The Favored Daughter

by Fawzia Koofi

  finance business of, 186

  imprisonment of, 139–44, 146–70, 172–3, 183

  marriage, See marriage of Fawzia Koofi

  teacher, 188, 191

  torture of, by Taliban, 209

  and tuberculosis, 170, 173, 188, 191–3, 198, 200, 209–113

  Koofi, Shaharzad (daughter), x, 1, 15, 29, 37, 46, 61, 63, 69, 85, 109, 121, 129, 137, 145, 171, 185–90, 192, 205, 215, 222, 227, 235

  birth of, 186–8

  infancy of, 190

  Koofi, Shuhra (daughter), x, 1, 15, 29, 37, 47, 61, 63, 69, 85, 109, 121, 129, 137, 145, 171, 185, 189–93, 195–6, 198, 205, 210, 215, 222, 227, 235, 252

  Koofi political dynasty, 1, 5–7, 10, 19–22, 26, 31, 38, 42, 50–1, 61, 91, 97, 147, 194, 196, 216–19, 222, 224–5, 227, 230, 235, 238–40, 241, 243, 250–61

  Kuchis, 181

  Kunduz, 57, 123, 238

  Lahore, 157–9

  landmines, 174–5

  letters to daughters, 1–2, 15, 29–30, 37, 47, 61–2, 63, 69, 85, 97–9, 109, 121–2, 129–30, 137, 145, 171, 185, 205, 215, 222, 227, 241

  on achievement, 1–2

  on Afghanistan, 205

  on celebrations, 129–30

  on change, 47

  on civil war, 29–30, 37

  on courage, 1–2, 15, 241

  on death threats, 1–2, 47

  on duty, 137

  on education, 1–2

  on family, 61–2

  on grandfather Abdul Rahman, 241

  on girl children, 15

  on giving up, 171

  on grandmother Bibi jan, 97–9

  on Islam, 109

  on the kindness of others, 121–2

  on loss, 145

  on loyalty, 69

  on marriage, 15, 137

  on mother-daughter intimacy, 129

  on politics, 227

  on snobbery, 185

  on Taliban, 109

  loya jirga (tribal council), 210, 221, 254–5

  MacKay, Peter, 240

  madrassas (religious schools), 83, 92, 101

  Makrorian, Kabul, 58, 70, 77, 79, 82, 127, 138, 143, 169, 211

  male clothing in Afghanistan, 20, 35, 58, 102, 104, 113, 116, 150–1, 156, 176, 180, 220, 233

  beards, 113, 116, 150

  long striped coats, 220

  paqul, 58

  and the Taliban, 102

  turbans, 35, 104, 116, 139, 151, 156, 176, 180, 220, 233

  See shalwar kameez

  marriage, and Afghan culture, 4–6, 8, 10–11, 15, 19–26, 38, 42, 53–4, 86–8, 91, 115–19, 131–36, 137, 138, 139, 144, 149, 162, 168, 171, 180, 209, 212

  and child brides, 15, 19, 24–5

  and children, 23–4, 38

  and engagement, 117–19

  and financial pressures, 15

  and love, 5

  married women, segregation of, 11

  and mujahideen, 53–4

  and obedience/duty, 4–5, 11, 137

  wedding day, 131–6

  See polygamy; weddings

  marriages of Abdul Rahman, 4–5, 10–12, 20–4, 35, 91–3

  and divorce, 10

  and eight wives, 4–5, 10–11, 21–4, 35, 91–2

  and Koofi’s mother, See parents’ marriage

  and perfectionism, 11

  twenty-three children, 4

  See parents’ marriage

  marriage of Fawzia Koofi, 86–92, 115–19, 131–36, 137, 138, 139, 149–50, 186, 190–3, 209–13, 215, 216, 230, 232

