be too overwhelming. I tried to relax again, focusing on my ability like I always did, and prayed that it would work. Tentatively, my eyelids lifted and I looked at Art. A brilliant smile greeted me. I sighed in relief when I only saw him.
"Thank you, Chewie," I whispered low enough that only he would hear.
“Why, Bòidheach?” Art whispered, kissing my temple.
“For being here with me today.” He smiled again. “Can you please take me home?
“Of course.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck, and he pulled me up.
"Thank you, Cyn. I'm sorry. I'm a little tired, but I will see you tomorrow, and we can talk."
"It is perfectly understandable, Lia. The first time is considered to be the most overwhelming." I nodded and rested my cheek against Art's chest. My hand lowered towards his heart.
"Bye, sweetie," Bri said smiling.
I smiled back, and I closed my eyes as exhaustion fell over me.
ART
* * *
I couldn’t take my eyes off her.
Lia slept soundly as I lay next to her, being a creep as she had so perfectly described it this morning. Her cheek rested on the pillow, and I wanted nothing more than to pull her into my arms, and feel it on my chest. I was getting good at restraining myself around her, but every day that passed I wanted to let go even more. I hadn't gone to see Eisha tonight. I knew I should have, but I couldn't rip myself from Lia's side. Not after seeing her like that today.
When Cyn awakened the magic inside her something happened. Her eyes began to glow a soft blue, and she looked so glorious. Like an angel. Maybe she was my angel.
I kissed her cheek and laid my head on the pillow. Taking a deep breath I forced myself to rest, closing my eyes.
Suddenly the room changed, and white clouds surrounded me. I stood in the middle of the dark sky, nothing behind me, nothing in front of me or below. There were only white clouds, and a million stars shining down on me. A soft melody reached me, and I turned around looking for the source. I found nothing.
Where was I? Was I still lying in bed beside Lia? Was I dreaming?
The sound of metal reached me, and I whirled around once more. My eyes widened as a set of large golden gates stood in front of me, where just a second ago there had been nothing. They were forged in what seemed like pure gold, with beautiful swirls and Celtic knots on them. They framed the silhouette of the Tree of Life, which was stunningly forged in the center of the gates, one-half on each side, coming together in the middle to its full glory. Tendrils of pure white light rushed over the symbols, swirls and knots, including the tree. The sound of bells reached me right before the music disappeared. The next second the gates opened before me, and pure white light shone in between them.
“Come in, my child. I have been waiting for you for so long…”
The woman's voice calmed me, and I began to walk forwards, going towards the light. The second I crossed the gates, the light dissipated and vast bluish mountains replaced it. There was a breathtaking sunset on the horizon. The dark blue clouds mixed with tones of yellow, purple, red, and pink. The brightest tones I had ever seen before. I turned looking all around me, and instantly noticed how the colors of the sunset bathe the top of the mountains. Green grass as soft as a carpet lay under my bare feet, and the air was warm and cold all at the same time. I walked forwards, seeing a waterfall to my left that a moment ago had not been there. I ran to it, feeling an elation fill my soul that I hadn't experienced since I had been a small child. I kneeled in front of the water and drank from it. I washed my face, and when my hands dipped in the calm waters again, I swung them above my head letting it rain down over me. I laughed, as pure happiness rushed through me. My reflection appeared on the water and I gasped. The colors of the sunset seemed to be on me too. I sat up and looked at my hands and arms, laughing astounded as the colors bounced off my skin, painting it just as they did the mountains.
“Arthfael, my boy!”
I froze at the voice that called my name. A name I had not heard since I was but a small boy. Only one person had ever called me by my full name.
“Arthfael!”
She called again, and the tears fell from my eyes as I turned around and saw my mother running towards me. I stood and ran to her as fast as my legs would carry me.
"Mammy!" I said as our bodies collided and her arms wrapped around me. Her hand cradled my head on to her chest, and more tears fell from my eyes.
“Arthfael, my beautiful Boy.”
I cried, holding on to her like I did when she was alive. "Mammy."
“My baby boy.” She said again, and cradled my cheeks, lifting my face.
Gorgeous emerald green eyes greeted me. Soft brown hair fell in waves over her shoulders, and her full lips curved into a dazzling smile. It was only then that I realized I was looking up at her. My gaze returned to my hands and arms. They were small. I was a child again. My grown Warrior body was gone, and in its place, was the body of the eight-year old that she had last embraced before dying.
“Mammy,” I said as more tears ran down my face.
