A Sea Change

by Annette Reynolds

  A movement caught his eye. He watched two Stellars jays land on an old tire swing that hung from the branch of a leaning madrona tree. One of the jays hopped into the center of the tire while his mate stayed perched on top, and Danny turned his pad over. As he quickly sketched the scene, the two birds suddenly took off as they heard the sound of Becky’s footfall just seconds before Danny.

  He put a finger to his lips and pointing at the heron with his pencil, quietly said, “Looks like we both found his secret place.”

  She tip-toed the rest of the way and sat next to Danny.

  “What’s up?” he asked.

  She shrugged.

  “Are you gonna miss coming to the beach?”

  “Yeah. But Daddy’s new house is pretty neat. It has a big tree in the backyard and he said he’d build me a tree house.”

  He set aside the pad. “Is he almost done packing up?”

  “I guess. He went over to Mary’s to say ‘bye.” She bent to pick up a piece of driftwood. “Look – it looks like a duck.”

  Danny took it from her and turned it over. “Now it looks like a kangaroo.”

  She giggled as he handed back the smooth wood. “Do you wanna know a secret?”

  “If you tell me, it won’t be a secret.”

  Becky thought about that for a moment, then said, “If you promise not to tell anyone, would it still be a secret?”

  “Sort of.”

  “Okay. Maddy and Chloe are gonna live with Daddy at his new house.” Uncontrolled excitement filled her voice. “Daddy’s gonna ask Maddy to marry him and he’s gonna give her the ring real soon. He showed it to me, and it’s really pretty.”

  Becky’s guileless words suddenly immobilized him. Up until that moment he’d believed only what he’d seen. And what Danny had seen was Nick packing up and moving, and Maddy staying behind. There was no evidence she intended to go away – to leave him alone again.

  “Can you push me?”

  Danny hadn’t noticed Becky get up. She stood in front of the tire swing and he stared at her, uncomprehending. She repeated her question and he finally said, “Later, okay?”

  Danny desperately wanted to be alone. To think. To understand why Maddy would keep something like this from him.

  “But I won’t be here later.”

  What he really wanted to do was go back to his cabin to sort this out, but he rose from the log in a stupor made up of equal parts self-pity and puzzlement, and walked toward Becky.

  She smiled at him as she settled herself in the tractor tire. He must have smiled back, because her grin widened. He stepped behind the homemade swing.

  “Push,” she said, and he did.

  The heavy tire moved only a few feet. When it swung backward, Becky said, “Push harder, Phil!”

  He obeyed, and the tire swing moved forward another few feet. He heard the weather-beaten rope creak, but didn’t take it as a warning.

  Becky shrieked with laughter.

  “Higher!”

  As the tire came back toward Danny, he heard another – male – voice, calling her name. It was Nick, and he backed away from the swing. He didn’t want to see him. And remembering his warning, didn’t want Nick to find him with Becky.

  Danny took another step back and ̶ convincing himself she’d be alright for the few seconds it would take Nick to find her ̶ he began to run.

  He heard the rope snap. It sounded like a gunshot, stopping him in his tracks. But panic overtook him when he understood what had happened, because this time Becky’s shrieks were of fear.

  Danny began moving again, away from what he knew would bring reprisals despite his innocence.

  Her screams mingled with the Great Blue Heron’s, as it flapped its huge wings and lifted itself out of the inlet, following Danny’s flight.

  Chapter Forty-Three

  “You’re doing great, Becks.”

  Nick held his daughter’s right hand while the x-ray technician developed the film of her left arm. She nodded, the only reminder of her tears a series of streaky trails down her cheeks.

  “It only hurts a little now,” she said, staring down at the temporary splint.

  “That’s good, sweetie.”

  The bruise on her left thigh was the size of a softball. The abrasion on her knee had been cleaned and bandaged. He sent up a silent word of thanks that nothing worse had happened, and he’d thought of plenty of those worse things in the time it took to get her up the two hundred steps and to the hospital.

