MidnightInk-epub

by MI

  She wished she didn’t feel quite so vulnerable. Even with her shirt on, she felt more naked and exposed than she ever had before with him. And again: not in a good way. What the fuck was she even doing here?

  “Why not, huh?” Declan’s voice sounded even more gentle than before. “You know you’re going to have to let me see you sometime, right? And I am tattooing you tomorrow...”

  “Yeah, but that’s tomorrow,” Sophie replied. “Right now, I just want to pretend none of it ever happened, that it’s just you and me—same as always. And that everything is still exactly like it used to be.”

  One corner of his mouth curved upward in the smallest of smiles. “Used to be I’d have had you naked by now.”

  “Please. I’m asking, all right? This isn’t a joke.”

  “I know.” His lips tightened as thought he’d thought better of what he’d been about to say, as though he were trying to keep the words in, but then they came blurting out all the same. “I hate that I wasn’t there for you, that I didn’t even know what was happening. How come you didn’t call me? I would have dropped whatever I was doing to be there for you. You had to have known that.”

  Sophie sighed loudly. “God, Declan, would you stop already? You would not. You know you wouldn’t have. Things were going too well for you. You were having too good a time out there with your show. And, besides, there was nothing you could have done. I hate that you’re making me sound so pathetic. Yeah, the diagnosis threw me. The surgery, the recovery, the chemo—all of it sucked. I swear I never want to be in a hospital again. But it’s not like I had to go through it all on my own. I had plenty of support. My family was with me for most of it, so, you know— Oh, shit.” She stopped suddenly. Declan’s face had gone blank, wiped clear of emotion. It was a closed-in expression she knew all too well. A wave of shame swept over her. “Oh, my God. Oh, Declan…” She was sure her own face must’ve turned bright red. Suddenly, she wasn’t feeling nearly as drunk as she would have liked. “Sweetie, I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s all right. Forget it.” He let out a deep breath and then leaned in close—close enough to touch his forehead to hers. His weight rested on his forearms. His big hands gently cradled her head. “That’s not…” His voice faltered and he had to take a deep breath before continuing. “That’s not what’s important right now, all right? Let’s just—”

  “Of course it’s important!” Sophie slid one hand up, just far enough so that her finger tips could make contact with his cheek. “I just wasn’t thinking! You know I’d never hurt you like that. Not on purpose.”

  She felt his jaw clench. “Not now, Soph. Don’t wanna talk about it. Don’t want to talk about anything right now.” Then he made sure of her compliance by sealing her mouth in a long, hard, heated kiss.

  There’d never been anyone who’d kissed her like Declan did, with all the passionate intensity he put into his art. It was as though he put his whole being, everything he had, into his kiss. Not every kiss, of course. Not even most of them, sadly. He kept everyone at a distance far too much of the time. But every once in awhile, he let loose and kissed her like he was doing now, with his tongue sliding along hers, stealing her breath, stealing her mind, acting like he could never get enough of her. She could never get enough of him, either—which had always been her problem.

  Frustrated whimpers purled up her throat. She wanted so much more from him. She always had—more than he could give her. Right now, she wanted her arms wrapped around his neck, her fingers tangled in his hair. She wanted to stretch and arch beneath him and give herself over to him completely. But she couldn’t. Her arms refused to budge. Her back refused to arch. Her body wanted to curl in on itself and disappear. All these months later, and her first instinct was still to hide. Who knew if that would ever change?

  “I would have dropped whatever I was doing to be there for you.”

  “You would not. You were having too good a time.”

  The words they’d just spoken kept repeating in Declan’s mind. He supposed he shouldn’t be too surprised. Why would Sophie not think something like that? Hadn’t he been off having a good time when his brother was killed, when his grandfather died? But he’d already beaten himself up for that more times than he could count. That horse was as dead as it was ever going to get.

  Still, it hurt that she hadn’t known better, that she hadn’t trusted him more. And her ongoing distrust? That really hurt. Had it really not occurred to her that they both might have changed in the past five years? Or did she just not care?

