Ribbons in Her Hair
Page 20
I’ve never missed having a dad. When I was very young I didn’t know what one was so I didn’t know what I was missing and, as I got older – I don’t know how to explain it – I just didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything. I do feel sorry for Mum though. She’s on her own at home now and she must get lonely. She says she isn’t but there are only so many books you can read. I’ve never known her go out with a man. It’s like my dad – or ‘the sperm donor’ as I prefer to think of him – poisoned her against all men and I’m sorry about that. I don’t like the idea of her being lonely because of me. She’s still young so maybe there’s still time for her to meet Mr Right. I hope so.
Like mother like daughter, as they say, I recently found myself unmarried and pregnant. At twenty-two I’m older than Mum was and my baby is planned. I’ve lived with Jack for almost three years and we’ve been trying for a baby for the last eighteen months or so. We think we’ll get married one day but not right now.
When I told Mum I was pregnant she couldn’t have been more pleased. She threw her arms around me and told me how happy she was for me and Jack. I am pretty sure that was the exact opposite to the reaction Mum had when she’d delivered the same news to her own mother all those years ago. The sad thing was that when I told my gran that I was having a baby she was happy for me. Not doing cartwheels happy, but happy enough in her own way. She even knitted cardigans for the baby … lots of cardigans.
After my twenty-week scan I couldn’t wait to show Mum the picture of my baby, this little thing, clearly human but not quite fully formed, curled up tightly in a ball. Mum cried as she looked at the photograph and so did I.
‘Did you ask them if it was a boy or a girl?’ Mum asked me.
I’d thought that I wouldn’t want to find out the sex of our baby but Jack had wanted to know and when push came to shove I’d decided I did too. ‘It’s a girl,’ I told her.
Mum sat leaning forward, resting her elbows on her knees. She held the photo in one of her shaking hands and had her other hand clasped firmly over her mouth. I knew that she was smiling because I could see it in her eyes.
‘What advice would you give me, Mum, on bringing up a little girl?’ I was being flippant and hadn’t expected a serious answer.
But I got one anyway.
She took her hand away from her mouth and reached out to me. I shuffled forward in my own seat so that we could reach each other and hold hands.
‘Enjoy every minute,’ she said, ‘make her feel loved and … ribbons.’ Mum locked her eyes on to mine. ‘Ribbons,’ she said again. ‘Make sure you put ribbons in her hair.’
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
A little girl with long blonde hair tied up in a red ribbon started a conversation that sparked the idea for this book. My thanks go to the little girl, who I do not know, and to the person I spoke to, who I will not name – they know who they are.
I am always thankful to my parents and siblings for making my childhood special. I had no idea that all children didn’t grow up with the love that I did.
John, John and Andrew aka ‘my men,’ are the reason that I get up in the morning. You are the reason behind everything that I do. I love you all very much and wouldn’t be here without you.
Thank you to my fellow writers for your support over the years – it has been invaluable. Also, to my dear friend Jan Weiss for your encouragement over the (many) years that we have known each other. You are the one person who knows exactly what it has taken me to get here.
Special thanks have to go to the staff of Sunderland Royal Hospital, especially the renal unit, ICCU and ward B28. You saved my life and made me healthy again so I will never be able to thank you enough.
I would like to thank the wonderful people at Accent Press for making this possible. I especially thank Hazel Cushion for publishing the book, as well as for giving advice and encouragement whenever I needed it. I would also like to thank Katrin Lloyd for all the tips around promotion and for answering the many, and often stupid, questions that I threw at her. Finally, thank you to my editor Penny Hunter for making this book the best it could be and for keeping the timeline in check.
If I have forgotten anyone please accept my apologies.