Citizen Insane: A Barbara Marr Murder Mystery

by Karen Cantwell

  “I’m okay. How about you?”

  “Scared as shit. Let’s get the hell out of here.” I put one of his arms over my shoulder and Shashi took him from the other side. The three of us hobbled toward the exit.

  “Let’s go, Bunny,” I said. “And be careful with that thing please! It makes me nervous.”

  We’d made it to the grand foyer and heard the dim sound of sirens. Any minute now and we’d be safe and these idiots would be on their way to the mortuary or the slammer, whichever came first. I actually didn’t care. I just wanted to be in my house again, surrounded by my family. Halfway to the big glass doors that would lead us to freedom, I turned around to see Bunny, fiddling with the grenade.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Trying to put the pin back in.”

  “Good grief,” I begged her. “Just hang on to it tight and wait until a trained professional takes it from you. What possessed him to give you a hand grenade anyway?”

  “The gun scared me.”

  “How did he get into the building?”

  “I don’t know. He just said, ‘I have my ways.’”

  “That sounds like Frankie.”

  We had stopped moving while I talked with Bunny, and that probably wasn’t a good thing. We were still several yards from the door to the parking lot and suddenly, I had a very bad, bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. That bad feeling materialized into a horrifying sight – Anita was very much alive and leaning in the doorway of the conference room, aiming Krystle’s gun directly at Bunny. Bunny never saw her.

  Before I could shout a warning, Anita took the shot. She fell over in the process, and the aim wasn’t so hot, but she’d managed to clip her in the leg. Down went Bunny.

  And the grenade flew into the air.

  I felt like I was watching a football pass on slow-mo replay during the Super Bowl, only I didn’t want to see how this one ended.

  After landing and bouncing a couple of times, it rolled along the floor toward the glass walls in front of us. It wasn’t close, but I figured it was probably close enough. We made a last ditch effort to duck behind Mr. Winslow’s sculpture.

  Colt’s warning reverberated in my ears. “Cover your heads!”

  *****

  Who knows what really happened after that? I think that Colt, Shashi, and I dropped to the ground, but I also remember the blast throwing me through the air, so truthfully, I have to say that it is all just a blur.

  I couldn’t hear a thing after the explosion. I considered that I might actually be dead. But soon enough, a slight ringing in my ears grew louder until eventually I was also hearing some coughs and movement in the rubble. I had to brush dust from my eyes and ears.

  “Colt!” I tried to yell, but it came out like a whisper.

  No answer.

  I tried again. “Colt!” My voice was still weak, but at least a little louder that time.

  I started to cry. This was probably a good thing, because it washed some of the dust from my eyes and allowed me to see more clearly.

  Finally I heard him cough. A second later he mumbled, “I’m pinned.” I crawled on my stomach following the direction of his voice.

  “Where are you?”

  “Here.”

  “Keep talking.” I coughed. “I can’t see you.”

  “Can you hear me?”

  “Of course I can hear you.” A piece of ceiling came loose and fell. I stopped and covered my head. It missed me by two inches. “Damn!” I shook more dust out of my hair.

  “You okay?” His voice was close now but I still hadn’t spotted him.

  “I’m okay. Can you raise your hand?”

  His hand appeared just above a pile of rubble that obscured him from my view. I crawled faster until I could collapse beside him. Where were those rescue teams?

  The statue had fallen across Colt’s leg and nothing I did even budged the thing. Four or five feet behind him, I spotted Shashi face down. Unconscious or dead? I couldn’t tell.

  Coughing and wearing down physically, I scanned the area for Bunny. I called out. “Bunny!?”

  She didn’t answer.

  “Get out of here, Curly.”

  “I can’t leave you and Bunny.”

  “You heard the sirens. They’ll be here any second. You get out now.”

  He was probably right, but leaving them seemed wrong. Then I heard scuffling from the far back end of the building past the elevators. Something was very wrong. Frankie had made it out of the building with Roz and Peggy long before the explosion, so I knew it wasn’t them.

  I reached around the back of my pants for my gun only to find it wasn’t there.

