by Shae Black
I take the steps three at a time but lightly hold the banister, no peripheral vision is fucking with my ability to get to Imani but I continue to barrel through the house, why is the goddamn kitchen so far from our bedroom? And for fucks sake why is she wandering around alone? Kitchen straight ahead, I see the tail end of Elijah as he turns the corner beating me by mere feet and I was twice as far away. I round the corner and what vision I have left goes red. What I see is disturbing to say the least.
Imani is fainting and that bastard Brian has his hands all over her easing her to the ground, touching her face, smoothing her hair away from her eyes! I am no longer in control of myself, not the man Imani loves or the one she fears. Both are gone and replaced with an animal with no conscience, just pure rage and the need to dominate and destroy anyone who comes between Imani and I. I’m going to kill that little fucker, I don’t care if he’s the only dumb ass on earth willing to perform surgery on me. I wasn’t going to let him anyway, not after I saw the way he looked at her. He is held under her spell, the way I am but the difference is I benefit from her witchcraft and he does not, he will not.
Chapter 32
I’m really tired of hospitals, all of them. Working in them, being in them, visiting them. This happens to be a very modern hospital compared to the one Marcus took me to for my neck injury. This is the hospital where Dr. Carlson was supposed to remove Marcus’s tumor, where we were supposed to be set free from the terror of separation, where our forever was supposed to begin. Instead, I’m being discharged from the E.R. after fainting yet again. I was only brought along because of the insanity that surrounded me when the ambulances arrived at the house. Elijah couldn’t leave me behind dazed and trying to grasp what was happening.
When I woke up I found myself propped against Elijah watching paramedics swarm the kitchen tending to a moaning, bloody Brain and an unconscious Marcus being lifted onto a stretcher. The scene was unfolding in slow motion around me. My first instinct was to go to Marcus but not fully ready my legs give like jello. “Hey there, take it easy now. He’s going to be all right, they had to sedate him to keep him from killing your doctor friend.” I relax against him for a moment while I regroup. “Is Brian ok?” “I don’t know.” he says with a long exhalation. His response feels defeated and tired. “Elijah , what did he do?” Standing and assisting me up with him he is silent and it feels like he’s stalling. “Elijah , tell me, what did he do?” I turn and face my only friend here in Italy, someone who understands how it feels to be a part of Marcus’s world knowing all too well the complications of being in it.
“Imani, he was deranged, absolutely detached from reality, homicidal. He would have killed him if I weren't here. Mr. Black called the ambulance as soon as he knew Marcus was on the move, his temper is, well, it’s nothing to tamper with.” The information Brian gave me suddenly returns to the forefront of my mind. “Elijah , is Marcus part of a mob?” I say nearly in a whisper reaching out to hold onto his arm for physical support and my eyes fill with tears as I look to him for emotional support as well. Something tells me it’s the truth but denial is a strong force and one I’m willing to keep holding on to until I’m absolutely sure. He pulls me into his arms embracing me tightly and I know.
A shock wave of disbelief travels through me and finds its home in my heart. This is a defining moment. I need to make a decision, stay and be strong and support the man I love despite who he used to be and who everyone still thinks he is. Or let him go and ensure my safety by returning home and attempt to start over. I don’t even realize I’m sobbing until a paramedic touches my shoulder and asks me if I need any attention. Elijah lifts me into his strong arms and I bury my face in his chest to continue with my pity party. “She fainted, I think she’ll be all right but can you please look her over?”
I’m taken outside into the cool air and lovingly secured on a gurney in the back of one of the many ambulances in the driveway. Elijah crouches next to me at eye level to be sure his words will be heard. “Imani, you need to think about this. I know you love him, and I’ve wanted to tell you what a dangerous lifestyle you were getting into from that first day I met you in the hospital.” “Then why didn’t you?” “I saw how he was with you, how different he had become and I love him too. I wanted him to be happy, I’ve never seen him so content. And to be honest I was afraid if I told you and he found out, well you saw what happened here tonight. Anything that threatens his relationship with you will be pummeled, destroyed.”
