Alex Hope

by Aj Estelliam

  We fell into a silence for a few minutes as our eyes locked. I held her eyes and saw the images flash before my eyes.

  The scene unfolded with unfaltering clarity. He had been raping her. Repeatedly; night after night. Jess has been broken; inside and out. She had lost all hope and her fear had been palpable. The night he had crept into her room had been the last time. He had been drunk and slurring, muffling her screams with his strong hands and arms. As he had held her down, she had wished him dead.

  He had beat her as she fought him. He didn’t like her to fight him. After being unable to follow through with the rape due to drink, he had left the room-only to return with a gun. He had held it to her temple; for fun in his mind. He meant to scare her…keep her compliant. What he hadn’t bargained for was Jess’ inner strength and the fact that she fought back. Fight back she had, and it had ended in disastrous consequences. In the wrestle that ensued, the gun had gone off. Slumped on top of her, Jess had watched as the light faded in her father’s eyes. He had died that night; and Jess had killed him.

  ‘What?’ she asked frowning.

  ‘It was an accident.’

  She shook her head.

  ‘I saw it…I just it,’ I told her.

  ‘No,’ she argued.

  ‘Yes, I did.’

  ‘Go on then,’ she frowned. ‘Tell me. I don’t believe you know.’

  I sighed, and then looked at my hands. ‘Okay.’

  She looked at me, expectantly.

  ‘When you first arrived, you were excited. You had never known your father and you thought this was going to be a fresh start.’

  She narrowed her eyes and I knew I had it right.

  ‘He started off fine…settling you in and finding you both a school. He was strict with your brother but kind with you. You liked him.’

  I saw her swallow hard.

  ‘As the first week ended, you were feeling positive. It ended that weekend night, when your brother left for the night. He came into your room, already drunk, and forced himself on you. He then threatened you with the gun-telling you if you told, he would kill you and your brother.’

  Jess’ eyes bore into mine, she looked emotionless as she heard me re-tell her history.

  ‘When he left, you went to the bathroom, cleaning up the blood and washing the sheets. You planned to escape; to pack your bags and go. Fear stopped you from doing it.’

  ‘It wasn’t just fear,’ she mumbled.

  I nodded. ‘You didn’t want your brother to be hurt too…’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘So, you were forced to stay….and he would rape and beat you regularly. He was careful and clever, only inflicting injury where it could be hidden. Your face was left alone-anything which could be seen by school teachers…’

  ‘No-one ever knew…’

  ‘Or helped you,’ I finished.

  She looked sad. ‘No.’

  ‘And the night it all changed was when he came in with the gun…’

  Her eyes dropped downwards. ‘I never meant to kill him…but I did wish him dead. I just…it all happened so fast.’

  I nodded. ‘And it wasn’t your fault,’ I assured her. ‘That gun could have killed either of you in the struggle. It was just by chance that your survived and he died.’

  ‘I often wished it had been the other way around,’ she revealed.

  ‘But you were fourteen, Jess! A victim.’

  She nodded, and looked downwards. ‘I was…and it was the unwavering support of the police and officers that changed my life direction. If it hadn’t been for them, I would have never survived.’

  ‘No?’

  ‘No…one of the police officers fostered with his wife. They took me in after it was all over, said and done. They were kind and supportive and looked after me until I was sixteen. I left then, determined to make it on my own. It was a mistake, looking back, but I made it in the end.’

  ‘Why was is a mistake?’ I wondered.

  ‘Because I went massively off the rails for a while. I should have just stayed like they offered and got myself through college. As it was, I started dating, meeting girls and drinking and experimenting. It was a crazy time in my life.’

  ‘Maybe you just needed a little freedom by that point,’ I murmured.

  ‘Maybe. Looking back though, it was a mistake.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes,’ she sighed, looking so sad at that point. ‘They’ve both died since…so I can’t even tell them that.’

  ‘They’ve died?’

  ‘Yes…Max died in the line of duty and Marion only lasted five years after that.’

  I gazed at her feeling deeply saddened. ‘So, you really are completely alone in the world.’

