Resilient

by Patricia Vanasse

  I open my laptop and I write Alyssa a long e-mail, emphasizing how much I miss her and that I hope she can visit soon, maybe over fall break. I watch a couple episodes of my favorite TV show after that, drifting in and out until I end up falling asleep.

  Three hours later I wake again, and this time I manage to change clothes on my own. I put on running shorts and a t-shirt, which are really the only things I can get on without too much trouble. I need to go downstairs or I’ll go insane, locked up all day in this bedroom.

  “Oh my God!” Dad shouts from the first floor when he sees me coming. “Livia, what are you doing?” He rushes up to meet me.

  “Don’t worry, Dad, I feel a lot better. Those must be some crazy meds.”

  “It will hurt if you don’t rest, Livia. It’s trying to heal and you need to be patient.” Dad puts my arm over his shoulder and supports me as I limp down the stairs. “Don’t you do that again.”

  He has no idea. I’ve moved my leg in every direction and position that this cast allows, and I feel no real pain at all.

  “Your mom had to go take the boys to update their vaccines,” he continues. “When she gets back and hears about this…”

  “Then don’t tell her, Dad.”

  When we reach the bottom of the stairs, the doorbell rings. He takes me to the couch in the media room, props my leg on the ottoman, and goes for the door.

  Not a moment later, he calls to me, “Livia? You have a visitor. I’ll let you two chat.”

  Kyle strides into view, thanks my dad, and sits down next to me on the couch. “I heard what happened, so I came to see how you were doing.” He points to my cast. “Does it hurt?”

  “No, not right now,” I say.

  He nods and then keeps his head down, his tone low. “I also want to apologize for the way I acted at the party. I was a jerk.”

  “It’s not me you should be apologizing to.”

  Kyle nods his head in agreement. “I know. Adam and I are going through a rough patch.” He looks at me and grimaces—his emotions are totally sincere. “I don’t think he’ll forgive me. I broke his trust.”

  “You should talk to him. He might not be as angry as you think.”

  He shrugs and laughs a little, like he’s surrendering. “I’ll stop by his house when I leave here.”

  Kyle ends up staying over for lunch and eating pizza with Dad and me. I watch him while he and Dad talk about the high school football team. His emotions are quite calm—he doesn’t have the extreme highs and lows of most people our age. Somehow, Kyle has his under control.

  * * *

  Before Kyle leaves, he promises to come back for a round of pool with my dad. He’s not gone for five minutes before Mom and the boys get home with tons of treats for me—candy bars, movies, and books. My brothers and I pig out on too much sugar, and after they fall asleep, I head back to my bed and put a movie on. But I can’t really pay attention. After all, the sun is shining outside, and I can’t stop staring at the window. All I think about is how I wish I could go for a run and swim at the lake. Two months stuck with this cast will kill me! If I was back in New York I would be thankful for the excuse to stay locked up at home, but now that I have this quiet paradise as my backyard, I want to be out there.

  I thought it would be fine to take Aphrodite for a short ride. I should’ve known better. When she bolted, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to stop her. It was like she was running for her freedom.

  A knock on my door startles me.

  Brianna walks in my bedroom, shadowed by Gabe, who gives her a tiny wave before walking away.

  “Your brothers are so stinking cute!” she says after Gabe leaves. “I heard about the accident and I wanted to come visit you.” She hands me a gift box. “My mom makes these and they are the best chocolates in the world. They’ll make your day a little better.”

  “Thank you, Bri! I love chocolate.” I snatch one of the truffles out of the box. She sits on my bed and eyes my purple cast. “I did not pick out the color, if that’s what you’re going to ask.”

  She laughs, “It looks likes Barney the Dinosaur.”

  I can’t help but laugh in return, and it doesn’t take long for us to ease into conversation. Brianna tells me all the gossip from the party, even though I don’t know half of the people she’s talking about.

  “Did you know you already have an enemy in town?” she says, and the question startles me even though I have a vague idea of whom she’s talking about.

