A Sea Change

by Annette Reynolds

  I think the other thing love does is give you someone to share with. If I have a problem, I should be able to tell Nick. And having told him, some of the weight would be transferred making my load lighter and a little easier to bear. Isn’t it ironic that I have this huge problem and can’t tell Nick, because I’m afraid that if I do, I’ll lose him?

  And then there’s the secret Danny told me.

  I’m shocked and disgusted by what I’ve learned about my father. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to look at him again. Every time I think about it, it hits me that he’s the reason the family fell apart – the reason Danny and I lost each other. I’m absolutely enraged, and I don’t know where to put this anger. How do I get rid of it?

  He threw away his son for an affair! Made us all think it was Danny’s fault. When he’d catch me crying over it, he’d say, “It was your brother’s choice. He left. Think about that, Maddy.” At the time I thought he was just trying to toughen me up – you know, show me the “truth” and I’d eventually see the light. I thought he was trying to help me in his own gruff, fatherly way. Now I know he was doing nothing of the sort. He truly wanted Danny out of his life.

  If I look back on those first couple of years Danny was gone, I can see how much more at ease Dad was around the house. Oh, he made a show of hurt and anger and betrayal, but I suppose that was for Mom’s sake. I never seemed to be able to fill up the hole losing Danny left in me, and I remember hearing Dad whistling or joking, and wondering, ‘How can he do that? How is he able to put on such a good act?’

  What act, Maddy?

  My father was nothing more than a selfish, lying piece of garbage, and I detest him.

  Look what he did to Danny. I can’t predict what would’ve happened to Danny if he’d stayed, but I have to think his life might’ve been a little better. A little easier. A couple more years at home and maybe he would’ve talked to me about his feelings. Maybe maturity would have helped him understand his sexuality – come to terms with it. But he was so young. How could he possibly sort it all out on his own? I get the feeling Danny didn’t deal with it at all until he was a lot older, and I wonder how scared he was.

  I understand how hard it must be for parents to handle having a child who isn’t “normal” in society’s eyes, but for the most part they do. I think Mom would’ve loved Danny – or me – no matter what. But I seriously believe she took her cues from Dad. She never wanted to rock the boat. Always wanted to be sure Dad was happy. Little did she know…

  My God. When I was with Ted, I was just like Mom! I never knew what was going on with Dad, and yet somehow I picked up a signal from her: This is how you live with the man who’s chosen you. This is what you have to do to keep a roof over your head. This is what you have to sacrifice for security.

  Mom, you taught me to give up myself, and you didn’t even realize it.

  I was being honest when I told Nick I hated knowing about Ted’s infidelity. But now I know an even bigger truth. I thank God for knowing. It led me to Nick. And I’m starting to see how these past years have held up my own progress.

  I still have a lot to learn. I see that in how I’m dealing with Danny. I don’t want to hurt him anymore than he’s already been hurt. But I need to make him understand how much of my life was lost, too. We both need to find some resolution. I don’t know where it’ll lead Danny.

  As for me, I’m hoping for some serenity finally. I’m not sure how that’s going to happen. But it has to.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  What Mary had come to think of as “Nick’s family” stood on her front porch, all three of them grinning.

  Becky, standing in front of Nick and Maddy, held out a paper scroll tied with a blue ribbon, and said, “Happy birthday, Mary! How old are you gonna be?”

  Maddy laughed, as Nick nudged his daughter and exclaimed, “Becky! You don’t ask grown-ups stuff like that.”

  Mary looked down at the little girl. “There are two times in life you don’t mind being asked that question: when you’re very young and when you’re very old.” She bent to take the rolled-up paper from Becky, and whispered her answer, to which Becky replied, “But I don’t know my times that high yet.” Mary smiled, and said, “That should give you an incentive to learn them.” She straightened up and untied the ribbon. “Now, what are you three up to?”

  “Read it out loud!” Becky chirped.

