Guarding Her Heart: A Christian Romance (BlackThorpe Security Book 1)

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

  “That’s great news! Sounds like you’re going to be busy.”

  “I’ve decided to hire an assistant to help me with my job so I’ll have more time for the foundation. Lucas said he thought that was a great idea.”

  There was a beat of silence before Barb said, “Have you talked to Than yet?”

  Lindsay knew from previous conversations that Barb had kept in contact with him, but she’d never volunteered anything about what they discussed. “No. Not yet.”

  She wasn’t sure how to explain why she hadn’t called him yet. At first she’d held off because she wanted to work through what had transpired on the trip in the light of her “real” life. The week had been more than enough time to figure out she liked the changes and that they were necessary for continued joy and happiness in her life. She knew that though she’d been looking for a new outlook on life when she’d gone on the trip, the changes God had wrought in her heart were beyond what she could ever have hoped for.

  “What is holding you back, hun?” Barb asked. This was the first time she’d asked for an explanation for why Lindsay hadn’t called Than yet.

  Lindsay smoothed her fingers over the fabric of her skirt. “I told him at the airport I needed some time before we talked.”

  “Yes, you mentioned that when we first talked. Do you still feel like you need more time?”

  “Not really. I’ve thought and prayed a lot about what has gone on between us, about me needing to be able to accept the type of person he is and trust him. I’m at peace about that now, but I’m not at peace about calling him. It’s almost like now I need to give him time. Does that make sense?”

  Barb gave a soft laugh. “More than you know. Listen to whatever it is that’s telling you that.”

  Lindsay felt her stomach knot at Barb’s comment. Had Than told Barb he was having second thoughts about her? Did he need time to figure out how he felt about her? She knew she’d given him a lot of mixed signals on the trip. Maybe he’d decided that he didn’t need someone that complicated when all he really wanted was a second date.

  “Just give him a little more time, Lindsay,” Barb said, obviously reading her silence correctly. “He has his own things he’s dealing with right now. Clearly God has put it into your heart to wait for now. Rushing into things will never be as good as waiting on God’s timing. I’ll be praying for both of you and that you’ll feel a clear sense of peace about the right time to make contact with Than again.”

  They talked for a few more minutes before Barb ended the call. Lindsay lowered her phone to her lap and stared at the sky that was even darker than it had been just a few minutes earlier. The unsettled feeling in her stomach made her queasy. What if Than had changed his mind about her? Would she be able to survive the hurt without closing herself off again?

  Emotions made her vulnerable. Being vulnerable meant being more easily hurt. Could she handle the hurt that might be headed her way? Somehow she knew that the pain that would come if Than didn’t feel the same about her as she did him would be far worse than what she’d felt when she’d discovered her ex-fiancé had been after her money.

  Lindsay closed her eyes. Okay, God, I have no idea what’s going on with Than, but I know that You do. Please help me to trust You and to believe that all things will work out for Your glory. If that means that Than and I aren’t to be together, give me strength to get through that hurt. She paused as verses tumbled through her mind. Help me to find my peace and joy in You no matter what else comes my way.

  Knowing there was nothing more she could do until she felt that peace to contact Than—if that time ever came—Lindsay slowly turned back to her desk and the work that waited there for her.

  ~*~*~

  Lindsay was surprised at the ease with which she was granted entrance into the BlackThorpe office complex. The guard at the gate had asked for ID and the purpose of her visit before waving her through with instructions on where to park. Then when she’d entered the large main building, the men at the desk had again asked for ID before giving her a visitor badge and directing her to the elevator.

  They obviously controlled the elevator because she hadn’t needed to press any buttons to close the door or to start its ascent. She smoothed the skirt of the dress she wore. She’d left work early and gone home to change before coming to the BlackThorpe building. No one had said Than had already left when she’d said she was there to see him. Nerves fluttered in her stomach at the thought of seeing him again. It was Friday, so she hoped that he’d be available to go out for dinner with her.

  Their second date.

  She’d spent a lot of time over the past two weeks thinking about everything that had happened and had prayed for wisdom to know what to do. It had been strange that every day since her return, she’d had a strong sense that she needed to put off seeing Than for another day in spite of the fact. She had had no clear message, just a feeling that she needed to wait and pray. So she had. She hadn’t called, texted or sent him an email.

  But when she’d awoken that morning and thought of him, for the first time it was like she had been released from whatever had been holding her back. And the rightness of the decision to see him hadn’t lessened throughout the day. She was a bit nervous, and she hoped he wouldn’t be angry with her for having taken so long to make contact with him. But he had said he’d give her time.

  She lifted her head to watch the floor numbers slide by without any idea of where she would end up. Lindsay just hoped Than was waiting for her when she got there.

  When the elevator doors opened, Lindsay stepped out, hoping she was on the right floor. The woman seated behind a large desk smiled as she approached.

  “You must be Lindsay Hamilton,” the woman said as she stood up. “Security said you were on your way up to see Than.”

  Lindsay nodded. “Is he available?”

  “I haven’t been able to get him on his phone, but you can go to his office and wait for him if he’s not there.” The woman’s smile widened. “I doubt he’d have a problem with that.”

