by Roxy Wilson
Did she think he would admit that he still loved her and wanted her back? Did she want him to tell her that he’d lived half a life without her and needed her to be with him again? Perhaps it was all true for her, but it certainly wasn’t what he felt. He’d been eager to get away—as far from her as possible. Instead of wallowing in misery, she needed to learn a lesson from him and forget this incident.
Bracing herself, she came out to the living room. Without him, the cabin was eerily silent. She’d gotten used to his quiet presence. He was always around, repairing things around the house, doing some of his work on the phone, watching the news on TV, or staring out of the window. Sometimes they conversed about people they both knew. Looking at him, she had always been reminded of the life she left behind. Sometimes she longed for it.
But it was never happening again.
He didn’t want her.
Why was she torturing herself with old memories when he wasn’t even thinking along those lines? It was good that he left. She should move on with her life. It was time to make lunch and to get on with the rest of her vacation. She was due back in town a day before Christmas for their annual charity event at the senior citizens’ home. As always, they would decorate the tree, sing carols, and serve her food. Perhaps, soon, she would be able to put the last few days behind her.
Even as she took in deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself, Brielle felt the bonds of control slipping. A scream spiraled out of her throat and turned into a loud moan as it escaped her lips. Collapsing on the couch, she gave vent to the feelings of frustration and desperation that sizzled through her veins. Why oh why couldn’t she move on? Why did she have to think about him, his lazy smile, and the way his eyes tracked her movements when he thought she wasn’t looking? As she buried her face in a cushion, that sweet and spicy scent of his hit her nostrils. He’d spent hours sitting on this couch. The whiff of his fragrance still lingered, even though he was no longer present.
For a long time, Brielle cried. She made no attempt to control the tears. Perhaps she would truly be rid of him if she managed to cry him out of her system. But it appeared as if there was no end to the anguish that took her by surprise. It showed no signs of ending. The pain was relentless, eternal. Without him, she was half alive. Despite her belief that she made a life that was amazing, it really wasn’t. She wanted him. He was the one who completed her in ways that she couldn’t understand. No one except him could make her feel as if her life had meaning and purpose. She was lost without him.
It didn’t matter that he ditched her or that he hurt her beyond measure. She wanted him back with her. If he told her that he wanted to be with her again, she would accept him gladly. But of course, he was already gone. And he wasn’t coming back. He didn’t want anything to do with her.
In fact, he’d been eager to get away.
There was no hope.
She would have to learn to deal with this loss. But it might take days, weeks, perhaps months, before she could go back to the life she created. And it was entirely possible that she wouldn’t ever be able to forget him.
Was she destined to pine for him as long as she lived?
Was that her fate?
Why wasn’t he the one who suffered in the same manner?
Whatever it was, she would have to come to grips with this reality. When the cabin door opened, she glanced up. Her heart thumped heavily against her chest. Desperately, she swiped the tears from her face to hide the evidence of her broken-down state of mind. But he was too quick.
“Go away.” she said.
“What’s wrong?”
“Not. A. Damn. Thing.”
“You’re crying.”
“Go back to your perfect life, Toby,” she spat out the words. “And to your girlfriend, I’m sure she’s worried about you.”
Instead of leaving, he dropped down on the other end of the couch. “I don’t have a girlfriend.”
“You…But…What…?” she sputtered. “You lied.”
“And you kidnapped me. I think we’re even.”
A long coil of temper spiraled deep inside her. “We’ll never be even, not by a long shot. You left me…” she bit her lip. There was no point discussing this again. He’d made it perfectly clear that he didn’t want to give her any explanations. She wasn’t going to beg him to enlighten her on something he didn’t want to talk about.
He ran a hand on the soft fabric of the couch without looking at her. “I was halfway down the mountain when it occurred to me that you couldn’t possibly be such a good actor. You gave me the impression that you didn’t know why I ended our marriage. I believed you were lying. You had to know. How could you not? But then…” he shook his head. “Maybe saying it out loud would make all the difference. I didn’t confront you before our divorce, because I couldn’t bear to think too much about it. I couldn’t face the truth. But burying it didn’t work. I’m still hurt by the way you betrayed me.”
Is he mad? What the hell is he talking about?
“What betrayal? You’re the one who ended our marriage. I…”
“You cheated on me,” he yelled. He raked his fingers through his hair.
Brielle stared at him, aware that her mouth was hanging open. Had the man lost all his senses? Or perhaps this was one of his new tricks? He wanted to pass the blame on to her when he was the one who must have been having an affair with another woman. “Cheating?”
“Don’t deny it. Just tell me why you did it.” He sighed. “It was stupid of me to think that by not talking about it I wouldn’t let it become real to me. Maybe I was a dumb twenty-five year-old. But I need to know. Even after all these years, I want to understand why you wanted to sleep with Sebastian. What did he have that I didn’t? Why did you feel that our marriage was less important than a romp in the bed? Why wasn’t I enough for you?” His hand clenched the cushion so hard that she could see his knuckles turn white. “I didn’t realize that you needed to pursue your own interests and career. But if we had talked, I would have tried to give you what you wanted.”