I was going to be angry with Elijah for not telling me but who the hell could blame him for wanting to stay alive? How have I gotten involved in this mayhem? I can’t think straight, I can’t think at all so I merely stare blankly back at Elijah ’s beautiful face. “Go to the hospital and let them look you over, I’ll ride with Marcus and check on you when we get there, all right? Will you be ok alone?” Will you be ok alone? Those words bounce around in my blank mind. Will you be ok, alone? The pure and simple answer to that is no, I will not. That’s the moment my neurotransmitters decide to go into hyper overdrive and flood me with the chemicals needed to feel hope and determination again.
The decision has been made for me, was there really any decision to make? I will not be ok alone therefore I will stay and fight for Marcus, whatever it takes I’m staying at his side. I’m sure I’m going to be tested and filled with stories and information I don’t want to hear but none of it can matter. I can’t even think of a life without him. Moving forward knowing he is still existing on the same planet but not with me, it’s not possible. So he’s a mob leader, and a murderer, and people hate him and are probably out to kill him. That’s not the man I know, and that’s all that matters. We will rise above this and make a new life together, face the demons head on, think positive Imani, I tell myself. Your life depends on it.
I look up and down the long bright hallway outside the emergency room and wonder where they’ve taken Marcus, and where is Elijah ? He said he would be here. I can’t even ask anyone because I don’t speak a lick of Italian. But hey, I spent over a week communicating without words, I can do this. I approach the nurse’s station and the plump receptionist says something I can’t understand. I point at a pad of scratch paper and a cup of pens, she follows my direction and when she realizes what I want she promptly hands them over. I scribble Marcus Castillo across the paper and hand it back, she reads it and unpleasant recognition clouds her face.
She immediately pulls her round body from the chair and for a second I worry it may come with her stuck to her behind but she just makes it out, barely. Pointing down the hall, I follow her waddling figure as she quickly ushers me to what I recognize as a trauma area of the E.R. Elijah is sitting outside a glass room with his elbows on his knees, head in his hands. I thank the little lady and close the distance between us quickly. “Elijah , how is he? Is he awake yet?” When Elijah raises his face to mine I gasp, his eyes are red rimmed and he’s visibly shaken. I begin to take steps backward and thrust my hand out in an effort to prevent him from telling me what I think has happened.
“No, no, no, please Elijah .” He jumps up from his seat “Oh Imani no, he’s still here, he’s not…” Relief smacks me so hard it nearly knocks me over. “God Elijah , you made my heart stop!” He folds me into a hug again for a short moment and then holds me at arm’s length. “I’m sorry. But I do have to tell you something.” I brace myself for whatever it could be, as long as he’s alive I can deal with it. “He’s back in a coma. They reversed the sedative but he didn’t wake up, and if I’m understanding the doctor correctly they aren’t sure if he ever will.”
I don’t even allow myself a reaction this time, I just make my way to the glass door and slide it open. My life companion, partner and lover lays in yet another hospital bed, surrounded by medical equipment. He’s attached to a ventilator that softly pumps his lungs with air making his beautiful chest rise and fall, a little familiar click with each breath it provides him. Just when I had thought there were no more
tears left in me to be shed I’m proven wrong. I well up and let them stream steadily down my cheeks for a few minutes while I take in the scene and then I rub them away fiercely and straighten my spine.
I have to be strong enough for both of us now, this is one time he can’t tell me to let him do the worrying. This is all on me. Stepping to his side Elijah stands on the threshold of the room hesitant to interrupt but I motion him to come in. “Sit.” I command and Elijah pulls up two chairs next to the bed. I remain standing though and take Marcus’s hand in both of mine. I lean over and say quietly but loud enough for Elijah to hear me. “Marcus, it’s me Imani. I’m here now, it’s time to start fighting. I’m not leaving you, I know who you were, I know what you’ve done in the past but it doesn’t matter to me. You and I are forever remember?” I bring his hand to my chest and press it against my heart. “I’m not doing this alone, so get yourself back here to me, do you understand? That’s not a request, it’s an order. I’ll be sitting in this damn uncomfortable chair waiting for you, I know you can do it, I’ve seen it before. I love you Marcus Nathaniel Castillo, you go, I go. It’s all up to you, to keep me breathing, keep me existing. Bring your stubborn, bossy, insane loving ass back to me.”
