Death's Intern (The Intern Diaries Book 1)

by D. C. Gomez

  “OK, I’m not planning to kill myself. I just had a really long day.” Not to mention I hadn’t slept since I’d met her, but who was keeping track of that?

  “I’m glad. But you still need to control your dreams and put some barriers around yourself. If you’re not planning to stay at the safe house, at least get this place blessed.” Death looked around the room with a measuring air. “Tell me, Isis, what is your purpose in life?”

  “That’s ironic coming from Death. Do I need a purpose in life?” I didn’t want to answer this line of questioning.

  “At some point in your life, you will need to stop running. According to your faith, God won’t make things easy, but they will be possible. Your martyrs claimed those who don’t stand for something will fall for anything.” Death sounded like a college professor delivering a well-rehearsed lesson.

  “Well, I might be dreaming after all. You’re lecturing me.”

  Death smiled. “Not lecturing, Isis. Just pointing out that you are not living—just waiting to die. When things get tough, you run.” How long had Death been watching me?

  “Just because you are Death, that doesn’t mean you know me. You don’t know how it feels when everyone you loved dies around you.”

  “Now, child, don’t give yourself that much credit. That’s my job, remember?”

  Oh God, I had no arguments about losing people when Death was the one taking them. She knew exactly how I felt, because she had to make the delivery herself. Death’s eyes shone with understanding.

  “I’m a jackass.” I dropped my head down and slumped on the bed.

  “At times your mouth moves faster than your brain.” She was laughing at me. “Wisdom come with age; remember that.”

  “Yes, master.”

  Death gave me an interesting smile. “I haven’t been called that in years. Of course, back then it had less sarcasm.” Damn, she didn’t miss a thing. “Isis, I’m offering you an opportunity to make amends for your mistakes and to find purpose in your life. Isn’t that why you joined the military? To do something great?”

  I was fidgeting with my fingers. I wasn’t sure how to reply, so I listened.

  “Ask yourself what brought you to Texarkana. The spirits have been calling you. Why have you followed?”

  “Hey, wait a minute. Nobody has influenced me. I just like it here.” That sounded weak even to me. I honestly had no idea what had drawn me there. I had just known I needed to come.

  “You are intuitive and gifted. Your skills, if you develop them, could serve a greater purpose. You could save your friend and many other souls. Right now you are wasting away in this dump. Is that how you want to spend your life?” Death did not fight fair. I wasn’t sure whether I was ashamed or angry.

  “Are you trying to guilt me into accepting?”

  “No, Isis, just telling you the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts. You must face it.”

  I didn’t want to face any truth. Denial was not just a river in Egypt for me; I spent a lot of time there.

  Death rose from the chair and walked over to my bed.

  “What are you doing?” I pushed myself as far away from her as possible.

  “I’m going to help you.” She was standing over me.

  “Listen, lady, last time you kissed me, I was seeing all sorts of crazy things. I don’t need a replay of that.” I was barely able to open and close my third eye. Another kiss might go supernova and never close it.

  “Shhh. Isis, you need sleep.” With that she patted my head. I wasn’t sure what Death did to me, but it felt as if a hundred-pound sack was lifted from me. I took a deep breath and felt asleep.

  Chapter 9

  I had no idea why I was there. It was eight in the morning, and I was parked in front of Reapers Incorporated. Maybe I wanted to say thank you to Death for the best night of sleep I’d had in years. Or maybe I had lost my mind. What was I doing there? Not sure why, I got out of the Whale. I slowly walked toward the door but turned right around as soon as I reached the call button. This was insane. The best course of action was to go back home and back to bed. It was almost as if I had been sleepwalking when I dressed and drove there. For whatever reason, I paced back to the door and then back to the Whale. It was a blessing the building was at the back of the business park, because I looked fairly crazy. On my third lap around, I heard the buzzer go off.

  “Isis, pull your van around the back and come in.” It was Constantine, and he sounded bored. “I don’t need a trench in front of the door.”