Brielle began to laugh. She couldn’t help it. The laughter choked out of her. Tears of mirth escaped her eyes. “You…”
Pain flitted into his eyes. “You think baring myself to you like this is funny? He stood. “It was a mistake to come back.”
“Wait!” As he began to rise from the sofa, she lunged after him and grabbed his hand. “Who told you that I cheated on you?”
He turned to face her; his eyes shone brightly. “There’s no point denying it. Sebastian told me after I saw you both…” He took a deep breath. “I saw you kiss him the day before I left. I… he told me that you came on to him. That you were sleeping with other men…”
“You saw us?” She wrinkled her brow, cutting into this tirade. “You were away for a meeting. I tried to call you but you didn’t pick up. I figured you were still busy.” She nodded, reliving the details of that day as she spoke about it. “I decided to take a walk to the park, do some people watching, get rid of the boredom. Sebastian got there after I did, but I never saw you.”
“When I noticed the missed calls, I wrapped up the meeting early and went home. You were not there, but I found the note that said you went to the park. I decided to surprise you.” He raked his fingers through his hair again. “Instead, I was the one who got the surprise of my life. I saw you, wrapped around him, your lips glued to his…” He freed his hand from her grasp. “Is that enough or do you want to know more?” He shook his head. “Why the charade, Brielle? What’s the point of pretending that you didn’t know anything?
“I don’t know what to…”
“My eyes didn’t lie, Brielle,” Toby said as he pointed to his hazel orbs. “You did.”
“Why didn’t you confront me?”
“I cornered Sebastian, and he told me everything,” he yelled. His face was red. She’d never seen him look this angry before. “He told me how you made advances toward him so many times in my absence, but he always resisted becau
se he never wanted to do anything to hurt me. That he wasn’t the only one. There were others. And he wanted to tell me but didn’t want to hurt me.” He paused and took a deep breath. “That day, you called him, pretending that you wanted to discuss something about me. And he thought meeting in the park would be casual, safe. But you kissed him. You wanted to do more…but he left.”
Brielle shook her head. Something bubbled deep inside her. Was it relief to finally know his reasons? It should have been. But much to her surprise, it was a rage like she’d never experienced before. It bubbled and curdled inside her, spiraling up and up, so hot and fiery that she felt her insides melt. How dare he stand there and spout all this nonsense?
“You talked to your friend? You made a decision based on his words?” She stood, gripping the cushion in her hands. “And you never thought it necessary to have a conversation with me about it? How dare you!”
“How dare I?” he chuckled. “How dare you…” Whatever he was about to say was lost when she threw the cushion at him. He ducked but it was too late. The feathery pillow hit him on the chest. “What’s wrong with you?”
Brielle was beyond all control. Picking up the arsenal of cushions that dotted the sofa, she launched them towards him one by one. When she ran out of ammunition, she took off her shoes and lobbed them. “I’m going to kill you…”
“Stop it!” He dodged a shoe. “Have you lost your mind?” She wasn’t listening. Instead, her eyes searched for something that could cause him the same intense pain that she was experiencing right now. She found the vase. Smashing him on his head seemed like a good plan. She lunged towards it. He was quicker. Snatching it away, he held it up so that she couldn’t reach it. “What’s wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong with me?” She jammed her hands on her hips. “You’re the moron. After being married to me for two years, you took the word of the man who did nothing but hound me during that time, even while we were dating. And you chose to trust him rather than place your faith in the woman who vowed to love and honor you. I’m so glad that you left me. How could I have been stupid enough to pine for a man who didn’t even trust me?”
He lowered the vase, but she made no move to snatch it away. “What?”
“You know what, Toby? I’m glad you left me. Thank you for telling me this. You leaving me was the best decision that you ever made. Since you didn’t trust me, our marriage wouldn’t have worked anyway,” she huffed out the words.
The expression on his face was priceless. In another time and place, she might have found it funny, as she saw him struggle with what she was saying. But right now, she was too pissed.
You’re telling me Sebastian lied?” When she nodded, he continued. “But how could that be? I saw you with my own eyes.”
Brielle dropped back onto the couch. She didn’t want to talk to him anymore. What was the point in trying to make him understand something that he’d already made up his mind about? It was good that they’d divorced. It was the right decision. He wasn’t worthy of her life, time, or love. It was a shame really that it took her so long to understand it.
But now, she was truly over him.
“Good-bye, Toby. And good riddance.”
Chapter Eight
Toby glowered at the woman who managed to make him feel as if he needed his head examined. It was a mistake to come back. He should have stuck to his decision to never see her again. She didn’t even have the decency to render an apology. No. Instead, she was making it seem as if he’d said something outrageous and stupid.
“Is that all you’re going to say to me, after I came back here to you?” He felt like throwing is hands in the air when Brielle remained stoic, her lips glued together in a tight, thin line, her arms folded. “Come on, say something,” he growled when she sat obstinately on the couch. “You kidnapped me to talk about this, and now I’m giving in to what you want and you’re changing your stance.”
