Taking Chances

by Taylor, Janelle

  “No, it’s human nature. It’s the way the mind and heart heal our wounds so we can go on with our lives. Look at it this way; the old Kirstin has returned from a premature grave and is even better and more alive than she was before David. She’s free, new, and grow ing like a spring weed.”

  “You’re right, Elaine, but to think of enduring another emotional and physical winter frightens me and makes me want to hold back from any man, even one who seems perfect for me. Losing David was difficult. I was so dependent on him, so ignorant in so many areas. I missed him so much. I pushed myself to the point’ of near physical and emotional exhaustion while I learned to run my own life.”

  “So, you deserve a break, some fun and happiness. Go for them with the sexy doctor.”

  “What if I fall hard for him? That would complicate matters.”

  “Only if he doesn’t fall for you, too. Even if he doesn’t, look at what you’ll gain: valuable experience you need to deal with men. Practice, woman! Pretend it’s an experiment; throw in all the right chemicals, select the best specimen, run it through the centrifuge, and see what comes out. Love is a science, old girl, you have to study it and practice it to get good at it. Don’t always be an observer of life, Kirstin, be a participant. Take control of the situation. It’s perfect.”

  “Steve would have a fit if he knew where I was and what I’m doing.”

  “Forget about Steve. Do something for yourself for a change. Lordy, Kirstin, don’t let him continue to make you feel guilty or take advantage of you. How much more do you owe him? You raised him and were there every time he needed you. You kept his kids three times in the last few months and on countless weekends and gobs of other nights before he left town. One kid is enough work and responsibility, but he has two, both of whom are rambunctious. You don’t need that energy drain, especially now.”

  “Sometimes I wish he’d had one baby at a time so I could give all my attention to them separately. They’ll be more fun when they’re older and potty trained and I can take them places without worrying about diapers, feeding, and naps. Steve and Louise let them get away with anything; that’s why they’re so hard to handle. Those tantrums are awful. Usually grandchildren act better for their grannies than for their parents. Steve’s don’t.”

  “I know; mine are getting worse all the time. These modern parents are for the birds sometimes. They spoil their kids, then want grandparents to beg to keep them so they can have a break. A relaxing cruise in the tropics, wasn’t it?”

  “Yes, and Steve said they couldn’t go if I didn’t babysit. This just isn’t a good time for me, not with moving and the diabetes. Steve thinks I shouldn’t have other interests, that my grandchildren should be my life, like my own kids were my life for over twenty years. He doesn’t understand his children aren’t my responsibility, nor that not wanting to keep them at the drop of a hat doesn’t mean I don’t love them. I do love them. I do want to spend time with them. Just not now. Besides wanting to work, I have to work to support myself. I can’t be a full-time grannie or come running every ‘ time he calls. I’ve been honest and open with him about my feelings but he sees this one refusal as a betrayal and selfishness. I’ve kept them plenty of times when I was too tired, when I had to cancel my own plans. He even gets angry when I tell him I can’t take time off from work to do him a favor. I have bills and my retirement to think about. I’m almost forty-six. Besides, at any moment, a diabetic complication could force me to quit work. If it did, I couldn’t afford my medical bills and support on my savings and insurance. It would be a while before Medicare kicked in, and Social Security isn’t enough to live on these days. What does Steve expect of me? I can’t risk my health and job by being at his beck and call every day. Life can be so frustrating.”

  “Yes, it can be, especially if we’re unwilling to take chances when they’re dropped in our laps. Steve’s the one who’s selfish, Kirstin, not you.”

  “Then why do I feel so guilty about refusing him?”

  “Because you’re a good person and a good parent.”

