MANIAC - LOVE DERANGED

by Violet Shaw

  Apparently it was the sex that they had just had which transported him into this relaxed mood without any tension.

  He was a deceiver.

  He earned his money with his smile, his brilliance, and his callous ability to manipulate other people.

  Taking someone to the cleaners was a game for him.

  “Sink or swim” was one of his favorite expressions when he wanted to achieve something in particular or if he wanted to force an issue.

  But Valerie wanted to experience life.

  And until now, she had not felt life so intensely with any other man. And in the course of time, the attempt to capture him also became a sport for her, since he himself was the pursued, restless and torn inside.

  He constantly needed a challenge, a new victim.

  It was a perpetual game for him. As soon as he had attained a new acquisition, and was certain of it, his interest in it disappeared.

  Again and again, he spoke of finding the “right” woman for life. And as soon as he found a shoulder to lean on, he turned and ran, every time.

  He was always on the run. He left without saying good-bye.

  He didn’t have any style.

  And he had limited social skills.

  Valerie’s extraordinary fascination with him was based primarily on his untiring energy. It was his power, paired with his great success as an “I-banker,” his sensational appearance and his sexiness, which he exuded. He wasn’t particularly tall, not quite six feet, but as soon as he entered a room, he completely filled it with his charisma.

  He had something magical about him, something with which he could pull everyone under his spell, especially Valerie; he was like a magnet, and when he walked in, drew everyone present to himself. He was almost frightening.

  In addition, he led an extraordinarily interesting jet-set life. He was at home everywhere and nowhere. He knew his way around New York, Miami, London, and Paris as well as he knew Munich, Zurich, or Berlin.

  In his trunk, there were always suitcases at the ready, packed to head to a particular destination. Quickly.

  He was an absolute free-spirit, beholden to nothing and no one.

  He had no emotional, familial, financial, or sexual dependence.

  He was as free and unattached as a person could be.

  “I will change my life!” he declared to Valerie again and again, as if for the first time. And: “I want to live a more solid, respectable life.”

  “Alright, good, but where exactly do you want to live?” Valerie then asked him every time.

  “That doesn’t matter, I can live anywhere! Perhaps I’ll move back to Munich or Frankfurt.”

  She was on fire for him.

  Never before had she felt so much passion for someone.

  The problem was, however, that because of her passion she was gradually destroying herself. Because of the flame of her passion, she was in danger of burning up.

  Valerie hadn’t seen Jason at all during the month of December. First, their affair had become more established after they had spent several beautiful weekends in Munich, Zurich and Frankfurt together.

  At the beginning of December Jason decided rather hastily to fly to Art Basel in Miami Beach for professional reasons.

  Everything was “important, very important.”

  After that, it was extremely hectic in the Zurich office so that they were unable to see one another before Christmas and their only contact was via text-messages and on the telephone. He always spoke of his longing for her:

  “Sweetie, panic has set in here, I’m totally busy and everything is topsy-turvy! I’m just leaving the office and on top of everything else, I’ve been appointed head advisor for Eastern Europe. More work!!! Nonetheless, want to see you as soon as possible! How are you? I miss you . . .Kiss, your Jason”

  Valerie more or less accepted Jason’s stress at the bank and the fact that they hadn’t been able to see each other relatively calmly.

  She spent her Christmas vacation with her family and friends in St. Moritz.

  When Jason found out that Valerie was in Switzerland, he was all fire and flame again. He insisted on meeting her in St. Moritz.

  “You won’t believe it, but I’ve thought of you often! How can we do it – shall we meet in St. Moritz and then you can come back to Zurich with me?”

  After he had spent Christmas and New Year’s in Kitzbühl, he wanted without fail, as he explained to her, to visit a friend in St. Moritz, about whom Valerie had heard nothing ever before.

  Now, however, after Jason had presumably arrived in St. Moritz, he hadn’t been in touch with her.

  Valerie and her new American friend, Ray, decided to visit the Dracula Club in St. Moritz.

  She was extremely nervous and excited and had the feeling that he was there and that she would run into him momentarily.

  The club was very crowded; they had arrived at the right time. Valerie knew that timing was everything.

  The atmosphere was highly charged. All the “beautiful people” were dancing wildly on the dance floor and elsewhere in the club.

  With an eagle eye, she looked for him across the entire club, and she quickly discovered him. There he was! Finally!!!

  He was standing in the back of the club, near the bar, with three acquaintances, two men and a woman.

  And he had seen her at the same time. But he didn’t change his facial expression at all under her gaze. No sign of joy or even a greeting to acknowledge her presence.

  Instead, he only glanced at her, seemingly lost in thought, casual and cool at the same time.

  His gaze suggested nothing other than sheer indifference.

  Oh mercy, how long had she been waiting to finally see him again! And now he was only a few feet away!

  Valerie’s heart almost stopped; just seeing him had evoked such ecstasy. Especially in the dim lighting, he looked simply fantastic. He was the man of her dreams. And the absolute sex-god!

  At this thought, she felt a spasm within her. She could feel a slight trembling beginning as she simply looked at him.