“You’re damned right I don’t want to talk about it. Instead of talking to me after you found me in a compromising situation, you chose to walk away.”
“So what the hell was I supposed to do? Should I have asked you to give a blow-by-blow account of your lovemaking session?”
She stood, stormed over, and jabbed him in the chest with her finger. “Did it occur to you that there may have been another side to the story?”
“You were wrapped around him. He told me you wanted to sleep with him. What more was there to know?”
Her nostrils flared as she blew out a breath. “I see. So of course, it’s not possible that Sebastian was the one who made passes at me, that I resisted his advances and told him not to mess with me again, and when you confronted him, he lied to save his ass.”
Her words rang in his ears. What the hell was she saying? It took him a while to understand what she claimed. How could Sebastian have lied to him? “No! That isn’t true.”
“So you would rather believe that your friend was honest and your wife was a liar?” She flung her arms in the air, as if she was disgusted with herself. “I was an imbecile then, and I’m one now. What the hell did I expect to hear when I brought you here? It certainly wasn’t this.”
Were there tears in her eyes? Brielle wasn’t the one to cry at the drop of a hat. She wasn’t the sort of woman who shed crocodile tears in the hope of getting her way. The fact that he could reduce her to this state startled him. “What are you saying?”
Crossing her arms, she looked away. “Nothing.”
He considered her attitude. No. He couldn’t have been that wrong. It wasn’t possible. “Did Sebastian lie to me?” She still didn’t say anything but the flicker of her eyelashes told another story. Fresh tears sprang to her eyes, but she blinked to push them back. Toby collapsed on the couch. His head spun and he gripped it with both his hands. “He couldn’t have lied to me. Sebastian’s my best friend. We’ve been friends since we were kids.”
She sat on the other end of the couch. “He made several passes at me when you weren’t around. He came home a few times on the pretext of…one thing or the other. I made it clear that I wasn’t interested in an affair, no matter how busy you were. And I threatened to tell you. He…begged me not to,” she said in a low voice as if she couldn't bear to talk about it. “More than anything, I didn’t want to hurt you. I knew how close you guys were. If I had said anything, it would have ruined your friendship.”
“That day at the park?”
She sighed. “He saw me leaving the building and followed me. I don’t know if he came to the apartment to see you. Who knows when it comes to that man?” She wrinkled her nose. “But he grabbed me at the park…forced a kiss on me…I tried to push him away. I know it was stupid of me, but I didn’t scream for help, because I didn’t want to make a scene. He tried to kiss me again, but I kicked him in the groin to move him. You must have missed all that…” her voice trailed off. “You can believe me or not, but I’m telling the truth.”
There was no doubt that she was telling the truth. He wasn’t stupid enough to make the same mistake twice. Toby shook his head. It was obvious that he was the world’s biggest idiot. Sure he was young when the incident happened, but he was old enough not to be so stupid or to put the words of his friend—former friend—in front of his relationship with the love of his life. He should have talked to Brielle before or after his conversation with Sebastian. How could he have jumped straight to the conclusion that she was the one who did wrong? What convinced him now wasn’t just the honesty that was reflected in her eyes but also the realization that she didn’t have any reason to lie. It was Sebastian who took him for a ride. And he wasted four years of his life because he trusted the wrong person.
“I’m sorry.” The words were inadequate to express the grief and sorrow he felt. He’d destroyed their marriage because he was too proud to seek the truth.
Not proud!
No!
He was devastated when Sebastian sprouted all that nonsense. The fact that the woman he loved
was cheating on him sent immeasurable pain through his heart. He couldn’t even function for weeks. It was an effort to get out of bed.
Brielle didn’t say anything in response to his apology. Instead, she stood and walked away, perhaps into her bedroom. He didn’t know what to do. Nothing could bring back the years they’d lost. What could he do to make it all better again? The answer was—nothing. There was no rewind button in life. If only he could turn back time…but it was impossible.
He needed to walk out and never face Brielle again. All these years that he wasted blaming her were a complete waste of effort and energy. He did his best to hate her. And now he realized that the person he should have hated was someone else. She’d done the right thing in walking away right now.
He didn’t deserve to be forgiven.
But he just couldn’t go like this.
He needed more.
Toby walked into her bedroom. She was lying on the bed, crying. Pain pierced his heart. “Brielle.”
“Go away!”
He’d done that once and look where it landed him? This was his last chance. “I’m not leaving you.”
“Why not? You did it once. Do it again. It’s easy enough.” She sat but kept her back turned towards him. “Please go.”
Walking away was the easy option. But he didn’t want it anymore. Toby marched towards her. He sat so that he faced her. She tried to get up but he held her arm. “Please, listen to me. Leaving you was the hardest thing that I ever did. I was out of my mind when…he said all those things. I wanted to talk to you. But I couldn’t even bring myself to face you. All I wanted was the pain to stop.”
“And so you ruined our marriage…”