Atlas Shrugged

by Ayn Rand

  She gasped a little, realizing why he had not come to the valley on time.

  He laughed. "Don't look like that. Don't look at me as if I were a wound that you're afraid to touch."

  "Francisco, I've hurt you in so many different ways--"

  "No! No, you haven't hurt me--and he hasn't either, don't say anything about it, it's he who's hurt, but we'll save him and he'll come here, too, where he belongs, and he'll know, and then he, too, will be able to laugh about it. Dagny, I didn't expect you to wait, I didn't hope, I knew the chance I'd taken, and if it had to be anyone, I'm glad it's he."

  She closed her eyes, pressing her lips together not to moan.

  "Darling, don.'t! Don't you see that I've accepted it?"

  But it isn.'t--she thought--it isn't he, and I can't tell you the truth, because it's a man who might never hear it from me and whom I might never have.

  "Francisco, I did love you--" she said, and caught her breath, shocked, realizing that she had not intended to say it and, simultaneously, that this was not the tense she had wanted to use.

  "But you do," he said calmly, smiling. "You still love me--even if there's one expression of it that you'll always feel and want, but will not give me any longer. I'm still what I was, and you'll always see it, and you'll always grant me the same response, even if there's a greater one that you grant to another man. No matter what you feel for him, it will not change what you feel for me, and it won't be treason to either, because it comes from the same root, it's the same payment in answer to the same values. No matter what happens in the future, we'll always be what we were to each other, you and I, because you'll always love me."

  "Francisco," she whispered, "do you know that?"

  "Of course. Don't you understand it now? Dagny, every form of happiness is one, every desire is driven by the same motor--by our love for a single value, for the highest potentiality of our own existence--and every achievement is an expression of it. Look around you. Do you see how much is open to us here, on an unobstructed earth? Do you see how much I am free to do, to experience, to achieve? Do you see that all of it is part of what you are to me--as I am part of it for you? And if I'll see you smile with admiration at a new copper smelter that I built, it will be another form of what I felt when I lay in bed beside you. Will I want to sleep with you? Desperately. Will I envy the man who does? Sure. But what does that matter? It's so much--just to have you here, to love you and to be alive."

  Her eyes lowered, her face stern, holding her head bowed as in an act of reverence, she said slowly, as if fulfilling a solemn promise, "Will you forgive me?"

  He looked astonished, then chuckled gaily, remembering, and answered, "Not yet. There's nothing to forgive, but I'll forgive it when you join us."

  He rose, he drew her to her feet--and when his arms closed about her, their kiss was the summation of their past, its end and their seal of acceptance.

  Galt turned to them from across the living room, when they came out. He had been standing at a window, looking at the valley--and she felt certain that he had stood there all that time. She saw his eyes studying their faces, his glance moving slowly from one to the other. His face relaxed a little at the sight of the change in Francisco's.

  Francisco smiled, asking him, "Why do you stare at me?"

  "Do you know what you looked like when you came in?"

  "Oh, did I? That's because I hadn't slept for three nights. John, will you invite me to dinner? I want to know how this scab of yours got here, but I think that I might collapse sound asleep in the middle of a sentence--even though right now I feel as if I'll never need any sleep at all--so I think I'd better go home and stay there till evening."

  Galt was watching him with a faint smile. "But aren't you going to leave the valley in an hour?"

  "What? No ..." he said mildly, in momentary astonishment. "No!" he laughed exultantly. "I don't have to! That's right, I haven't told you what it was, have I? I was searching for Dagny. For... for the wreck of her plane. She'd been reported lost in a crash in the Rockies."

  "I see," said Galt quietly.

  "I could have thought of anything, except that she would choose to crash in Galt's Gulch," Francisco said happily; he had the tone of that joyous relief which almost relishes the horror of the past, defying it by means of the present. "I kept flying over the district between Afton, Utah, and Winston, Colorado, over every peak and crevice of it, over every remnant of a car in any gully below, and whenever I saw one, I--" He stopped; it looked like a shudder. "Then at night, we went out on foot--the searching parties of railroad men from Winston--we went climbing at random, with no clues, no plan, on and on, until it was daylight again, and--" He shrugged, trying to dismiss it and to smile. "I wouldn't wish it on my worst--"

  He stopped short; his smile vanished and a dim reflection of the look he had worn for three days came back to his face, as if at the sudden presence of an image he had forgotten.

