literal leigh 05.6 - karma inc

by Melanie James

  “I can offer you…ideas. Something new. Karma Inc. can evolve to a whole new level.”

  Gisele. Her manners were elegant, her voice exotic. She had this noble yet playful air that made me want to get to know her more. “Let’s hear what she has to say, Ezzy.”

  Barney stealthily crept back to the table, and in my peripheral vision, I noticed him sneak Ezzy’s wand from the table. By the time I turned to take it from him, he had snapped out a tiny ring of fire. It wobbled in the air like a poorly thrown Frisbee before it quickly dissipated. His antics were a distraction to say the least. Ezzy snatched the wand away and held it over his head. Her threat was unspoken, but crystal clear.

  “I just want you all to notice me down here. Don’t ignore me or take me for granted. Without me, there is no Karma, Inc.,” Barney growled. He pulled himself up into one of the chairs, crossing his legs and arms. “I will have a say in these big plans of yours.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Another Short Interlude

  “Miss Franchetti? Miss Franchetti!” I shouted to wake Kelly up from her trance. “Can you hear me?”

  “Huh? Uh. Oh, that’s right. You know, it felt like I was reliving everything. I had forgotten about Barney using the magic wand until just then. Do you think it means anything?”

  “I’m not sure. I’m more interested in Gisele and her vengeance against the other writer. You said that after the bookcases crashed down on her, the video was lost. Did you make any attempt to follow up on her? Weren’t you concerned for her safety?”

  “No. We never did. I mean, whatever happened, happened. The way we looked at the results of our magic…well, I don’t want to incriminate myself here or admit to liability, but we never felt responsible for the end results, whatever they turned out to be. After all, we were only spurring on Karma. Right?”

  Poppy had woken up during Kelly’s testimony and was obviously paying attention. “Do you still believe that?” She wagged her long, withered index finger at Kelly. “That you were somehow absolved of all responsibility because it was the natural fate of the victims? Or do you now think, in retrospect, that you were simply cursing your victims?”

  “You make me out to be wicked!” Kelly huffed.

  Gwendolyn clucked her tongue. “One makes themselves wicked. Isn’t that right, Miss Franchetti?”

  “I request that you old hags reserve judgment on Miss Franchetti until you have heard her entire testimony, if that’s even possible. Do you have any specific questions at this point, or may we continue?”

  “No. No questions at this time. Annabel, make the record show that Witch Franchetti’s demeanor is thus far disrespectful towards this…”

  “Apprentice witch,” Marie interrupted.

  “Excuse me?” Gwendolyn was taken aback.

  “She is an apprentice and that is an important distinction to make, especially in light of the potential charges against her.”

  “Apprentice. Of course.” Gwendolyn turned to Poppy to carry on a not-so-hushed faux-private conversation. Her tongue made a disgusting clucking sound off the roof of her mouth. “I can see where she gets her attitude! Americans!”

  Poppy shook her head. “Just as bad as them lippy Australians. Or the Irish. Or even today’s British! What’s become of witches today?”

  “Go fuck yourselves,” Kelly snarled.

  “Excuse me? What’s that you said? Speak up.”

  “Can we just get this over with?” Kelly not so much asked as she complained.

  “Certainly. Marie, go ahead. Miss Franchetti, pick up with Gisele’s proposal.”

  Marie placed a fresh shot glass full of truth serum in front of Kelly. “You know what to do. Down the hatch.”

  Kelly gulped a shot of the putrid concoction and fell back into a hypnotic state before continuing her story.

  Chapter Sixteen

  The Proposal

  Gisele pointed to the TV set where we had just witnessed Karma paying a visit to a plagiarist. “Now, that part of your magic was unique. You already know there is a huge market for instant revenge. People have an insatiable demand for that sort of thing. Now, let me ask you something. What else do people have such a voracious appetite for?”

  “Umm… Well, from the looks of the new businesses popping up, I’d say gourmet coffee?” I suggested.