  Before she could stop herself, Lindsay wondered if many women dropped in to see Than. Pushing the thought from her mind, she returned the woman’s smile. “Can you tell me where his office is?”

  After the woman pointed her in the right direction, Lindsay walked down the plush carpeted hallways, her stomach slowly knotting. Was this a mistake? She thought she’d finally felt peace about coming here, but now she wasn’t so sure.

  As she neared the door the receptionist had told her was Than’s, she heard his phone ring.

  “Miller.” The sound of his voice as he answered it—even just that one word—washed over her and anticipation built inside her.

  Lindsay paused outside the door since she didn’t want to interrupt him if it was business related, but she quickly realized—thanks to the speakerphone—that it was a personal call.

  “Well hello, handsome!” The sound of a husky female voice started an uneasy ache in her gut.

  “Hey there, beautiful. How’s it going?” And Than’s response made her want to throw up.

  “Excellent! But you’re a hard man to get hold of. I called three weeks ago but they said you were out of town on a job.”

  “Yeah, been a bit busy,” Than replied.

  “Well, I’m calling to collect on the rain check for the dinner you owe me.”

  Lindsay knew she should turn around and walk away, but she wasn’t sure her legs would cooperate. At this point, she was surprised they still held her upright.

  “When were you thinking?”

  “Tonight?”

  “Are you in town now?”

  “Yep. And I want that dinner.”

  “Can’t do tonight. I already have plans, but I’m free tomorrow night.”

  Lindsay reached out and braced a hand on the wall. She’d finally felt peace to come to Than and this was what she got? God, help me.

  “You’re seriously available tomorrow night?”

  “Yeah, I am.�
�� His response was edged with laughter. “Do you want the slot or not?”

  “Oh, I want.” The woman’s soft laugh was the last straw.

  Praying that she could make it back to her car before falling apart, Lindsay turned around and focused on putting one foot in front of the other. Thankfully, the receptionist was no longer at her desk and didn’t witness her confusion and pain. The elevator doors slid open almost immediately. It wasn’t until the elevator began its descent that she exhaled and drew in another shuddering breath.

  Her heart felt shredded by the realization that Than hadn’t changed. Whatever he’d been working through hadn’t involved her. That much was pretty clear. She’d been so, so stupid to think she could be special enough to him that he’d change into a one-woman man. This…this was why she protected herself. No one person—one man—should have the power to hurt her this much.

  Pain clouded her thoughts but she managed to hand back the visitor’s badge with a smile at the two men who’d let her in just minutes earlier. Hurt dogged her steps as she left the building and headed for her car. But in the midst of the pain, she prayed for clarity from the confusion that had gripped her. She just needed to understand.

  ~*~*~

  “Text me where to meet you guys,” Than said.

  “Will do,” Emma said. “It will likely be a buffet place since Frank always eats enough for two and, of course, I am too these days.”

  Than laughed. “How long ’til the baby arrives?”

  “Too long,” Emma said with a groan. “I’m huge!”

  “But still beautiful, I’m sure.”

  “Ah, you know how to make a lady feel good. I knew there was a reason I let you be my friend all these years. Be sure and tell me that again when you see me in all my glory tomorrow night.”

  “I’ll make sure to do that.” After ending the conversation, Than quickly closed up his briefcase and shut off the light in his office. The thought of spending time with his friends had buoyed his spirits. He had a lot to share with them.

  He lifted his briefcase onto his desk and slid his laptop into it, then turned out the light to his office. It was hard to believe it was two weeks since they’d gotten back from the Philippines. The days since he’d last seen Lindsay had been filled with emotion and upheaval. Though he hadn’t liked the idea of giving her time after saying goodbye to her at the airport, he knew now that it had been the right thing. He’d had a lot of stuff to work through, and he wouldn’t have been able to focus on her the way he should have.

  “Good night, Kelsey,” Than said to the receptionist as he passed her desk on the way to the elevator.

  “Hey, did she find you?” Kelsey asked.

  Than hit the button to call the elevator then spun around. “Did who find me?”

  “Lindsay Hamilton,” Kelsey said. “She arrived a few minutes ago. I tried to call you when security let me know she was on her way up, but you weren’t in your office.”

  18

  Than glanced back down the hallway toward the offices. “You didn’t see her leave?”

  Kelsey shook her head. “After I told her where your office was, I popped into the bathroom to get ready for my date.”

  A sick feeling crept over Than. If she’d heard his conversation, she’d no doubt jumped to the conclusion that he hadn’t changed at all. He turned back around as the elevator doors slid open. Though his car was parked underground, he hit the button for the main floor. Once there, he approached the security desk.

  “Did Lindsay Hamilton come by here?”

  “Yep. That was a fast visit, man.”

  “Can you ring the gate and tell them to hold her car when she gets there?”

  “Will do.”

  Than pushed open the glass doors and looked toward the visitor parking. The tightness of his chest eased just a bit when he spotted Lindsay. He started to run toward her but then slowed to a jog when he realized she wasn’t moving. She was standing next to her car, head bent, but not making any move to get into it.