  Mary took her glasses out of her smock pocket. “Greetings in God to all who read this document. Be it known that it has pleased us to honor, for the anniversary of her birth, Mary Delfino, and to furnish her with the following: An all-expenses paid expedition to Victoria, British Columbia – oh, my goodness! – situated on the island known as Vancouver…” She paused to compose herself. “This is too much. I won’t allow you to do this.”

  “Sorry, lady,” Nick said. “It’s all arranged.”

  “Besides, it means we get to go, too,” Maddy added.

  “Read the rest of it!” Becky said.

  Mary swallowed the lump in her throat. “The New Britain Inn will provide room and private bath. A tour of the opulent Butchart Gardens will be followed by high tea, served by the competent staff of the Empress Hotel between three and five p.m. on August fifth.” Mary’s voice quavered. “The establishment known as Murchie’s has been forewarned of Dame Delfino’s visit, and has agreed to be well-stocked with the lady’s favored Darjeeling Blend tea.”

  “Daddy,” Becky reprimanded. “You said it would make Mary glad, but she’s crying.”

  “Happy tears, dear.” Mary put her arms around Maddy and Nick, and kissed them. “What a wonderful gift.”

  Becky, her voice muffled by Mary’s skirt, stated, “I drew the fishes and the mermaid.”

  “Very beautiful.”

  Satisfied with the outcome of the surprise, Becky looked up at her father. “Can I go play with Chloe now? Maddy said it was okay.”

  “Sure, but be careful. Stay in the house or on the deck.” Nick watched her skip away. “We’re leaving for the movies in an hour,” he called after her. “Don’t wander off!” Nick followed Maddy into Mary’s house, saying, “Did you leave your door unlocked again?”

  “Does it matter?” Maddy answered.

  Nick drank the last of his iced tea. “So, we’re all set, right? Wednesday morning at nine.”

  “I’m still astounded,” Mary said from her chair in the shade.

  Nick grinned. “That’s what I do to women.” He glanced at Maddy, who blushed.

  Mary raised an eyebrow in amusement. “Yes. I’m sure you do.”

  Maddy stood. “We’d better get going if we’re going to make the one-thirty show.”

  “Yeah,” Nick said. “Do me a favor? See if Becky’s ready.” He gave Mary a play-along-with-me-look. “I’ll take care of Mary’s shower head and meet you in a couple of minutes.”

  Mary followed Nick into the house with a feeling of trepidation, which became alarm when he turned to her and said, “What do you really think of Phil?”

  She had kept her thoughts to herself until that moment. Her qualms about this Phil Madvick had begun to seem silly. The overwrought imaginings of age and illness. Nothing seemed to have changed on the beach, except Nick and Maddy were closer than before his discovery. Now Mary was seeing an uncertainty in Nick which brought back those initial feelings of dread.

  She chose her words carefully. “I think he isn’t what he seems.”

  “That’s just what I’ve been thinking.”

  “Do you not trust him, Nick? Because that would be perfectly understandable. You don’t know him. No one here does.”

  “I don’t trust him around Maddy. I don’t know why, and it’s driving me crazy.” His nervous energy had returned. “Come on, Mary. You’re the one with the sixth sense. Tell me I’m wrong.”

  Mary didn’t know how to respond. Did she tell him of her premonitions? They’d been so vague.

  She finally said, “You don’t doubt Madeleine’s love, d
o you, Nick?”

  Mary’s heart sank at his small hesitation before he answered with a shake of his head, and she said nothing.

  “I want him off the beach,” Nick suddenly said, echoing her thoughts. “How the hell do I do that?” He walked to the picture window and stared out at the water. “Why didn’t I have him arrested right off the bat? It would’ve been simple. But for some stupid reason it didn’t even occur to me.”

  “Don’t punish yourself for being good-hearted, Nick.”

  He turned to Mary. “It’s not like he’s done anything wrong since I found him. He’s worked his tail off. But when he even mentions Maddy’s name I feel my whole body tighten up. It’s like – I don’t know – he’s got some kind of special connection to her. When he talks about her it sounds so intimate.”