  She looked up at me from under long lashes. ‘I’m fine, Alex. Don’t you go getting all mushy on me…I’m a big girl.’

  ‘Yeah…but you’ve been alone too long.’

  She shrugged, a habit of hers.

  ‘I don’t feel sorry for you, Alex! It’s not about that.’

  ‘Oh yeah? Reading thoughts again?’

  ‘Maybe. Look, Alex, I just think-maybe you should reconsider things.’

  ‘In what sense?’

  ‘I mean in your outlook for life. I think you dismiss too much of the opportunities for your future.’

  ‘I do?’ she asked quietly.

  ‘Yes. You do. There’s no reason why you can’t find a partner and find some happiness. I mean, you’re not totally heinous,’ I chuckled.

  ‘Oh right! If that was a come on, it was awful,’ she smiled.

  I returned her smile, feeling butterflies skip through my stomach. ‘I just meant you’re attractive Jess…and seem like a lovely person.’

  ‘How have you got ‘lovely’ from our time together? I mean, I haven’t even been that nice to you, Alex.’

  ‘Your character traits shine through your façade of grumpiness, Jess. You protect…you care…the attention you show to your job says a lot about you.’

  ‘I guess,’ she murmured. ‘I still don’t think it would be fair to inflict all my baggage on some unsuspecting woman.’

  ‘What about a woman who wasn’t ‘unsuspecting?’ I suggested. ‘That might be a better idea.’

  ‘Know anyone?’ she asked quietly.

  I shrugged, but smiled at her. ‘I’m just saying…don’t write yourself off.’

  ‘So, you’re saying it wouldn’t bother you? My past…the fact I’ve killed.’

  ‘Given the circumstances, no it wouldn’t. What happened was a result of the circumstances you found yourself in. It’s not like you’re a cold, blooded killer or anything!’

  She frowned. ‘I suppose…but it has changed me.’

  ‘As life experiences do!’

  ‘Hmm,’ she murmured. ‘I’m surprised by you, Alex.’

  ‘Yeah? Why?’

  ‘I just…I’ve never really met anyone like you before.’

  ‘What, someone so crazy?’ I laughed.

  ‘No…someone so captivating,’ she said in a quiet voice, as she looked at me from under her lashes.

  For a moment, the breath I was holding got caught in my chest. I held her eyes and felt so drawn to her that in that moment, if we had been in closer proximity, I knew we would have kissed.

  Unfortunately, the moment was not destined to occur at that time. A loud knock, in distinctive rhythm sounded at the door and Alex shot to her feet, looking shocked.

  ‘I’m sorry…’ she mumbled, as if caught out having a conversation we should never have had. ‘That’ll be the captain.’

  ‘Okay,’ I said quietly, sitting back on the sofa. I took a deep breath to recover my turbulent emotions and was just about back to normal when they walked back in together.

  Chapter 12

  ‘Hello, Miss Hope,’ Captain Withers said politely.

  ‘Hello.’

  ‘How are you feeling?’ he asked.

  ‘I’m okay, thank you. How is Janey?’ I wondered.
r />   ‘She’s doing much better,’ he nodded. ‘She’s still in hospital, but things are looking positive.’

  ‘Good.’

  ‘We’ve, uh…we’ve had a development though…’

  ‘Have you found him?’ I asked, eagerly.

  He shook his head, in sombre fashion and I heard his tired, weary concerns.

  ‘There’s another one!’ I exclaimed as I heard him in my head.

  He nodded, looking distressed. ‘A local girl. Tina Stubbs.’

  Beside me, Jess gasped. I looked over at her and realised she knew her.

  ‘Who is she?’ I asked Jess.

  ‘A friend…well, she used to be anyway…’

  I frowned as an image flashed through my mind. At one time, Jess and Tina had definitely been more than friends. The image bothered me more than I cared to admit. ‘How long has she been missing?’

  ‘Not long…since last night,’ he told us.

  I looked at the Captain as he debated asking me for help in his mind. He still found my talent difficult to comprehend or accept that I could actually do what I had shown.

  ‘It’s fine,’ I told him, before he had spoken. ‘I’d love to help.’

  He looked at me in surprise. ‘Uh…I hadn’t asked.’

