External Relations

by Pam Uphoff

  "Thanks." Idzo sounded a bit faint.

  "Just as well Kowj is in Paris, eh? Hate it when the wife sees you sick. Your Princess really does have to take you, for better or worse and so forth." He put on his best concerned face. "Or, was Lwar there? Is she sick too?"

  Idzo managed to shrug. "How would I know, she went home with Ikti."

  "Ikti? Huh. You lot swap Princesses around very often? Draw straws or something? Who'd you get?"

  Something close to panic crossed the man's face. He smiled sickly, and scrambled for the door lever as they pulled up to a large older home with mature trees and overgrown landscaping. He staggered into the house without saying anything else.

  "Davi, let's swing by the Horror first."

  Xiat was out in the barn, brushing horses. She pointed at an empty stall. His painting was on the wall, his rug on the rubberized flooring. At least they picked a clean stall.

  He shook his head. "No one's seen Wiz all day, and there was something weird going on at that party last night. Would you like to escort me to Wiz's room while I check that she's alive?"

  "Good grief. That must have been some party."

  "One subdirector was briefly hospitalized, Ebko looked about bad enough to join him. Two others looked to be at each other's throats. Two Princesses headed for Makkah for a judgment."

  Xiat dropped her brush and hustled for the house. "I should have started worrying when those two idiots came home without her. She's such an arrogant little idiot . . . Mier, have you seen Wiz? No? Which room is she in?"

  The door was unlocked. Izzo hit the light switch.

  "Oww! Off, please, turn it off?" The voice wavered, full of pain.

  He swiped the switch, and walked to look at her. "Ah. Hangover. Looks like a real beaut." He touched her forehead with a painkiller spell. She seemed to sink even deeper into the mattress.

  "Goodness. Mier, I think some weak tea, and dry toast is in order. Bring the pot." Xiat sent the girl off and returned to feel Wiz's forehead. "Congratulations. If you need any help with the advanced exercises, I know them, of course."

  Izzo stepped back, out of the girl's field of vision. Women's magical abilities, even more so than men's, ramped up with each major life stage. He hoped the girl's loss of virginity had been voluntary. Hell, he hoped she'd been sober enough to remember enjoying it.

  "Oh. Oh. My. God. I got drunk and suddenly Idzo looked just like Izzo and I, and I . . . "

  And he deflowered a Princess and almost got drained. Izzo suppressed a bark of laughter as he realized that Idzo's panic had been because he'd deflowered Izzo's Princess. One! Did he think I was saving her for dessert?

  "Goodness, well, I won't tell Izzo you, umm, visualized him. But surely that was after the party?" Xiat was looking a bit shocked. Don't Princesses party? Or are they supposed to be celibate if they don't bed their assignments?

  The girl hid her face behind both hands. "No. Right at the first. They didn't tell me it was going to be an orgy! I don't believe some of the things I did! And who I did them with. Oh One! I think I . . . did half the subdirectors."

  Xiat choked. "Which subdirectors were there?"

  "Oh, Ebko, of course. Idzo, Izfo, Wgli, Ikti, Imvo, and Iffi. And some of them brought their Princesses. Mushy and Whipper . . . they must have left early, I don't remember seeing them . . . when I finally got sensible enough to leave . . . that cute little House Boy . . . on the way out. Xiat! What did I do?"

  "I hope you had fun. It sounds like you were at a party that was a bit more . . . mature than you were ready for."

  "Fun? One, the things people were doing! Right there. And I was doing them too! And I used to think Wiggly was kind of cute!"

  Izzo heard a clink, and glanced back. El Zee with his mouth hanging open, and Mier with a teapot, wide-eyed. He opened the door for her, but Xiat made shooing motions, so he slipped out.

  He wolfed down a quick sandwich, assembled under the affronted eyes of the cook, in her kitchen, and headed for the office.

  Tried to not wonder what exactly Wiggly had done.

  Xiat was tense. Unhappy.

  Izzo took one look and led her off for some privacy. "Tell all. I have hit men, you know. Well, actually I haven't looked into it, but I probably have hit men."