  I pressed the speaker button. “I’m so sorry. This is a mistake. I really should be heading home.”

  “Woman, stop wasting my time and get your skinny butt in here. What else do you have going on now?”

  Did I just get cursed out by a five-thousand-year-old cat? What was the world coming to? I wanted to be mad, but he had a point. Like a whipped puppy, I got in the Whale and drove around the building. On the back side, there was a large commercial garage door. I had wondered how they got the Deathmobile inside.

  The door rolled up, and I slowly drove the Whale in. Just like the front door, this had another set of rolling doors on the other side. As soon as the Whale was completely in, the first set rolled down. The weird lights were on, and then the second set of doors rolled up. I slowly pulled the Whale into the building. I drove up next to the two other cars. They were both covered with tarps. When I climbed out of the Whale, Constantine was standing behind me, looking completely bored.

  “It’s about time you got here. What took you so long?” This cat was crazy. I had just decided to come there that morning.

  “You don’t know why I’m actually here.” I put my hands on my hips and took a pose. I probably looked like a spoil brat, but I didn’t care. I was not backing down.

  “Isis, you have no life. You live in a shit hole. You have a minimum-wage job that barely pays your rent, and the only nice person who doesn’t judge you just got kidnapped. Should I go on?” Constantine was ruthless and brutally honest.

  “Ouch! Has anyone ever told you that your bedside manner sucks?” My ego was crushed.

  “We have no time for sugarcoating. People are disappearing, and you took your sweet time deciding. Let’s be honest, girl. What are your other options?” If Constantine could have crossed his arms, he would have. Instead, he jumped on the hood of the covered car to glare at me. I knew I was not going to win a staring contest with him. I dropped my head and just addressed the floor.

  “How sad is it that my best offer in life comes from Death? Do you see the irony in that?” He was so right—my life sucked.

  “No. No, I don’t. Humans are odd. You pray for miracles, but when they arrive, you don’t want them. Just because they’re not wrapped the way you expected them.” Constantine was profound. “You search your life for purpose, but when the army got bloody, you ran.”

  “I can’t guarantee I won’t stop running.” I was at least honest with myself.

  “Fair enough, but at least you’re trying. So enough talk. Let’s get started.” An evil grin crossed his face. Cats were not made for smiling.

  “Right now? What are we doing?” OK, so I was a little nervous. The crazy cat had dangerous plans for me. Self-preservation was kicking in.

  “We are not doing a thing. You, on the other hand, will start training. I’ll supervise. Follow me to the training area.” In one smooth jump, Constantine was off the car and strolling across the room to an exercise area.

  I knew there was exercise equipment there. What I hadn’t realized was the extent of it. For all the gym rats and cross-trainers, this was a wet dream. For me, on the other hand, it was a bunch of high-end torture devices. Constantine had everything, from spinning bikes, treadmills, free weights, some weird inverted benches, and even large tires. I was sure he had stolen those from a five-ton truck. They looked awfully similar to military-issue tires.

  Constantine’s training area had racks on the wall that reached to the second-floor balcony. There were j
ump ropes, elastic bands, and some weird cable with a sign that read Pilates. I looked around to see if other people were coming, because this place had two of everything. From across the room it didn’t look large, but appearances were deceiving. My heart rate had increased, and I wondered how quickly I could clear the double doors.

  “Why do you have double doors at each entrance, and what’s the deal with the lights?” I tried to sound normal. I needed a distraction before I passed out.

  “Stop stalling and get over here. You want answers, you will earn them. At least you’re dressed appropriately.” Constantine was an evil dictator. Granted, all dictators are evil, just by the nature of it. So, more accurately, he was an evil overlord. “Put on that vest, and let’s get you warmed up on the treadmill. Do ten minutes at a brisk pace.”

  Like magic, a vest was lying by the rack of free weights by the wall. I walked carefully across, praying I wouldn’t kill myself in the process. The thing looked similar to the ones issued by the military. I wondered if it had steel plates. My answer came quickly when I picked up the demonic thing and put it on. It weighed at least twenty pounds, and yeah, it had steel plates. I was glad I had decided to wear yoga pants and a thin T-shirt.

