Anything for Him

by L. K. Chapman

  24

  The next morning when I woke up I was still on the kitchen floor, a pillow under my head and a blanket over my body. There was a rumbling sound which I realised was the washing machine, and Jay was kneeling beside me. It was Jay who had woken me up; he was stroking my hair, and for the briefest moment it felt soothing.

  ‘You’re awake,’ he said, ‘welcome back, Flissie.’

  I squinted up at him. My eyes felt dry and bloodshot. I couldn’t remember why I was on the floor.

  ‘You had a bit too much to drink last night, didn’t you?’ he said.

  ‘Mm.’

  I was starting to remember things. Firstly what he’d done to me with the hob, and I immediately reached up to my cheek to see if it was alright, finding to my relief that my skin felt the same as normal. But then I recalled being sick on him, and I reached up to my temple and found a cut. After I’d been sick he’d slapped me across the face. I must have hit my head on something in the kitchen and been knocked out.

  ‘Right then,’ Jay said, taking his hand from my hair. ‘Would you like some water?’

  He didn’t wait for me to answer and filled a glass anyway, holding it out to me.

  ‘Painkillers,’ I said, ‘and my pills. Please.’

  He put the water down on the floor beside me. ‘I’ll get you painkillers,’ he said, ‘but I won’t give you your pills.’ He stood up and opened the kitchen drawer where I kept them, and held them up alongside some vitamin supplements I’d never seen before. ‘We’re swapping these,’ he shook my contraceptives, ‘for these.’ He indicated the vitamin supplements. ‘Things are going to change, Fliss.’

  I glanced at the packet of supplements. ‘What… what are they?’

  He held them closer to me, and I saw that they were for preconception and early pregnancy. I looked up at him but he ignored me, and I watched as he threw my pills in the bin, then he took out one of the vitamins and popped it in my mouth. ‘We need to think about the future,’ he said. ‘I’m giving you a deadline. I want to have finished the plan with Mark by Grace’s wedding. After that, we’ll move away from here, to start our family where nobody is bothering us.’

  ‘I can’t try for a baby with you,’ I said, ‘I’m still having sex with Mark.’

  ‘You use condoms with Mark, don’t you?’

  I nodded, though truthfully I hadn’t been, not recently.

  ‘Well then, what’s the problem?’

  Jay sat down next to me on the kitchen floor and stroked my hair again. ‘You’re so beautiful,’ he said, ‘when I was getting you out of that awful dress last night I sat and looked at you for such a long time.’

  ‘What?’ I said. Then I realised what he was talking about. Under the blanket I wasn’t wearing my dress anymore; I was in a pair of cotton pyjamas. And I didn’t have any underwear on underneath, he’d obviously stripped me naked.

  I frowned at him. ‘How…’ I said, ‘how did you get my dress off?’ It was so tight I couldn’t imagine he’d have been able to pull it over my head very easily.

  ‘I cut it off you with scissors,’ he said.

  ‘And then you sat and looked at my body?’

  Jay smiled as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

  …

  Once I’d taken the painkillers and the vitamins, Jay ran me a bath.

  ‘You’ll feel better afterwards,’ he said, ‘and then I’ll make you some lunch.’

  I thought he’d leave me to it, but instead he sat on the end of the bathtub, watching me.

  I tried to smile. ‘I… I can take a bath by myself,’ I said.

  Jay ignored me. ‘Flissie, all I’m ever trying to do is to help you, and make you happy.’

  I looked up at him and he reached out to touch my face. ‘Do you remember the night we met?’ he asked.

  I closed my eyes briefly. ‘You know that I don’t,’ I said.

  ‘You were so pissed that when you woke up with me in the morning you didn’t recognise me. You had to ask me whether we’d had sex.’

  ‘It was one week after my parents died.’

  Jay carried on as though he hadn’t heard. ‘You were wearing a dress a bit like the one you wore last night,’ he said, ‘I remember it well, because I remember pushing it up round your waist and fucking you in that disgusting house I had a room in. We started doing it in the kitchen. One of the other guys who lived there came out of his room and walked right past the doorway while we were at it. He saw us, in fact. And when you noticed him looking, you laughed like it was the funniest thing ever.’