  Determined to make her care, to get some reaction out of her, some sense she still remembered how good they’d been together, he broke their kiss and slid back down her body to nestle, once more, between her thighs. He would have loved to stop and explore along the way, find out exactly what she was hiding beneath those annoying layers of fabric, but that would happen soon enough. And maybe she was right. Maybe one night of remembering how things used to be, of mourning the past and finding closure, was what they both needed. He’d been running from his past. Did she understand he hadn’t meant to run from her?

  Or was he still lying to himself?

  He pushed those thoughts away and focused instead on a part of her that hadn’t changed. Or hadn’t changed much. Five years ago, her mound had been totally bare. Now, as he’d already discovered when he was down here a moment earlier, she’d allowed a small patch of curls to grow in—reddish-gold, a little darker than the hair on her head. He buried his nose in her thatch and breathed deep, inhaling her own unique fragrance. Essence of Sophie. That hadn’t changed at all. Spicy and clean—it was still the most mouth-watering scent he’d ever encountered. He thumbed her lips apart, holding her open for his tongue.

  He loved the way she bucked and cursed and begged for more when he used the flat of his tongue on her clit. Loved the way her legs trembled, how they tightened around his shoulders giving him a heartfelt hug that totally made up for that botched affair in the shop. Clearly this was how they should have been greeting each other all along.

  “Close,” Sophie rasped out as he pulled away. “So close. Oh, fuck, Declan, don’t stop now.”

  “Wouldn’t dream of it.” Her words spurred him on. He used his fingers to spread her pussy open then wriggled closer, forcing her legs wide as well. “Gonna make you come bébé,” he murmured just before his lips latched onto her clit. He teased and tongued the little nub, then took it in his mouth and sucked. Sophie rocked her hips, thrusting herself against him. In another moment, she’d be coming in his mouth.

  He pulled off to look at her—all flushed and juicy and ready. Ready for him. He slipped two fingers inside those pouty little lips and pumped several times. He loved watching as his fingers disappeared into her flesh and re-emerged slick and shiny. He loved the soft, sucking sounds her body made, the way her swollen lips pulled at his flesh, clinging, wanting.

  “Please,” she begged, drawing the single word out.

  Leaning in once more, he sucked that luscious, hot pearl back into his mouth. Her cunt tightened around his fingers, tighter, tighter, tighter, so that with every plunge, the fit became a little more snug.

  Then, with no other warning than that, she came. Her body convulsed. Her hands clasped his head, holding him in place. Declan rode out the tremors, licking softly at her clit until she pushed him away.

  He lifted his head and looked at her. Her face was flushed. Her chest rose and fell with each breath. “Fuck me,” she gasped. “Come up here and fuck me now.”

  But Declan had other ideas. He slid his hands beneath her and lifted her hips, giving him access to the sweet pucker of her asshole. To that part of her body that, more than anything else, he considered his.

  He’d been the one who’d introduced her to the joys of anal play, the one who taught her how to take first a plug then his fingers and finally his cock. He’d been the first to fuck her ass, to feel the way those tight muscles seized his cock in a heart-stopping grip when she came. The
first, yes, but not the last. And, for that, he had no one but himself to blame.

  He’d meant what he told Sassy; they were never a couple, never exclusive. He didn’t do forever. Forever was nothing but a lie. He and Sophie were friends with benefits, fuck buddies. He hadn’t wanted anything else.

  What he had wanted, however, more often than not toward the end, was to call her up, late at night, after he was sure both their dates had gone home. He’d make her tell him all the details of her evening—where she’d gone and who she’d done. And, no matter how many times he’d already come that night, he’d lie in bed and jack himself off while her voice in his ear gave him every dirty detail.

  Jealousy had no place in their relationship. That’s what he told himself, what he’d told them both. He never would have admitted how pathetic he’d become, how often he pretended it was all just make-believe. That she was only telling him what he wanted to hear. That, in reality, she’d spent the night at home, all alone, waiting for his call, making up the stories she’d tell him.