  ‘Yeah,’ I sighed. ‘Save you the trouble, huh? When do we need to leave?’

  ‘As soon as possible,’ he murmured, ‘it was very cold last night…we’re worried.’

  I nodded. ‘How can I help?’

  ‘Well, we thought we’d head to the forest. It seems to be his stomping ground. We’ll go and see if you, uh…hear anything…’

  ‘Okay. I’ll go and find my boots,’ I said, rising from the chair.

  As I left, I could not hear Jess and the Captain’s voices but I could hear their thoughts. They were both worried, and were considering the chances that Tina was already dead. Surviving in the night before cold temperatures would not be easy if she was exposed to the elements. While the Captain was fearful of another body on his hands, Jess was feeling guilty about a passing moment which had occurred between her and the missing woman.

  I hurried down the stairs and pulled my coat on near the door. ‘I’m ready,’ I told them.

  The captain nodded my way and then fell into step behind me. Jess came to my side, clearly ready to protect me as we left the safety of the house.

  ‘Let’s go,’ she said.

  I glanced at her briefly, noting her grimace. I nodded and then followed them out into the snow.

  Captain Withers drove us back to where my journey had started with this nightmare. The cabin was covered in snow as we passed it and I shivered, thinking of what had been going on nearby while I had relaxed in a hot bath.

  ‘You okay?’ Jess asked beside.

  ‘Yeah…a little cold.’

  ‘You want a blanket?’ she offered.

  ‘No, no…I’m sure it’s only going to get a lot colder!’

  ‘Yeah. I fear you’re right,’ she said bleakly and then glanced at me. ‘Are you getting anything? Any sense even if she’s alive.’

  I shook my head. ‘There’s nothing,’ I said quietly. ‘But don’t let that make you lose hope,’ I told her. ‘This thing with my head is not a science. It’s strange and weird and I don’t know how and when it’s going to work.’

  She nodded, but looked slightly disappointed.

  The captain drove across the worn tracks towards the forest. All the emergency vehicles had created a pathway for us from the previous night.

  ‘Here…we’ll go in from here,’ the captain said stonily.

  I climbed out of the car with the others as two more police cars pulled up with extra men. I looked at them all and felt the pressure dawn on me heavily. I swallowed hard and hoped that she was alive, and that I could help find her. If I couldn’t, this wasn’t going to be an enjoyable exercise.

  ‘Let’s move…the snow is getting heavier,’ the captain instructed.

  I walked alongside Jess, who seemed as protective as ever, hovering closely and looking at me a lot.

  ‘Stop doing that,’ I said, breathing heavily between gritted teeth.

  ‘What?’ she responded haughtily.

  ‘Stop looking at me like that! I haven’t sensed anything at all! Why are you so on edge about all this? You weren’t like this the time before!’ I exclaimed.

  ‘I was…I knew Tina, Alex. I want to find her.’

  ‘Why? Want to romance her again?’ I asked, with a bitterness to my tone I didn’t intend.

  ‘I thought you hadn’t heard anything?’ she said, stopping and turning to me.

  ‘I haven’t! Not from her, anyway…from you, however, I see you kissing her in avid detail.’

  ‘And that bothers you,’ she asked, looking almost pleased.

  ‘No, it doesn’t bother me!’ I exclaimed. ‘I was just surprised. I thought you said you had no time for romance what with being tied to your job like you claim to be.’

  ‘Alex, it was years ago and a brief fling. Nothing happened beyond one kiss…she was a friend though. I wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to her.’

  ‘No, I guess not.’

  ‘Alex, she went on to marry and have a child. She can’t leave her husband and daughter alone!’

  I suddenly realised that the reason she wanted to find her so badly was not for herself; it was for the life Tina had created. I felt ashamed of myself. ‘I’m so sorry, Jess. A moment of jealously overshadowed my thinking. I feel awful.’

  ‘Wait, you were jealous?’ she asked, looking at me with interest.

  I frowned at her. ‘Don’t let it go to your head…I can’t control my wayward emotions at the moment!’

  She smiled slightly. ‘Well, I’m flattered.’