  Nick’s heart had come to an absolute stop when he heard her scream, and didn’t start beating again until he’d knelt next to her and she’d opened her eyes. They’d checked her head carefully, even though Becky told everyone in the E.R. she hadn’t hit it. And her labored breath right after the fall, just as Nick stepped through the brush and saw his daughter land in the shallow water and hit the log that had washed into the inlet – a moment he would never forget – her labored breath had only been the wind knocked out of her. Her ribs were intact. A lung hadn’t been punctured.

  The on-call orthopedic surgeon came toward them, smiling and flapping the x-ray. “You’re a pretty lucky young lady.” He stuck the film on the light box and pointed. “It’s an incomplete fracture just above the wrist.”

  Becky looked at the picture, fascinated. “That’s my arm?”

  The surgeon nodded. “Yep. See where it’s broken?”

  “Do I get to wear a cast?”

  “You sure do.” He motioned for the technician. “Melissa is going to take you to a special room where you can pick out the color you want. Is that okay with you?”

  Becky nodded, and Nick squeezed her hand before letting go. “I’ll be there in a sec.” He bent to kiss her cheek. “Don’t go anywhere without me.”

  “Daddy,” she said seriously. “Where would I go?”

  Nick turned back to the doctor. “So, everything’s okay?”

  “She’s fine. Nothing to worry about. She’ll probably heal up so fast you’ll forget it ever happened.”

  Nick shook the man’s hand and went to join his daughter, but he knew this was something he’d never erase from his mind. Or forgive. And one of the main reasons was because he knew Janet never would, either.

  Nick stood at the pay phone, his hand on the receiver, weighing the pros and cons of giving Janet a warning call. Either way, the shit was going to hit the fan. It was just a matter of how many miles it was going to fly. He couldn’t fault her for that. But he knew, without a doubt, not only would she blame him for the accident, but she’d find some way to use it against him.

  “Excuse me. Are you using that phone?”

  Nick came to, surprised. A very young pregnant woman looked at him expectantly. The hospital corridor teemed with workers. Life was going on around him while he pondered his fate.

  He shook his head. “No. It’s all yours.” Then he walked back into the room, where Becky’s neon-green cast was the focus of attention.

  “Is there any point in my saying accidents happen?”

  Janet had her arms around Becky, but the ugly set of her mouth was directed at Nick.

  “It wasn’t Daddy’s fault,” Becky said, trying to wriggle out of her mother’s grasp. “The rope was old, and I was swinging really high and it just broke.”

  “How did you swing that high, Becky? You said it was a big tire.”

  Nick winced at Janet’s question, but couldn’t stop Becky’s proud reply.

  “Phil got me started, but I did it myself.”

  Nick held his breath. Please don’t ask – don’t ask…

  Janet’s eyes narrowed. “Who’s Phil?”

  Shit.

  But before he had a chance to get a single word out, Becky was already talking.

  “He’s Maddy’s brother, and he’s really nice. He’s teaching me to draw better, and…”

  “Becky, I think you need to go up to your room and rest,” Janet said.

  “I’m not tired, Mommy. And I can rest at Daddy’s
house.”

  “There’ll be no going to your dad’s. Not with a broken arm.”

  Becky’s face crumpled with disappointment, and she tearfully said, “But I’m okay. An’ I want to stay at Daddy’s new house.”

  “Becks, do what your mom says. I’ll come up in a couple of minutes, and we’ll talk.”

  She pulled away from Janet and ran up the staircase, the volume of her sobs diminishing, but not their intensity.

  Janet got to her feet. Her palm connected with his cheek so swiftly, and so hard, he staggered.

  “Your girlfriend’s brother?! Where the hell were you, Patrick? Or do I even have to ask?”

  His face burned no worse than his rage. “I hope you got everything there was to get out of that, because you’ll never have the chance to do it again.”

  “This is unbelievable! You left my daughter in the care of some stranger, while you were having a quickie with that woman?”