  ‘Why are you saying all this?’ I asked him quietly.

  ‘Because I don’t want it to happen to you again,’ Jay said. ‘You’re with me now. We’re going to have a life together, and I don’t want to remember about all that.’

  ‘You don’t want to remember meeting me?’

  ‘Fliss, you could easily have woken up this morning in some other guy’s bed, not on our kitchen floor. I didn’t want you to go out and put yourself in that situation, but you did it anyway.’

  ‘Jay… I… do have some self control. And I didn’t do anything wrong the night I met you.’

  ‘I know,’ Jay said, ‘but you don’t have to be like that anymore. Don’t you see that?’

  ‘Jay, could you… could you please let me finish having my bath by myself?’ I asked nicely. ‘I’ve still got a splitting headache, and it’s hard to concentrate on talking to you.’

  Jay gave me a long look, then he reached down to kiss my forehead. ‘Okay,’ he said, ‘I’ll start making you something to eat.’

  Once he was out of the room I took a gasp of breath, then another and another, as though I’d been suffocating the whole time he was near me. For a moment I considered getting straight out of the bath and making a run for it, but I quickly decided against it. Jay would almost certainly hear me – for all I knew he might already be standing in the hall, just waiting for me to try something. Besides, where would I go? I could go to Leanne, I supposed, but I didn’t want to. I needed time to think it through, to get a plan together. All I could do right now was deal with my more immediate needs.

  I pulled the plug out and stood up to turn the shower on, but instead of washing myself I got out of the bath and opened the bathroom cabinet above the basin. I was sure Jay had assumed the packet of contraceptive pills in the kitchen drawer was the only one I had, but that was just the one that was open. I had two unopened packs at the back of the cupboard, and my heart was in my throat as I moved things aside to check they were still there. Sure enough, they were untouched, so I quickly grabbed one and popped a pill into my mouth, swallowing it with some water from the tap. I knew I’d have to move them out of the bathroom to somewhere more secure, but it was far too risky to do it straight away, so I put them back where they were and made sure they were well hidden. I paused for a moment when I’d closed the cupboard again, looking at my face in the mirrored door. There was no sign on my cheek that it had been held over the hob, and I supposed he must not have been holding me as close to it as it had felt. However, the cut on my right temple was very visible, and I looked pale and ill. I carried on looking at myself for a few seconds more, then I got back into the shower.

  Once I’d dressed, I was surprised to find Jay making rather an elaborate lunch; a mushroom and leek risotto laced with butter and parmesan.

  ‘I… I thought you didn’t do carbs,’ I said, ‘or… butter.’

  ‘I wanted to treat you,’ he said, ‘It’s what I was going to cook for you last night.’

  I sat down at the dining table. I felt nauseous and had no idea how I was going to eat anything. He looked round at me frequently, and I tried to rearrange my face into an expression he might expect, or want to see, though I didn’t really know what that was.

  ‘Here,’ he said about fifteen minutes later, placing a bowl of steaming risotto in front of me and sitting down at the table with his own portion.

  ‘Jay,’ I said quietly, ‘I
still don’t feel very well, I may not be able to—’

  ‘I hope you’re hungry,’ he said, ‘I’ve made a dessert as well. In fact, that reminds me, I’ve got us something to drink.’

  He went to the fridge and took out a bottle of white wine. He held it up meaningfully and I began to feel frightened. I knew he knew full well I was hungover and that the last thing I wanted was a two course dinner, just as he knew that the thought of a glass of wine was turning my stomach.

  ‘This is… really kind of you, Jay,’ I said, ‘but how about I just have the food and not the wine?’

  He took out two wineglasses, setting one down in front of me and filling it right up, almost to the top.

  ‘I told you, I want to treat you,’ he said, ‘even after how much you upset me.’

  I looked at the wine, then down at my food, and I pushed my chair back and ran to the kitchen where I retched into the sink, though nothing came up. Jay waited patiently until I was done, and I sat down again at the table with him. He picked up his glass and I realised he expected me to do the same.