  Only a few feet separated them, but despite that they didn’t approach one another as a matter of course. It was almost as if an invisible wall had materialized between them. She had imagined their meeting would be far less complicated.

  Ray abruptly interrupted Valerie’s thoughts: “Come, let’s go to the bar! What would you like to drink?”

  Valerie smiled at him, but not because she wanted to appeal to him, but rather to draw Jason’s attention and make him aware that she wasn’t there alone, but with a very attractive escort. She wanted to make Jason jealous.

  “A gin and tonic, please!”

  “Very good choice! Ray responded. “I’ll have one too.”

  They positioned themselves at the bar, and Ray greeted the two bartenders like a regular customer, with the greatest naturalness, including a handshake.

  Amused, Valerie laughed and said: “You seem to know everyone here.”

  “No, I know no one here. But when you live in New York and want to hold your own, you learn to approach everybody and simply act as if you belong there.”

  Wow. Valerie was impressed and surprised at the same time. Americans were indeed totally superficial, but one could learn a lot from them – for example, how one could set oneself into the scene with the simplest of tricks.

  She began to dance a little in front of the bar, as if she were having a great time with her acquaintance and the evening was sensational.

  And meanwhile she looked up at Ray and laughed from time to time.

  He was enthused by her feigned interest and interpreted her flirting as a possibly serious invitation.

  Although it was probably mean, at that moment it didn’t matter to her. She wanted to attract Jason’s attention to herself. The end justified the means.

  She was watching Jason the entire time out of the corner of her eye. He was still standing with his little clique at the end of the bar and was watching her too. And
he still hadn’t changed expression.

  He was earnest and reserved. As always.

  A thousand thoughts went through her head. Why hadn’t he let her know he was here? Why did he go to the club alone?

  Based on appearances, he wasn’t glad to see her!

  Her great joy at seeing him again was now coupled with disappointment and anger. He was a lousy rat!

  Her heart raced wildly despite the normally calming effect of the alcohol. She was both nervous and elated.

  None of the chaotic feelings she was experiencing were evident on the surface, and she continued to dance with Ray at the bar. She seemed uninhibited and free. Out of the corner of her eye, she could also continue to watch Jason.

  With a serious expression, he now came toward her, stopped at a respectable distance in front of her and said “hello,” with some embarrassment.

  “Hello,” Valerie responded, also with a serious expression.

  Jason made no additional effort to greet her properly, to kiss her on the cheek, or anything else.

  They both looked at each other with Poker-faces.

  He didn’t favor her acquaintance, Ray, with even a glance.

  Jason came a little closer to her with hesitant steps, taking her in from top to bottom, without changing expression.

  Valerie was wearing black thigh-high boots, a short chiffon skirt and a black top, and until a few minutes ago had felt fantastic and irresistible. Now she was completely confused.

  Jason nodded affirmatively after his appraisal and said: “You look good!”

  “Thank you.” Valerie replied, with a serious demeanor.

  She was really annoyed.

  He stood there in front of her, embarrassed. He had nothing to say.

  Valerie looked around, scanning the club, and Jason followed her glance.

  “I know all the people here; I studied with them in Munich. Most of them didn’t have to study and finish their programs; it wasn’t necessary, as wealthy as they are.”

  “It’s always necessary to study, no matter how well-to-do one already is,” Valerie replied.

  Oh, no, she had rebuked him again, which she actually wanted to avoid at all costs. But he was babbling such foolishness; she couldn’t simply agree.

  But Jason didn’t react at all to her criticism; he continued as he had begun:

  “In Kitzbühl the people are all very young, much younger than here, but it’s better for you here. What would you want with such a young boyfriend!”

  At that point, he tossed a short, derisive glance at Valerie’s escort, whom one could certainly characterize as young, attractive, and also as a boyfriend. Valerie smiled to herself regarding these comments. He had indeed perceived him as a potential rival. Mentally, she voiced a resounding cheer.

  “I went out every evening in Kitzbühl!” Jason continued, and in response, Valerie raised her right eyebrow to express her irritation at what he was saying. Jason immediately realized his misstep, and tried to modify his statement by adding:

  “No, of course I didn’t. One evening I would read, and then go out the next!”

  Oh boy, his lies were so glib and transparent. He handled his relationship with the truth very pragmatically.

  “When the opportunity presents itself, I’ll check to see what kind of reading matter was really at hand!” Valerie countered.

  “Yes, you’re welcome to do that!”

  Their gaze met and she could feel the sexual tension that existed between them.

  Suddenly, Jason spoke again: “I can still remember our last breakfast very well, since it was so profound. I’ve also bought a new white leather couch. You definitely have to see it. And besides, there’s enough room for both of us.”

  Valerie smiled smugly to herself and gave him a clever smile at the same time.

  He was so unusual, this guy, but also so incredibly sexy. Never before had she been so taken with a man. Jason robbed her of all reason and apparently also her ability to communicate.

  “Wait, I’ll introduce you to my friend, Chris!” He raised his right arm and waved to a man in the club to join them.

  An extremely young, tall, dark-haired man came toward them. He was at least 6-1/2 ft. tall. Next to him, Jason looked like a garden gnome.