  ‘Don’t be…it’ll fade, I’m sure.’

  We fell into silence as we traipsed through the forest near where we had found Janey and the dead girl.

  ‘Any luck?’ the captain asked, coming to walk beside me.

  I shook my head. ‘Nothing,’ I told him.

  His expression took a morbid direction.

  ‘That doesn’t mean she’s dead,’ I said bluntly.

  ‘Yeah, but it could-couldn’t it.’

  ‘I suppose so, but I don’t feel like she is,’ I said, glancing back towards the cabin and shivering.

  ‘So, you can feel something?’

  ‘Yeah…but not like you want me to feel. With the dead girl in the hole, I just kind of knew she was gone. I don’t feel like that right now. But who knows? I’m still figuring this thing out as well. It’s not like I know!’

  The captain fell silent for a moment and then when he spoke, it wasn’t what I expected.

  ‘I’m sorry, Alex. You shouldn’t have to be involved in all of this.’

  I stopped momentarily, getting my breath back. ‘Hey…I’m happy to help, Captain.’

  He nodded and set his face back into a determined look of courage. ‘Let’s find this girl…’

  I nodded. ‘That’s the spirit,’ I replied, and followed him deeper into the woods.

  An hour later, we were all suffering. My legs were aching and I was bone cold. I didn’t want to give up though, despite the fact we had found absolutely nothing.

  We left the wood and crowded around the emergency vehicles. Suddenly, I felt a wind brush past my face and I looked in the direction it came from…the cabin. I shivered again and felt an ominous sense of unease coming from it.

  ‘Has anyone checked the cabin?’ I asked, feeling as if it was something that was important.

  ‘Yes, of course. It’s been guarded by police since yesterday. No-one has left the door.’

  ‘Well, except from when we left to drive over here,’ one of the male police officers piped up.

  The Captain looked from him to me and a look of concern crossed his features. ‘You think we need to go there?’ he questioned me.

  I nodded. ‘I feel evil…nothing else, just evil coming from that way. The least w
e should do is check it out.’

  ‘Okay. This way everyone…’ he ordered, and we all began to traipse across the field.

  Fresh snow lay piled on the ground making progress slow. We all walked in steady motion, oblivious to the cold with our new mission in process. I walked beside Jess, or rather-she walked beside me. She didn’t seem to leave my side. Whenever I looked around, she was always there. She certainly took her job of guarding me seriously.

  As we walked, all the police I was with were noisy in thought but not in voice. The air was quiet but their minds were not. I tried to block the constant battery of all the different thought processes which ran this way and that but found it to be very difficult. When we got to the cabin and they spread out, I felt relieved.

  ‘You stay with me,’ Jess ordered.

  ‘Yeah, fine. I don’t want to go in there,’ I murmured.

  ‘Why? Do you think she’s in there?’ she asked, leaning towards me.

  I shook my head, ‘No…but I just feel…it’s hard to describe…like part of her is here…even though she isn’t…I don’t know, this is a weird feeling. Maybe he came with her briefly and that’s what I’m sensing?’

  ‘I don’t know, but they’ll deal with it. You stay here with us.’

  I nodded and watched as the police officers surrounded the building and then once covered all over, went in.

  Silence ensued for several minutes and when the Captain came out, his face was ashen. I rushed over to him, concerned.

  ‘Is she in there?’ I asked, breathlessly.

  He shook his head. ‘No,’ he said brokenly. ‘But her hand is,’ he finished bleakly.

  I gasped and my own hand flew to my mouth. I quickly pulled it away and stared at my own hand. ‘He cut off her hand?’ I asked, as disgust curled through my stomach.

  He nodded grimly. ‘I think so.’

  ‘She’ll need medical attention! We have to find her!’

  ‘I know…any help right now would be greatly appreciated,’ he said as his voice broke.

  ‘Okay…okay…let me go over here-where it’s quiet.’

  I walked over to the edge of the cabin; away from the police and their noise-or rather their thoughts. I sat down on the snow and lay my head in my hands and listened. I listened hard and begged her to talk to me in my mind. Nothing. I begged some more and listened harder. Still nothing.