  “Damn!” Quickly and haphazardly, I patted the ground around me. I knew it was stupid to think I’d find it in the mess, but I tried anyway.

  “Curly, get out now,”

  “But I think Bunny’s in trouble.” I took one more swat around feeling for the gun and what do you know? My hand landed on something that felt familiar. I took hold of the hard grip and started to stand.

  “What’s that?”

  “It’s a Berretta. Frankie gave it to me.”

  “You had a gun this whole time?”

  “Did it ever look like I had a chance to use it until now?”

  His face was tight and I knew he was in pain. He struggled to free his leg. “Don’t, Curly.”

  I knew why he argued with me, but my mind was made up. At the very least, I needed to locate Bunny. If Anita had her as I suspected, I could point the authorities in the right direction when they arrived. “I’m going, Colt.”

  “You’ve never fired a gun and that man – woman – is a killer.”

  “Frankie gave me a one-minute lesson.”

  “Shit!” His face was beat red. “If you have to use it, be ready for the kickback. It will throw you off.”

  Standing wasn’t easy. Every muscle in my body felt like it had been through two wars and then some. As I moved toward the back wall in the direction of the scuffling, I yelled. “Bunny?!”

  No response. I hobbled to the conference room wall, and plastered myself against it, afraid to look down the long hallway. Then I heard her. “Barb!”

  I peeked around the wall just in time to see a door close. Above the door hung a lit sign with the universal symbol for stairs. The way I guessed it, Anita was hauling Bunny to the fourteenth floor where the elevators were rigged. I’d seen enough action movies to be able to figure that one out. “Colt!” I yelled. “They’re in the stairwell. I think they’ll go up. When rescue arrives, tell them where we are.”

  The ringing in my ears grew louder and louder until I realized it wasn’t my ears – those were sirens and they were getting closer. Help was moments away. I just had to stall Anita at her game long enough.

  My attempt to run was mild at best. It was more a limp-real-fast kind of move, but it got me there and before I knew it I was in the stairwell and could hear Bunny crying. I moved up several stairs as quickly as I could until I saw feet.

  “Waldo,” I yelled. “Anita. Whatever your name is – it’s over. Give up. Krystle is probably dying and if Shashi isn’t dead, she’s just assisted the FBI. Did you hear those sirens?”

  “No! I won’t give up. I still have a hostage. Tell them I’ll kill her if they don’t meet my demands.”

  I wanted to tell her that her demands were insane. She was insane. But I kept my mouth shut. Lunatics don’t take well to being labeled as such and I couldn’t risk her taking any retribution out on Bunny.

  A man spoke. Calm. Collected. In control. “Tell them yourself, Anita.”

  I knew that voice. “Howard!” I clamored painfully up a few more stairs until Anita and Bunny were in full view. Anita was pulling Bunny up with one hand while holding a gun to her head with the other. Bunny actually smiled a little when she saw me, bless her little bunny heart. Howard was above them on the next flight of stairs, gun aimed at Anita. I knew he’d never be able to take a shot though. She held Bunny too c
lose.

  The question begged to be asked, so I asked it. “How did you get up there?”

  “Fire ladder. One of the firemen who helped me said he knew you.” Howard’s light banter seemed odd for the circumstances, but I played along, assuming it was part of his trained agent strategy.

  “Russell Crow?”

  “That’s the one. Should I be jealous?”

  Anita was obviously shaken. Howard’s trained agent strategy appeared to be working. Man I wanted to jump his George Clooney look-alike bones when this was all over.

  “I don’t know. I hope so.”

  He gave me a cursory once-over. “You look terrible.” Then he noticed that I was packing heat and he narrowed his eyes. “Did Colt give you that gun?”

  “No. Frankie did. He gave Bunny a grenade too, but don’t tell anyone, okay? He’s trying to make amends. He’s a good guy.”

  Now he rolled his eyes. “Barb, I thought I told you to leave it alone.”

  Anita interrupted. “Marr – out of my way or I swear, I’ll shoot her.”

