It Was Always You

by Tianna Xander

  Wrapping her arms around her middle, she drew into a ball and willed herself not to cry—at least not until he left. She couldn’t, wouldn’t, give him the satisfaction of knowing how much his rejection had hurt her.

  Why hadn’t she realized she wouldn’t be able to keep her heart from ruining this night? She’d suspected she would develop some soft emotions for her date since she had never slept with a man she didn’t have at least some feelings for. As impossible as it seemed, she had somehow taken what she felt for Jared Harwell and attached those emotions to Mr. Right.

  But men had sex. Most women made love. There was always a difference—at least for her.

  God, was she some sort of freak show? She’d gone from being in love with a movie star, to having a soul-deep connection to someone she had never seen.

  That’s it. You’re making an appointment with a shrink as soon as you get home.

  After several minutes, the door clicked open, and the scent of shower gel wafted out of the bathroom. Hell, he hadn’t wasted a minute getting her scent off him, had he?

  Candy’s stomach clenched and her eyes burned. Tears streamed, but until he left, she refused to give in to the gut-wrenching sobs that threatened. She pressed her fist to her mouth, stifling the cry of pain that sank all the way to her bones.

  So much for spending twenty-four hours together.

  It was one thing to fantasize about a one-night stand with someone with good looks who could rival her dream lover. But living the fantasy just couldn’t compare. This? This was worse than living a lie for a night. This was a nightmare. A nightmare she should have expected.

  “I have to go.” His voice was a normal volume, but different, familiar. She chalked it up to hearing him speak low all night.

  He didn’t turn to face her, to look her in the eye. Maybe he didn’t want the reminder he’d screwed a fatty. Surely, someone like him would think he deserved a perfect companion.

  If he couldn’t accept her for who and what she was, then he wasn’t good enough for her. Still, understanding that didn’t stop the pain of his rejection.

  Unable to help herself, she said, “Have a nice life, Mystery Man.” Better to dismiss him and tell him it was over, than the other way around. Life after Canada would already prove difficult enough.

  He didn’t answer. In fact, the jerk didn’t say another word for so long, she might have thought he’d changed his mind and decided to stay in the room.

  He didn’t.

  Candy could only stare blindly as he walked out, closing the door behind him. Hell, she couldn’t even do this right. Their date should have been one of pure, unadulterated pleasure. It should have lasted a full twenty-four hours. Glancing at the red dial on the nightstand, she sighed. Two hours, and she’d gotten a few life-altering orgasms from a man who’d obviously found her so disgusting, he’d literally run from the room.

  Grabbing the pillow, which should have been his, she buried her head in the downy softness, breathed in his lingering scent, and sobbed.

  Chapter Eight

  Jared stalked through the lobby. He’d hoped to leave the hotel without incident, but of course he couldn’t be that lucky. He ignored a fan who’d called his name, and instead of stopping and giving her the autograph she asked for, he hurried through the doors and into the car he’d left waiting in case things didn’t go the way he’d wanted.

  Understatement of the decade. Things sure as hell hadn’t gone the way he’d planned. He’d desired pure bliss with someone he found attractive before settling down with a woman he might grow to like, but could never love. While aware he couldn’t make lifelong decisions in the blink of an eye, he feared he’d done just that as he’d run from the hotel room, effectively rejecting the one female with whom he instinctively knew he would truly be happy.

  In the incredible amount of time he’d been alive he had never met the one who could be his match. After so many years of searching in vain, he’d started acting, and, afterward, decided to marry someone the media and his fans would approve of. If he couldn’t have a true mate, he’d settle for a woman who was his match in every other way and simply continue with his acting career. And after a few years, he would have had some sort of “accident,” left his wife a rich widow, and started a new life on another continent with a different hair color and a new accent. His kind had done things the same way for years. Fake it till you make it. Find happiness where you could until your true mate finally came along.

  Leaning back, he rested his head against the seat and closed his eyes. The driver knew where to take him.

  “I’m too old for this shit.”

  “Excuse me?” The driver looked over his shoulder. “I didn’t catch that.”

  “You weren’t meant to, Carlisle. I’m sorry for the confusion.” Jared covered his lips with the tips of his fingers and stared at the scenery as it sped by.

  What the hell was he going to do? He couldn’t marry anyone else now. No matter how far-fetched it seemed, he’d just made love to his mate.

  He took a deep breath and sighed. It had taken every ounce of willpower he possessed not to mate her right then and there. His inner beast had wanted it, demanded it. Hell, he’d taken her from behind. One small break in the condom, and she would have been his forever. It was precisely what his wolf had wanted. In fact, the damned beast had done its best to break the thin latex when he had taken over and pounded into her.

  His wolf wanted his mate.

  Isn’t that what you want, as well?

  Of course Jared wanted his mate, but he couldn’t subject Candy to cruel media scrutiny. What would he do if the tabloids scarred her with their nasty comments about her size? She was beautiful, of that he had no doubt. She had turned out to be his long-anticipated other half. How could she be anything other than beautiful to him?