  "It's . . . I'd say poor stupid girl, but now that she's sober and the hangover's gone, she's more mad than upset, and nothing even resembling traumatized. No. The problem is me. You always assumed I flunked Princess school because I couldn't kill a lover. That was not the problem. They judged that I'd have sex with my assignment, and thereafter associate him with the men who raped me when I was sixteen. That I would be looking for any excuse to kill him. They were right too, until some damn Colonial came along and tempted me to rethink the matter." She stared out the window, her back to him.

  "You never said anything even close . . . "

  "Bah. Party. Drunk. Date rape drug. I was too hungover to realize . . . how sore I was. And then I disbelieved until I realized that I had a great huge hole in my memory. And my parents had been so disgusted with my passed-out-drunk-and-brought-home-by-friends state, I didn't know what to tell them.

  “Maybe it was voluntary, I was voluntarily drunk. And while I dithered, my period started, so I wasn't pregnant—back then we didn't get our exact numbers until we graduated, so we wouldn't go all snobby in school. As if we didn't already over With- Near- Clos- or Serva- designations.

  “Guys were hitting on me, I didn't know how to not glow, didn't realize how bright I was. My father called me a slut . . . "

  He eased up close to her, uncertain what she needed or would accept.

  "Then I had my counseling session, and an offer from the Princess School. I took it. Just walked away from my past."

  He could see the faint trembling and gathered her up in his arms. He'd seen her official records, knew what happened next. "And you never had an opportunity to get right with your parents before the accident. Never found out who . . . You did?" He interpreted her twitch. "What did you do to him?"

  "Them. Last year when I was around them again, Ewmo said something, several others snickered . . . " She leaned on him as her voice went thoughtful. "But all I felt was a rather tepid ick! Oh, I told myself I'd kill them all later, but I'd outgrown all that. I had no trouble not killing him, Bo or Orc. I didn't even think about how I felt about it when Arlw was cleaning up his tracks." Her arms tightened around him. "Guess you're a very good influence."

  "Good. I'll be whatever you need me to be."

  "Maybe just a little bit kinder to Wizzy. I put a contraceptive spell on her that should hold for six months."

  "You think someone spiked the wine with the Joy Juice?"

  "I'd nearly guarantee it. There was about a kiloton of blackmail material at that party. From Wgli showing homosexual tendencies to four Princesses entering into a cabal's plans rather than monitoring their assigned government officials."

  "Wiggly? One. Maybe I'd better have the whole report. Would you prefer to write it out?"

  "I think, because of the sensitive nature, we'd best stick to verbal. The less in writing to come back, the better."

  "That's my Xiat. Always thinking two steps ahead of me. And, I think I'd better find out what specific kind of training that girl has and put her to work. After I put the fear of Me into those idiots." He cupped her face in his hands. "Don't empathize too much with Wizzy. She's six years older than you were, and has already gone through Princess school. She probably thinks she invented kicking men's asses. She, umm, well to judge from you, she recognizes when men are attempting to manipulate or control her, and how to resist. She won't cringe in shame, she won't be blackmailed, and if anyone snickers she'll probably beat the crap out of them."

  Xiat relaxed against him. "Do you really see all that in me, or did you read up on the school?"

  "I've seen all your unexpected reactions, especially how you recognize efforts to manipulate you emotionally and decide whether to ignore them or pret
end they worked. So I read up on the school. You might need to do a bit of reviewing on male egotism, though. So you understand and don't beat me up if I slip and say the wrong thing."

  She pushed back and frowned at him. "Colonial, something is bubbling up inside your head, and you’re trying to not smile. If I promise to not beat you up, will you get it out of your system so you can listen properly?"

  "Yes. Yes!" He swooped her up in his arms. "Nobody else has ever held your heart. Mine, mine, all mine!" He placed her back on her feet.

  "That . . . that was the most infuriating, insane thing you have ever said to me."

  "I hated the thought that you had memories, presumably fond, of some other man. That maybe you thought out what-if scenarios that didn't include me winning your heart. That didn't include me at all. If you let me live after that, I'll know you really do love me. Pity they only executed Bo, I'll have to arrange something nasty for Ewmo and Orc."

