Bravura (Portentous Destiny Series Book 3)

by S. E. Rose

“Did you find your Prince Charming?” she whispers.

  “I think so,” I admit to her. “OK, I know so for sure now. No more doubts.”

  “Have you told him you love him yet?”

  “Not yet.”

  “Don’t wait, OK? Do it tonight!” she says and begins to cough.

  “Hey, slow down, partner,” I say as I buzz for backup.

  “Promise…me,” she sputters in between coughs.

  “I promise, Olivia, but right now I need you to focus on your breathing, so I can get a treatment going to help you, OK?”

  She grips my hand and shakes her head. “This is it,” she whispers. She looks so calm. She looks over at her sleeping parents. “Don’t wake them,” she says and blows a kiss in their direction. She looks back at me as if there is more to say and then her eyes roll back in her head, and I see the line on her heart monitor go flat. “Shit, Olivia,” I murmur and shake her.

  “Code Blue! Code Blue!” I yell into the remote on Olivia’s bed. A crash cart comes tumbling inside the room, and we are suddenly surrounded. Her little hand is now limp in mine, and I let it go and back up. Ethan and Mandy are rattled awake by the commotion, and I usher them out of the room. They look exhausted and unlike the last time I had to do this many months earlier, they don’t fight me. They merely walk down the hallway and sit. I sit next to them and grip Mandy’s hand.

  She looks over at me. “It’s OK, Zoe. It’s time. She told me earlier,” she says quietly as tears streak down her cheeks.

  I shake my head not wanting to believe it. “No,” I whisper.

  Ethan nods. “Mandy’s right. She’s in so much pain. I don’t want my baby to suffer anymore. As much as I want her to stay with me forever, I can’t see her suffer anymore,” he sobs.

  We all sit in silence other than our sniffles and quiet sobs. Eventually, Dr. Tomlin appears in front of us. He kneels down, and I know. Ethan looks at him and nods and Mandy starts to cry and crawls into Ethan’s lap. Rick pulls me up and into a big embrace.

  “I’m so sorry, Zoe,” he says. He clenches his fists behind me. “So sorry.”

  I nod and pull away, walking down the hall to get my things. I find Cami crying in the break room, and we reach for each other and fall to the floor in a mess of crying and hugs. Some of the nurses ask if I want them to call anyone for me. I decline.

  It takes a long while to compose myself, but eventually I manage to get to the front doors of the hospital. The cool fall air hits me as I decide to walk to the apartment. I pass families and couples along the way. I can’t help feeling anger, a rage so intense, I’m nearly blinded by it. These people, they are happy and it’s wrong. Everything is just so wrong. How can the world ever be right again? How can the world go on like Olivia never existed? How can I go on? And, oh God, what about Mandy and Ethan? I ache for my friends and the loss they are feeling that is so profound, so deep that I have trouble grappling with its enormity.

  I think of all the terrible shit that’s happened to me, my parents’ divorce, my dad leaving, the plane crash, my uncle’s death, the bad boyfriends, everything. And now Olivia’s death, which in this moment seems so profoundly worse than anything else I have ever experienced. There’s so much bad in the world. That’s why I never wanted the good boyfriend, the boyfriend who would love me. That’s why I didn’t want Cody. I freeze for a moment with that thought. But I do want Cody. I continue walking, completely confused and grieving. I’m so deep in thought and feeling that I don’t even realize where I’m going as I meander the city streets. It takes me nearly an hour, but by the time I get to the apartment, I’m numb.

  I insert the spare key card that Cody gave me and wait for the elevator to close. I hear a commotion near the front door and just as the doors are an inch from shutting I see a masked man try to place a hand between them, but the doors shut, and the elevator starts to ascend.

  I feel the blood leave my face. I look down at my phone, no bars. Shit! When the doors open, I scan the entryway. Nothing. I can see the exit stairs hidden in the wall in the corner of the foyer. I bolt toward the double doors and open them quickly.