  Bunny’s eyes bulged in terror.

  Howard backed up several stairs. “We have people who can help you,” he said. “Just let Bunny go. Deals can be made.”

  “Leave it alone?” I hollered. He’d made me mad now. “I tried to leave it alone, but Bunny showed up at our back door with a gun in a suit case,” I pointed to Anita. “The one he – I mean she – used to shoot Michelle.”

  Anita shook her head as she inched up the stairs one at a time. “I didn’t shoot her. That was Krystle.”

  “So much for the FBI doing their job,” I said.

  “We were doing our job just fine,” Howard retorted.

  “You didn’t know Bunny was there right after Michelle was shot.”

  “Barb, I’m not at liberty to discuss what we did or didn’t know.”

  “SHUT UP!” Anita’s scream shook the stairwell and my ears started to ring again. Howard’s strategy backfired.

  “Okay,” he said calmly. “Just take a breath. Anita, we’re here to listen to your terms. This can end well for everyone, do you understand?”

  Anita nodded.

  “Barb,” Howard said. “I want you to back down the stairs slowly. Leave this to me.” Without hesitation, I started to do as he said, although I felt a twinge of guilt leaving Bunny.

  “You too, Marr.” Anita was sweating and her face was peeling. “You leave with her and go tell your Bureau to take me off that list. And now I want ten million dollars and extradition to . . . Switzerland.”

  Who did she think she was, Roman Polanski?

  When Howard didn’t react immediately, she erupted. “NOW! Or she’s a dead woman.”

  I was inching backwards slowly, one stair at a time when Bunny spoke. “Don’t go, Barb,” she said. “Do it.”

  I stopped. “What?”

  I could sense Howard getting very nervous. He moved one step down toward Anita and Bunny. “Barb . . .”

  Bunny couldn’t move her head, Anita had it gripped so tightly, but her eyes slid toward Howard. “It’s okay. She knows what to do.” Then her eyes moved back to look at me. “The movie. You know the one.”

  “What are you talking about?” She had me stumped.

  “Do what Keanu would do. Take me out of the equation.”

  Suddenly it clicked. I knew exactly what Bunny was saying. She’d seen the movie Speed at least twenty times and she was reciting lines from the opening scene. Keanu Reeves and Jeff Daniels are playing out a scenario in their heads, what to do if someone has a hostage with a gun to their head and you can’t get a good shot. Keanu says, “Shoot the hostage. Take her out of the equation.”

  “Bunny . . .”

  Howard was trying to stay calm, but his voice was rising with a little less control than usual. He took another step down. “Barb . . .”

  “Do it, Barb, I’m ready.”

  Anita was freaking. Bunny closed her eyes and I could see her ready her arms to push herself away. I had no choice. She’d started the ball rolling and if I didn’t follow through Anita could very well shoot her just from reflex. I couldn’t hesitate even a nano-second, or Bunny was a dead woman. I pulled the gun up fast, pointed it at Bunny’s foot, and yanked hard on the trigger.

  Blackness engulfed my vision like a tunnel. The shot, which should have been deafening sounded no louder than a champagne cork popping. Simultaneously, the force blew me back into the wall and the impact took my breath away. Colt told me to watch out for the kick back but I never expected that kind of power.

  All I could see was a pin prick of light and all I could hear was the beating of my own heart. It felt like I was submerged, deep in the ocean, looking up to the surface.

  Time seemed to stop.

  Then WHOOSH! Like a wave hit me, my vision opened and my hearing returned. The first thing I saw was Bunny, sprawled on the stairs at my feet. She was screaming. I turned my head up to discover Anita still had her gun.

  But now it was aimed at Howard’s head, as he lay helpless on his back.

  If I’d had time, I might have asked what had transpired during my blackout.

  I didn’t have that kind of time.

  And I was thanking the heavens that Frankie’s Beretta was semi-auto, because that trigger went much easier the second time I pulled it.