  Carlisle pulled up in front of Jamie’s hotel and stopped the car. Before the chauffer could put the vehicle in park, Jared opened the door and sprang out. Marching through the doors, he crossed the lobby to the elevator. After unlocking it with his key card, he pressed the button for the penthouse suite.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” Jamie asked from the couch when Jared barged in. He held a glass of dark liquid to his forehead. “I don’t care why you’re here, actually. So, go away. I have a headache.” Seeing Jared’s glower, he sighed. “Okay…. What went wrong?”

  “She’s my mate, damn it!” Jared paced back and forth then slammed his fist down on a nearby table, the wood splintering under the stress. “I can’t have a mate and be in the public eye. You know what it does to a wolf.” His beast wouldn’t stand criticism and continual scrutiny of his mate, seeing that as a constant threat to her safety and emotional well-being. Not to mention what it could do to their offspring.

  “Aye,” Jamie agreed. “I’m aware. And make him dangerously jealous.”

  “I could also turn into an animal when other men are around. Hell….” Jared speared his fingers through his hair. “My wolf would tear apart the first man who cast aspersions on her.”

  “Seeing as you’re here and not there,” Jamie frowned. “I take it you didn’t finish the deed.”

  “Of course I didn’t. 1Night Stand supplied condoms.” Jared couldn’t spread or catch human STDs, but Candy didn’t know that. “I don’t think Candy would have continued without them.” He ripped off his jacket and snarled. “I showered, and I can still smell her. Her scent will drive me crazy if I don’t eventually claim her.”

  “Then go claim her.”

  Jamie’s suggestion seemed so simple. It should have been as uncomplicated as it seemed.

  “You’ve already given me all of the reasons why I can’t.” Jared caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror as he turned toward the other man. I look like a lovesick teenager. He didn’t give a damn. “You said it yourself. The media will tear her apart.”

  “Maybe she should be the one to decide that.” Jamie crossed his arms. “She might be stronger than you think. She�
��s obviously strong enough to be your mate.”

  “Why the sudden change of heart? Yesterday, you were warning me off her.”

  “You’re my best friend. I love you like a brother. But sometimes you’re an idiot.” Jamie stood and walked across the room. “I didn’t want you to enter into a relationship with a woman like her based on mutual attraction alone. It wouldn’t have been a good enough reason—a strong enough reason—for her to put up with what the tabloids are going to dish out. But being your mate makes all the difference.” He shrugged. “Besides, don’t I remember you claiming you would give up this career in a second, if only you could find your mate?” He waved his arm toward the door. “Well, you know where she is. You should go get her before she gets away.”

  Jared couldn’t believe how stupid he’d been. “You’re right.” But first, he had to take care of his career. It’s a damned good thing he hadn’t signed the contract for the new movie his agent had been nagging him to do. He’d planned to take the year off and look for the woman he intended to marry and adopt children with. Having children of his own was impossible because the only woman he could impregnate was his mate. And since he’d never thought he’d find her, at least not anytime soon….

  He grinned. “Won’t she be surprised to find out as soon as she’s mine, she’ll have our longevity and become as fertile as she was in her twenties?”

  “You’d better hope she even wants kids with you. Any female in her right mind might balk at having babies by someone with your ugly mug.” Jamie laughed at his own joke.

  “Fuck off and die.”

  “You first.” Jamie grew serious then. “Now, what do you plan to do?”

  Leave it to him to keep me on task. “I’ll need your help, if you don’t mind.”

  “You’ve got it.” He clapped a hand on Jared’s shoulder. “Nothing would please me more than seeing you mated. It gives me hope for myself.”

  “First, I need you to tell the romance conference event planners that my scheduled guest appearance is going to be an exclusive press conference. That way, I’ll be fulfilling my appearance obligations and let their conference make history. Make sure you invite the press to show up.”

  Jamie gave him a bewildered look. “A press conference?”

  Jared nodded and rubbed his hands together, finally feeling like he had some control in his life. “Yes. No matter what, my twenty-four hours with Candy aren’t up yet, and I want to settle this before time runs out….”

  Chapter Nine

  The high-pitched shriek carried over the excited crowd. “Jared Harwell is the special guest? He’s coming here?” A throng of excited women filled the lobby as they waited to catch a glimpse of him.

  Candy froze mid-step. Jared Harwell?

  “This is going to be the best convention I’ve ever attended,” another cried as she stared off into space, holding her hands clasped beneath her chin. “Who could have guessed Jared Harwell would be our special guest. And now he’s holding a press conference here?” She glanced at one of her companions. “What could he possibly have to announce that’s so important?”

  Candy couldn’t move, couldn’t process any more surprises. In the last two days, she’d had a man show up on her doorstep with instructions for meeting her 1Night Stand date, been whisked off to Ottawa and landed in the middle of some romance convention, agreed to meet a man to take the place of her mystery dream man—a stand-in for Jared Harwell, no less—the mystery dream man dumped her after only a couple of hours of earth-shattering sex, and now her real dream man was somewhere in the building? Could her life get any more ironic or twisted than this?