  "I should kick you all the way down to dinner, which we are currently missing."

  "We can raid the kitchen later. Now, what happened at this party?"

  "She said that the party was clearly an effort to recruit herself, Mushy and Whipper into some group. No doubt to spy on you. She said there were undercurrents, and the group, once their inhibitions were thrown to the winds, showed traces of team merge ties. The other Princesses were acting like co-conspirators, they were all bound up in some sort of merge ties, too. Two of them backed her into a corner and talked about her relationship with you. Some others cornered Whipper, and Mushy wound up somehow serving wine, which was dangerously submissive and indicative of seeking acceptance."

  "Is there a Game School somewhere that I can send those two to?"

  "Fraid not, otherwise I'd have sent you, years ago. Wiz said Dee noticed something and stomped across the room. While Lwar was looking after her, Wiz slipped over, got some wine and tried to hide behind her glass. Then Idzo walked by and she said she was overcome by a wave of lust and grabbed him. By the time she was paying attention again, Ziod and Dee were screaming at each other, Wgli was jacking at Ebko who was laughing like he was drunk. Izfo was naked, flat on his back with Kaeb, also naked, on top of him. Iffi and Lwar were going at it on the sofa and Ikti was trying to break up the cat fight.

  "Idzo was snoring, so Wiz said she just got up and walked over to Ikti and hauled him away from the cats and down to the rug. Next time she took inventory, everyone was naked, including some of the staff, Ebko was riding Dee with Ziod spanking him. Wiggly was all over Idzo, who wasn't noticing much of anything. Izfo was busy with a maid. Iffi was available, so Wizzy grabbed him next. Then she says she thinks she did it with Ebko and Wgli switching back and forth and then they did it together while she joined Ziod and Dee playing with Idzo, who was still flat on the floor. Then they gang spanked Iffi and Ikti. At some point she hunted down her clothes and walked out, stopping to seduce someone, get dressed and walk out. She says she walked all the way home and accosted and seduced three men on the street on the way. Then she blushed even deeper and shut up. I hope she didn't attack Ohno."

  "Huh. Well. I hope she did. Might loosen the stodgy old man up." Izzo ran his hands through his short hair. "All right. It sounds like a good, solid, well-rated orgy to me. They'd all better hope they don't get blackmailed, or if a game player arranged this, vids will be up on the grid, and their influence shot full of holes."

  "I wonder what effect the party will have on their merge ties." Xiat frowned. "They were all Uncle Ajki's suspects. Surely it wasn't all of them?"

  "And can I break them up, now. And the Princesses . . . " Izzo frowned down at her very very pregnant belly. "When we, umm, gave the Joy Juice a try, were you using any contraceptives? Anything to suppress your periods?"

  "Just mental suppression. Huh. Those other four Princesses may be in for a bit of a surprise. I hope I got to Wizzy in time."

  "With a disastrous disruption like this, I ought to be able to break up the cabal. I wonder what the One will do with four pregnant assigned Princesses. In fact, what the hell is going to happen when Zoid and Dee get to Makkah?"

  "Oh, they'll stop about a hundred kilometers short, and take their problem to the Princess school." Xiat snickered. "I'll have to call a friend and at least hear the gossip."

  ***

  "Well, that sure sounded like a party to remember. Or maybe you prefer to forget? The problem . . . " Izzo looked down the table at the six subdirectors, and made sure they were paying attention. "Is blackmail."

  They recoiled as one. Their faces, in various shades of tan, paled and stiffened. They were spread out, avoiding each other. Avoiding even looking at each other.

  Very Good.

  "The worst thing to do, in the face of blackmail, is to pay. Whether money, information, or advancement is the price. Instead, laugh. Dare him to fuck five princesses in a row. Then you come and tell me and I squash him like a bug."

  Izzo let his shield leak. They leaned away. "Especially if one of you is the blackmailer."

  Now they were looking at each other. Eyes narrowed and suspicious.

  Excellent.

  "So go away and think about it, and keep your parties a bit tamer for a bit."