  Ezzy waved her hands, dismissing my comment. “No, no, no. Organic stuff. Anything organic sells like mad. Slap an organic label on a retread tire and people will try to eat it.”

  “I can’t believe you two!” Barney crawled up onto the table. “I know exactly what the beautiful and exotic Gisele is getting at. Reality television. You put two naked people in the jungle, with nothing but a zip-lock bag, and people will be glued to the TV to watch the human misery unfold. Or put a bunch of people on an island, pit them against each other, and before you know it, they’re practically killing each other. People love that shit.” Barney hopped over to Gisele’s side of the table and looked up at her. “Am I right? I’m right, ain’t I?”

  “You are exactly right. Why not combine the two?” Gisele arched her hands in the air as if she imagined a billboard with her idea. “The craving for bittersweet revenge meets mankind’s inexplicable desire to wallow in the malicious satisfaction they get from witnessing someone else’s demise. Karma Inc., a reality TV show.”

  “I. Fucking. Love. It.” Barney and Ezzy chanted their words in unison.

  “Jinx!” Ezzy smacked Barney on the back of the head.

  I had to agree. This could be something. “I like it, too. But we have to consider a couple of things. For one, we have to hide the magic element. Secondly, do we just use the weekly lists of clients we would normally get? And finally, can we broadcast our Karma spells over more than one TV?”

  “Good questions, Kelly. You’ll be glad to know I’ve already thought of those things. Here’s what I have in mind. We go to a small town, somewhere in the rural Midwest. We get an idea of the typical small town feuds that have been festering for years. Next, we solicit some customers for instant Karma.”

  “Aha! Then, let the games begin!” Ezzy clapped her hands together.

  Gisele continued to pitch her idea. “Keeping the magic secret is easy enough. And I’m certain Barney can save the usual videos to some sort of storage device for network broadcasts later. I have a few very good contacts at a cable television company. I assure you, this show will be a hit. Another thing to consider, it’ll be the first TV show that won’t require a budget because it won’t cost anything to make. The cast will be paying us. Well, at least the initial Karma customers.”

  “What about this small town you mentioned? Have you looked into any potential locations yet?”

  “I’m glad you asked that, too, Kelly. The place I have in mind is Caldron Falls, Wisconsin, population 1,100. I’ve done my research. Like most small towns around the country, the majority were born there, raised there, graduated from the local high school, and still live there. They’ve married high school sweethearts, for better and sometimes worse. There are very few newcomers to this place, other than the seasonal tourists. Fishing, camping, whatever it is they do up there. The social structure is very stratified and that caste system, for lack of a better term, is reinforced during their high school years.”

  “Oh sure. I know what you mean. When I was in college, I spent a semester student teaching in a town in central Illinois that sounds like that. Every high school jock was a spitting image of the previous generation, and so on. The nerdy guy marries the nerdy girl and their kids and grandkids are forever the nerd class. Family names still carry both the sins and glory of those who have gone before. You know, these little towns have a demographic that is slipping away from the American landscape, probably for the better.”

  “Why is that? Why would they be slipping away?” Ezzy questioned.

  “Technology, for one. The internet has opened a door to the world beyond small town, main street USA. Kids can see a break out from a life c
onstrained in the little snowglobe of a town their parents grew up in. Economics is the other big reason. The small mom and pop stores that kept everyone in town are fading away. People commute to the cities for work and they shop there, too. The social structure of important people, the banker, the grocer…they were once the small town royalty. Now, they don’t exist. If they do still exist, they’ve lost their former luster and influence.”

  “Hmmm. You know, back in my youth, and I’m talking about living in the American Colonies, that small town structure was the only life I knew. I’m not sad to see that sort of provincial life change.”