  arrangement of, 89–90, 115–16

  character of, 90–1

  courtship, 89–90

  death of husband

  See Hamid Koofi, death of

  engagement, 117–19

  in Faizabad, 186

  and girl daughters, 190–2

  and Hamid’s sickness

  See Hamid Koofi, and tuberculosis

  imprisonment of Hamid

  See Hamid Koofi, imprisonment of

  and independence, 91–2

  meeting Hamid, 86–7

  and mother’s blessing, 87, 90

  on polygamy, 91–2

  and politics, 230, 232

  on remarrying, 216

  and sexual intimacies, 191

  and the Taliban, 131–36, 209

  and $20,000 price tag, 116–17, 180–1, 191

  wedding day, 131–6, 137, 138, 139

  Massoud, Ahmed Shah (“Lion of Panjshir”), 48, 70, 77, 101–3, 105–7, 124–5, 158–9, 173–4, 200–3, 206–7, 231, 248, 254

  maternal mortality, ix, 152–3, 187, 219, 242–3

  Mazary, Abdul Ali, 70

  Mazaar, 123

  member of parliament (MP) (Abdul Rahman), 5–10, 20–1, 31–5, 76, 216–20, 250

  as arbab (a leader of the village), 8

  assassination of, 32–4

  and Atanga Pass road, 7–8

  character of, 10

  imprisonment of, 20

  and leadership, 7–10, 20

  and poor people, 8–9

  pressure of, 20–1

  radio address, 9

  and Saur Revolution, 29–31

  member of parliament (MP) (Fawzia Koofi), ix-x, 1–2, 4–6, 26, 39, 42, 44–5, 47, 61, 97, 121–2, 193–200, 206–7, 216–25, 227, 228–40, 241, 242–52

  and brothers, 59

  campaigning, 26, 39, 42, 206–7, 219–25, 229–31, 235, 240

  and change, 47

  and criticism, 199–200

  death threats, ix-x, 1–2, 4, 47, 250

  as deputy speaker, 235–8

  dreams for Afghanistan, 244–52

  election as, 228–30

  and her father, 193–7

  and female leaders, 44

  as husband, 216

  and horizons, 44–5

  and Indira Gandhi, 44

  and international politicians, 239–40

  and marriage, 230, 232

  and medical survey tour, 193–7

  and poverty, x, 193–8, 216, 219, 234, 240, 242–4

  and privacy, 121–2, 230

  and public speaking, 197

  reflections on, 230

  and smears/rumors, 231

  and Taliban, 248–9

  and women’s rights, 197–8, 219–20, 242–4, 248–9

  Meshrano Jirga (House of the Elders), 232

  Michel, Louis, 200

  middle class, 79

  militia, 112, 115–16, 254

  Ministry of Defense, 151

  Ministry of the Interior, 58, 141

  Ministry of Vice and Virtue, 113, 133, 144 Mongol, 22, 70

  “morality crimes,” 113, 149

  See Taliban

  Mother of the Year contest, 197

  motherhood, and Fawzia Koofi, 129, 152–5, 171, 172, 179–200, 186–92

  and abortion, 189

  and childbirth, 186–92

  and pregnancy, 152–5, 171, 171, 179–80, 186–92

  on a son, 62, 191

  See letters to daughters

  Mughals, 158

  muharram, 132, 140–1

  mujahideen (Afghan fighters), 29, 31–4, 39–42, 48–55, 58, 66, 70–83, 90, 93, 100–2, 106–7, 110, 115, 117, 123–4, 132, 158, 162, 173, 175, 186, 190, 197, 202, 217, 223, 232, 239, 245, 249, 253–4

  and “dead man’s dance,” 49

  and Fawzia Koofi, 31–4, 53–6

  as heroes, 31–3

  peace treaty, 92–3

  and politics, 31–3, 48–58, 66, 70

  and propaganda, 52

  and robbing and killing, 76

  and Shia, 81

  and the Taliban, 100–1

  and torture, 31–4, 39–43, 49

  victory over Soviets, 48

  and women, 39–43, 50–4, 79–82

  mujahideen and Fawzia Koofi, 31–4, 52–6

  murder of half-brother, 55

  murder of father, 31–4

  torment of family, 39–43

  mujahideen and women, 38–43, 50–4, 79–82


  abuse of women/girls, 39–43, 50–4, 79–82

  female news anchors, 53

  forced marriages, 53–4

  and rape, 79–82

  Muslims, 21, 40, 51, 67, 70, 80–1, 109, 121, 141–3, 159, 161, 166, 168, 194, 202, 208, 222