  “Our daughter, Janet! And get your mind out of the sewer. Christ! I was saying goodbye to a friend. Becky wandered off, the way she always does. She’s a kid, Janet. She was playing and she got hurt.”

  “That’s all you can say? She got hurt? She could’ve been killed!”

  All his fear and anger coalesced into this one moment.

  “Don’t you think I know that!” he roared. “Don’t you think I almost died seeing her fall?! Jesus fucking Christ, Janet – you know how much I love her! If I could’ve broken my arm instead, I’d have done it.” He paused and took a deep breath. “But it happened, and she’ll be all right, so let’s think about that instead. She’s up there crying her eyes out because her weekend turned to crap. Not because she broke her arm.”

  One look at Janet’s frigid gaze and Nick knew his uphill battle for joint custody had just become a full-fledged war. She had all the ammunition and would use every last bit of it.

  “Janet, I know you don’t give a rat’s ass about me. You never did. But I’m begging you to think about Becky. Don’t rip apart what little family she has left.”

  “Oh, I am thinking about Becky,” she replied. “You’d better go up and say goodbye to your daughter.”

  Nick squeezed his eyes shut in frustration. His fingers went to his temple. There was no way to make her understand the hell he was going through.

  “All I’m asking is for you to be reasonable about this,” he finally said. “That’s all.”

  He turned and headed up the stairs to his daughter’s bedroom.

  Nick strode into Maddy’s house without knocking. He found her on the deck, the phone sitting on the arm of the chair she sat in. When she saw him, Maddy sprang to her feet.

  “How is she? I called the hospital, but they wouldn’t tell me anything…”

  The concern on her face wasn’t enough – and his love for her wasn’t enough – to erase the one thought he’d obsessed over the entire drive back to the beach.

  “Where is he?”

  “Nick, tell me Becky’s all right!”

  “I mean it, Maddy.”

  “I don’t know where he is.” She tentatively touched his arm then gripped his hand. “Nick, please talk to me.”

  He pulled away. “Her arm’s broken.”

  Maddy’s hands flew to her mouth.

  “Now tell me where that chicken-shit brother of yours is, Maddy, or I swear I’ll tear this beach apart. I’ll turn over every rock until I find that particular worm!”

  “I really don’t know.”

  He turned for the door, and she grabbed at his shirt, pleading with him.

  “Nick, think about what you’re doing!”

  “I have thought about it.” Nick kept moving. “I’ve had all fucking day to think about it.”

  At the hospital, on the drive up to Janet’s, on the freeway going south along with thousands of M’s fans, he’d thought about it.

  Getting back to Salmon Beach became his quest, because all he could think about was hurting Danny Phillips the way he’d hurt Becky. And if there was a way to destroy Danny Phillips’ life the way he’d destroyed his own, Nick would to that, too.

  He strode down the path to Number 70. He knew Maddy was following him. He could hear her running footsteps as she tried to catch up to him. They stopped as he flung open the door, but the cabin was empty, and Nick quickly went past her and up the path, toward what used to be his home.

  A familiar sound entered his subconscious as he passed the small beach that connected Jaed’s house with his. It took him less than a second to realize it was the fan in Maddy’s darkroom, and he ran the remaining few steps. The knob turned in his hand, the door moved a fraction, but the hook latch he’d installed from the inside held it closed. With one violent jerk wood separated from screw, and Nick wrenched open the door.

  He didn’t give the man crouched against the far wall time to utter a sound. Nick’s fingers dug into the fabric of his shirt. It tore as he pulled him outside. He could see the look of terror on Danny’s face. He heard Maddy’s shout. But nothing distracted him from his mission. And as his fist smashed into Danny Phillips’ jaw, Nick felt nothing but a deep sense of satisfaction.

  Nick let the shirt go and watched him fall backward. He saw a small, red bloom appear on Danny’s lower lip. He felt Maddy’s fingers tugging at his arm, and he shook her off.

  “I don’t ever want to see your face again. Do you understand, Madvick?”

  Danny’s eyes were on Maddy, enraging Nick even more.