  Letting out the breath he’d been holding, Than walked toward her. When he was within a few feet of her, he stopped. “Lindsay?”

  He saw her shoulders tense, but she turned around to face him. Than drank in the sight of her like a man who’d been without water for fourteen days. The sunlight brought out the different shades of her brown hair as its soft curls lay on her shoulders. She wore a sundress similar to the one she’d worn to church during the trip. This one had swirled shades of pink all over it. She’d never looked more beautiful to him.

  Then he noticed how tightly she gripped the purse she held and the furrow of her brow. Her gray eyes regarded him with wariness and…hurt. Though Than tried to take encouragement from the fact that at least they weren’t sparking with anger, uneasiness in his gut still lingered because of the hurt.

  “Were you going to leave without letting me know you had stopped by?” Than asked, fighting the urge to explain everything.

  “I was.” Her voice was soft but steady. However, the expression on her face was indecipherable.

  “But?” Than prompted. He saw her take a deep breath.

  “It hasn’t felt right to come see you until today.” Her brow furrowed even more as she frowned. “I thought I was coming for one reason, but maybe God wanted me to come for a completely different one.”

  The tightness that gripped Than’s chest robbed him of his breath. “A different reason?”

  He could see confusion on her face now. “To say goodbye?”

  “No.” There was absolutely no way he’d waited this long only for her to tell him that. His heart was not prepared to say goodbye when they’d barely said hello.

  He wished he could read Lindsay’s mind because clearly she was having some sort of internal conversation. Her gaze met his. “No. It doesn’t feel right.”

  “What doesn’t feel right?” He tried to prompt her gently, afraid if he said the wrong thing she was going to bolt. He would chase her if she did, but his feeling that she needed to come to him of her own accord hadn’t changed.

  She tilted her head. “Saying goodbye.”

  He let out a quick breath. “What does feel right?”

  Her brows drew together again as if she was still not sure about saying the words. Almost as if she needed to convince herself. “Being with…you.”

  Joy exploded within Than. He wanted to reach out and grab her into his arms, but there was just enough uncertainty still on her face that he knew it wasn’t the time.

  “But…” She looked toward the main building behind him.

  “Let me explain.” Than wished he didn’t have to, but something told him that he needed to this time and once they got over this, she’d be more willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

  She pressed a hand to her stomach and looked back at him. “I wish I could tell you I didn’t need an explanation. I thought I’d gotten to the point where I felt like I didn’t.”

  “It’s okay. I understand how it appeared to you. I would have felt the same if I’d heard you have a conversation like that with a man.” And Than knew that was true. As he replayed the conversation with Emma in his head, he knew he’d have felt he was owed an explanation, too. He set his briefcase down and stepped closer. “Emma is a really good friend from high school. We never dated or were close in a physical way, but she was kind of like the female version of me. She moved to Chicago a few years back, but she’s in town with her husband, Frank, and they wanted to get together. They’re expecting a baby actually.”

  “A baby? She’s married?”

  “Yep. Married to a guy bigger than me. If I put the moves on her, I would likely end up with a cast on at least one limb.”

  Lindsay looked up at him. “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “For needing that explanation.”

  “It’s fine. There’s no need for an apology.” Than smiled at her then. “I’m just so thrilled you’re here.”

  A smile spread a
cross her face, too. “I’d ask you if you wanted to go out for dinner, but I also heard you already had plans tonight.”

  “Yes, I do, but you’re welcome to come with me. In fact, I’d love it if you would.”

  Lindsay slipped the strap of her purse over her shoulder as if she no longer needed to hold onto it. “Come with you?”

  “Yep. It’s my dad’s birthday, and my mother has been cooking up a storm for a family dinner.”

  Lindsay’s eyes widened. “You want me to go with you to a family dinner?”

  Than shrugged, trying not to show how important it really was that she agree to go with him. “Hey, your family knows me already. It’s only fair mine knows you.”

  “But…that’s different. They know you as Lincoln’s friend.”

  Than arched a brow. “Clearly you weren’t there when I stopped by to hang out with Lincoln last weekend. They were looking at me a bit differently.”

  “Are you sure it would be okay?”

  “Most definitely. My mother would be thrilled if I actually brought a woman home to meet the family.” Than paused then said, “It would be the first time. Ever.”

  As his words sank in, he saw comprehension dawn on her face. “The first time? Ever?”

  “Ever.” He held out his hand toward her. “Come with me?”

  He wasn’t about to tell her that him bringing her to his parents’ home was akin to saying that this was the woman he planned to spend the rest of his life with. But something told him that she already knew that. Still, she reached out and slid her hand into his.

  He pulled her toward him, wanting to kiss her but he held back. They needed to talk first—really talk. “We’ll take my car and come back for yours later, okay?”

  She nodded, her grip on his hand tightening. “Let’s do this.”

  ~*~*~

  Lindsay leaned back against the seat and let out a long breath. She’d survived. It had actually been a fun evening once Than’s family had gotten over their shock that he’d brought a woman with him. She hadn’t missed the glances they’d shared as he’d slipped his arm around her waist when he introduced her.