“Do not cry, my boy. I have always been with you. I never left you, I swear it." She smiled, and caressed my cheek. "I have seen you grow into a remarkable man, and I could not be more proud of you. You are my light, Arthfael. You always were."
She kissed my forehead and cradled my head back onto her chest. I wrapped my arms around her waist, holding her as tight as I could manage.
“Do not leave me, Mammy.”
“We will see each other again, Arthfael. Tell your brother I love him. He has surpassed my wildest dreams.” She blew a kiss at me, letting go. “I love you, my boy. I always will.”
I looked up at her, and her face disappeared.
“No!”
I blinked, and I was back in my hut. The tears were still falling from my eyes as I sat on the bed. My heart thundered against my chest while I looked all around. Lia was sleeping peacefully beside me. Taking a deep breath, I shut my eyes and fisted the sheets, trying to calm the emotions running wild inside my chest.
What the hell had just happened to me?
CHAPTER 14. IT’S ALWAYS BEEN YOU
ART
* * *
Day 138…
<
br /> I fisted my hands trying to control the storm inside me. All the parts of my soul were fighting each other, tormenting me. The fact that my brother had taken my swords away, only made it worse.
I closed my eyes and gripped the back of the chair, using all my strength to keep myself at bay. My eyes roamed the hut but the storm only intensified. Lia wasn’t here. She was probably with Cathair… The wood shattered in my grasp. I pushed the chair away, and it went crashing to the floor. I needed to get a hold of myself. I walked to the washbasin and lunged my hands in the water, seeing the wood splinters, and the dust cloud it as the moonlight illuminated my hands. Shutting my eyes, I took deep breaths trying to calm. It didn't work. I needed to see Eisha.
I stepped through the portal and found her sitting at her table. Her gaze fell on mine, and I could see the sorrow in her eyes.
“Are you ok, a chara?”
She stood and walked towards me. “Will you hold me?”
“Of course.”
We laid on the bed, and Eisha placed her head on my chest. Her cheek rested on my skin as I wrapped my arms around her. My eyelids closed waiting for the relief that holding her in my arms should give me.
It never came.
I took a deep breath holding her hand and brought it to my lips to kiss it.
“Art...”
“Yes?”
“Kiss me.”
I smiled and cupped her cheek lifting her lips to mine. Her eyes closed the moment my lips touched hers and like every night we spent together. I began kissing her while I held her in my arms and the irrational need grew in me.
Eisha's kisses only kept the storm at bay. She kissed me as though she was trying to calm her own soul. Her hands moved on my chest and back, caressing my skin intimately, and for the first time, her touch didn't entice my body. The need I felt went deeper than sexual desire, and I was no longer sure she could be the one to ease it.
I kissed her neck while my hands caressed her waist responding to her touch. Eisha’s eyes closed and a soft whimpery moan escaped her. My lips returned to hers, and she wrapped her arms around my neck, clinging to me. I could feel her chest falling and rising sharply under mine with her breathing. Was she responding to me? Our lips moved together, and the part of me that had wanted her for as long as I could remember arose inside me. Just as it had before, it promised that Eisha was the one I was meant to be with, that being with her would finally make the anguish and need disappear. All I needed was to be one with her, and at last, the storm would cease.
“I need you, mo sgòthan," I whispered believing its promise. “Please let me make you mine. I need to make love to you.”
She opened her eyes and looked into mine as though searching for something in their depth. "Yes,” she whispered.
I looked at her surprised at her answer, and I wondered if she had seen what she needed in my eyes. What had she looked for, love?
“Mo sgòthan…”
I answered kissing her as my chest filled with an emotion I was not expecting. My hands began to remove her clothes until she was naked under me. This is what I had wanted all my life, to love her and be one with her. Being with her had to be the answer; she had to be the one.
My chest tightened as I began to caress her body, kissing her lips. The second my hands touched her naked skin the emotion that had developed in me arose, transforming and overwhelming me. Something changed inside me as a different part of me took over. I looked into Eisha's eyes confused as the promise of relief disappeared, and restlessness began to fill every inch of me. This wasn't right. I shut my eyes kissing her again, unwilling to let go of the dream that I had held on to for so long. Eisha had been everything to me for so many years. I tried caressing her, but my body was fighting my mind.
A blistering feeling reached my skin as I touched her again, and I stared at my hands confused while they trembled. Shutting my eyes I kissed Eisha once last time but the storm erupted in me, and demanded me to stop it at once. This was wrong, I was wrong. I pulled back from her at the same time that Eisha’s hands gripped my shoulders, pushing me away.