  “Hi, nice to meet you. I’m Chris.

  “Hi, nice to meet you, too. I’m Valerie.

  “Where are you from?” Chris asked her.

  “From Germany.”

  “Oh, no!!! Chris was completely horrified and immediately buried his face in his hands.

  Jason and Valerie laughed aloud. Chris was also German and his attempt to communicate in English really embarrassed him. When they had all regained their composure, Jason said:

  “We have to go! Chris wants to practice skiing with me tomorrow morning at 8:00 o’clock.”

  “Oh, dear, so early, that’s a demanding program you have ahead of you.”

  “Yes, exactly! Will we see each other tomorrow?” Jason asked Valerie and looked into her eyes.

  “Yes!”

  “Okay, then we’re off. ‘Til tomorrow!”

  “Til tomorrow!”

  Without a real good-bye, not giving her a kiss or anything, Jason and his friend disappeared down the stairs of the club. Only Ray, Valerie’s acquaintance, tossed a disapproving look in Jason’s direction as they departed.

  Now Valerie could turn to Ray again. She had forgotten him during the time she was speaking with Jason.

  Clearly outraged, Ray looked at her:

  “I’ll be right back. Wait for me here!” he demanded, and also disappeared into the dark as he quickly ran down the stairs of the club.

  Oh, no! Valerie sensed something bad was about to happen. Apparently he was very jealous. She remained at the bar with her drink. As quickly as all the men had appeared, they had disappeared as well. She hoped that Ray wouldn’t get all uptight because of his jealousy. He had had some serious hopes as far as she could tell.

  She took a sip of her gin and tonic and felt happy. Finally, she had seen him again, even if it was just a short encounter. And he wanted to see her! She was overjoyed and felt jubilant.

  The DJ put on “Dance of the Molecules” and her heart danced to the beat.

  Suddenly, as if out of the void, Ray stood in front of her again. He was more upset than before his abrupt departure.

  “Was that actually your boyfriend just then?” he hissed at her.

  “No,” Valerie responded brusquely.

  “Well, that’s good. I almost hit the guy in the mouth!”

  “Excuse me?” She was totally surprised and amused. “What happened?” she asked with great curiosity.

  “Nothing! I went down the stairs and said to him: Hey, if you come near her again, I’ll kill you! Your friend answered: I’m seeing her tomorrow anyway! And then I said: But not tonight!! Then we went at each other, but his friend intervened.”

  Ray looked at her, resigned:

  “And so, what do you say? Do I have a chance with you?”

  Valerie didn’t know what to say. His direct approach both surprised her and caught her unaware.

  She was quite confused. Of course not! Only Jason counted for her – only he alone!

  Next to him, no one else had a chance, but she couldn’t say that to poor Ray, of course. She felt exceedingly sorry for him.

  But beyond that, she was insanely happy that she had almost caused a fist-fight.

  It was sensational; she couldn’t have made herself any more interesting to Jason if she had tried. Now he had a rival – a very attractive and young one, in fact. She let out a loud cheer inside again.

  And before Valerie could answer the question, she heard Ray say with great disappointment:

  “It’s okay, no problem. Have a good time with the guy!”

  And without uttering another word, Ray left her at the bar and disappeared down the stairs to the exit.

  Now she was standing alone at the bar again, with the rest of her gin and to
nic. It wasn’t how she had imagined the end of the evening.

  But, no matter what, she had run into Jason and had a date with him tomorrow. For whatever, but most probably skiing.

  And then Ray, too. He was completely disappointed in her, understandably so! She was, meanwhile, almost as bad as Jason, in that she had used Ray to accomplish what she wanted. She didn’t feel good about herself as she thought about this. Tomorrow Ray would return to New York, and was apparently frustrated because of her.

  The evening had passed by so quickly, leaving only remnants to sift through.

  She would see Jason tomorrow and wanted to be fit for their date, so she drank the rest of her drink and decided to ride back to her hotel in a taxi. As she left the club wrapped in her fur coat, it had begun to snow again and a piercing cold held sway, as was usual in St. Moritz at the beginning of January.

  In the taxi that the doorman had ordered for her, she looked at the display on her cell phone.

  Nothing! No message from Jason. It was seemingly all the same to him when, how, and with whom she went home tonight.

  His lack of concern made her both sad and furious at the same time.

  The next morning she was awakened by her cell phone which, because of all the excitement the night before, she had forgotten to turn off. It was lying on the floor next to her, and half asleep, she reached for it.

  It was Jason. At 9:30 a.m.! What do you know, he’s in a hurry to reach me this morning:

  “Hello, Valerie, I’ve reserved a table at 1:30 p.m. at the Alpine Hut. Would you like to come? Regards, J”

  She did an inner cartwheel, overcome with joy. Yes, of course, she wanted to come. No question whatsoever.

  Her performance yesterday had apparently worked. One simply had to attack the men with their own weapons. It was quite simple.

  How timidly he asked if she wanted to come! With a smile, she jumped out of bed in full swing. At breakfast, she happened upon her parents, who asked about her previous evening.

  “And how was your evening?” her mother said, with considerable interest.

  “Very good; I ran into Jason!”