  “Cody?!” I yell, but there’s no answer. I’m about to shut the door when I hear the exit stairs open. I start running toward the bedroom, the panic room. I make it in there in seconds and insert my key and the secret door on the wall opens. I run inside and press a button marked “close” and the door shuts. I can just make out a figure barreling into the closet as it closes. I take a shaky breath and look around. The room is small, maybe eight feet by eight feet. There’s a small cot, a fridge stocked with juices and waters, a basket of snacks, a monitor that shows camera angles around the apartment, and a phone. I pick it up and dial nine-one-one.

  “Nine-one-one, state your emergency,” the operator says.

  “Someone is breaking into my apartment!” I yell.

  “OK, ma’am. Are you in the apartment?” she asks.

  “Yes, I’m in a panic room,” I say.

  “A what?” she asks.

  “I’m in this super-safe, secret room. But I can see them on the cameras. They are rifling through stuff in the apartment,” I say as I try to figure out how to toggle between video feeds. “It looks like two men.”

  “OK, stay where you are. We are sending help,” she says. “Are the men armed?”

  “Uh, I can’t tell,” I say.

  “OK, do they know you are there?” she asks.

  “Yes,” I answer.

  “Ma’am. I already have a call from security from your building. It looks like the police are there now. Why don’t you stay on the line until you can see them, OK?” she says.

  “OK,” I whisper as I watch the monitor feeds. I see the police enter with guns drawn. There’s four of them. I see the two burglars exiting through a patio. I want to open the door, but I’m afraid. Then I see Cody. He flies in behind the police and quickly throws up his hands as they turn to face him. There’s a brief dialogue. I can’t get the audio to work, so I don’t know what they are saying. After a tense minute, the police lower their weapons, and Cody shows them an I.D. He pulls out his phone and hands it to an officer. Two seconds later, he’s pounding on the panic room door.

  “Zoe!” I can barely make out.

  I press a “release” button and the door opens. Cody comes falling into the space and lands on me.

  “Oh, thank God,” he says as he pulls me against him. He kisses me all over while checking every inch of my body.

  “I’m fine,” I whisper. “I’m just shaken up.” I am completely numb for a few moments as he checks every inch of my body a second time.

  He presses a hand to my face. “What’s wrong? Did they hurt you?”

  I shake my head and as he pulls me against him I feel my anguish release. My hysterical sobs don’t stop when the police officer pokes his head in the panic room. I can see Cody put up a hand, and he says something about giving us a minute.

  “S-she’s gone,” I choke out in between sobs.

  “What, darling? Who’s gone?” he asks, pushing my head back to look at my eyes.

  “O-Olivia,” I manage.

  He pulls me tight against him, finally understanding what I mean. “Jesus, I’m sorry, princess. I’m so sorry.”

  We stay there for a few more minutes. “I need to speak with the officers, OK? Stay here.”

  He unhooks me from his arms and walks out into the bedroom. I sag onto the floor and weep.

  He comes back a moment later with a female officer.

  “Ms. Greene? I’m Officer Sanchez. I just need a quick statement from you. I understand you’ve had a very bad day, but it will only take a minute, OK?” she says as she crawls in next to me.

  I nod. She asks me what happened, and I try to calm down enough to answer her. Eventually, she gets what she needs and leaves me to my mourning. I’m not sure how long I sit on the floor crying, but I must cry myself to sleep because when I wake I am in the bed. My head in on Cody’s chest and his arms are
wrapped around me. A blanket covers us, and I can tell from the deep and slow rising and falling of his chest that he is asleep.

  Chapter 22

  Zoe’s Playlist: “Rise Up” by Andra Day

  I don’t leave the bed for the next two days except to go to the bathroom. I don’t check my phone, I don’t even watch television. I just sit and stare out the window of this ridiculously overpriced apartment. Cody tries to get me to eat. I manage some sips of water, but I can’t stomach food. Cody’s brought in security. On the second day of my attempt at pulling an ostrich maneuver and sticking my head in the sand so the world will disappear, my brother suddenly appears.

  “Wakey, wakey,” he says as he gently shakes me. I burrow further under the covers.

  “Come on, Zoe, you can’t stay in here forever.”

  “Yes, I can,” I say through the covers.

  “No, you can’t,” he says firmly and yanks the covers off me.

