The Diamond Dad

by Lucy Gordon

  As if by a signal Barker began to sniff her coat. 'All right, here's a biscuit. Leave my fingers behind! What an idiot I was to make an issue of it! What else did I expect? We made a business deal and that's the only reason I'm here. Who cares what list he chose? It's all over between us, anyway.'

  She settled herself more comfortably on the grass and stroked the furry head that was resting on her leg.

  'You know who I was really mad at, don't you?' she mused. 'That woman. She acted as though she owned him. And she actually dared to explain him to me. To me't To his wife. I know him better than anyone. Oh, what does it matter? I'm not really his wife any more.'

  She gave a sudden chuckle. 'But you should have heard me getting on my high horse with Lysandra. I've never done that before. Didn't know I could. That showed her. If you ask me, she sees herself as the next

  Mrs Clayton.' Barker woofed agreement and eyed her coat significantly.

  'OK, one more! But don't you dare suggest I'm jealous! She's welcome to him. It was just her being so rude that bothered me. Hey, I said one!'

  They lingered together, enjoying the beautiful afternoon, until the sun began to set.

  'Time to go in,' she said reluctantly. 'I'll bet he'll be home early tonight, and he'll have plenty to say to me.'

  She was right. Garth arrived half an hour later and came looking for her. 'Can we talk?' he asked in an edgy voice.

  'Yes. I'm sorry. It shouldn't have happened.'

  'Whatever got into you to leave me with egg on my face like that? Everyone was expecting my wife to be there. I had to say you'd been taken ill. Are you going to do that on the big night?'

  'No, of course not. The whole thing took me by surprise. I'd never heard of this other list. Why didn't you warn me?'

  'I left everything to Lysandra. Besides, what difference does it make which list we use?'

  She shrugged. 'None at all, I suppose.'

  'You made a fool of me and I can't stand that. We had a bargain and you're not keeping it.'

  'Garth, I'm sorry. What I did was-unprofessional, and I regret it.'

  'Why, for heaven's sake? Why?'

  'I told you, I was caught on the wrong foot. And that new list is horrible. You're only dragging me in because you think you'll sell more houses if you can make people feel warm and good. But there's nothing warm about washing machines. It's all so cynical.'

  'I think I know best about marketing my own product.'

  'You don't know much about families and these are supposed to be family homes-sorry, "product", since you have a problem with the idea of homes. You want to sell them to couples with children, people who love each other. Well, most wives and mothers would rather have a piece of tin given with love than all the diamonds in the world in this calculating way.'

  'Tin! For Pete's sake!'

  'I can remember when you didn't despise tin.'

  'I can't.'

  'Then it's your loss. When we were first married we ate off tin plates that we bought at a second-hand camping store. In fact, we didn't even buy them. You mended that man's boiler for free, and he gave us some things for the flat.'

  'Oh, yes, and I felt ashamed because I'd started our marriage by failing you. I wanted to give you the moon and we ended up with stuff that nobody else wanted.'

  'But I didn't care,' she said wildly. If only she could make him understand, even now. 'I was happy just to be with you. I thought you felt the same.'

  'I was never happy until I could give you the nice things you deserved. I worked like a Trojan until I had enough for my own little builder's yard, and then a big yard. And then the sky was the limit. I did it for you and all you can do is hark back to the days when I had nothing to give you, because I was nobody.'

  'You were somebody to me,' she cried. 'And to the children. But that wasn't enough for you. You've turned into such a different man.'

  'Thank goodness!' he said abruptly.

  'I'll never say that. I'll never stop mourning the man

  I lost. He was all the world to me, but he went away and never came back.' She could see by his face that hi didn't understand. They were strangers shouting in the dark, and a sudden burst of anguish made her cry, 'Oh, Garth, don't you remember?'

  He was silent awhile before answering. 'Maybe my memories are different to yours,' he said at last, seeming to speak with difficulty. 'We obviously didn't find the same things important.'

  'We thought we were together,' she said with a sigh. 'And we were travelling separate paths all along. And now here we are, in sight of the end.'

