Kissing the Cowboy

by Kennedy Fox

  “I don’t know…” I hesitate, chewing on my lower lip that’s nearly gone raw from how much of a mess I’ve been.

  “Look, Harper. You either lose him now or you lose him later when he moves on and finds someone else. You think a woman is gonna be okay with her man hanging out with you? No fuckin’ way. They’ll get serious, which turns into a proposal, then a wedding. And you know what comes after that?”

  “Death,” I deadpan. “If I’m lucky.”

  “Babies,” she corrects. “You wanna see another woman having Ethan’s babies?”

  “Oh my God. I’m not thinkin’ about kids right now.”

  “Why not? You’re not gettin’ any younger,” she mocks. “Kidding. Though I’m not about what will happen if you let him go because of your fears. Put that shit to the side and realize what kind of future you have to gain with Ethan.”

  She’s right—I know she is—and if I don’t do something about it, I’ll lose one of the most important people to me.

  “I do have feelings for him,” I softly admit. “I have for a long time. Giving in to those desires was amazing but also scary. I thought that if I gave him an out and said that it was a drunken mistake, I’d avoid the heartache from having to hear how he regretted it.”

  She tilts her head and nods. “But instead, you broke his heart.”

  “And I hate myself for that.”

  “You need to tell him, Harper. Put the man out of his misery. Be happy! Be happy with someone who loves you as much as you love him because trust me when I say it sucks when it‘s one-sided.”

  Hadleigh’s face drops, and it takes me a second to realize what she’s implying.

  “Is there something you’re not tellin’ me? Something about unrequited love?” I eye her suspiciously.

  “That’s a story for another day. Tonight’s all about you and helping you figure out how to get your man.”

  I giggle, sipping my margarita and appreciating her company. Talking about it has helped a ton, but I’m still conflicted. As much as I want to run to Ethan right now, I need a plan. He’s not going to easily forgive me. Knowing him, he’ll make me grovel, even if it’s for his own amusement. Though, if it means we’re happy, I’m willing to do whatever it takes.

  Chapter Seventeen

  ETHAN

  It’s been a week since I’ve seen or talked to Harper.

  One of the worst weeks of my life.

  When I said she had to choose, I hadn’t expected her answer. Perhaps I shouldn’t have asked it if I wasn’t ready, but I can’t take it back now. She’d rather stay friends than admit she has feelings for me. I put myself out there, and now I’ve lost her.

  Though kissing her one final time was partly selfish because I wanted to taste her again, I had hoped she’d come to her senses. Having that be our last kiss makes it that much more painful. I’ve known Harper all her life and know when she’s lying—especially to herself. I was immediately hurt when she took the easy way out, and it was then I realized I had royally fucked up our friendship. Now, I can’t even face her.

  It doesn’t mean I haven’t missed her like crazy, though. Memories of how amazing it was to touch her soft skin, to kiss every inch of her, to feel her writhe underneath me flood in. How could I just forget that? It’s taken residence in my goddamn head with no sign of leaving.

  Since I’ve been sleeping like shit, I get up early for work and stay busy with hopes it occupies my mind. It does until she messages me or I run into someone who asks about our “engagement” and then I have to act like she hadn’t ripped out my heart. Half the town still thinks we’re getting married. It’s been hell.

  Just as I’m filling buckets with goat pellets, Grayson struts into the barn with dirty jeans and a cowboy hat. It’s too early for him to be a mess, so I’m guessing he slept in his work clothes again.

  “You’re not scheduled to be here today,” I tell him. He’s supposed to be helping Diesel with the cattle.

  “Nice to see ya too.” He flashes a shit-eating grin as if he’s up to something.

  “What do you want? I’m busy.”

  “I’m just relaying a message. Harper’s lookin’ for ya. You’re supposed to text her back.”

  I grunt, keeping my comments to myself.

  “Are the future newlyweds fighting?”