  “Learning to be a good grandmother is as hard as learning to be a good parent was. I wish there was a list of instructions that came with the birth of a child to tell a woman what the right thing to do is. I was a good mother and wife, Elaine, but now I want to do something for me. I want to relax, go places, have money to spend, enjoy my job, maybe do volunteer work to meet new people. My life centered around my home and family, their needs and schedules; now Steve expects me to do the same with his children. He’s been calling Katie to find out where I am because he still hopes he can coerce me into racing to Denver so he and Louise can leave next week. I bet a month’s salary he hasn’t made other arrangements because he believes I’ll show up as always. If I’m ever going to break this cycle, I can’t go. He has to get out of the habit of using me, and that’s what it is, whether or not he realizes it or admits it. I’m not going to call him until I reach San Diego. After I explain about my diabetes, maybe …”

  “Don’t count on it, Kirstin. I know Steve well, remember? I’ve been there when he tried to manipulate you, pull those guilt trips of his. He’s been so possessive since David died. You’ve been terrific to him, more generous than most parents. I’m glad you put your foot down this time; I would have been disappointed if you hadn’t. Lordy, he’s had more fun and time off in the last few months than you have in over twenty years! Think of all the good times you’ve missed just to give him a night or a weekend off.”

  “I can see his point this time. Louise is pregnant and this will be their last chance to travel for a while. He says they want time alone for romance.”

  “Don’t you dare weaken! I’ll bet my first month’s salary that he’ll call as soon as the baby’s born and want you to keep all three of them so they can get away before digging in to raise them. Nip it now or it’ll be trouble later.”

  “I suppose you’re right.”

  “I am right. It’s not like he can’t afford to hire a sitter. I’m sure he can get recommendations from his new friends, or staff, or neighbors. Remember, Kirstin, he didn’t even offer to pay for your plane ticket or to have your car shipped to California if you agreed to fly out to babysit. He certainly has more money than you do. And to tell you that you can ‘rest up’ and vacation while you’re chasing after those two boys is a bunch of bull.”

  “Maybe I should have stopped by to visit on my way to San Diego.”

  “And give him the perfect opportunity to wear you down? You couldn’t have gotten out of it gracefully, and you know it. If he doesn’t want to use a new sitter, Louise has sisters and a mother who don’t work; they can exchange favors for once. You always put your family first; it’s your turn to be first now. It’s past time for Steve to realize and accept the fact you’re a person, too, one who deserves and has earned the right to a life of her own. After all, you aren’t rejecting or abandoning them; it’s just one measly refusal. Besides old girl, if you were in Denver, you wouldn’t have met the handsome doctor. It’s fate, Kirstin, so don’t fight it or beat yourself over the head.”

  They chatted a while longer about work and other friends.

  “Have fun and stop worrying, you lucky dog.”

  “I’ll try. Thanks for the pep talk, Elaine. I needed it.”

  “That’s what best friends are for. Take care of yourself. And give me a full report after you reach San Diego—if you ever do.” Elaine laughed. “Bye.”

  Kirstin hung up the receiver and went to test her blood and fetch a snack. She was tempted to do a few chores and to begin dinner but she had promised Christopher she would relax all afternoon.

  Relax? How can you relax when you have important decisions to make? Decisions, Kirstin? How can you have a choice to make when Christopher hasn’t even made the slightest overture? And he probably won’t, you nitwit. But if he does make a move, how are you going to respond? Like a scared virgin? A love-starved fiend? You had better decide before the occasion arises or you’ll
ruin a promising friendship. Maybe you have to give him a hint you’re interested and receptive. But if you do, you’d better be prepared to follow through. Think, because he’ll be home soon. What’s it to be, Kirstin?

  Five

  Christopher returned about four o’clock. She saw the foreman get into a pickup truck and drive away. Her host began carrying in groceries and placing sacks on the kitchen counter. Kirstin joined him and offered to help. He suggested she put away the purchases while he finished unloading.

  She was amazed by the quality of his selections, not to mention that he’d gone shopping in the first place. David had never even wanted to stop by a curb market to pick up something she needed or had forgotten. Since she had “all day to get things done,” why, he would ask in annoyance, should he spend his “precious time and energy doing your job after a hard day at the office?” After a few such episodes, she’d done without an item rather than ask him to pick it up on his way home, which had no doubt been his intention.