  “This isn’t something I would normally advise, but have you thought of going through his things?”

  “Yeah, I’ve thought about it. I just can’t bring myself to do it.”

  “Then there’s only one other thing I can suggest. If you feel he’s paid off his debt to the beach, tell him as much and send him on his way.”

  Mary’s front door burst open, and Maddy’s distraught voice reached them.

  “I can’t find Becky!”

  Nick met her in the hallway. “She’s not at my place?”

  “I checked.” She was breathless with panic. “She’s nowhere between here and the stairway.”

  He smiled. “Not hard to tell you don’t spend much time around eight-year-olds. They have really selective hearing.” Nick led Maddy out the door, and waved to Mary. “I’m pretty sure I know where she is.”

  But the mermaid sat alone on her rock. No little blonde friend kept her company. Nick was more annoyed than worried, but Maddy’s hand had become a vise around his.

  *****

  “What’re you doing?”

  Phil looked up from his sketch, searching for the owner of the voice on the path above. Even from that distance, he recognized the girl immediately. Photographs of Nick’s daughter littered Maddy’s place, and when he’d seen the color studio shot on Nick’s dresser, he’d put two-and-two together.

  He turned the pad around and held it up in the sunlight.

  “Drawing,” he answered.

  She stepped closer to the edge.

  “What is it?”

  With the charcoal pencil he held, Phil pointed toward the back deck of George Gustafson’s house. “That blue heron getting a suntan.”

  Becky’s eyes followed his hand until she saw the regal bird calmly standing on the railing.

  “How come it’s not flying away?”

  Phil shrugged. “I guess it likes us.”

  “I can draw, too.”

  Phil liked kids, and vice versa. They were uncomplicated and honest, and they hadn’t yet developed the prejudices adults had.

  “I have an extra pencil,” he said. “Wanna join me?”

  She hesitated. “I’m s’posed to stay at Maddy’s house and play with Chloe. And then we’re going to the movies. And I’m not s’posed to talk to strangers.”

  Phil smiled. “Well, I’m an old friend of Maddy’s. I saw the picture she took of you and the mermaid.”

  She was trying to make up her mind.

  “You’re Becky, right?”

  She nodded.

  “My name’s Phil.”

  She looked down the path, then back at him. “We’re leaving pretty soon.”

  “Tell you what, Becky. I don’t want to get you in trouble.” He pointed to his watch. “I’ll tell you when fifteen minutes are up. That should be enough time for a quick art lesson, don’t you think?”

  The temptation was too much for her, and Becky nimbly climbed down the rocks to join him.

  Phil handed her a pencil and began to tear out a piece of paper, when she asked, “Can I see your other drawings?”

  He let her page through the sketchbook, her questions coming fast and furiously. “Where’s this? How did you do that? That’s Maddy, isn’t it?” When she’d gone through the whole book, Becky said, “Can you draw a polar bear? That’s my favorite animal.”

  Phil obliged her, the rough lines quickly coming together to form a lifelike bear sitting at the edge of the sea. He ripped out the page and gave it to her.

  “Neat!” Becky bestowed a gap-toothed smile on the drawing, and then Phil. “How come you’re so good?”

  “I took a few classes.”

  “Can you teach me?”

  “Sure.” Phil put the pad in her hand. “Have a seat.”

  *****

  “Becky!”

  They both lifted their heads at the sound of the shout.

  Nick stood on the path, Maddy at his side. “Rebecca Jane, you’re in serious trouble.”

  Becky got up and scrambled toward her father, waving the drawings. “Look what Phil taught me, Daddy!”

  Phil followed her, and looked up at Nick. “It’s not her fault. I lost track of the time.”

  Nick’s eyes were on Phil as his daughter thrust the pages into his hands. When he glanced down he was surprised by the skill of the work, but his irritation prevailed. “You were supposed to stay at Maddy’s.”

  “I know, Daddy, but…”

  “No ‘buts.’ And no movie.”