  “Hey!” I yell at him.

  Aside from the one time Cody carried me in the shower and stripped my clothes off, essentially forcing me to sit under the water, I haven’t even bathed.

  “You need to get out of bed,” he says softly, stroking my hair like I’m a wild animal.

  “Can’t.”

  “Yes, you can.”

  “Why?”

  He sighs. He’s the one person other than Cami and Lena that truly understands how I feel about Olivia. He would sometimes come and volunteer at the PICU, and he also loved her.

  “The funeral is tomorrow,” he says quietly.

  “I can’t go.”

  “Please don’t make me go alone,” he says and lies down next to me, so we are face-to-face. We haven’t done this in a long time, not since we were kids, and we had to share a bed at our great-grandparents’ house. “Please don’t make me go alone,” he repeats himself and squeezes my hand. I see the faintest hint of a tear in his eye and something about seeing my tough kid brother becoming unraveled shakes me to my core. The emotions I’ve kept at bay for two days come pouring out, and Rob pulls me into an embrace.

  “It’s not f-fair,” I sob.

  “I know,” he says through tears of his own. “I know. But, remember when PopPop died, and you refused to go to the funeral, so Mom and Dad let you stay home?”

  “Y-yes.”

  “And remember how awful you felt because you didn’t go?”

  “Y-yes.”

  “Well…?”

  I nod my agreement into his chest.

  “Let’s get you food,” he suggests.

  “I’m not hungry.”

  “You need to eat. Anything, I’ll get you anything,” he pleads.

  “A cheesesteak from Phil’s Pizza?” I ask, subduing my sobs.

  Rob smiles. “Yes, absolutely.”

  I get up, and he slaps my ass with a rolled-up towel that was tossed on the floor just as we used to do when we were fighting over the bathroom in the mornings before school. “Get a move on, woman. I’m hungry.”

  “Where’s Cody?”

  “He went to get your visas.”

  “Oh.”

  I grab a shower, and we go to get cheesesteaks. We bring them back to the apartment. A security guy drives us to the restaurant and back. The whole thing feels surreal.

  “So, what happened?” Rob asks, motioning to the security guy at my front door.

  “We got robbed,” I answer as I take a bite of my cheesesteak. I moan because it tastes so good.

  “Seriously, and now you have like a team of security experts. Seems a little overkill if you ask me,” Rob says.

  “Well, there’s other stuff going on,” I say.

  “Such as?”

  “Such as, don’t worry about it, OK?”

  He holds up his hands. “As long as Cody is keeping you safe, I won’t pry.” I look him in the eyes, and I just know he’s going to try to figure it out. He’s only giving me a reprieve because I’m upset.

  We eat in silence after that. We’re watching an old movie when Cody comes home. He immediately walks over to me and kisses me.

  “Hey,” he says as he strokes my cheek. “Glad you decided to get out of bed.”

  I nod. I see our passports in his hand. “How long’s my visa for?”

  “Why?”

  “I need to get away for a while.”

  He smiles. “I wasn’t going to let you stay here without me.”

  I roll my eyes. “Oh really?”

  “Yes.”

  The movie ends, and I excuse myself to go to bed.

  “Will you come with me tomorrow?” Rob asks.

  I nod. “I’ll do it for Olivia. She’d want me to be with Mandy and Ethan.”

  “I’ll be here at one,” he says, pulling me in for a hug, and then he walks out as I head back to the bedroom.

  Cody follows me a moment later. He gently takes my clothes off and leads me to the shower. We don’t speak as he washes my body and shampoos my hair. His eyes never leave mine. I reach for the soap when he’s finished, and he stops me, making it clear with a single look that he will wash himself. He does so quickly and then leads me out of the shower where he slowly dries me off and hands me some night clothes.

  “Can we go home after we get back from China?” I ask as I put on a t-shirt and cotton shorts and crawl into bed.

  Cody pulls me into his arms and kisses my forehead. “Let’s see how it goes, OK?”

  “Cody, I really just want to go home. I can’t live like this forever,” I say.