  “You should be familiar with the design.” Constantine made himself comfortable across from me on one of the benches.

  “Oh, thank you. I’m very moved.” My words dripped with sarcasm as I started walking on the treadmill.

  “Pick up the pace. If you’re able to talk, you’re going too slow. I said brisk walk.”

  I glared at Constantine, but he ignored me by licking his paw. I guess he was practicing his yoga moves. He had his back leg straight in the air, with not a care in the world. Show-off!

  In less than five minutes, I was drenched in sweat. I was breathing heavily enough that Constantine looked at me.

  “Oh, good. We’re getting somewhere now. So, about the doors—where to begin? Remember we mentioned the building is reinforced, right?”

  My brisk walk was kicking my butt, and I couldn’t answer. I made a grunt sound and nodded.

  “Good.” I wasn’t sure whether he meant “good” that I remembered or that I wasn’t talking.

  “We’re in a dangerous business, so multiple layers are in place. The outside has been blessed against demons and evil spirits, it’s enchanted against wandering humans, and it’s reinforced against fifty-caliber rounds.” I arched an eyebrow in astonishment. I was truly impressed. “We can’t take any chances, and we don’t believe in overkill. The lights are full-body scan or vehicle scan against everything. Just small precautions. We do work for Death.” Constantine jumped off the bench and onto the treadmill. He looked at my time and hit the stop button.

  “Lunges are next. You’re going to lunge from one side of the room to the other, five times each way.” He jumped down and walked over to the edge of the gym area. “Start here and go all the way to the far wall. Start.”

  My jaw dropped. “Are you serious?” I prayed he was messing with me.

  “Like a heart attack. So stop wasting time. We got tons more.” The wall Constantine was pointing to was at least thirty feet away. It was not too late to quit. I could walk out door.

  “So the doors are like the TSA screening detectors, except better?” I needed a distraction to handle the painful exercises, and random questions would help.

  “The passage includes X-ray scans, spell detectors, and, of course, confirmation of being alive. It would be really painful for you if you were a demon crossing that entryway.” I was lunging back toward him when he finished. He looked really pleased with himself.

  “So are you going to buzz me in every time?” I was breathing heavily as I spoke.

  “Do I look like your servant? Of course not, silly. Besides, that takes too long. Bartholomew will get you in the system, so all you’ll have to do is scan your hand and get in.” He was sitting perfectly still, with his tail wrapped around him. I wondered if the ancient Egyptians had based the sphinx on him.

  “Really? Hand scan, not retina?” I was trying to be funny.

  “We could, but I figured getting your hand chopped off had a greater survival rate than getting your eyeball ripped out of the socket.” He said that without blinking an eye, totally serious. I stopped in midlunge and swallowed. He didn’t take jokes well.

  “OK, I can’t argue with that logic. So why not just keys?” I liked my hands and eyes attached to my body. We could find option three.

  “Those are easily stolen or copied. Can’t take any chances. We have some smooth criminals out there.” On that note, Constantine did a head shake that would have impressed Michael Jackson. If he had moonwalked, I would not have been surprised.

  Constantine wasn’t kidding when he said we had a lot to do. Three hours later we were finishing up his torture session. I’d had drill sergeants and jumpmasters who were nicer than he was. Constantine took his training sessions seriously. We were going to finish with push-ups. I hadn’t done a push-up in almost a year. I got down army-style. Before I could lower myself, he jumped on my back. I nearly lost my balance.

  “What are you doing?” For a bunch of fur, the cat was heavy.

  “Developing your resistance and focus. Your adversaries are not going to play fair. A push-up should teach you not just to carry your own strength but how to get out of sticky situations.” I swear he was making that up. I struggled to get down.

  “Girl, when was the last time you went to a gym?” He at least was lying down instead of having his four paws on me like pressure points.

