Anything for Him

by L. K. Chapman

  When it was finally over she went back to her Biology class with Mark, who scowled at her. ‘Nice going, Sammie,’ he said, ‘you know he’s probably going to get excluded.’

  ‘I didn’t do anything,’ Sammie said.

  ‘You’re the one who flashed your bra at Dean and the others. Jay just got himself in a ton of trouble sticking up for you.’

  ‘I didn’t ask him to!’

  Mark looked her up and down. ‘I wish you’d never moved here,’ he told her, ‘you should have stayed in Kent.’

  Mark and Sammie tried to go and see Jay after school, but his mum answered the door. She was clearly stressed and upset, and Sammie looked at her with interest. She’d never seen more than a quick glimpse of Jay’s mum before, and she was surprised to see she was really quite a young woman, so young that she must have had Jay when she was only a teenager herself. She was dressed in navy blue suit trousers, a white blouse, and had a little scarf round her neck that reminded Sammie of an air hostess uniform, except she knew Jay’s mum was an estate agent. Her makeup was really subtle and unusual, her lipstick lighter than her natural lip colour so that her mouth was the palest pink, and her eyelids were coloured almost white with shimmering eye shadow, showing off long, feathery eyelashes.

  ‘Mark, Sammie,’ Jay’s mum said, ‘I’m sorry, but Jay is grounded and I don’t want him seeing anyone right now.’

  ‘Please,’ Mark said, ‘we want to see if he’s okay.’ He said the word “we” with just the tiniest hint of contempt, that Jay’s mum would almost certainly miss but Sammie heard loud and clear.

  ‘He’s okay,’ Jay’s mum told them, ‘but he’s been excluded for a week.’

  She didn’t seem to want to speak to them any further, so Mark and Sammie began to walk towards their respective homes. Before arriving at the place that they would go in separate directions, Mark said, ‘I told you he’d get excluded.’

  ‘I don’t know why he kicked off like that,’ Sammie said, ‘why did he get so angry?’

  ‘Because that’s what he does.’

  ‘He… he’s done this before?’

  ‘Yeah. Lots of times. It’s because of what happened with his mum and dad.’

  ‘Is it?’

  ‘Yeah,’ Mark said, as though it was obvious. ‘It’s affected him. People don’t understand him.’

  Sammie realised that he included her in that statement. ‘I think I understand him,’ she said.

  ‘No, you don’t,’ he said, sounding disgusted. ‘Not even close.’

  He started to walk away, then he looked back at her.

  ‘Don’t go thinking it’s romantic, that he got in a fight over you. Jay is always spoiling for a fight. It doesn’t mean anything.’

  He left and Sammie stood still for a while, staring after him. Then she slowly made her way towards home, wondering what on earth was going on.

  Felicity

  18

  Although I tried to fight it, to my surprise my head was soon buzzing with thoughts of starting jewellery making again. Jay was somewhat less enthused when I outlined the main bullet points of my date with Mark while we sat at the dining table with mugs of tea. He listened closely to all the cues that indicated Mark might like me, and laughed out loud when I told him Mark had said I was talented at making jewellery.

  ‘Oh my God,’ he said, ‘could he be any more obvious?’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  Jay raised an eyebrow. ‘Come on, Fliss,’ he said, ‘he doesn’t like your jewellery, does he? He wants a shag.’

  I drank some of my tea, a little ball of pain and anger beginning to bloom inside me.

  ‘I think he was being genuine,’ I said.

  Jay stared at me. ‘Don’t be so stupid, Fliss,’ he said, ‘what’s more interesting? This—’ he reached out and touched my necklace, ‘or this—’ he said, squeezing one of my breasts. I moved out of his reach.

  ‘Is that what you think, then?’ I asked him. ‘My jewellery is how I express myself. Just because you clearly have no interest in that, is it so hard to believe another man does?’

  Jay’s mouth dropped open. ‘Fliss,’ he said, as I stood up, ‘Fliss, come on, I didn’t mean it like that.’

  I ignored him and his words followed me as I walked away. ‘Fliss,’ he said, ‘you’re being ridiculous.’