  Najibullah, Mohammad, 48–9, 102, 158, 221, 253–4

  National Assembly, 232

  nikah, 134–6, 137, 138

  niqabs, 165–7, 169, 208

  North American Treaty Organization (NATO), 150

  Northern Afghanistan, ix, 110

  Northern Alliance, 71, 110, 124, 174, 177, 200, 202, 207, 254

  Obama, Barack, 240

  Olympic sports stadium, and public executions, 114

  Omar, Mullah, 139, 254

  Operation Enduring Freedom, 207, 245

  aghman, 70

  Pakistan, 20, 29, 31, 59, 79, 83, 92, 100–1, 114, 116–18, 124, 132, 143, 150–1, 156–8, 162, 166–7, 172, 198–200, 208, 210–11, 245, 250, 253–4

  Pamir high school (Faizabad), 44

  Panjshir valley, 48, 70, 101–2, 105–6, 124, 202 parents’ marriage (Abdul and Bibi jan), 4–5, 9–11, 17–24, 32–5, 37, 38, 178–9

  child bride, 19

  near divorce, 23–4

  death of Abdul, 32–4, 37

  and duty, 4–5, 11–12, 35

  favorite wife of Abdul, 5, 10–11, 21–2

  and household management, 4–5, 9–12, 17–22

  and love, 11

  political life of Abdul, 9–10, 20–1

  preparing for Abdul’s returns home, 10

  relationship with other wives, 4–5, 11–12, 21–2, 35, 37, 38

  second wife/head wife, 21–2

  See also marriages of Abdul Rahman

  Paris Suite, 21, 34, 223

  parliament (Afghan), 5–10, 19–20, 22, 34, 39, 76, 122, 200, 217, 224–5, 230–3, 234–9, 241, 247, 249, 255

  See members of parliament

  Parwan residence, 107, 110

  Pashto language, 142, 165, 169

  Pashtu, 150, 156–7, 238, 245, 254

  Pashtunwali, 150

  Peshawar, 157–9

  politics (in Afghanistan), ix, 1, 4–8, 10, 19–22, 26, 29, 30–7, 42, 48–58, 61, 66, 81, 89–91, 97, 100, 109, 114–15, 134, 147–8, 158, 161–3, 165, 174, 194–6, 200–1, 210–11, 216–20, 222, 224–5, 227, 230–35, 238–40, 244–51, 253–4

  and communism, 30–1

  and corruption, 4, 114–15, 221, 234, 240, 246–7, 251

  as dangerous, 19–20

  and democracy, See democracy

  democratic constitution, 210–11

  king, 7–8, 19, 31–2, 216, 232, 252–4

  and mujahideen, See mujahideen, and politics

  and nepotism, 246

  and parliament, See parliament

  and power versus service, 235, 246–7

  presidency, 19, 31–2

  and Taliban, See Taliban, and politics

  polo, 33

  polygamy/multimarriage, 4–5, 10–12, 19, 21–6, 34–5, 38–9, 58, 61–2, 63–4, 93–4, 104–5

  and children, 23–4, 38–9

  experience of, 11–12, 21–6

  as family, 22–6, 35, 58, 61–2

  jealousies, 22, 61

  weddings, 11–12

  See parents’ marriage; Abdul Rahman, marriages of

  “poor girl,” 15–16, 97–9, 137, 191–2, 238

  poverty, ix-x, 8–10, 18, 20, 32, 42, 44, 61, 92, 98, 111, 116, 118, 121, 133, 145, 147, 153, 185, 194–6, 203, 209, 216, 219, 221, 224, 234, 240, 242–4, 250–1

  pregnancy, ix, 4, 12, 152–5, 158, 163, 165, 171, 172–3, 177, 179–80, 186–7, 189–90, 219, 242–3