  I fight back the urge to roll my eyes. She’s been blowing up my phone nonstop, and though I feel bad for ignoring her, I need time to figure out how the hell I’m supposed to go back to being just friends like she wants.

  Before I can tell him to mind his own damn business, Kane walks in since the twins are working with me today. Instead of going to his station, he approaches me.

  “Harper’s lookin’ for ya,” Kane says.

  “So I’ve heard.” I swallow hard and keep my annoyance to myself. She’s gonna start the rumor mill up again if she keeps this up.

  “I don’t know why she’s making me tell you, but you’re supposed to text or call her back.” He shrugs.

  “Thanks for the memo,” I deadpan.

  Knox struts in, pulling Cupcake on a leash. Ever since he got busted for letting her out, I’ve put him on permanent Cupcake-watching duty.

  “Hey, Harp—”

  “I know!” I snap. “Got the message. Jesus.”

  “You fucked her, didn’t you?” Knox smirks like an idiot.

  Grayson’s brows pop up and Kane chuckles.

  “Shut the hell up before I fire your ass.”

  “That’s a yes,” Knox mutters, snickering.

  “Get to work,” I bark out, then move my gaze to Kane. “You too.”

  Grayson stands with his arms crossed as he sizes me up, studying me as the twins leave.

  “What?”

  “Well, is it true?” he asks.

  I grab the full buckets and walk toward the pastures, ignoring him. Of course he follows, not giving me any damn space.

  “You can talk to me, man. I’m not gonna go blabber your business around or judge you. But if something happened between you two, maybe I can help.”

  I scoff in disbelief as I open the gate. When we enter, the goats swarm us. “And how’re ya gonna do that?”

  “Well, first you come clean and tell me what happened. Then I give you the advice.”

  “What if I don’t want it?”

  “Too damn bad.” He flashes a cocky grin as if he knows he’ll eventually get it out of me.

  “Yeah, we had some drinks and slept together,” I admit, maneuvering around Cream Puff and Cheesecake, who are screaming. “I was ready to pour my heart out to her the morning after, but she freaked out and said it was a huge mistake. She wanted to pretend it never happened.”

  “Ouch.” He scrubs his finger over his jawline. “And I’m guessing you don’t.”

  “A couple days after that, I admitted my feelings, and when she hesitated, I asked her to choose between a potential relationship or our friendship. I was so damn confident she’d confess she felt the same, but she picked staying friends instead.”

  “Fuck, man. Anyone who’s been around you two for more than ten seconds could see your chemistry. From what my sources tell me, she’s had feelings for you for a long-ass time, so I’m surprised she’d say that.”

  “Your sources?” I snort, amused.

  “Hey, just because Kenzie ignores me ninety-nine percent of the time doesn’t mean I don’t overhear every word those girls talk about.”

  “Harper doesn’t really hang out with them.”

  “No, but Hadleigh’s her best friend, who tells Kane everything, who talks to Diesel, who then mentions shit to Rowan. And once Rowan knows…”

  They all do.

  “Well it doesn’t matter anyway. She’s made her choice,” I state matter-of-factly as I scatter pellets on the ground.

  “So what, you’re just going to ignore her from now on and hope you don’t run into her? Considering y’all live ten minutes away from each other, that’s highly unlikely,” he tells m
e as I force the empty bucket into his hand.

  “I don’t know what my plan is, okay? I don’t have anything else to say. I spilled my heart to her and got crushed, so…” I shrug, feeling the pain all over again.

  “Maybe she’s had a change of heart. She’s got all of us out lookin’ for you, so it must be important.”

  I empty the second bucket, then walk toward the gate.

  “Oh well,” I mutter.

  “Dude. You need to leave your pride at the door and at least hear her out. Maybe you caught her off guard or she wasn’t ready to admit it. Either way, she’s your best friend, and you can’t avoid her forever.”

  He follows me to the barn, where I take the buckets from his hand and stack them on top of the others.

  “I’ll think about it.” I take off my cap and scrub a hand over my head. “If she asks, tell her you delivered the message.”