  Chapter twenty-one

  Thankfully, I didn’t kill WaldoAnita. For a few moments I thought I had, and while I was thrilled to have saved Howard and Bunny, killing someone would have been just too much to bear. The bullet did some major damage though, so she was carried up to the roof on a stretcher and flown to the CountyHospital in a medevac.

  They didn’t waste any time transporting the rest of us to the closer, more comfortable hallways of RusticWoodsHospital. After the first shot, when my vision tunneled, I didn’t get to see Bunny pushing away from Anita who then lost control of the gun in her right hand. Anita, being quicker than we gave her credit for, had grabbed Howard by the ankle with her left hand, pulled him off balance then managed to regain her own footing and handgun at the same time. I was probably seconds away from becoming the Widow Marr.

  I wasn’t hurt, but rode with Howard in the ambulance. He had a nasty gash on the back of his head from the fall. “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you,” I said, planting kisses on his lips, cheeks, nose, and forehead. If it was kissable, I kissed it.

  “Gee,” he said with a weak smile, “I think you love me.”

  “Say it back.”

  “It back.”

  I swatted him playfully. “That blow to your head didn’t harm the bad joke region of your brain, did it? Come on. Say it.”

  “I love you.”

  “That’s better.” I held his hand and we were quiet for the rest of the ride.

  *****

  In the ER, a nurse who had been on duty the previous evening recognized me.

  “Weren’t you here last night?” She peered at me over a pair of half-eye glasses.

  “Was it only last night? Feels like a year ago.”

  She looked me up and down. “What angry tornado swallowed you up and spit you back out again?”

  It was the first time I actually surveyed my own body since the explosion. Cuts and bruises dotted my arms and I didn’t even want to see what my face and hair looked like.

  “No tornado,” I said, “just a wayward hand grenade. Those suckers pack a punch, I’ll tell you.”

  She didn’t smile but she did blink once or twice before shaking her head and pulling me over to a chair. “Sit. Let’s clean you up a little.” She disappeared, and a few minutes later a small, shy nurse’s assistant came by with cotton balls, anti-bacterial wash, and band-aids. Sadly, she didn’t have a brush or a magic wand to help with the hair, but at least I was less likely to die of a staph infection.

  After the nurse left me looking like a walking ad for Johnson and Johnson, I stood up to see where they had taken everyone.

  Someone called from b
ehind the curtain next to me. “Barb?”

  I peeked around to find Bunny on a bed, smiling. “Hi!” She even gave a little wave. How Bunny of her. She had already been seen by a surgeon and would be wheeled in as soon as the room was ready.

  “I’m so sorry.” I tried to be strong, but that didn’t go so well. I cried.

  This time she was the one handing out tissues. “It’s okay. It was my idea, remember?”

  I nodded, not convinced.

  “The surgeon says you were a terrible shot. The bullet just grazed my foot. I broke my ankle and tore a ligament in the fall.”

  “You were so brave. I don’t think I would have done what you did.” It was the truth. Bunny Bergen was my new heroine. I’d never say a bad word about her again and I’d make up for all of the times I had in the past.

  “We were both brave.”

  “And I’m sorry I talked about you behind your back and said those things about your boobs.”

  “Hey, as I see it, that’s a compliment, right?” She smiled then closed her eyes. The nurse said they’d given her an oral sedative to prepare her for surgery and that I should leave her be. So I touched her arm and said a prayer, then went looking for my two favorite men, Howard and Colt.

  Wouldn’t you know they were right next to each other in the trauma room and no one had pulled a curtain to give them privacy. Roomies again. Neither seemed to mind, although I found it a little awkward. Howard’s gash had already been stitched and he was waiting to see if they were going to keep him overnight for observation.

  Colt’s leg faired beautifully – it was swollen and bruised but not broken. His foot was another issue, however. He was waiting for an orthopedic surgeon to survey the damage and give his opinion.

  I sat between them ready to chat for a few minutes before heading out to my mother’s. It was too late to take the girls back home, but I just wanted to see them, even if they were asleep.

  “So,” I said to Howard. “Bunny tells me that she knows you love me very much, but she won’t tell me how she knows this. You wanna fess up, fella?”