  “Gym memberships are expensive,” I barely said. I struggled to finish my ten push-ups. Constantine was keeping count and jumped off as I finished. I was glad we had lost the vest after the lunges. My whole body ached.

  “Please tell me you did the same thing to the other intern.” I was sure I looked like a sack of potatoes. As soon as we were done, I dropped to the floor unceremoniously.

  “Teck was a ninja. He had his own strict regimen. OK, you need to start stretching before you cool off.”

  “A ninja? You’ve got to be kidding me. Anything else Boy Wonder did?” I started doing calf stretches, and my muscles were on fire. I was going to be sore for the next week.

  “He was also an alchemist.” Constantine actually said that a little apologetically. He almost looked sorry for me.

  “Are you serious? How do you follow in the footsteps of that?” I rolled over and stretched my hamstrings and back by bending my waist and reaching down to my toes.

  “Easy. Don’t get killed.”

  I laughed at that. At the end of the day, life was that simple. I had no idea how Ninja Boy had fallen down the ladder. All it had taken was one minute of distraction.

  I reached my arms over my head, bent at the elbows, and stretched my biceps. One thing was certain—the military had shown me how to stretch.

  “When you’re done, make sure to drink your shake and take a hot shower. It should loosen those muscles.” Constantine got up and stretched his lower and upper back. He even looked better than I did. Damn feline flexibility.

  “Can I take it to go? I need to go home and clean up.” I didn’t get up as gracefully as Constantine.

  “No need. We have clothes for you in your room already. Bartholomew sent the cleaning crew to pick up your stuff at your apartment and close your lease. Your possessions should be here this afternoon.” He was heading to the loft as he spoke.

  “The cleaning crew? Constantine, I can move myself. Besides, I just got here. How is it already done?”

  “We got people. Your stuff has to be inspected for spells and tracking devices. The crew handles all that. We can’t take any chances.” He stopped long enough to look back at me and said, “Besides, it wasn’t like your apartment was Fort Knox. Don’t look so shocked, Isis. I’ve been around for a very long time. I can read people very well. Welcome home, Isis.”

  Home? I had never been in one place long enough to call it home. Constanti
ne was very sure of himself. What did that crazy cat know?

  Chapter 10

  It was afternoon by the time I dragged Bartholomew out of the building. Constantine was right—they had jeans and T-shirts in the room for me. I hadn’t been that sweaty since Iraq. My clothes were sticking to my body, and I stank. I ran to the room and took the longest shower I had in ages. It was hard to admit it, but I really liked the room. It was fully furnished, so all my old stuff was going to storage, according to Constantine. After checking out the room, with its own bathroom and walk-in closet, I wasn’t going to need anything besides my clothes. The bedroom was bigger than my old one.

  By the time I dressed and combed my hair, I was starving. Unfortunately, the fridge at Reapers was in worse shape than my own. I made the fatal mistake of having some of Bartholomew’s cereal. No wonder the boy was so thin—that stuff was nasty. I didn’t know much about gluten issues, but my heart went out to all those who suffered. Food options were extremely limited; forget most processed foods—which translated to all the stuff that tasted good was out of the question.

  Bartholomew hated going out. He had really good control of this third eye, but the idea that the creatures could see him terrified him. Not to mention his huge dislike for people in general. He believed stupid people in large masses were a force of disaster. Couldn’t argue with his logic. I guessed it was a good thing Texarkana was not a huge metropolis. At the same time, options for healthy foods were limited. We didn’t have a Whole Foods or Trader Joe’s, but we did have the Granary, a local health store that carried an eclectic collection of foods, vitamins, and oils for every hippie in town. If you shopped at the Granary, you were definitely a “tree-hugging hippie” or on your way to becoming one. I really loved that store.

  Besides the selection, the Granary was a safer option than going to Walmart. I was sure Bartholomew would not handle Walmart well. I didn’t want him having a panic attack. It didn’t matter the state; somehow Walmart had a way of attracting some of the shadiest people in town. To some extent, Walmart was a great commentary on the makeup of America. I wasn’t sure I could handle the clientele of Walmart.