  'Don't,' he said sombrely. 'Don't look back, Faye. We both know that's a mistake. We've each chosen our lives.'

  There was a sadness in his face that she hadn't seen before. Suddenly she leaned over and kissed him. It was an impulse. She wasn't even sure what she wanted to come of it, except perhaps to evoke the old Garth, even if only fleetingly.

  For a moment she thought it was happening. After a brief surprise he kissed her back, with a kind of yearning ache. She could feel him trembling, though whether with passion or emotion she wasn't sure. She tightened her arms, seeking to reach the part of him that lived behind the proud barrier. Her strong resolutions vanished. If only she could still touch his heart…

  'Garth,' she whispered in a pleading voice, 'try to remember…' He lifted his head to search her face. She could see his eyes and read their trouble and confusion. Then he tensed and broke free from her.

  'This isn't a good idea, Faye. You were right all along about it being over.'

  'Yes,' she stammered. 'Yes I was…' 'There's nothing for us now but to see this through to the end and say goodbye.' A shudder went through him. 'So, for pity's sake, let's get it over with quickly.'

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  With a clash of cymbals the orchestra brought the symphony to an end. The conductor turned to receive the well-earned applause. Faye came out of her happy trance. The music had been magnificent and she was reluctant to return to reality with all its problems and confusions.

  It was late in the evening, but while the children were at camp she needn't rush home. For their sakes Garth had often managed to return early, but during their absence he'd reverted to staying late at the office. It was as though he and Faye were holding their breaths in this delicate situation.

  Daydreaming, she left the concert hall without looking where she was going, and collided with someone. 'I'm terribly sorry, I- Kendall!'

  'Hello, darling.' He kissed her cheek.

  'Where did you appear from?' she asked, smiling.

  'I was at the concert. Come and have a drink with me.'

  It was a fine evening and they found a pub with tables outside in the garden, and coloured lights hanging from the trees. Kendall bought cider for himself, orange juice for Faye and hot dogs for both of them.

  'Fancy you going to a classical concert,' Faye said. 'Where were you sitting?'

  After an awkward pause Kendall said, 'All right, I didn't actually go to the concert. I knew you'd be there because I was with you when you bought the ticket, ages ago. I waited outside.'

  It was nice to know that he was so eager to see her, but the little lie troubled her. Then she determinedly pushed it out of her head.

  'I've missed you,' Kendall said.

  'And I you.'

  'Well, there's always the television,' he said, speaking apparently lightly but with a significant edge.

  'Television?'

  'Last night. What did you think?'

  With a gasp of dismay she remembered that Kendall had been on a talk show, due to be broadcast the previous evening.

  'It's all right,' he said, reading her face. 'I don't suppose you could watch it with him around.'

  She wasn't fooled by his easy tone. Kendall had a touch of vanity about his media appearances. Faye had always found this slightly endearing and had fondly made much of him, while he basked in her admiration. She knew she ought to make amends now by inventing a convincing excuse, but suddenly sh
e was too tired for white lies and the truth came out before she could think properly.

  'Kendall, I'm sorry, Garth wasn't even in last night. But I've got so much on my mind just now-'

  'That you didn't give me a thought. Fair enough.' He spoke with a kind of determined brightness that set her at a distance.

  'Kendall, please-'

  'Forget it. I'm sure you're having a very difficult time. Is your husband making life hard?'

  'Not really. He's behaving well to the children. It's lovely to see him with Cindy. She just basks in his attention. And he's doing better with Adrian, too. But I worry that he's just using them.'

  'I suppose he might have honestly seen the light. Perhaps he's afraid of a lonely old age.' Kendall shrugged. 'I should think he's certainly heading for one.'

  'Garth's not afraid of anything. He's got too much self-confidence. He's- Oh, I don't how how to say it-'

  It was useless trying to define Garth. The more she tried, the more he slipped through her fingers. She could describe his manner and his infuriating behaviour. But there were no words for his sudden grin, full of devilment and charm, or the wild wonderment of his dreams. Once he'd shared those dreams with her and it had been like watching shooting stars. But that was a long time ago.