  After a long moment, he turned to Galt. "John," his voice sounded peculiarly solemn, "could we notify those outside that Dagny is alive ...in case there's somebody who ... who'd feel as I did?"

  Galt was looking straight at him. "Do you wish to give any outsider any relief from the consequences of remaining outside?"

  Francisco dropped his eyes, but answered firmly, "No."

  "Pity, Francisco?"

  "Yes. Forget it. You're right."

  Galt turned away with a movement that seemed oddly out of character: it had the unrhythmical abruptness of the involuntary.

  He did not turn back; Francisco watched him in astonishment, then asked softly, "What's the matter?"

  Galt turned and looked at him for a moment, not answering. She could not identify the emotion that softened the lines of Galt's face: it had the quality of a smile, of gentleness, of pain, and of something greater that seemed to make these concepts superfluous.

  "Whatever any of us has paid for this battle," said Galt, "you're the one who's taken the hardest beating, aren't you?"

  "Who? I?" Francisco grinned with shocked, incredulous amusement. "Certainly not! What's the matter with you?" He chuckled and added, "Pity, John?"

  "No," said Galt firmly.

  She saw Francisco watching him with a faint, puzzled frown--because Galt had said it, looking, not at him, but at her.

  The emotional sum that struck her as an immediate impression of Francisco's house, when she entered it for the first time, was not the sum she had once drawn from the sight of its silent, locked exterior. She felt, not a sense of tragic loneliness, but of invigorating brightness. The rooms were bare and crudely simple, the house seemed built with the skill, the decisiveness and the impatience typical of Francisco; it looked like a frontiersman's shanty thrown together to serve as a mere springboard for a long flight into the future--a future where so great a field of activity lay waiting that no time could be wasted on the comfort of its start. The place had the brightness, not of a home, but of a fresh wooden scaffolding erected to shelter the birth of a skyscraper.

  Francisco, in shirt sleeves, stood in the middle of his twelve-foot-square living room, with the look of a host in a palace. Of all the places where she had ever seen him, this was the background that seemed most properly his. Just as the simplicity of his clothes, added to his bearing, gave him the air of a superlative aristocrat, so the crudeness of the room gave it the appearance of the most patrician retreat; a single royal touch was added to the crudeness: two ancient silver goblets stood in a small niche cut in a wall of bare logs; their ornate design had required the luxury of some craftsman's long and costly labor, more labor than had gone to build the shanty, a design dimmed by the polish of more centuries than had gone to grow the log wall's pines. In the midst of that room, Francisco's easy, natural manner had a touch of quiet pride, as if his smile were silently saying to her: This is what I am and what I have been all these years.

  She looked up at the silver goblets.

  "Yes," he said, in answer to her silent guess, "the
y belonged to Sebastian d'Anconia and his wife. That's the only thing I brought here from my palace in Buenos Aires. That, and the crest over the door. It's all I wanted to save. Everything else will go, in a very few months .now." He chuckled. "They'll seize it, all of it, the last dregs of d'.An conia Copper, but they'll be surprised. They won't find much for their trouble. And as to that palace, they won't be able to afford even its heating bill."

  "And then?" she asked. "Where will you go from there?"

  "I? I will go to work for d.'Anconia Copper."

  "What do you mean?"

  "Do you remember that old slogan: 'The king is dead, long live the king'? When the carcass of my ancestors' property is out of the way, then my mine will become the young new body of d.'Anconia Copper, the kind of property my ancestors had wanted, had worked for, had deserved, but had never owned."

  "Your mine? What mine? Where?"

  "Here," he said, pointing toward the mountain peaks. "Didn't you know it?"

  "No."

  "I own a copper mine that the looters won't reach. It's here, in these mountains. I did the prospecting, I discovered it, I broke the first excavation. It was over eight years ago. I was the first man to whom Midas sold land in this valley. I bought that mine. I started it with my own hands, as Sebastian d.'Anconia had started. I have a superintendent in charge of it now, who used to be my best metallurgist in Chile. The mine produces all the copper we require. My profits are deposited at the Mulligan Bank. That will be all I'll have, a few months from now. That will be all I'll need."