  See child mortality; maternal mortality

  Prophet Mohammed, 81

  Puli Charkhi prison (Kabul), 31, 160–2, 165–7

  Puli Khumri residence, 110–13, 115, 117, 132, 179–80

  Quran, 42, 88, 121, 133, 174, 179, 234

  Rabbani, Burhanuddin, 70, 90, 92, 158–9, 162, 173, 190, 197, 199–201, 254

  radios, 9, 39, 49, 52, 56, 101–3, 105, 201, 206, 229

  Rahman, Abdul (father), 5–12, 17–27, 31–5, 38–40, 42–5, 54, 61, 64–6, 76–7, 79, 81, 91–2, 97–8, 117, 119, 136, 158, 160, 164, 171, 178, 190, 192–3, 195–6, 216–24, 227, 230, 232, 238, 240–1, 249–50

  death of, 31–5, 38–9, 44, 215

  imprisonment of, 20, 227

  and marriage, See parents’ marriage;marriages of Abdul Rahman

  politics, See member of parliament (Abdul Rahman)

  relationship with Koofi, See relationship with father

  Rahman, Azamshah (grandfather), 6–9, 61, 171, 233 Rahman, Bibi jan (second wife) (mother), 4–5, 9–13, 15–16, 17–26, 29, 35–46, 50–57, 59–61, 66, 72–83, 85, 86–90, 92, 97–9, 106, 113, 119, 131–2, 135–6, 139, 164, 171, 173, 178–9, 186, 188–9, 192–3, 195–6, 201, 211–12, 215, 218–20, 222–4, 232, 249, 252

  beauty of, 5, 19

  death of, 82–3, 85, 86–90, 92, 106, 132, 135, 232

  and household management, 4–5, 9–12, 17–22, 35, 37, 38–9, 78, 178–9

  and independence, 45

  leadership abilities, 38–41

  marriage, See parents’ marriage

  and mujahideen, 39–42

  relationship with Koofi, See relationship with mother

  strength of, 35, 38–9, 56, 73–8, 86–8, 97–9, 171, 193

  Rahman, Dawlat bibi (divorced wife), 217

  Rahman, Ennayat (half-brother), 12–13, 25–6, 38–9, 43, 64, 222, 257

  Rahman, Gada (aunt), 19, 34

  Rahman, Hedayat (half-brother), 38

  Rahman, Jamalshah (brother), 9, 43, 45 Rahman, Katayoun (niece), 88

  Rahman, Khadija (sister-in-law), 1, 115–16, 138, 163–70, 173, 212, 223

  Rahman, Khal bibi (fourth wife), 22–3, 39

  Rahman, the Khalifa (first wife), 21, 39, 41

  Rahman, Mirshakay (brother), 43, 57–9, 64, 66–7, 78–9, 91, 101–2, 106, 110, 117–18, 124, 127, 140, 142, 144, 148–51, 156–7, 217–18, 229

  Rahman, Muqim (brother), 25–6, 39–40, 43–4, 55–7, 59–60, 62, 63–7, 73–8, 124, 136, 173, 222

  assassination of, 55–6, 59–60, 63–7, 73–8

  saved by female clothing, 39–40, 64–6

  Rahman, Nadir Shah (half-brother), 39–40, 54–6, 217–18, 229, 235

  Rahman, Najib (nephew), 229–30

  Rahman, Nazi (half-sister), 38

  Rahman, Niaz bibi (third wife), 22–3, 39

  Rahman, Qandigul (“Maryam”), 249–50

  Rahman, Safiullah (half-brother), 38–9

  Rahman, Safiullah (nephew), 39

  Rahman, Shahjan (sister), 100

  Rahman, Shannaz (seventh wife), 4–5, 11–12, 25, 37–8, 222

  Rahman, Zulmaishah (half-brother), 39

  Rahmullah (teacher), 42

  rape, 37, 50, 66, 72, 79–81, 114–16, 197

  refugees, 29, 37, 41–2, 101, 112, 114, 147, 150, 209–10

  relationship with father (Koofi’s), 19–20, 26–7, 34–5, 215, 224, 241

  childhood stories, 19, 26–7

  death of father, 34–5, 215, 224

  and “dukhtarak,” 26

  as distant, 19–20

  relationship with mother (Koofi’s), 12–13, 19, 26, 35, 37, 38–44, 56–60, 72–8, 82–3, 85, 86–90, 92, 97, 171, 193, 224