I couldn’t do this, and by the look in her eyes, neither could she.
“I am sorry, Art. I cannot do this.”
I blinked as my skin burned from touching Eisha’s. I stood abruptly, trying to escape the scorching feeling that spread over me. My heart slammed against my chest and I realized the mistake I had made. I turned away from Eisha, avoiding her gaze. I couldn’t look at her. Pushing my hand through my hair, I took deep breaths trying to focus. My gaze swept the room, looking for an answer. What the fuck had I done? This was wrong, so wrong. I loved Eisha, but I couldn’t be with her.
Not this way.
"I am sorry, Art. I thought I could do this but I cannot. I never meant to hurt you, but I cannot be with you anymore.”
When I looked at Eisha, and the pain in her eyes tore through me. I had done this to her. I had caused that pain, and I could feel it spreading through me. I had never wanted to hurt her.
"It is him I love. Not you. I am in love with Felix, and I cannot lie to myself anymore."
I took a step back processing her words. Of course, she loved Felix. I should have seen it all along. "Why?" I whispered, but the question had been meant for me. Why had I clung to Eisha so fiercely? Why had I blinded myself like this?
I shut my eyes trying to push away the guilt of what I had caused, but it didn’t work. Picking up my shirt from the floor, I walked out the door without even looking back at Eisha.
The truth was I wasn’t certain I would ever be able to face her again.
The burning spread over my skin like wild fire once I walked away from her. Every kiss, caress, and touch of her body against mine had scorched my soul. I had expected relief from the desperate need that grew inside me with every passing minute, every breath, and every heartbeat but I had gotten nothing but pain in return. I had dreamed of being with Eisha for so long, of making love to her. Having her love me. I once had ached for her in ways that shouldn’t be impossible, yet now instead of being complete, I felt emptier than ever.
What the hell was wrong with me?
I threw the door open to my hut and barged inside. The simple act of breathing hurt. There was a rampant storm of need and pain in me, and I had no hope of ever quieting it. My eyes settled on Lia, as she jumped from the bed alarmed by my state.
“Chewie, Are you ok?”
I froze seeing her there. Stopping in front of the dresser I set my fisted hands on top and looked at her through the mirror. My chest rose and fell harshly as my heart thundered inside my chest.
“I thought you were with him.”
Lia didn't answer me. She just walked up to me slowly, and placed her hands on my back. The touch was gentle and caring. "Please leave," I whispered, feeling the tempest in my chest. It was better if I was alone.
"No. I'm not leaving you alone right now, Chewie. You are obviously hurting, and you deserve to have someone here for you. You've never left me alone when I was hurting. When I needed you the most, your arms were always there, and I'm not leaving your side now."
The feeling of her soft skin traveled down my arms on a slow caress that took more from me than it should have. My eyes closed at her caring touch. After a few seconds, I felt her stand beside me. Her small hand cradled my cheek, tilting my head down towards her. My eyelids slowly lifted and I stared into her eyes.
“What do you want for me?” I asked, defeated.
Her eyes filled with an emotion so powerful it went right through me, making me shudder. A small smile curved her lips. “If you haven’t realized that yet, then you are not as smart as you think, Chewie.”
I straightened, facing her, and took her hand away from cheek.
“I have nothing to offer you, Lia. You should go. I need to be alone.”
I walked away from her and stood by the far wall, giving her my back.
“Why?”
I sighed and turned to look at her. "Because I
'm not what you need."
She shook her head. “There are none so blind as those who will not see.” Her voice was thick with pain and my heart constricted. “Don’t you understand?” She asked, moving closer to me. “There is no place I can go where my love for you won’t follow.”
My chest tightened, the ache expanding. Punishing me. “You can’t love me.”
“Yes, I do.” She whispered, stopping a few steps from me. “You belong with me, Art.”
"But I've always wanted her," I said, feeling the burning Eisha had left inside me once again. "Ever since I can remember it has been her. In my heart. In my dreams. Torturing me. Everything I have done was for her to love me." I watched the pain transform Lia's face, and as it filled her eyes, it grew within me too. "For centuries I've wanted nothing else..."
Her hand covered her mouth, and she turned around. The simple gesture ripped through me. I rushed towards her as she walked to the door.
“No! Don’t go.” I said, trapping her in my arms. Her back was pressed against my chest. I clung to Lia, confused as the scorching inside me began to disappear with her in my arms.
“Let me go!” Lia jerked in my grasp, trying to get away from me.
Worthy of Magic (The Ancient Magic Series Book 4) Page 24