  It occurred to him now that, perhaps, that had played a part in why he’d never called her in the past five years. Perhaps he knew that, at a distance of two thousand miles, her voice would only make him homesick. Perhaps he feared that the stories she’d tell him would feel too real, or that she wouldn’t tell him anything, having found another playmate, someone whose secrets she’d keep to herself, not share with him…

  Declan ran his tongue along the crease of Sophie’s ass. “Wanna take you here,” he told her.

  “Omigod.” She sighed. “Oh, Declan…” Her tone was so breathlessly enthusiastic he couldn’t help but smile.

  “Can I?” he asked, already sure of her answer even as he paused to tease the small opening. “Can I flip you over and put you on your knees and fuck your ass until you scream for me?”

  “God, yes. Hurry.” Her response was immediate, unequivocal, exactly what he’d expected. And then she sighed. “No. Wait. Probably not.”

  “What?” Declan glanced up at her. It wasn’t just the words that surprised him; he was startled by the way the sexual tension seemed to have drained right out of her body. “Probably not?”

  Sophie blushed. “My arms aren’t as strong as they used to be. Anything where I have to hold myself up for any length of time is probably out for the time being. Sorry.”

  “Yeah. Me too.” His answer was automatic. He cringed when he heard the words coming out of his mouth. “Shit. I mean, no. Don’t be. It’s no big deal. We can do whatever you want.” He hated that this had happened to her. Hated that there seemed to be no end to the changes, the restrictions, the loss she had to deal with. Hated that he hadn’t been there for her—so that now he didn’t know enough to keep from shooting himself in the foot every time he opened his mouth.

  “Whatever I want, huh?” Sophie regarded him thoughtfully. “All right then. Get up.”

  Declan scrambled to his feet, painfully aware of his hard-on, heavy and full and pointing right at her. Sophie sat up. She grabbed a pillow and slid to the edge of the bed. She dropped the pillow to the floor, and then dropped to her knees on top of it.

  Her eyes gleamed darkly when she looked up at him and smiled. “This is what I want. Her hand closed around his shaft. “Your cock in my mouth. It’s been a long time.”

  It had been a very long time. And Declan was all too happy to help rectify that. Still…“Are you sure you’re all right down there?”

  Sophie nodded, but her gaze was on his cock and on her hand sliding up and down along the length of it. “Yes, but I might need you to do some of the work,” she said as she swiped her thumb over the head of his cock, spreading wetness. “You might have to feed it to me. I might need you to fuck my mouth.”

  Declan groaned. “Oh, I’ll feed it to you all right.” He’d forgotten how hot it always made him when she talked like that. How had he forgotten that?

  He cupped the back of her head with one hand and wrapped the other around his cock. “Suck me a little first. Get me nice and wet.”

  Sophie grinned. She grasped hold of his hips with both hands and allowed him to direct her closer. Her lips closed over him. She sucked the crown of his cock into her mouth.

  As her tongue flickered along the crest, Declan found himself frowning. “What happened to your tongue piercing?” Damn it, he hated all these changes. Five years…it had felt like no time at all while he was gone. Now that he was back, it seemed like several lifetimes had passed.

  Sophie pulled back, shrugging out from under his hand. She glanced up at him crossly. “I had to take it out for the surgery. They’re fussy about those things. I could have put it back in later, but the hole had closed up by the time I thought about it and…” Another shrug. “Oh, you know.”

  Declan’s erection flagged. No. He didn’t know. “So, what are you saying? You didn’t want to re-pierce it? Or you couldn’t for some reason?” It wasn’t just idle curiosity. He had a reason for asking. Piercing took a toll on a weak immune system. So did tattoos—especially large tattoos. If she still wasn’t strong enough for the one, she wasn’t getting the other. Not from him, not from anyone, not if he had anything to say about it. That was non-negotiable.

  “I could’ve. Like I said, I thought about doing it. But then I thought about everything that was involved—the clamps, the antiseptic, the recovery time.” She shuddered. “It just seemed like too much bother.”