  “If?” He chuckles. “She’s already blowing up my phone.”

  Great.

  “I’m not in a rush to get pushed back into the friend zone. I don’t think I can go back to how things were before our weekend together.”

  “Worry about that after you’ve listened to what she has to say.” He pats my shoulder. “Good luck, man.”

  Though I’m curious as hell, I’m not ready to face her yet. If she just wants to reiterate us being only friends, I’m in no rush to hear it again.

  After lunch, Elle texted and asked if I’d bring her some pastries from the B&B. Then she bribed me with newborn snuggles if I came. Since I still had a few hours left of work, I told her I’d come over after. Luckily, I was able to get in and out quickly. I make my way into town after I shower.

  “You’re lucky I love you.” I hand her the bag filled with muffins, donuts, and Danishes.

  “And here’s a baby.” She grins, handing Elisa over. I carefully hold her, and my mood immediately lightens. She’s only three weeks old and still has that newborn smell.

  “You’re not getting baby fever, are you?” Connor walks in, peeking into the bag.

  I scoff. “Ha! At the rate my love life is going, Olivia will have kids before me.”

  Connor shoots me a death glare. “Don’t say that. She’s not dating…ever.”

  Elle rolls her eyes. “What’s the update on Harper?”

  Taking a seat across from them, I keep Elisa close to my chest so I don’t wake her. I shrug, unable to keep my eyes off her. She looks like a doll.

  “You mean since the newspaper announcement?”

  Elle bites into a Danish and tells me how good it is around a mouthful. “Yes, since it all imploded in your face like I predicted.”

  “We went to her event and ended up drinking Saturday night. I kissed her and things…escalated,” I explain.

  “Called it,” Connor gloats.

  Elle elbows him, and he nearly chokes up a piece of muffin. “And what happened after that?”

  I explain everything—how I confessed my feelings and she chose to stay friends.

  “Then I walked out and haven’t talked to her since,” I tell them.

  “She texted me and asked about you,” Elle admits.

  I inhale sharply. “Yeah, she’s been asking everyone.”

  “So why are you ignoring her?” Connor asks.

  “I don’t have anything else to say.”

  “You aren’t being her friend right now. You’re avoiding her.” Elle shakes her head.

  I shrug.

  “Maybe she was scared. There’s no way Harper doesn’t have feelings for you,” Elle states confidently.

  “And if that’s the case, don’t waste time hiding,” Connor adds. “The longer you wait, the more you’ll regret it.”

  “Yeah, I took your advice last time, and it backfired,” I tell him.

  “Don’t give up. Some women are worth fighting for,” he confirms.

  Elle looks at Connor like he just hung the moon for her. “Aw, babe.”

  He leans over and kisses her.

  These two make me sick.

  But I love seeing my sister happy.

  “Alright, lovebirds. You have a newborn. No need to make another.”

  “We aren’t…at least not for another four weeks,” Connor complains, then winks. “Listen, I waited years to admit how I felt and wasted that time not being with her. So you should see what Harper has to say. Then afterward, you can move on instead of holding on to hope.”

  “You either face her or she’ll hunt you down,” Elle snickers. “Not like you can hide for long.”

  I huff.

  Though I hate the thought of facing her, they’re right. Harper and I have been joined at the hip for so long, there’s no way she’ll let me avoid her. She’ll make me listen to whatever she has to say, and the sooner she does, the sooner I can figure out my next steps.

  I think about everything Grayson, Connor, and my sister have said to me today. Everything in my head is such a mess, and I go through waves of pain, anger, and regret thinking about it all.

  When I get home, my mom’s in the kitchen cooking. “Hey. I’m makin’ dinner.”

  “Smells good.” I smile, though it’s forced. “You off tonight?”

  “Yep. Dad too. He should be home within the hour. Where have you been?”

  “Went to visit Elle and the baby.”

  “How’re they doing? I’m planning to go over tomorrow before my shift.”