  “Well, then I will be taking you both on a trip back in time when we go to Caldron Falls, perhaps because it’s more isolated up there. The lumber mill and the cheese factory are the only local employers, so Caldron Falls is still very much the snowglobe-like town you mentioned. And oh! From my one visit there…” Gisele was lost for words and she shook her head. “Let me just say, the place is ripe with juicy gossip that everyone knows and loves to tell, feuds that have been simmering for generations, scorned women, lost loves, secret affairs. Even fights over property lines, snubbed heirs, secret fishing holes. And Jesus, those people love to drink! So there’s all the side effects from that little hobby.”

  Barney had been hopping up and down with excitement while Gisele described Caldron Falls. He couldn’t take it any longer. “Count me in! Sounds fucking awesome, like one of Jerry Springer’s wet dreams.”

  Ezzy put her hands on Barney’s shoulders and held him down. “Don’t get too excited, frog boy. I bet it’ll take a while to find some place suitable to stay. And if you think for a minute that I’m staying in some campground that looks like a Walmart refugee camp, you can go back to Hell…or whatever swamp you crawled out of.”

  Gisele calmly interrupted Ezzy’s rant. “Relax. There’s a place just outside of town for rent. It’s a large house that a local family rents out for summer guests. I’ve already rented it.”

  “So you were that certain we would agree to this? And up to this point, I don’t believe we’ve agreed to anything,” I said.

  “No, but I can be quite persuasive. And if you decline my business proposition, I at least have a nice summer retreat. It’ll be a welcome relief from the stifling heat and humidity of Chicago.”

  Ezzy motioned for me to walk away from the table. She plucked Barney up and we had a quick meeting. “Personally, I love the idea.”

  “Yeah! I fuckin’ love it!”

  “We all know how you feel, Barney. What about you, Kel? What do you say?”

  “I think it’ll be a fun way to spend the summer. Should we see what Randy and Gertie have to say?”

  “Why bother? We have three votes out of five and that’s a majority. We can inform them later.” Ezzy walked away before I could respond. “Gisele, it’s a deal. When do you want to get started?”

  “I’m ready now, but I realize you will need a day or two to tie up any loose ends here.” She handed Ezzy a business card. “My cell number. Call me when you get to Caldron Falls. I’ll be waiting. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am going into the store. I’ve had my eye on a sexy sarong and one of those hookahs.”

  “See you there. By the way, our friend Gertie made those sarongs for Millie to sell. You’d look good in the sheer turquoise one.”

  “Thanks. I’ll take a look at it.”

  And that was the end of our meeting with Gisele. My heart pumped a little faster and my insides felt shaky at best. Still, the anxiety I felt did not overshadow my excitement of creating a hit television program.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Caldron Falls

  I’ve not been a complete stranger to our woodsy neighbors to the north. But those were the sporadic family vacations of my youth. Always to some supposedly cozy cottage at a campground that had outlived its heyday by more than a generation. Unreliable hot showers, mosquitoes, ticks, bats, third degree burns, they were all considered to be “part of the experience” my dad said. I usually replied that the brutal training for young Spartan warriors or Shaolin monks could be described as “part of the experience”, too. I saw no connection to the common definition of a vacation.

  Years later, I found myself abandoning the streets of Chicago and returning to Wisconsin’s Lake Country, and I wasn’t even being kidnapped. My BMW hummed along past the factories, then the farms, and finally to the forests. The population density dropped off, the farms were replaced by endless acres of woods as the roads narrowed.

  “This just never ends. Once we have the location nailed down, it’s going to be broom travel from here on out,” Ezzy moaned. “Oh, look. What a surprise, another truck pulling a boat. I swear to God, there must be a law stating that these people aren’t allowed on the road unless a trailer is connected to their asses as they chug along at a freaking snail’s pace. Seriously, are we even going fifteen miles an hour? Come on, Kel. Pass the mother—”

  “You got it. Hang on back there!” Barney, the three Chihuahuas, and Gemma filling the back seat braced themselves as I hit the gas. The driver of the truck wanted to make a race of it, but it was no contest. As soon as I swung back into the proper lane, we saw our destination, a speed limit sign, and a patrol car.