  -to conquer the world, was the way his voice sounded on his last sentence--and she marveled at the difference between that sound and the shameful, mawkish tone, half-whine, half-threat, the tone of beggar and thug combined, which the men of their century had given to the .word "need."

  "Dagny," he was saying, standing at the window, as if looking out at the peaks, not of mountains, but of time, "the rebirth of d'Anconia Copper--and of the world--has to start here, in the United States. This country was the only country in history born, not of chance and blind tribal warfare, but as a rational product of man's mind. This country was built on the supremacy of reason--and, for one magnificent century, it redeemed the world. It will have to do so again. The first step of d'.Anconia Copper, as of any other human value, has to come from here--because the rest of the earth has reached the consummation of the beliefs it has held through the ages: mystic faith, the supremacy of the irrational, which has but two monuments at the end of its course: the lunatic asylum and the graveyard.... Sebastian d'Anconia committed one error: he accepted a system which declared that the property he had earned by right, was to be his, not by right, but by permission. His descendants paid for that error. I have made the last payment.... I think that I will see the day when, growing out from .their root in this soil, the mines, the smelters, the ore docks of d'.An conia Copper will spread again through the world and down to my native country, and I will be the first to start my country's rebuilding. I may see it, but I cannot be certain. No man can predict the time when others will choose to return to reason. It may be that at the end of my life, I shall have established nothing but this single mine--d.'Anconia Copper No. 1, Galt's Gulch, Colorado, U.S.A. But, Dagny, do you remember that my ambition was to double my father's production of copper? Dagny, if at the end of my life, I produce but one pound of copper a year, I will be richer than my father, richer than all my ancestors with all their thousands of tons--because that one pound will be mine by right and will be used to maintain a world that knows it!"

  This was the Francisco of their childhood, in bearing, in manner, in the unclouded brilliance of his eyes--and she found herself questioning him about his copper mine, as she had questioned him about his industrial projects on their walks on the shore of the Hudson, recapturing the sense of an unobstructed future.

  "I'll take you to see the mine," he said, "as soon as your ankle recovers completely. We have to climb a steep trail to get there, just a mule trail, there's no truck road as yet. Let me show you the new smelter I'm designing. I've been working on it for some time, it's too complex for our present volume of production, but when the mine's output grows to justify it--just take a look at the time, labor and money that it will save!"

  They were sitting together on the floor, bending over the sheets of paper he spread before her, studying the intricate sections of the smelter--with the same joyous earnestness they had once brought to the study of scraps in a junk yard.

  She leaned forward just as he moved to reach for another sheet, and she found herself leaning against his shoulder. Involuntarily, she held still for one instant, no longer than for a small break in the flow of a single motion, while her eyes rose to his. He was looking down at her, neither hiding what he felt nor implying any further demand. She drew back, knowing that she had felt the same desire as his.

  Then, still holding the recaptured sensation of what she had felt for him in the past, she grasped a quality that had always been part of it, now suddenly clear to her for the first time: if that desire was a celebration of one's life, then what she had felt for Francisco had always been a celebration of her future, like a moment of splendor gained in part payment of an unknown total, affirming some promise to come. In the instant when she grasped it, she knew also the only desire she had ever experienced not in token of the future but of the full and final present. She knew it by means of an image--the image of a man's figure standing at the door of a small granite structure. The final form of the promise that had kept her moving, she thought, was the man who would, perhaps, remain a promise never to be reached.

  But this--she thought in consternation--was that view of human destiny which she had most passionately hated and rejected: the view that man was ever to be drawn by some vision of the unattainable shining ahead, doomed ever to aspire, but not to achieve. Her life and her values could not bring her to that, she thought; she had never found beauty in longing for the impossible and had never found the possible to be beyond her reach. But she had come to it and she could find no .answer.

  She could not give him up or give up the world--she thought, looking at Galt, that evening. The answer seemed harder to find in his presence. She felt that no problem existed, that nothing could stand beside the fact of seeing him and nothing would ever have the power to make her leave--and, simultaneously, that she would have no right to look at him if she were to renounce her railroad. She felt that she owned him, that the unnamed had been understood between them from the start--and, simultaneously, that he was able to vanish from her life and, on some future street of the outside world, to pass her by in unweighted indifference.