  Inside my old room I sat at my desk and took some of my old projects out from the drawer where I’d dumped them. My feelings were mixed as I looked at the little collection of rings, bracelets and necklaces. I knew it was a silly dream to think I could ever give up my job to work on it, but maybe with Mark’s help I could make a little bit of money. When Jay knocked on the door a few minutes later I didn’t answer, but he came inside anyway and sat on the end of my bed.

  ‘Fliss,’ he said, ‘what I said just then, it didn’t come out right.’

  I made a noise of disgust and dropped the jewellery back into the drawer.

  ‘I don’t want you to get taken in by him,’ Jay went on. ‘He’s giving you all these ideas about starting up making jewellery again, but is that really what you want? Your jewellery… it reminds you of your dad, doesn’t it? And it makes you unhappy.’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  Jay stood up and came to put his arms around me. ‘Fliss, people will say things they don’t mean sometimes. Mark… well, as far as I can tell he hasn’t had a girlfriend in years. He’s trying to flatter you, but he doesn’t really know you.’

  ‘I thought that’s what you want? For him to like me?’

  Jay kissed the top of my head. ‘It is,’ he said, ‘but I don’t want you to get hurt. Your… your jewellery is very clever, but… let’s face it, people aren’t really going to buy it. I don’t want you to get your hopes up and be disappointed, when you’re already… well, you’re already a bit fragile, aren’t you?’

  I touched the necklace around my neck and Jay let go of me to pick up the mirror I had on the windowsill. He brought it over and held it in front of me so I could look at myself.

  ‘You’re so beautiful,’ he said, ‘but when you wear things like that necklace, it just looks… it looks homemade and cheap. It’s not… it’s not as pretty as you are. It brings you down. You understand what I’m saying, don’t you?’

  I looked closely, and I had to admit I could see what he meant. I’d always thought my jewellery looked unusual and quirky, but actually, in a way, it did look kind of naff. I reached up and undid it.

  ‘The thing is,’ Jay said, taking the necklace from me and putting it in the drawer with my other discarded creations, ‘it threw me a bit, the idea that you might start making jewellery again, because I’d had some thoughts about what we could use this room for.’

  ‘What’s that?’ I asked. I expected him to say something silly, trivial – a gym or something, as that’s where he spent half his life. But when he did make his suggestion, I was so shocked it took my breath away.

  ‘I thought… I thought it would make a nice nursery.’

  …

  That evening I got a call from Leanne, trying to make peace with me about her disastrous visit to the flat. We talked for half an hour or so, but it was obvious she was still determined to turn me against Jay and by the end of the call I was on even worse terms with her than before. Jay had gone out for a run, but once he’d come back and had a shower I went to talk to him in his room, suddenly feeling curious to know more about the girl who had inspired his plan with Mark.

  ‘Do you have any pictures of Sammie?’ I asked.

  He frowned. ‘Yeah,’ he said, ‘a couple. Why?’

  ‘Can I see them?’

  He seemed reluctant, but eventually he asked me to leave him alone for a minute while he tried to find them. I didn’t really understand why I couldn’t stay in the room as he looked for the pictures, and could only assume that once he started going through his wardrobe he thought there might be something in there I wouldn’t want to see. I didn’t think much of it. Having stumbl
ed upon his search history on more than one occasion, I couldn’t imagine he’d have anything in his wardrobe that could shock me. He finally came and joined me at the dining table, where he plonked down an old cardboard shoebox with a small amount of sentimental items in it – photos, a few certificates from his school days, a couple of Valentine’s cards.

  ‘I don’t have much,’ he said, ‘only what I took with me when I left home.’

  He picked through the small pile, where there were some loose photographs from school trips, some from when Jay was only a child, with fluffy hair and a surprisingly round face. In these old pictures he was invariably with Mark; the taller, dark-haired boy appearing somehow very serious and responsible beside the mischievous looking Jay. There seemed to be only one picture of Sammie, and it featured Mark and Jay as well, and all three were in school uniform.

  I took the picture from his hand, and looked at the three faces in it. Jay and Sammie were both grinning, and I looked at her face; her pale skin and cool blue eyes, her lips a light, delicate pink. I thought that beside the two boys she appeared almost a little posh or superior, but the way she was smiling was genuine, and Jay looked happy too; happier than I’d ever seen him.