  ‘Enjoy it,’ he said, as I took a sip of the wine. ‘Because now we’re trying for a baby, you won’t be able to have any more for a while.’

  Sammie

  25

  For a little while things were okay between Jay and Sammie as he tried to make up for hurting her by being especially kind and attentive, showering her with affection and compliments until she felt almost overwhelmed. But it couldn’t last forever, and things began to go wrong again – with Jay – but before that, with her parents.

  It was just a normal evening, and Sammie was surprised when her mum said they wanted to talk to her, and even more surprised when her mum suggested they went to sit in the lounge – something they rarely did as a family. Her parents both sat down on one sofa – together, but quite far apart, while Sammie sprawled out on the other, in a little nest of decorative scatter cushions. ‘What did you want to talk to me about?’ she asked.

  ‘Today we were looking for a little studio apartment,’ her mum said, ‘somewhere closer to the business.’

  ‘What for?’ Sammie asked.

  Her parents exchanged a look. ‘Well, it’s not really working, both of us trying to drive home every night,’ her mum explained, ‘so we thought one of us could stay there some of the time during the week.’

  Sammie sat up. ‘I don’t understand,’ she said.

  ‘The journey is too long,’ her mum said, ‘we’re both too tired to ever enjoy the new house.’

  ‘Why don’t you get jobs round here then?’ Sammie asked. Her mum raised an eyebrow, and her dad laughed.

  ‘I’m serious,’ Sammie said, ‘this was supposed to be a new start, wasn’t it?’

  ‘Yes, sweetheart,’ her mum said, ‘but it doesn’t really work like that.’

  Sammie watched the two of them for a while, her anger growing. ‘Don’t I get any say in this?’ she asked, ‘I’m not a child.’ She stood up. ‘In fact, I have plenty of my own stuff going on, if you’d ever bother to ask.’

  She stormed out of the room. She thought she heard her mum get up from the sofa, but her dad spoke before her mum could follow her. His voice carried out to Sammie in the hallway, making her freeze and her heart pound with shock. ‘Why didn’t you just tell her we’re separating?’ he said, ‘she’ll figure it out on her own soon enough.’

  …

  The next day was a Saturday, and in the morning Sammie wandered down into the woods to try to clear her head after what she’d heard her dad say the night before. She’d hoped to hear something from Jay, a nice message from him would be a welcome distraction right now, but she knew he usually slept late on Saturdays – only rolling out of bed just in time to start his shift in the pub kitchen – so she was surprised when she drew near the little clearing where she’d first met Mark and Jay to hear their voices again.

  She crept close enough to eavesdrop, and hid herself behind a tree, just in time to hear Jay say something absolutely extraordinary.

  ‘I’m going to ask Sammie to marry me,’ he said.

  Sammie leant against the tree, and took a few deep breaths. She felt excited and nervous and shocked all at once.

  It took Mark a little while to answer, then he said, ‘that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.’

  ‘Why?’ Jay said, ‘I… I love her.’

  ‘You’re too young to even get married without your parent’s permission,’ Mark said, ‘and if you somehow did get them to agree, do you really think it would work?’

  ‘Yeah,’ Jay said, ‘I don’t see why it wouldn’t. And I know the stuff about getting permission. We wouldn’t do that, we’d… run away.’

  ‘Run away where?’

  ‘Scotland,’ Jay said, ‘I looked it up, and we wouldn’t need permission there, not once Sammie is sixteen.’

  Sammie crept a tiny bit closer, and she could see the look of disgust on Mark’s face, though she quickly hid again before there was a chance he’d look up and see her.

  ‘You wouldn’t last a year,’ Mark said, ‘surely you can see that? What do you even have in common? You don’t really even talk to each other, do you? You just… have sex.’ He said the last two words as though he found them distasteful.

  ‘Yeah,’ Jay said, ‘that’s what couples do.’

  ‘It shouldn’t be the only thing they do.’

  Jay stood up angrily, and Sammie quickly darted away through the trees before either of them could see her.

  All weekend she thought about what she’d heard, though when she met up with Jay on Sunday evening he didn’t mention anything about it and seemed a bit distracted.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ Sammie asked.

  ‘I’ve fallen out with Mark,’ he said.