I glance back at Elijah and he scoots the chair closer so I can continue to hold Marcus’s hand and sit. “I’m serious Elijah , I’m not leaving his side until he wakes up. I’ll need some clothes brought to the hospital and Yes and No need watching. I also need his laptop and calendar.” Somehow I’ve switched gears and I’m now in no nonsense business mode, things need to be done and I’m the one left responsible for them. Less than 24 hours ago I reluctantly accepted half of everything this powerful man possesses. I didn’t want any of it but I’m in charge and I don’t want to let him down, when he wakes up his world will be just as it is today, maybe even a little better. “Imani?” “Yea?” “What’s yes and no?”
The corner of my mouth lifts in the smallest half smile. “My kittens, Marcus gave me two kittens today, I named them Yes and No.” “Ahh, ok, thank God I was worried for a second there.” “No need to worry, I got this. He’ll wake up soon, I know he's listening, and he’s too stubborn to let me boss him around.” Elijah ’s look is full of sorrow as I put on my brave front but I ignore it, he may have given up hope but I haven’t, he’ll wake up, he has to.
They aren’t special, no not special, not better than me. The gods have chosen me to be their leader, I am special. They tell me I am all the time, all the time every day, yes they do. Look at him, pretty boy, thinks he’s perfect, they both do, but I will show him. I will show her too, and the new one, she is pretty with her golden hair, I like her, she is good, and she can stay. She will live. Dark hair means darkness is inside, golden hair is goodness. But not them, no they are evil, bad, killers, poison. They say I’m different, damaged, but they are the ones who are bad. I am special not different, glory be to Tamila! I’m supposed to get rid of them, gone, gone, gone, they have to be gone, the gods told me so. Nobody wanted me, they didn’t know, didn’t know I was special and now they are gone and I can’t tell them. They loved that evil monster and his temptress sister, I was locked away, but I’m here now, watching them. I see the smoke that surrounds them, evil seeping out, the animals talk to me and even they know, they know the world is ready for their queen but it can’t happen until these two devils are dead.
Now it is so easy, he is sleeping and that machine breathes for him, switch it off, easy, off, off, off, switch it off! But the good one guards him, she doesn’t know he is bad, she should know. Why don’t the gods tell her? I am the messenger that’s why, and the queen must deliver the news to the pretty one, she needs to be saved. She won’t leave his side though, why does she protect the corrupt one? I will wait for the evil temptress to come, together, yes they can die together and the people in my head will be proud and quiet, I want them to be quiet. When it’s over they will love me more than any queen in history, me, Tamila the queen, yes I like that, I like that very much.
Elijah has gone and Marcus’s nurse brought a cot for me to sleep on in the room. I can’t let go of his hand, I know I will have to at some point, I already have to pee so bad it hurts. I should really go and check on Brian, he’s in bad shape according to Elijah . Broken nose, fractured skull, internal bleeding, my God Marcus must have been an animal to do that much damage in such a short amount of time. A shiver runs up my spine at the thought of so much violence, but something else is bothering me. I can’t decide exactly what it is, but the sensation that something isn’t right is there.
Well fuck yea Imani, nothing is right, in fact something right would stick out like a sore thumb. I hold his hand up to my lips and kiss his palm, please come back to me I beg with my thoughts but it’s pointless right now, he may as well sleep until Brian is well. I have some serious damage control to do if I’m going to keep Brian on board. I only know one way to keep him interested in doing Marcus’s surgery without killing him in the process. I don’t want to, in fact it makes my skin crawl but I’m going all the way, doing anything to save Marcus.