  Ebko frowned at him. "What are you going to say to the Princesses?"

  "Nothing. Anyone stupid enough to try and blackmail a trained Princess deserves what happens to him."

  That brought both snickers and relieved looks to their faces.

  What the hell is their goal? Ajki was right, about them being up to something. I need to track the Action Teams. Perhaps Ajha can figure them out. After he gets back from the last errand I sent him on.

  Chapter Twenty

  2 Yusef 1408 yp

  Gate City, One World

  It was all over the Paris papers. The Council had voted to approve direct trade among the Colonies. The President was going to sign the bill tomorrow morning. Which would be about two in the morning, local. Mushy and Whipper were both put to work, racing around organizing motor pool cars and drivers for dignitaries from all the Colonies wanting to be present for the signing.

  Wiz wound up in the cubbyhole across the hall from Kiel making hotel reservations, and organizing instant celebration parties. It was a bit tough at twenty-two hundred, Paris time. She was all perked up and looked like an entirely different person than the hangover victim of two days ago, let alone the arrogant little snot of two months ago.

  Izzo cursed when Xiat showed up dressed to the nines.

  "Your tux is in the car, for the parties tonight. Thank the One we hadn't sold your old apartment yet. I handed !Tok the key and the Homesteaders are taking it over for the next couple of days. We'll have to make a showing there, and then for the Freelands Party at the Agavi. And then, last I'd heard, only two other worlds were throwing their own parties. And of course the Presidential Ball."

  He moaned. The Freelands—the seven Colonies on Empty Worlds—were known to throw wild parties when they got together.

  "We're out of limos and drivers, I do hope you remember how to drive my car."

  He managed an innocent look. "Having trouble fitting behind the wheel?"

  She made a rude gesture. "Saving my strength for manhandling a drunken Colonial all the way home."

  ***

  Governor Arry was not enjoying the party.

  "Fat lot of good colony to colony trade does us! No one wants anything to do with us."

  Ogg squirmed and looked away.

  "Damn it, boy, pay attention! This is your future I'm fighting for."

  The boy just glowered.

  "Should never have let your mother name you." He waved the boy away. "Go play with your friends. I have people I need to talk to."

  He watched to make sure Oghw was sticking with Ivlo's boy Uvli and that pretty Kian girl. Good looking High Oner, much better than Cough Cough's Halfer granddaughter that he'd been afraid the boy was attracted to.

  Speaking of whom, Cough Cough had, thank the One, come al
one. The man had gone native back in the wars, and never really recovered. Not that many of the Halfers weren't damn fine looking . . . but marry one?

  Not my boy!

  And not me, either.

  He forced himself to put on his business party face , and turned to congratulate Wllo, the subdirector of the "Free World" Savannah.

  Free of Natives. Why the hell did we have to find an inhabited world, the first time we found a habitable world?

  "Pity, the way you're stuck." Wllo's serious tone was so bloody obviously faked. " Just make the damned Earthers pay to move you."

  His temper snapped. "Move where? Haven't seen any of the other colonies rolling out the welcome mat. Subdirector." He turned his back and stalked off.

  Yeah. Get the Earth to pay—and then pay us to take you in like the poor relatives. Fat. Chance.

  He circled around and spotted the president talking to the kids.

  Pacifist. He stalked over.

  The kids skittered nervously away, and the President nodded to Arry. "Don't look so grim, we're working on a number of approaches to the Granite Peak problem. You'll all be a part of the Empire no matter what."

  Oh aren't you going to be in for a surprise!

  He managed to restrain himself, and gave a stiff nod as he backed away. "Glad to hear that."

  He looked around and spotted Wgli. Useful little pervie. Damn Ebko for destabilizing the group with his out-of-control party. He caught Iffi's eye and drifted that way.

  Another man with a Native problem. At least his Natives will hire out for farm work—if you pay them enough.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  4 Yusef 1408 yp

  Cough Town, Granite Peak

  Ogg and Evil spotted her waiting at the Registration Office and trotted over.

  Flu eyed them. "So . . . how was Paris?"

  Ogg crossed his eyes and let his tongue hang out the side of his mouth.