  “Uh, great,” I murmur. “Who?”

  “Oh, you don’t know? You’re the girl everyone is talking about. You arrived at the party with Adam and left the party with Adam. People’s minds are running wild! Lindsay, his ex, said she’ll kill you if the rumors are true.”

  “Nothing happened between us.” My stomach starts to turn and I feel a sudden desire to devour all of these truffles. Chocolate usually calms my nerves.

  “I know that, but it’s not very common for Adam to be around a pretty girl and not make a move, or vice-versa.”

  “Adam isn’t my type.” I’m lying, and by the way she looks at me, Bri knows it.

  “He’s the hottest guy in town, Livia—after Matt, of course. He’s super smart, confident, and sometimes, believe it or not, he can be sweet. He’s a catch!”

  By the time she’s done talking, I’m laughing out loud. “You sound like you’re trying to sell me a product! Marketing is definitely in your future.”

  She stays for a while longer and she tells me everything I need to know about the girls and boys at my new school. It seems that there are lots of girls with their eye on Adam, now that he’s single again. But they all fear Lindsay, because she thinks she owns him. She also tells me Kyle is too good to break a girl’s heart, so he never goes on a date if he’s not interested. Adam, she says, goes through girls like Kleenex in flu season.

  “I feel sorry for him, really,” Brianna says, “because he doesn’t know what it’s like to truly love somebody. Matt and I have been together for almost two years and I know I’m in love. Have you ever been in love before?”

  “No, not really. I’ve never had a boyfriend.”

  Her eyes go wide. “But you’ve been kissed, right?”

  “I have.” That’s all I will tell her, and she doesn’t push. Brianna may come off as a gossip girl, but when I empathize with her, I know she’s just trying to distract me from my situation. She’s just trying to be a friend, and that matters more than any trivial gossip she says to amuse me.

  “Livia?” Mom knocks on my bedroom door before easing it open. “You have another visitor.”

  Adam comes in behind her and my anxiety that was starting to subside spikes back up—butterflies fill my stomach and I take a deep breath. Since he dropped me off Saturday night, I can’t deny that his personality trait list has more positive than negative attributes.

  “Adam brought you blueberry pie that his mom made. It’s downstairs when you want it.” Mom squeezes Adam’s shoulder. “Please tell your mom I said thanks!” She leaves the room and Adam leans down, settling his forearms on the footboard of my bed.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Okay, I guess.”

  A new shyness hangs between us, but it’s not unpleasant.

  “I didn’t know you were here, Bri.”

  “Actually, I’m about to leave! I gotta help Mom at home.” Brianna grins apologetically, gets off of my bed and heads for the door. “I hope you feel better soon, Livia. Save a slice of that pie for me.” She winks at me and looks at Adam. “I’ll see you later.”

  When she’s gone, Adam scoots in and sits next to me on my side of the bed. I immediately feel the heat running through my face.

  “So, had a lot of visitors today?”

  “Brianna and Kyle,” I tell him, and he frowns. “He wanted to apologize for Saturday night. He feels bad and I think he was being sincere.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure he was.” But he’s shaking his head in disagreement. “I can
’t believe he came to you; he didn’t do anything to you.”

  “Look, I know he feels bad for the way things are between you and him.”

  “Then he should apologize to me for the past two months he’s been acting like a dumbass.”

  “Good friends are hard to find. If he made a mistake, it only makes him human. You should give him another chance.”

  “A mistake is simply another way of doing things.”

  “Did you just quote Katharine Graham?”

  “How do you know that?” he asks.

  “I just do.” He stares, expecting a better answer, I suppose. “So, you should give Kyle another chance.”

  “He obviously doesn’t want it.” Adam gives me a tight smile and then walks over to my window. “You have a nice view of the woods from here.”

  I lean back on my pillows and I wince when I try to move my leg. The pain is back. Adam turns to face me and, from the look on his face, I would say he’s the one in pain.

  “What is it? You need help?” he asks.