  “Hey, really. Don’t punish her for this,” Phil said. “She told me she was waiting for you.” He looked at Becky and smiled. “But the artist in both of us kinda took over.”

  Maddy had kept quiet until that moment. But she knew Nick was seeing this as yet another reason to distrust Phil. And her brother was remembering his own childhood. With Becky on the verge of tears, she said, “Nick, look how good these drawings are.”

  “Becky’s really got a great eye,” Phil added.

  Nick took a deep breath and crouched in front of his daughter. “These are terrific, Becky, but right now I want you to go to the house and wait for me. We’ll talk about this there.”

  He watched his daughter dejectedly walk away, and when she was out of earshot, turned to Phil.

  “I don’t want you hanging around here anymore.”

  Maddy’s gasp was involuntary, and she said, “You don’t mean that.”

  Nick looked at her for just a second. “Yeah. I do.” He turned back to Phil, whose face had gone white. “I think you’ve done all the work you need to do down here. It’s time for you to move on. When we get back from Canada, I want you gone.”

  Maddy couldn’t keep her eyes from her brother’s, as she said, “But where would he go?”

  “I don’t give a rat’s ass, just as long as it’s away from this beach.”

  “Look, Nick – I don’t know what I did to get you so pissed off at me, but I’m sorry. If you let me stay a while longer, I promise I’ll keep to myself.”

  “You just don’t get it, do you, Madvick,” Nick said. “You might have everyone else on this beach snowed, but it’s not working on me anymore. I don’t particularly like you. I don’t trust you. If I see you again, I’ll call the cops.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. Holding out several bills, he said, “You’re square with the residents now. Here’s seventy bucks. Now go find someone else to take advantage of.”

  “I don’t need your money.”

  “Fine.” Nick stuffed the bills back in his wallet. “It’s been real.” He turned to Maddy and said, “Let’s go.”

  She’d been staring at the ground, and Maddy quickly looked at Nick, the shock of his actions still on her face. She let him take her hand, and with one last glance at her brother, Maddy walked away.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Maddy pounded on the door of Number 70, and when there was no answer, her heart hiccupped. She called out his name, knocking again, not realizing how inane it was to think Danny wouldn’t hear her in a one-room cabin.

  Afraid he’d left already – knowing that wasn’t possible – she tried the doorknob, but it was locked. Maddy stood there for a moment, unable
to come to any kind of decision, when just three minutes earlier her mind had reached crystalline clarity.

  When Nick had asked Maddy to come along for the ride up to Bellevue – that Becky would enjoy her company as much as he would – she’d told him her head ached, and to go on without her. She waved as they drove away, her pasted-on smile fading as the truck disappeared around the curve of the road. And as Maddy started down the stairway to the beach, she’d vowed it was her last lie.

  Nick had kept his word about no movie, but the three of them had ended up feeding the ducks at Point Defiance Park. Later, he’d fished a Frisbee out from under the truck’s seat. Maddy had tried playing with them, but in the end she’d begged exhaustion and gone to sit in the shade of a chestnut tree.

  Her mind hadn’t stopped its anxious racing since Nick’s confrontation with Danny. She couldn’t think of anything else. Nick’s anger, the look of utter panic on her brother’s face, and her own feeling of being stuck between a gigantic boulder and a granite wall had left her dazed.

  There was only one solution, and that was to finally tell the truth. It wasn’t fair to any of them not to. Once she’d made the decision, all Maddy could focus on was telling Danny. But her two-hour window of opportunity was ticking away.

  Damn it, Danny! Where are you?

  Maddy stood rooted to the small porch when she heard someone calling her. She turned and saw George Gustafson marching down the path. Her first thought was an uncharitable, ‘Oh no.’ And her second was even worse. ‘At least it’s not Emily, who never gets to the point.’ She was about to speak her third thought, when Gustafson came to parade rest in front of her and unsatisfactorily addressed it.

  “If you’re looking for Madvick, he’s not home.”

  “Have you seen him?” she asked, swallowing the temptation to say, “no shit.”

  “Shouldn’t you already know where he is?”