  “Look at me, you yellow piece of shit! You cost me my daughter today.”

  “Nick – please!” Maddy grabbed Nick’s upper arm and tried to turn him toward her. “He didn’t do it on purpose.”

  Ignoring her, Nick’s foot shot out and caught Danny in the thigh. “Why did you run? You left her laying there!”

  Danny cowered on the ground, his voice barely audible. “I’m sorry…”

  “You’re sorry?” Nick’s anger reached a new level, and he didn’t know where to take it.

  “He was scared, Nick. Please stop!”

  He spun around, incredulous. “He was scared? What about Becky?”

  “Nick, you don’t understand how…”

  “Are you defending him?! Christ, Maddy – take a good look at your brother! He’s a fucking coward.”

  “I’m sorry for what happened, Nick. I’m so sorry!” Tears were streaming down her face. “But you can’t blame Danny. It was an accident.”

  His eyes held hers. “It’s him or me, Maddy. Pick a side.”

  “There are no sides, Nick. I love you both! Don’t do this to me.”

  “Look what your brother did to me.”

  “How can you ask me to choose between you or family? That’s not even possible. It’s not fair!”

  Nick regarded her one last time, said, “I thought we were gonna be family,” then he looked back at Danny. “You got what you wanted. She’s all yours.” He brushed past Maddy.

  Her sobs followed him up the path, up the stairway, and all the way up to Bellevue. He didn’t think he’d ever stop hearing them.

  Journal Entry

  October 4

  I’ve been trying to call him all night, but he won’t answer. I can’t stop crying. I’m so scared. God, he was so mad --- what am I going to do if he never comes back? What am I going to do without him?

  I can’t forget the look on his face when he said, “I thought we were going to be family.”

  I can’t see to write anymore.

  October 5

  I’ve slept all day. I know I got up to go to the bathroom and feed Chloe. But it’s 3 p.m. now, and I’ve been up for about an hour, and all I want to do is go back to bed.

  Nick still isn’t answering his phone. Maybe I should drive up there. But if I go all the way up to Bellevue just to have him close the door in my face, I don’t think I’d be able to drive back.

  I can’t keep my eyes open.

  October 6

  It’s 10:30 in the morning. Danny woke me up. I thought
(hoped) it was Nick when the doorbell rang.

  He asked me if I was okay and I yelled at him. “Do I look okay to you?!” After that, I realized I wasn’t crying – for the moment, anyway.

  The swelling on his lip’s gone down. He seems fine. A completely different person from the one lying on the ground, so afraid. Nick hitting him, kicking him – that was so horrible.

  I understand how upset he was, and that he was lashing out, trying to get even for what happened to Becky, but sticking me in the middle was wrong, and I’m angry. I thought he was different, but he’s just like Ted. He can’t accept Danny in my life, and he left me. Forcing me to choose between them was unfair. And I really didn’t choose. Nick just thinks I did.

  1 p.m.

  Why won’t he talk to me? His answering machine is on now, and I’ve left three messages.

  3:20 p.m.

  I went to see Mary. I think she’s as upset as I am about all this. She doesn’t look at all well, and I’m worried.

  When I told her Nick turned out to be like Ted, she got mad. She said there’s one big difference between them: Nick loves me.

  I’d hoped I was done crying, but I started again. One minute I’m mad at him, the next I miss him so much I feel like there’s a huge hole in my heart.

  If he loves me so much, why is he doing this to me?

  October 7

  I’ve given up calling. I sent Nick a note this morning. I don’t know if it’ll do any good. He’ll get it tomorrow. It was short. All I said was, “I love you. You mean the world to me. Please don’t throw away what we have. If we talk, I know we can work this out.”

  Yesterday I wasn’t ready to think about some of the things Mary said to me. Now, after spending the evening with Danny, I am.

  I’m ashamed to say I got mad at her at the time. When she said Nick loves me, I said, “What about Danny? He loves me, too.” Mary told me I wasn’t seeing Danny as he really is, and I said, “Why does everyone keep saying that?”