  “Yeah, can you put my leg up on this?” I say, giving him one of the pillows on my bed. He lays his hand down on my leg very gently, as if he’s afraid to hurt it even more. Slowly, he moves my leg on top of the pillow. His face is serious with concentration, and I can’t help but laugh.

  “What?”

  “You’re acting like you’re performing a surgery.”

  He smiles back. “You have the prettiest smile I’ve ever seen.”

  He holds my gaze, and my face feels like it’s on fire; I remember a quote by Victor Hugo, “A compliment is something like a kiss through a veil”. It sure feels that way.

  “Thanks.” I wonder if he’s being nice to me because he feels guilty, just like yesterday at the hospital when he held my hand.

  Adam gets up and walks around the room. “Alo will be finishing Aphrodite’s training. He’ll do a better job than I was doing.”

  “What?” I ask in disbelief. “Aphrodite likes you, Adam. You can’t give up on her!”

  He’s studying the floor. “I’m not giving up on her. I want her to have the best training possible and I can’t give her that.”

  “You don’t really believe that.”

  “I’m not a professional, Livia. There’s only so much I can do and Aphrodite is stubborn. She needs Alo.” He inhales sharply and I can see his jaw muscle tightening. I can’t empathize with him, but right now, I can tell he’s in a battle with himself. I know he blames himself for what happened, but I don’t think he should give up.

  “You told me you would take care of her.”

  “I will. I’m just not going to train her.” He looks at me now and his eyes linger on mine a little too long. They are powerful when he looks at me like this, when he’s passionate, discussing something he cares about; I swear he can see right through me.

  “Whatever you want,” I say. “But I want you to know”—I point to my leg—“this is not your fault. I was the irresponsible one, not you.”

  “Yeah you were, but…” His voice trails off.

  I look at Adam and, for a moment, wish I knew more about him and what makes him happy and what’s making him sad right now.

  He shakes his head as if clearing his thoughts. “I should go. You probably need to rest.”

  “I don’t need to rest!” I say it too fast, but I like him here. His presence makes me feel better. “I wish I could go swimming at the lake.”

  “That’s what I’m planning on doing.” He winces and gives me a sorry look. “Er, I didn’t mean to rub that in your face.”

  I’m shaking my head before he finishes. “It’s a nice day out, and you should go have a good time.”

  Adam sits on the bed again, this time leaving very little distance between us. “I’m having a good time right now.” He tucks a lock of hair behind my ear. He smiles, and his lips draw my attention again.

  He stands up. I close my eyes to dismiss my sudden thoughts of kissing him.

  “I’ll come by tomorrow to see Aphrodite. I’ll let you know how she’s doing. You should give me your number.”

  “Not unless you give me yours.”

  He grins wider. After we exchange numbers, he heads out into the hallway. “I hope you feel better soon—and enjoy that pie.”

  10 Adam

  The smell of food fills the air when I walk into my house and it makes me realize how hungry I am. I haven’t really eaten much since last night. My head keeps on spinning in memory of the recent, unpleasant events in my life.

  Mom is in the kitchen, so focused on what she’s doing that she doesn’t even notice me coming in.

  “What’s for dinner, Mom?”

  “Oh my gosh, Adam!” She says, alarmed. “You scared me! You haven’t been home all day. Where were you?”

  “I went to the lake after visiting Livia.”

  “Well, Kyle has been here waiting for you. He’s in your room.”

  My stomach flips and I head straight to my bedroom. “Call me when dinner’s ready.”

  The door is closed. I hesitate there. What does he want? I hope he came in peace. I open the door and he’s lounging on my couch watching TV, just like old times.

  I moved to this bedroom last year. I needed some privacy and more space, so Kevin took my bedroom and I took one of the extra guest rooms. It’s a big L shape, half bedroom and half living room, and even has a mini fridge where I can keep my energy drinks away from my brother.

  “Hey, dude!” Kyle says, standing up. “Before you say anything, I’m here to apologize for Saturday night and for Lindsay. I wasn’t a good friend, and I’m real sorry. I mean it.”