  Christopher said, “I forgot to ask you to make a list before I left, so I hope I got everything you’ll need. If not, I’ll fetch it tomorrow.”

  Kirstin glanced over the sugar-free snacks, cereal, and drinks. He had also selected fresh fruit, meats, and vegetables, even skim milk and a few low-fat items. “I couldn’t have done a better job myself, Christopher. Thanks.” She laughed. “But you have enough food to last a month.”

  “Better to be prepared since we can’t tell how long your treatment and car repairs will take.” Especially if I decide to slow them down.

  “I have to be at work on May fourth, less than a month from today.”

  “I’m afraid I can’t allow you to leave until all of this is eaten,” he teased. “Besides, I don’t know how to cook half of it.”

  He opened another package. “Scales, for weighing and measuring; correct amounts are crucial to your control. If you depend on guesstimates, portions tend to creep upward without your noticing it.”

  “You’re right. I usually weigh and measure every three to four days to make certain my eyeballing stays accurate. Thank you for being so kind and thoughtful. I really should pay you for my meals and board; this is an extra expenditure for you.”

  He noticed her eyes were damp and her voice thick with emotion. Her reaction and gratitude touched him deeply. “Guests don’t normally reimburse their hosts for meals and room.”

  “But I’m a patient—a burden, an intrusion.”

  “Patient and new friend, Kirstin, neither of those other two. Besides, you’ll be whipping up some tasty treats for me in a few days as repayment.”

  Begin cooking for him in a few days? She was supposed to stay only a few days. “Fair enough,”’ she replied with newfound courage.

  “This is for you, too. It should protect you until the one from Medic Alert arrives. Wear it at all times until you get yours.”

  Kirstin halted her task to accept the gift he handed her, a medical alert bracelet designed for diabetics. She stared at it in surprise and pleasure. “That’s thoughtful and generous, Christopher. Thank you again.”

  “It’s just a cheapie, but it might save your life in another emergency.”

  The metal bracelet was more precious than a gold one to her because he had thought of it and bought it out of the kindness of his heart. Just as he had done with the food and scales. “You’re an amazing man, Doctor Christopher Harrison,” she murmured aloud without meaning to do so. “This is one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me.”

  “Isn’t there an old saying that goes something like, It’s easy to be nice to nice people?”

  “You’re nice people,” she said with a smile and misty eyes.

  He was vexed he couldn’t help her put the bracelet on, what with its’ difficult catch, but his left hand didn’t have the dexterity. He watched her work with the tricky closing until she succeeded. She held up her arm, admired the silver-plated bracelet with its red caduceus, then sent him a bright smile.

  Her blue eyes locked with his green ones and they gazed at each other. He wanted to lean over and kiss her but controlled that urge. They had known each other for less than two days. He didn’t want to scare her and send her running for cover, perhaps even screaming accusations about him. For some reason, he was as charged up as a new battery. And she seemed to be sending him signals she was, too, but he might be mistaken. Wait and see, Chris.

  Kirstin wished that he would kiss her. She wanted him to, but she also wanted— needed— to go slow with him. Oh, Elaine, you shouldn’t have planted such wicked thoughts in my head. Your dear friend doesn’t have the vaguest idea what to do with them. Stop thinking such crazy thoughts or you’ll complicate your life, she ordered. Sex and secret affairs should be the last things on your mind. You have enough problems to deal with without adding such foolishness to the list.

  Thankfully something—someone—intruded at that moment. A horn blew, causing Kirstin and Christopher to jump, as the kitchen door was open and the vehicle wasn’t far from it. Both glanced in that direction, looked back at each other, grinned, then laughed.

  “Here’s my patient. You relax until I’m finished with him.”

  Saved by a timely interruption, her confused mind announced.

  Kirstin needed fresh air and distraction. She strolled outside, walked to a free-standing swing, and sat down. Despite the loud squeaks and groans the swing emitted, she swayed back and forth until a menacing growl from behind reached her ears. She froze as the ominous throaty rumble came again, this time nearer. With caution, she looked over her shoulder to find a huge black dog inching toward her. The animal’s teeth were bared and saliva dripped from his drooling mouth. She realized, if she jumped up and ran, he might come after her. And she saw no close place to leap out of his reach. “Christopher! Christopher, hurry!”