Even if I have to make another man believe I’m in love with him, it has to be done. The idea makes me physically nauseous, or maybe I have a little hang over, I don't know. Whatever it takes, I’ll do it, God willing no one is killed when it’s all over, and after seeing the aftermath of his wrath tonight I have no doubt Marcus would kill anyone who put their hands on me. So he will never know, in fact the only person I can trust is Elijah . I can’t hurt him by allowing him to believe I’ve betrayed his friend.
I’m more and more curious about the strong feelings Elijah has for Marcus, I know he loves him, he’s told me in those exact words but I wonder again and again if it's brotherly love or intimate love. I’m just going to ask, we’re close enough now and I believe I have the right to know, or at least the right to ask. “Imani?” A soft knock on the door and a familiar voice pulls me from my thoughts. “Elena! Oh my God I’m glad you’re here.” Marcus’s gorgeous leggy twin sister crosses the room in three long strides and standing over me she hugs my head to her tummy and I gratefully grab on tight.
“Oh Imani, what has he done? What on earth happened?” I pull away from the soft material of her sweater and see that she isn’t alone, Enrique is right behind her. He gives me a knowing look, they have been keeping Marcus’s secret too and now they know I know. I wonder if they would have ever told me. “Would you like the abridged version?” “Sure, just tell me what’s going on.” “He freaked out on the physician who’s supposed to do his surgery and almost beat him to death, there, abridged.”
Elena heaves a deep sigh and moves to the opposite side of the bed to look down at my crazy beautiful man. “Oh, Marcus, why are you so self-destructive?” she asks knowing she’ll likely never get an answer. “Imani, have they spoken to you about his condition?” Enrique asks as he takes Elena’s former spot next to me and lays his hand on my shoulder. I can’t tell if he’s asking to get information or to confirm that I know what he’s already learned. “I haven’t spoken to a doctor, Elijah told me he was in a coma.” I’m not talking about this in front of Marcus, he can hear me, of that I’m completely sure. I don’t need him getting any ideas that this is a hopeless situation, because it’s not, there is always a chance, always. I get that prickly feeling again, the hairs on my arms stand up and a little palpation of anxiety flows from head to foot, what’s going on with me?
I’m used to being watched all the time, until this happened. Marcus’s no longer a threat, well as long as he stays unconscious at least. Elijah and Mr. Black are getting a break, but I still feel exposed, vulnerable somehow. I glance over my shoulder at the door to Marcus’s room, we have been moved to an ICU room. Similar to the ones I work in back home, there are glass windows covering one side of the room so the patient can be seen at all times from the small nursing station outside the door. I don’t see anyone or anything out of order. I’m probably just tired, it’s getting light outside and
I’ve had zero sleep. “Can we talk outside Imani?” “No Enrique, I’m not leaving him.” “I’ll stay with him honey, go ahead and talk to Enrique.” Elena encourages. “I said no. I’m not leaving until he wakes up.” I continue to stare at Marcus mentally begging him to let me see those green scowling eyes and bless me with one of his trademark smirk/winks. God I need to see that right now.
I catch the two of them out of the corner of my eye, looking at each other, they think I’ve gone off the deep end and maybe I have. “Ok, well can you tell me why he was trying to kill your doctor friend?” Elena asks. “He told me who Marcus is, or was, I fainted and Brian caught me, Marcus overreacted, end of story.” I’m being rude but I’m so fucking tired and I know this is just the beginning of a long vigil. I have so much to process, my mind is flooded with thoughts of how I’m going to deal with the past of a man who isn’t that man anymore. How do you come to grips and accept a person’s faults when even they aren’t fully aware of who they are or what they’ve done? I need to sleep, I need to be alone. “Imani can I get you anything? Do you need anything from the house?” Enrique is kind, Elena is lucky to have him, a spark of jealousy surprises me, why can’t things be easier for us. I can’t imagine a more difficult situation for a couple.