  Kyle has always been the nice one, the one to do the right thing. That was why I didn’t understand it when he hooked up with my ex. He has always been there for me, standing by my side, keeping all my secrets. That’s what matters. I guess Livia is right, we all make mistakes.

  “Yeah, man, no problem. I just wish you would’ve told me. I don’t care about Lindsay. What I didn’t like was that you went behind my back. I don’t get it.”

  “I know, she came on to me and I didn’t think you would care. It wasn’t until later that I realized I should’ve checked with you first. I’m sorry.”

  “Why were you so angry with me last Saturday?” I ask. “I thought you were going to punch me.”

  “It’s just that, everything comes so easily to you. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for you, and I love you like a brother, but it makes me mad that you take everything for granted, all the girls you push aside without giving them a chance, the super abilities you have… And all you do is complain about it. You know, anyone would give anything to be able to do the things you can. I was just frustrated and drunk.”

  I sit down on the couch and run both hands through my hair, hard, trying to dispel the sudden tension in my body. “You don’t know what you’re talking about Kyle, it’s way more complicated than that. I push girls away because a real relationship requires you to open up, show your real self, like what Matt and Bri have. There’s no girl that I know who won’t run away screaming when they find out.”

  “They’ll say—“

  “That I am a freak.”

  “Come on, Adam. They’ll think you are their superhero!” He laughs but I don’t. Things are not as easy for me as Kyle thinks. I wish I were normal, and that he wouldn’t be so jealous all the time.

  “The grass is always greener at the other side.”

  “Yeah, I know, and one day you’ll see your side is greener.” He flops down on the couch, letting out a huge sigh. “Anyway, the point is, I’m sorry it took me this long to apologize. I should have just talked to you.”

  I can see that he means it, and he really wants to make amends. Truth be told, I miss him. Kyle and I have been friends for as long as I remember. These past couple of months were hard not talking to him.

  “Friends forgive and forget, right?” I stick out my hand to shake.

  He pulls me into a hug and th
en claps me on the back. “I’ll never let a girl come between us again.” And then we’re best friends again, just sitting on the couch watching TV, like nothing was ever wrong.

  Yet one tiny worry lingers. I hope his promise means that he’s not interested in Livia, because if he is, I can’t promise I’ll stay away from her.

  At the next commercial, he stands up and tosses me the remote. “I gotta go. I promised Dad that I would shut down the market tonight, but I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “See you later, man.”

  After dinner and a shower, I get ready to go to bed. It’s early but I didn’t get enough sleep last night and my eyes are burning. When I’m about to turn my TV off, my phone rings. I rush to it and it’s Matt.

  “Yo! What’s up?”

  “Adam! I just left Kyle’s market and he told me you guys are back on speaking terms. Is that right?”

  “Yeah, why?”

  “How about a pool game to celebrate?” Matt sounds excited.

  “Really, dude? I don’t have money to lose. I’m out of cash.” I’m just hoping he will let this go.

  “Oh, come on! Don’t be such a wuss. Get your saggy butt over here in ten. Kyle is on his way.”

  Before I can protest, he hangs up.

  * * *

  When I get to Matt’s, I see Kyle’s car parked in the driveway. I walk in the house and Brianna is seated on the couch watching TV.

  “Hey, Bri!” I sit next to her and steal some of her popcorn. Her company is more welcome than Kyle’s. Honestly, I am half afraid Livia’s name will come up should I talk to him.

  “So you came after all?” Bri asks through a mouthful of popcorn.

  “It’s not like Matt gave me a choice. You know how he can be persuasive.”

  She snorts. “So, tell me about Saturday night. You and Livia left together…then what?” She is wearing her ear-to-ear, gossip-loving smile. I know it well.

  “Let’s just skip this, Bri. There’s nothing to tell.” I scoot around her nosiness and get off the couch to go meet the guys.

  “Yeah, that’s what she said, too,” she calls after me. “Nothing happened. She sounded a little disappointed.”