  I slammed my foot on the brake, sending us screeching past the deputy. Barney flew over the seat, landing on the dash, his wide green hands pressed against the windshield. Everyone knows the drill. Flashing lights summoned me to stop. A balding deputy slowly approached. Ezzy unbuttoned her blouse and wiggled her cleavage for maximum exposure. “What? I’ve heard this always works.”

  “You’re going to get us thrown in jail for prostitution or some stupid shit.” I peeled Barney off the dash. He scurried away to hide under Ezzy’s legs.

  I rolled down my window and waited for the inevitable. The deputy looked over my car and my license plate. The way he shook his head in disgust made it obvious to me how this was going to go. He wiped his shiny forehead, adjusted his mirror-coated sunglasses, and slapped his opened palms down on the opened window frame. “Ill-ah-noise. I don’t know how folks are about reckless driving down there in Ill-ah-noise, but we take it pretty seriously here in Caldron Falls. I clocked you coming down the wrong way, going eighty.”

  “I’m sorry, we just passed a truck pulling a boat trailer. The guy was going really, really slow then he hit the gas. It was like he wanted to race me. I didn’t have a choice but to speed up after that.”

  “You say you had to race him?”

  “Yeah. I guess so.”

  “Drag racing earns you a free trip to the county jail. You need to step out of the vehicle.”

  Ezzy unfastened another button. “Excuse me, sir. Couldn’t you let her go with a warning?” Her jiggling jugs fought to escape the delicate fabric holding them back. “We’re new here, and we’re bringing a brand new television program to your town. You’ll soon be famous.”

  “Is that right? A television show? No shit! And look at them big knockers! I never seen nothing like ‘em. Sure, what else can I help you ladies get away with?”

  “Oh! Well, just the speeding ticket.” I was shocked that Ezzy’s boob-flashing had the desired effect on the cop.

  “Seriously? You think you’re the only women with tits? Every woman in Caldron Falls has knockers. That doesn’t mean I’m going to let them get away with endangering the public. You people seem to think we’re just a bunch of dumb hicks up here. Do I look like a dumb hick to you?”

  “Ah… No. No sir.” I struggled to respond.

  Apparently, Barney was not at a loss for words. “If the shoe fits, wear it, asshole.”

  The deputy jumped back, putting his hand on the holstered pistol hanging from his belt. “Who the hell was that? Who said that?” He peered at Ezzy’s bare legs and she tugged her skirt a little lower, trying to keep Barney concealed.

  “What are you staring at? Listen to me, lawman, you have no idea who you’re dealing with.”

  “Shut up, Barney!”
I scolded.

  “Who’s Barney? Where is he?” The officer drew his pistol.

  In a surreal scene, Ezzy parted her knees, Barney’s tongue lashed out, swiping the pistol from the officer.

  “What the hell is that thing?” The officer trembled, but I had to hand it to him, he didn’t run. Ezzy calmly smiled.

  “Barney, would you hand me my wand?” One dark green, webbed hand clutched Ezzy’s wand. “Thank you, dear.” She mumbled a spell and snapped her wand, instantly paralyzing the officer. Exiting the car, she strolled over to him, once again raising her wand. The tip of her wand gently touched his forehead. “Let’s just forget about the last ten minutes or so, shall we?” In a graceful motion, Ezzy pulled the wand away. It looked as if she were pulling an invisible string from the man’s head. With a flick of her hand, she flung the tip of her wand. At that moment, I realized she had pulled his memories out and tossed them away. “Barney, hand me the pistol.”

  “Aw, come on! Why can’t I keep it?”

  “Because it doesn’t belong to you. Now hand it over.”

  Barney begrudgingly passed the weapon to me. I quickly reached out the window and handed it to Ezzy. She placed it back in the holster before pushing the man’s arms down. After straightening his uniform, she hopped back into the car. “That’s one way to make an entrance to this...village.”