  and birth of Fawzia, 12–13

  closeness of, 19, 56–7, 97–9

  death of mother, 82–3, 85, 86–90, 92, 224

  and death of brother, 59–60, 74–8

  and education, 72–3, 87

  as favorite, 13, 26, 44, 72–3, 87

  and mother’s strength, 35, 37, 38–44, 56, 73–8, 87–8, 97–9, 171, 193

  Russian soldiers, 40, 48–50, 54, 58, 63–4, 70–1, 77, 100, 108, 110, 162

  Salang pass, 110–11, 117

  sanitation, 194

  Saqib, Sabrina, 234–6

  Saudi Arabia, 24, 100
–1, 158, 208, 253–4 Saur Revolution, 29–31

  Sayyaf, Abdul Rasul, 71

  September 11, 2001, 203–7

  shalwar kameez (long tunic and trousers), 5, 20, 40, 58, 63, 104–6, 249

  Share Naw, 113, 140

  sharia law, 21, 50

  Shah Jahan, 158

  Shalimar Gardens, 158

  Shia, 70, 80–1

  Shomali Plains, 105–6, 125, 208

  siblings, See brothers; sisters

  sisters, x, 12, 19, 22–5, 34, 38, 40–3, 50–1, 56–7, 59–60, 60–2, 64–6, 73, 79, 90, 100–1, 104, 106–7, 110, 112–13, 115–16, 118, 124–6, 129, 130, 133, 135, 138–40, 143, 151, 155, 159, 160, 163–4, 169, 173, 180–1, 186–90, 198, 212–13, 222–3, 228–9, 236, 248

  sisters-in-law, 24, 40, 42–3, 64, 66, 112, 124–6, 139, 151, 156, 160, 172

  Solana, Javier, 200

  Sorabi, Habiba, 238

  South Africa, 48

  Southern Afghanistan, 113, 150, 174, 198

  Soviet Union, 9, 29, 31, 48–50, 54, 58, 63–4, 70–1, 76–7, 83, 100, 108, 110, 158, 160, 162, 173, 175, 193, 197, 201–2, 209, 216, 218–19, 245, 253–4

  Soviet war in Afghanistan, 29, 31, 35, 48, 100

  See Russian soldiers

  Stera Mahkama (the Supreme Court), 232

  suicide bombings, 115, 231

  Sukarnoputri, Megawati, 251

  Sunni, 70, 81, 101

  Surobi, 174–5

  Tagab, 107, 174

  Taj Mahal, 158

  Takhar province residence, 123–4

  takht, 139

  takht jami, 139

  Takjikistan, ix, 6, 56

  Takjiks, 245

  Taliban, ix-x, 82–3, 92–3, 99, 100–8, 109, 110– 18, 121, 123–7, 131–6, 139–41, 143, 146–7, 149–54, 156–62, 166–7, 169–70, 172–81, 183, 188, 190, 193, 197–202, 206–10, 217–19, 244–5, 248–9, 252, 254–5

  defeat of (2001), 114–15, 244

  See war in Afghanistan

  destruction of Buddhas of Bamiyan, 103

  as disease, 177

  as employer, 126–7, 147

  and ethnic divisions, 147

  home invasions, 139–40

  and human rights activists, 210

  and lootings, 103–7

  and mob psychology, 105

  and “morality crimes,” 112

  movement of, 83

  and politics, 83, 100–9, 114, 123–7, 177

  and propaganda, 104

  and public executions, 114

  and regression, 109, 132–3, 151, 174, 177, 195, 219, 245

  and southern Afghanistan, 83

  wedding ban, 103–4

  See Islamic fundamentalism; Taliban and women; terrorism

  Taliban and women, ix-x, 100–5, 113, 121–3, 132–3, 152–3, 175–6, 183, 210

  and attire, 100–5, 110, 123, 177

  and beatings, 102–3, 113, 133, 177, 183

  and education, 113, 210

  and health care, ix, 152–3