  The office door flew open in seconds. “Git, Ranger!” he shouted at the dog, who belonged to his patient Henry. The doberman tucked his tail and raced around the house. Christopher hurried to her, sat down beside her, and pulled her into his arms. She was pale and shaking. “It’s all right, Kirstin. He’s gone. I don’t know why he threatened you; he’s usually very gentle.”

  Her heart pounded and she trembled. Her breathing was erratic. She buried her head against his chest as the terror subsided. She had to struggle hard not to burst into hysterical sobs.

  “He’s gone. You’re safe,” he whispered, holding her against him.

  “I was petrified. I just knew he was going to attack any minute.”

  “He isn’t a bad dog. I doubt he would have bitten you. ‘Course you might have had to hang around for a few weeks to see if he had rabies.”

  To calm down, she jested, “You sound disappointed he didn’t bite me. Did you sic him on me to force me to be your guinea pig longer?”

  “Not a bad idea. Let me see if I can find him and get him to—“

  “Don’t you dare! You have no idea how frightening that was! Some vacation I’m having,” she muttered.

  “At least you’re lucky enough to get stranded here. It isn’t all bad.”

  Henry came outside and asked if something was wrong.

  “Ranger scared her. He was growling at her. Listen to me, Kirstin; go inside until I finish with Henry. You’re safe now.”

  “I’m sorry, ma’am. Ranger don’t usually do things like that.”

  “The swing squeaks badly and probably scared him.” Christopher said. “Everything’s all right, Henry. Just go back in the office; I’ll be there shortly.”

  Henry apologized again, then obeyed his doctor. Christopher pulled Kirstin to her feet and took her to the kitchen door. “Will you be all right?”

  “I’m fine, again thanks to you.”

  “Check your sugar level; that experience might have sent it soaring.”

  “Yes, Doc.”

  Christopher returned in an hour, and Kirstin told him she’d placed a call to a friend this afternoon with her telephone charge nu
mber.

  “She worried about you?” he asked to discover the friend’s sex.

  “Yes. We’ve been best friends for over a year and we worked together.”

  “Did she warn you of the perils of staying here alone with a bachelor? Did she want to race over and rescue you?”

  His chuckle warmed Kirstin. “She was more interested in checking out my mystery doctor. Elaine’s quite a flirt, but a harmless one.”

  He ignored the evocative word “mystery” for now. “You painted a glowing picture of me?”

  Kirstin was surprised by his playful query. “How could I do otherwise?” She recalled how she had described him: Jungle-green eyes and lush black hair. Six feet two and weight slightly over two hundred, all lean muscle. No visible scars or beard. Strong features and smooth flesh, except for slight stubble by late afternoon. Lots of male hormones. He’s anything but ordinary.

  Kirstin realized she was staring at him and breathing funny. And he was staring back with a come-hither invitation in those hypnotic eyes. “What time do we eat supper?” she asked. She felt awkward after their earlier contact— they’d almost been snuggling in the swing. Why was she trembling and tingling like a school girl? Heavens, Kirstin, you’re a grown woman!

  “How do grilled hamburgers sound? Tempt your taste buds any?”

  “Um-m-m-m,” she murmured in anticipation. “At least I can help tonight. I won’t drain my energy banks making patties.”

  “Meat in the fridge. Plate in the cabinet behind you. Cloth to your left in the drawer. Need anything else?”

  “You’re good company, Christopher. I couldn’t ask for a better host, or a better place to get stranded.”

  “And I couldn’t ask for a better guest or patient. Let’s see … Rolls, mustard, ketchup, pickles, chips, lettuce, tomato, cheese … Carrots, milk, and fruit for you. Starch, protein, veg, fruit, milk: that has your requirements met. What else do we need?” he asked as his gaze scanned the refrigerator shelves.