  She gave up, remembering that it irked Kendall to hear too much about Garth. 'Tell me how things are with you,' she said.

  'There's not a lot going on in my life at the moment,' he said. 'I work, and I think of you.'

  'Have you finished your book yet?'

  'I told you I had, at the football match.'

  'Oh, yes, you did. Sorry, I forgot. Are you happy with it?'

  'I'm never happy with my writing, you know that.'

  'Yes, you were always changing things until the last minute.'

  She persevered with the theme of his writing, conscientiously asking all the right questions, until the subject was exhausted. She searched for another one then realized, with dismay, what she was doing. She and Kendall had always found plenty to talk about. Yet tonight something was wrong. The air didn't vibrate with excitement as it did when Garth was around.

  But she wasn't her usual self at the moment, she remembered with relief. When things returned to normal everything would be well between them again. But try as she might, she couldn't find the elusive spark that would bring her alive in Kendall's company.

  'It's very late,' she said at last. 'I should be getting home now.'

  'I'll walk you to your car.'

  She tucked her hand in his arm and everything was comfortable between them, as it had always been. But it was no longer enough. When they reached the car she said, almost desperately, 'Kiss me goodnight.'

  Kendall's embrace was the same as always but his kiss didn't thrill her, and now she wondered if it ever really had.

  'Faye…' Kendall said tensely.

  'Kiss me again,' she pleaded.

  'Better not. Your thoughts were wandering. Like I told you, it has to be all or nothing with me. Goodnight, Faye.'

  As she went through the front door Faye could hear Garth's voice from behind his study door, sounding as though he was on the phone. She was glad, as she couldn't bear to talk. She went up the stairs, straight to her own room.

  A shower made her feel better. Wrapping a soft towelling dressing gown about her she returned to the bedroom and switched off all the lights except a soft lamp by her dressing table. Her mind was in turmoil.

  Something had been different tonight and Kendall had recognized it too. It was all because of Garth. He'd kissed her that first night and her body had responded out of sheer surprise. If she'd been more prepared she might have stilled those treacherous impulses. But she hadn't stilled them and the memories had remained. They had prompted her to reach out to him on the evening after the disastrous press show. But he hadn't wanted her. They'd grown too far apart. There was an ache of desolation in her heart.

  She remembered the lithe firmness of Garth's body and how good it felt to hold it. He'd been a generous as well as a skilful lover, warm and tender and eager for her pleasure as well as his own.

  She knew it was dangerous to dwell on these memories, but they were part of the happiest time of her life. The fulfilment hadn't just been physical. Garth's love had filled the world, making her feel valued and totally a woman. Without her even knowing it, a smile touched her lips. Then it faded into a sigh.

  She was so absorbed in her reverie that she didn't see the door open and Garth enter quietly. He stood watching her, his eyes darkening with anger at the look of tender introspection on her face. She thought she was alone, so it wasn't teasing that made her lips curl in that sweet smile as if she was thinking of something-or someone-who made her blissfully happy.

  Suddenly she seemed to become aware of him and turned her head. 'You shouldn't be here,' she said.

  'I wanted to talk to you.' He looked like a man under terrible strain, and his eyes were haggard.

  'Garth, you can't just walk into my room. We had an agreement-'

  'It's not me that's breaking it, Faye. You gave your word that there'd be no dates with Haines-'

  'I didn't make a date with him-'

  'Don't lie to me! You were with him tonight. I saw you as I drove home.'

  'I said I didn't make a date with him, not that I didn't see him. I bumped into Kendall as I came out of the concert and had a drink with him. That's all.'

  'Not quite all. You were kissing him.'

  'You really studied us, didn't you? Or are you just protecting your investment?'

  'I don't like people who don't keep their word.'

  'It was an accident.'

  'Was kissing him an accident?'

  'No, I did that because I wanted to,' she said defiantly.

  'And to hell with me?'