  “Good. Elisa slept the whole time.” I chuckle, grabbing a drink from the fridge.

  Just as I’m sucking down chocolate milk from the carton, my mom says, “Oh, Harper’s looking for you. She said to text her back. You two fightin’?”

  Jesus Christ.

  I put the milk back inside and slam the door shut. Mom bought our story about the engagement prank after the newspaper debacle, so she has no idea what’s really going on.

  Instead of answering her question about Harper, I grab my keys and walk toward the door. “I’ll be right back.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  HARPER

  I’ve sent half a dozen people to tell Ethan to call or text me back.

  And nothing.

  We’ve never gone this long without talking or seeing each other. I know he’s reading my texts and not responding, which pisses me off even more. After talking with Hadleigh last week and taking a couple days to think about it, I was ready to put my heart on the line.

  But that’s hard to do when he’s ignoring me.

  I could’ve gone to the barn, but he’s not always in the same place since he expanded his operations. Plus, I don’t want an audience in case there were ranch hands around. It’d be so much easier if he’d just answer his damn phone.

  Hadleigh: Still nothing from Ethan?

  I check my phone after a hectic day of packaging orders.

  Harper: No! I’m about to show up at his house and demand he speak to me.

  Hadleigh: Do it! You know his mama won’t let him ignore you.

  She has a point. Though I don’t want to force him to talk, it might be the only way.

  Deciding to go for it, I change clothes and put on my boots. Then I grab my keys and head for the door.

  He better be home because I’m ready to give him a mouthful.

  I whip open the door and gasp when Ethan’s standing there. The porch light shines down on him.

  “Oh my God,” I shriek, grasping my chest. “You scared me half to death.”

  “Sorry. I was just about to knock.” He lowers his eyes to my keys. “Goin’ somewhere?”

  I step back, leaving space between us. “As a matter of fact, I was heading to your house.”

  “That wouldn’t have been a good idea.”

  “Well, you left me no choice. If you weren’t acting like a child and ignoring me—”

  “You mean if you weren’t acting like a stalker and having everyone looking for me…”

  My jaw drops, and I scowl. “I wasn’t stalking you.”

  “Well, I’m here now, so
tell me what’s so urgent.”

  I cross my arms without speaking, not liking the way he’s acting.

  “You summoned me, so what do you want?” he continues.

  “Fuck off. You’re being an asshole.” I step back and slam the door, but he stops it and walks in.

  “I’m not trying to be, but I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to be friends with you anymore.”

  My eyes fill with sadness, and my shoulders slump. “We’ve never had to try. We just were. We never let anything get between us.”

  “Things aren’t the same anymore, Harper.” He comes closer. “I have feelings for you. I like you. A lot. I have for a long time. When we slept together, I thought you felt the same, so I gave you a choice to pick the version of me you really wanted. But I wasn’t prepared for you to say what you did. I needed time to process it and space to figure out how to sort through my feelings. So yeah, I don’t know how to pretend not to feel what I do. I can’t be your friend, Harper. I’m sorry.”

  My heart rapidly pounds as he pours his out to me. Unlike the first time he confessed, I’m ready to be honest with him. His face looks so pained as he relives that moment as if it were the worst day of his life. I feel awful about that, and though I can’t change the past, I can fix our future.

  “I don’t want to be your friend either,” I say nervously.

  He blinks, unmoving, as if I’ve just slapped him.

  “I want more,” I add with emphasis. “I didn’t think it was something to say over text.”

  Ethan’s throat moves as if he’s swallowed a brick. “More what?” he finally responds.

  “When you told me how you’ve always felt, I got scared,” I admit. “And though I still am, you should know it’s not one-sided. I’m sorry I made you think it was, but you caught me off guard that night, and I froze.”

  “Okay, so tell me now.”

  My palms sweat as I think about what I’ve rehearsed a hundred times. “I don’t regret anything that happened between us. I woke up and panicked but not because of what we’d done. I was worried you’d say it was a mistake, so to avoid getting hurt, I said it first.”