  Sammie couldn’t help but smile to herself a little. ‘Oh,’ she said, ‘what about?’

  ‘Nothing,’ he said, ‘just stupid stuff.’

  At school on Monday, Mark carried on being distant with both of them, until lunchtime, when they found themselves sitting at one of a cluster of picnic benches in the playground with him, warmed by some early February sunshine. Jay sat with his arm around Sammie’s waist underneath her school blazer, while Mark sat opposite them, a look on his face almost of excitement, or anticipation.

  ‘Have you asked her?’ Mark said bluntly to Jay.

  Jay scowled at him. ‘Shut up,’ he said.

  ‘Asked me what?’ Sammie said innocently.

  ‘Jay was going to ask you to marry him,’ Mark said.

  Sammie tried to feign surprise, but Jay wasn’t paying attention to her, instead he reached across the table and grabbed Mark’s arm. ‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’ he said.

  ‘Jay,’ Sammie said, ‘Jay, leave him. Is it… is it true?’

  Jay let go of Mark and put his arm around her again. ‘Yeah,’ he said, ‘it’s true. It was meant to be a surprise.’

  Mark was rubbing his arm where Jay had been gripping it, but then he stopped and took out his phone. ‘There’s just one thing,’ he said, ‘before you make a commitment like that, you should know what Sammie is really like.’

  To begin with Sammie didn’t understand. It was so long ago she’d sent the photo of herself to Mark that she’d almost forgotten about it. It wasn’t until Mark had pushed his phone across the table to Jay and she saw the expression on Jay’s face that she said, ‘no…’, but it was too late.

  ‘You… you sent that to him?’ Jay asked her.

  ‘By accident,’ Sammie said, ‘it was an accident. My finger slipped or something—’

  ‘It wasn’t an accident,’ Mark said, ‘she’s sent me others. Loads. I get rid of them because I don’t want to see it—’

  Sammie’s mouth dropped open in disbelief at Mark’s lie. ‘That’s not true!’ she said, ‘I don’t send him pictures! I don’t… I…’ words failed her and she fell silent. She could see Jay trying to make sense of it. ‘Please…’ she tried again. Jay turned to her. She thou
ght he’d say he believed her, that he knew she wouldn’t send photos to Mark, that he could see Mark was making it up, but when he spoke his words crushed her. He gave her a long, hard look and softly, emotionless, said, ‘you little whore.’

  26

  Sammie was so upset she couldn’t bring herself to stay and explain so she got up from the picnic bench and ran to the toilets. Jay followed her, but he gave up when he saw where she was going and for the rest of the day he ignored her. On the bus home he sat next to Mark instead of her. They were a few rows back, so she couldn’t hear exactly what they were saying, but it was clear Jay was angry and Sammie was glad that Mark was getting some grief over what he’d done. She expected Jay to get really mad and for there to be a full blown argument, but when she glanced round at them Mark was talking calmly and Jay appeared to be convinced by whatever was being said. In fact, by the time they drew near Tatchley the two boys seemed like best friends again and far from arguing they had started sniggering together over something. Sammie had the horrible feeling that they were laughing about her, and that Mark may have been at work telling Jay more lies, but she couldn’t figure out what she should do. In the end she decided she would ignore them, but when they got off the bus and Jay still seemed to be showing Mark something on his phone, Sammie couldn’t help but steal another glance at them. She heard Jay say, ‘check this one out,’ and she watched Mark’s expression as he looked at whatever it was, and then his eyes caught hers, and suddenly she understood.

  She made a grab for the phone. ‘Don’t show him those!’ she said, ‘what are you doing?’

  Jay pushed her out of the way and found another photo, and Mark made a show of admiring it – his appreciation so over-the-top that to her it didn’t quite ring true – though Jay seemed satisfied. Sammie made another grab for the phone but Jay dodged out of her way, and the two boys made off towards the woods. Sammie tried to follow them but a car was coming and she had to stop as they dashed across the road ahead of her, but then she ran as fast as she could to catch up. This time she managed to wrestle the phone from Jay’s grasp and in her desperation to make him stop what he was doing, she threw it at the ground.