  ‘You look like you were very in love with her,’ I said.

  ‘I was,’ he said. ‘Do you think it looks like she loved me?’

  I examined the picture again. Jay had his arm tightly around Sammie’s shoulders, and there was no doubt she was comfortable being there with him. But it wasn’t Jay and Sammie who drew my attention. I mumbled to Jay that Sammie did look like she was in love with him, but my eyes were fixed on Mark’s face. It was hard to draw any conclusions from a picture – perhaps he had been caught with a strange expression, maybe a second later he’d have been smiling too – but he certainly wasn’t smiling in that moment. He was staring at Sammie and Jay. And if I wasn’t mistaken, he looked like he absolutely hated them.

  Sammie

  19

  Mark and Sammie obediently stayed away from Jay for the next few days while he was grounded. Sammie spent a lot of time texting him, and he often moaned about how fed up he was and asked her to send him something to brighten up his days. His appreciation and excitement over her ever more daring photos inspired her to keep sending more, until it made her blush to think about the little collection of images he had of her. She longed to see him in person, but it seemed like his mum was around more often than usual, and their plans to go into town and then sleep together at the weekend had to be put on hold.

  By Tuesday the following week Jay told her for about the hundredth time that he was going mad from boredom. His mum had returned to work as normal, so after school Sammie decided to go and see him. Unfortunately, she couldn’t stop Mark tagging along, and when Jay opened the door to them he was visibly delighted to see her, but less impressed to see Mark in tow. But Mark seemed oblivious to the fact he was unwelcome, so for half an hour or so Sammie sat bored on Jay’s bed watching the two boys playing videogames.

  ‘Mark,’ Jay said eventually, ‘do you think you could…’

  ‘Could what?’ Mark asked stupidly.

  Jay rolled his eyes. ‘For Gods’ sake,’ he said, ‘we want you to give us some space, Mark. We want to be alone together.’

  Sammie giggled and Mark glared at them both. ‘Fine,’ he said, as he strode out of the room.

  Jay and Sammie waited until they heard the front door close, then they quickly shed their clothes and got under the covers together. Jay started touching her straight away, but she said, ‘wait a minute, Jay. Can we just lie here for a while?’

  He groaned. ‘Sammie…’

  ‘Just for a minute,’ she said.

  He stopped touching her and let her lie quietly in his arms, and her body gradually became more relaxed, more used to the sensation of his skin against hers. She liked being naked with him, and she began to feel safe, and close to him. ‘Is your mum still angry with you?’ she asked softly, ‘about the fight?’

  ‘Sammie, I don’t want to talk now,’ he said, ‘let’s talk after.’

  ‘After what?’

  ‘After we have sex!’ Jay said, ‘that’s what you came here for, isn’t it?’

  Sammie opened her mouth and then closed it again. ‘Jay,’ she said firmly, ‘not today, I—’

  ‘We were supposed to do it at the weekend,’ he said, ‘that’s what you told me.’

  ‘I know,’ Sammie said, ‘but… we don’t have… we don’t have any condoms. I was thinking we could get them when we went into town, unless… unless you… have some?’

  He shook his head. His eyes were still fixed on her. ‘I got excluded from school for you.’

  Sammie didn’t know how to answer and she began to feel nervous.

  ‘I’m on my final chance,’ he continued, ‘if I go back and get in a fight or anything again, I’ll get kicked out.’

  ‘Jay, I’m sorry—’

  ‘I beat up Dean because he was talking shit about you,’ he said, ‘he was practically calling you a slut, and I stood up for you.’

  Sammie pulled away from him. ‘Don’t pressure me,’ she said, ‘I’m not going to do it at all if you pressure me.’

  At this, Jay softened, or pretended to. ‘Sammie,’ he said quietly, ‘I’m not trying to pressure you.’ He touched her face. ‘You don’t realise what it’s been doing to me, though. All these conversations we’ve had, all the things you’ve sent me… you knew what you were doing.’

  Sammie smiled, just a little. ‘Have I been winding you up?’