  “But it wasn’t because of health issues? You’re certain?”

  Sophie scowled. “I told you before: I’m fine. It was… Oh, call it a déjà vu issue if you want. I’d been there; I’d done that. I decided enough was enough.”

  Declan nodded. “Okay. Fair enough. I just needed to know that you’re really okay,” he said as he reached for her once more. “You’re important to me.”

  Sophie’s expression softened. “You’re important to me too. And I’m really okay.” Then she proceeded to prove it by taking him all the way to the back of her throat.

  The sight of her pretty lips wrapped around his cock, the bite of pain from her nails when they dug into his butt, the hot slide of her tongue along his shaft as she took him deep—it all combined to have Declan coming far more quickly than he wanted.

  Afterward, they cuddled together in bed, but it wasn’t long before Sophie was slipping out from beneath Declan’s arm.

  He snuggled into the pillows, feeling more peaceful and content than he had in a very long time. The only thing missing was Sophie. He could hear her moving around the room and he wanted to tell her to stop whatever it was she was doing and come back to bed, but he was too blissfully exhausted to move or even speak. They needed to talk; he knew that too. Christ, they needed to talk about all sorts of things, his feelings, his regrets, her cancer...

  Experience told him those were the kinds of thing it would be a mistake to ignore for too long. Unfortunately, they were also the very things he did not even want to think about right now.

  Sophie leaned over him from behind and he sighed in pleasure as he was surrounded once again by her warmth and her sweet perfume. Yes. This was better. This was definitely more like it. As she braced her small hand on his shoulder and kissed his cheek, the front of her blouse brushed against his back, and he was all at once acutely aware of what he couldn’t feel: the soft press of her breasts. His heart ached with loss. His hands still remembered the feel of her. His tongue still remembered her taste. It killed him to think he’d never know those pleasures again. He could only imagine how she felt about it.

  He took hold of her hand. He had no right to ask, but he did anyway. “Stay. Don’t go.”

  “Can’t,” she said. “Gotta get back to Lagniappe.”

  Declan frowned. “What? You’re getting me a lagniappe? Can’t it wait ’til morning?”

  “No.” Sophie laughed. She smacked him lightly on his shoulder. “Lagniappe’s my roommate’s cat. Anyway, you’ve already had enough ‘little extras’ for one night.”

 
Declan reached for her again, but she shrugged him off. “Don’t get greedy,” she told him. Smiling, she pulled away from him. She made it look easy. And maybe for her it was. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Chapter Six

  New Year’s Eve…

  Sophie glanced around the tattoo shop. It looked almost exactly the same as it had yesterday—which was no huge surprise. The only change was the addition of a couple of shoji screens that had been set up around the station where Declan would be tattooing her. She hadn’t really thought about it, but she was glad he had. She could do without people standing around staring at her. She’d have been even happier if she could have figured out a way to get this done without Declan seeing her either. Clearly, some of the things she wanted in life were impossible. Okay, most things really.

  There was also a mirror on a stand, angled toward the padded table—another change she wasn’t sure what to think of. She supposed the idea was so that she could see herself while Declan was working on her. That was probably the last thing she wanted to do.

  “Why don’t you hop up on the table now and take off your shirt,” Declan suggested.

  Sophie shuddered as she was hit with an odd feeling, almost déjà vu. The request itself, the matter-of-fact tone of his voice, it all sounded a little too much like the doctor’s appointment where her cancer had first been discovered. Her stomach roiled, although whether that was caused by the first waves of an incoming panic attack or last night’s drinks still rocketing around in her system, she couldn’t tell. She felt a little like she’d gotten caught in some bizarre kind of time loop where the same things would just keep happening over again, and each time she’d lose a little more of herself.

  “Sophie?”

  “Yeah, okay,” she replied, still hesitating. She couldn’t make herself get up on that table.

  “There’s nothing to be nervous about.” Declan’s voice sounded even more calm now—she hadn’t thought that was even possible.