  “It’s probably some sort of publicity stunt for a movie he’s just signed on to do,” another woman said. “I, for one, will be sitting next to the pool. The man doesn’t impress me a bit. He puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us.” She snorted. “If I ask for his autograph at all, it will be for my sister. She’s even named her GPS after him.” She turned to walk away then added, “Unless something exciting happens like he announces his retirement, don’t bother me.”

  Candy stared, mouth agape, as the woman strode away without a backward glance. Part of her wanted to attend the press conference. It would most likely be the closest she would ever get to meeting the man, after all. Still another part of her wanted to hole up in her room and cry over her botched one-night stand. Hell, paying for a date hadn’t guaranteed it would work out.

  What kind of failure am I?

  And, she couldn’t get a refund for her date. Like it or not, Candy had gotten exactly what she’d asked for, although it hadn’t lasted quite the entire night. Too bad the experience had hurt her more, scarred her more, than she had ever imagined it could.

  A sea of reporters and photographers flooded the lobby and Jared Harwell entered amidst a multitude of camera flashes and hurriedly barked questions. He stopped just inside the door, his expression blank, his face white as the sheets on the bed upstairs Candy couldn’t bear to sleep in. In fact, she’d moved her things to another room.

  The expression in his gray-green eyes had her doing a double take. If she hadn’t known better, she would have sworn he stared directly at her. Gritting her teeth, she raised her chin. So what if she had red-rimmed eyes and a nose swollen from crying her heart out over some jerk who wouldn’t recognize a good thing if it bit him in the ass? So what if she’d stayed in the hotel feeling sorry for herself the rest of the night? She’d finally gotten herself together and come downstairs looking for a Starbucks or something resembling normal.

  Tearing her gaze from his ashen face, she headed into the dining room. She had no idea his people had arranged to hold the press conference there until the room filled in behind her and trapped her in a crowd of adoring fans anxious to witness an A-list movie star launch some sort of cheap publicity stunt.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining me.” Jared stood on a platform in the center of the room. He grabbed a cordless microphone from its stand and faced the crowd. Reporters shouted questions and fans shrieked. How anyone expected him to hear them over the others, Candy couldn’t guess.

  “As you know, my publicist asked you to meet me here.” He glanced out over the crowd. “I would also like to thank the event coordinators of the romance convention for allowing me this opportunity to appear and meet my fans, but also to hold this unscheduled press conference. This is their hotel for the weekend, after all.” He grinned at a group of ladies who returned his smile from a corner of the room.

  “They are true romantics and couldn’t resist my plea once I explained my problem.” He paced across the platform. Thankfully, he spoke into a microphone, otherwise no one would have heard a word he said with the media goons and fans still shouting.

  “First, I’ll say this; I am not here to answer questions from the media. I am here to make a statement and ask someone a very important question.” Shifting a bit to the right, he looked out over the crowd as though searching for someone. “I wanted you all to be the first to know that, as of this moment, I’m retiring from show business.”

  Every female in the room gave a collective gasp, Candy included.

  Someone behind her hissed, “Go get Marcia! She’s at the pool.”

  Jared’s retirement could only be a good thing. After last night, Candy would want to see him in new movies, and she should probably do her best to avoid that. She needed to let her unhealthy obsession with the movie star go, and the best way would be to stop going to his movies and fantasizing she was his off-screen love interest.

  “I have no desire to act anymore. In fact, I have only one desire and that’s to settle down with a leading lady of my own. I have found her. I merely need to convince her that I am the hero she’s waited the bulk of her adult life to meet.”

  “Any woman who would turn him down is a moron, if you ask me,” someone commented from behind Candy.

  She couldn’t agree more.

  “First, I’ll tell you a s
tory. It’s a fantasy, really. I dreamed I could be happy living this life of fame and fortune, but it turned out to be more of a nightmare.” Leaving the platform, he strode through the parting crowd. Everyone stared at each other, trying to figure out who he could be searching for.

  “Don’t get me wrong. My career has been very good to me, and I owe everything to my fans. But, while this nightmare played out in my life, I had dreams—of someone who could be everything I needed in my life. Then I found her. She’s beautiful, though she probably doesn’t think so. She’s smart, and she is a perfect match for me.”

  “What I don’t understand is why he thinks he has to end his career for this paragon of womanly virtue,” one of the reporters said dryly as he held his camera up.

  “Probably because he doesn’t want you, and every other reporter in the world, butting your nose into his private life,” Candy muttered under her breath. Whatever Jared’s reasons were for retiring, they were his own and, like the rest of the world, she must respect his decision to go where his heart led him—no matter how thoroughly it broke anyone’s heart.

  Chapter Ten

  Jared searched for Candy, hoping to find her before she escaped. She’d looked like a cornered rabbit, ready to run. She obviously had no idea she could be the love he spoke about—that she was his dream, and a life without her a nightmare.

  At least he would end it on a high note. He would retire at the height of fame, never having experienced the media hype of another, younger actor taking his place in the hearts of his fans. Although he really didn’t give a damn about any of it. Acting had bored him from the start. He’d only wanted the fame, fortune, and everything that went with it because he had a huge, gaping hole in his life—a missing mate. That was over, now that he’d finally found her.