  ‘Just a bit!’ Jay said, ‘and I’ve had nothing else to think about, here in the house all day.’

  Sammie giggled, and Jay kissed her.

  ‘I want to do it,’ she told him, ‘but we should get some condoms.’

  Jay watched her closely. ‘Come on,’ he said, ‘you’re not going to get pregnant your first time.’

  ‘You…’ Sammie said incredulously, ‘are you being serious?’

  Jay smirked as if to say he thought it had been worth a go.

  ‘Look, how about this,’ he said, ‘I won’t… finish… inside you. I’ll only do it for a little while. I just want to feel what it’s like.’

  ‘Jay…’ Sammie said.

  ‘Just five minutes,’ Jay said, ‘let me have five minutes.’

  ‘No—’

  ‘Three.’

  ‘Jay—’

  ‘Two minutes,’ he said. ‘One minute. Thirty seconds.’

  Sammie laughed, partly out of amazement at his persistence, partly out of nerves, because she knew she was going to give in.

  ‘Is that a yes?’ Jay asked, ‘was that a yes to thirty seconds, Sammie?’

  She carried on laughing, until her nerves returned when Jay began to gently push her down onto her back.

  She wasn’t sure how long it had been, thirty seconds, or two minutes, or five, but they were startled rudely from their lovemaking when there was a knock on the bedroom door, and with barely a pause, it opened. Sammie let out a little cry, and her and Jay struggled to pull the covers over their bodies. Jay’s mum stood in the doorway, too surprised even to look away to begin with, she just said, ‘oh God, oh my God,’ then she averted her eyes and spoke to the carpet, but Sammie could see her body was rigid with anger. ‘Jay,’ she said, in a deceptively calm voice, ‘I want you to get dressed and then come downstairs and talk to me in the kitchen.’

  She left the room and Jay threw his clothes back on as quickly as he could, while Sammie stayed in bed, wrapped up in the duvet.

  ‘Jay,’ she said, ‘what’s she going to say?’

  Jay kissed her reassuringly. ‘It’s alright,’ he said, ‘don’t worry. I can handle her.’

  Sammie watched as he left, and he closed the bedroom door behind him. Despite his words, he looked worried and angry. She stayed in bed a little while longer, listening to the sound of him going downstairs, and the kitchen door closing. Briefly there was silence, and then she heard raised voi
ces. Slowly, she got out of bed and started putting her clothes back on. Her legs were shaking a little, and her insides were very sore and tender. She wished that she hadn’t been left on her own. She wanted to talk to Jay about what they’d just done; about how she felt about it, but with him gone she felt confused and uncertain, and suddenly, overwhelmingly, alone.

  The shouting downstairs went on for five, maybe ten minutes, before Sammie grew curious and opened Jay’s bedroom door a crack in the hope she might overhear something. Gradually, she became bold enough that she stepped out into the hallway and crouched at the banister, where she could see the top half of the kitchen door. She’d barely been there a second when the door downstairs opened and Jay burst out.

  ‘Jay, come back and finish talking to me,’ his mum said.

  Sammie assumed that at worst he’d walk off and ignore her, or maybe argue back, but what he actually did was much more extreme. Casually, as though he’d said and done this sort of thing many times before, he said, ‘oh, fuck off,’ and slammed the door in his mum’s face.

  Sammie darted back inside his room as quickly as she could before he came upstairs, and settled herself on the bed as though she’d been there the whole time.

  Jay slammed the door when he came to join her, then he threw himself down on the bed next to her. Sammie thought he’d say something, but to her surprise he started kissing her, and pulling at her clothes.

  ‘Jay!’ she said, ‘what are you doing?’

  ‘Let’s carry on,’ he told her, and he pulled harder at her top, trying to get her to take it off.

  ‘Jay, no,’ Sammie said, ‘your mum’s downstairs, what—’

  ‘I don’t care.’

  Sammie pushed him away firmly. ‘Well, I do,’ she said, ‘what’s wrong with you?’

  Jay finally let go of her. He stood up and paced to the other side of the room, and Sammie thought he was calming down. Then, to her astonishment, he made a loud noise of anger and frustration, and slammed his fist into the wall.