  'I never gave you a thought,' she said, meeting his eyes. 'What's this all about, Garth? You said yourself there's nothing for us now but to see this through to the end and say goodbye.'

  'Perhaps I've changed my mind,' he said, reaching for her determinedly.

  'Oh, no!' She put up a hand. 'Our agreement-'

  'You broke it, Faye. Now it's my turn. I don't like being overlooked and I'm not going to be any longer.' Before she could protest he covered her mouth with his own, kissing her with fierce, angry intent.

  As soon as their lips touched Faye knew what had been missing from Kendall's kiss. The opposition of her mind meant nothing while Garth could still cause vibrations of pleasure to go through her at his lightest touch. Anger at the way he simply took what he wanted warred with a pleasure that her body had once known, and for which it still yearned.

  She couldn't cope with her feelings because they reminded her how totally he could possess her. Worse still, they brought back the hot, sweet nights of their early love. With that love gone, it was cruel that her flesh still responded to him.

  'Let me go, Garth,' she told him, eyes blazing.

  'Why should I? This was what you wanted the other night.'

  'Like you, I've changed my mind. Let me go now.'

  'Am I trespassing on Kendall Haines's property? Do you think I care?'

  'I'm not his property, and I'm not yours.'

  'You were mine once, because that was how you wanted it. You gave yourself to me completely, with trust and love. Do you remember that, Faye?'

  'Don't,' she whispered.

  'Why not? Do you think I'm going to let you wipe our past away as though it never existed? It did exist. It lived, and it's part of us both, however much you wish it wasn't.'

  She struggled to speak firmly. She wouldn't let him win. 'I don't remember anything, Garth. The past is dead.'

  'Damn you,' he said softly.

  He took possession of her mouth, and the pleasure was so poignant that she gasped. The hand she put up was meant to push him away but somehow it ended by caressing him instead, fingers in his hair, turning and twisting, enjoying the springy feel.

  He tugged at the belt of her b
athrobe until it came loose and he could pull the robe from her shoulders and embrace her totally. Half knowing what she did, Faye began to open the buttons of his shirt. She wanted everything about him: his agility and strength, his skill and tenderness, all the things that had once been hers. So much had gone for ever but there was still the pleasure of clinging to him, feeling his hands wandering over her, making her come alive.

  Garth held her against him, looking down into her flushed, dreamy face.

  'You remember,' he said arrogantly. 'You pretend not to, but you do. You remember everything, how much I want you, how much you want me-'

  'It's not true,' she gasped.

  'I can make it true. I'm still there, aren't I, Faye? Deny it as much as you like, I'm still there.'

  'Yes,' she said in a helpless whisper. 'But, Garth, please-this isn't the answer.'

  'What is the answer?' he demanded between kisses. 'Cosy little chats to relive every detail of our mistakes? Who needs words when we can talk like this?'

  He smothered her mouth with his own, silencing all further argument. Faye could feel the last of her reason slipping away in the tide of passion that flowed over her.

  She felt the silk of the counterpane beneath her back, the slight sinking of the mattress as Garth lay down beside her. His eyes seemed to feast on her, like a starving man presented with a banquet, and he ran a hand appreciatively over her slim frame.

  'You managed the other seven pounds, I see,' he murmured admiringly. 'I had a feeling you'd do what you set your mind to. Looks great.'

  He didn't wait for her to speak, but kissed her again. Longing flooded her. It was useless to protest to herself. She wanted Garth as much as he wanted her, and now she could only yield with a deep sigh of fulfilment.

  He groaned as he pulled her against him, enfolding her in his arms and running his hands over her beautiful form. Their hearts and minds might have parted, but on this level nothing had changed. Ten years ago their physical harmony had been immediate and ecstatic. It was the same now. He knew how to please her, and he used his knowledge to the full.

  Although it was their physical need that drove them, he was still the considerate lover that she remembered. He knew how to wait, to give her time to feel easy with him again. Looking up, she met his eyes and found them brooding over her like a miser with recovered treasure.