  “I know, princess, I know,” he says as he slides us into the bed, pulling the sheets over us and pulling me against him. “I’m sorry, baby. I wish I could fix it all.”

  I let a single tear slide down my cheek. “Me too.”

  The next day, I am numb again as Harrison, Cody’s driver, picks us up and takes us to Olivia’s funeral. We pick up Rob on the way. From the exchange of looks between Rob and Cody, I know they’ve spoken, and I know Rob understands our predicament. Part of me is relieved that I don’t have to explain it and part of me is worried that Rob will try to get involved.

  I’m distracted when we arrive. There are many kids here that had befriended her in the PICU, Lena, Dr. Tomlin, Cami, and a few other nurses and doctors. We sit with my fellow hospital staff after we greet Mandy and Ethan. I walk past Olivia’s small casket. Mandy comes up to me as I’m standing there.

  “Here,” she says. She hands me the small green car piece from the game of Life. It’s filled up just how Olivia had left it. Then she hands me my red piece. “I kept these. I know I shouldn’t, but that was the last happy time she had. You can do what you want with them.”

  I give her a hug and tuck Olivia’s car in the pocket of her dress. “You’ll always be a game winner to me, kiddo.” I hook my pinkie finger around hers. It’s stiff and cold, but I feel her presence all around me, and I smile down at her and walk to sit with Cami and Lena.

  I place my car in my pocket. Cody looks at me, not understanding what transpired, but says nothing. I sit in between Rob and Cody during the funeral. They each grip one of my hands. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve done in a long time, but I do my best not to shed many tears as various people talk about Olivia and how wonderful she was. The funeral is followed by a short ceremony at her grave. Afterward, we all go to Mandy and Ethan’s house. I’d been there twice before when Olivia had been well and wanted me to visit.

  I look sadly out at the backyard where Olivia’s cousins and some neighborhood kids play on her swing set. Ethan joins me by the kitchen window after a while.

  “She’d be happy that kids are still using it,” he says sadly. I place a hand over the one he has on the counter.

  “It’s going to be hard,” I say to him. I’ve seen it before, families falling apart after their child dies. I hope that they don’t become a statistic.

  “I know,” he says. “We’ve been preparing for a long time. It still doesn’t seem real yet.”

  “It’ll take time,” I
say. At least Ethan and Mandy have good jobs and no major debts from having a sick kid. I see so many families that not only have the emotional loss of the child, but they also have the financial strain of having a sick kid in the hospital. It’s really unfair and brutal, like an extra kick in the gut.

  “If you guys need anything, anything at all,” I start. He nods. “Ethan, I’m serious. I’m sure a million people have said that to you today and another million will say it in the coming weeks, but I mean it. I loved her, too. And I’ll sure as hell miss her, but I want us to stay friends. We promised her that, and I intend to keep that promise.”

  “Me too,” he says as he puts his arm around me, and we stand and watch the kids playing freeze tag in the backyard. The rest of the day goes by in a sad blur of discussions and quiet conversations.

  The next day, I have an appointment with Dr. Hannigan.

  “So, how’s your week been?” she asks. I haven’t told her anything yet.

  “Pretty damn shitty,” I say as I slump back against the sofa.

  She raises her eyebrows. “Meaning?”

  “Meaning, my favorite patient died this week. The apartment where I’m staying got robbed. Oh, and I’m fairly certain someone broke into my apartment before that,” I say.

  “Well…that is quite a busy week,” Dr. Hannigan says and puts down her pen. “How are you handling the patient’s death?”

  I shrug. “I’m handling.”

  “Tell me about your patient,” she encourages.

  I sigh and pick at a loose thread on my sweater. “Olivia was eight, almost nine. She had CF and got an infection that caused a complication. She’d been going downhill for the past two years. She was on the transplant list for the last year, but no matches. She was an amazing child, so positive and kind. She always went out of her way to make me feel better even when she wasn’t feeling good herself.”

  “She sounds like a great kid.”

  “She was.”

  “How’s your anxiety been?”

  “I haven’t really had time to think about it.”

  “Were you home when the robbery occurred?”

  “Well, it was actually an attempted robbery. Nothing was stolen. And yes.”