With fumbling fingers I tried to figure out how I could send the location to Mark, but my mind wouldn’t work properly. I didn’t know if I could send him the address of the page I was on – would that contain my location? I pressed desperately on the marker hovering over our house on the map, and somehow I managed to bring up a little window that showed some coordinates. I took a deep breath, trying clumsily to highlight them while my stomach churned and my vision seemed simultaneously both heightened and blurred. The tap in the bathroom turned off, and I heard Jay moving around. Any second I thought I’d hear the bathroom door open. Maybe he was messing around with his hair. I hoped that was it, because that could buy me another five or even ten minutes. Somehow, impossibly, I managed to copy the coordinates to the clipboard and open up my emails again. I hit reply on the most recent email from Mark and pasted the coordinates into the message. I wanted to write something, but then I heard Jay moving around again and I lost my nerve. I hit send with no additional information. I heard the handle turning on the bathroom door and my heart started pounding so hard I thought I would pass out. I did my best to make sure neither the email nor the maps page were still open on his phone, practically threw it back down on the bedside table, and curled up into a ball under the covers, my eyes tightly closed.
‘Fliss?’ Jay said when he came in. He could obviously tell something wasn’t right, because some concern crept into his voice as he said, ‘Fliss, are you okay?’
He made his way over to me and put his hand on my forehead, and I pretended that I had only just woken up. ‘You’re all hot and clammy,’ he told me. ‘Do you want me to stay off work to keep an eye on you?’
I shook my head. ‘I’m just tired,’ I said in my best sleepy voice.
‘Are you sure?’ he said, ‘you don’t want me to stay a bit longer?’
‘I want to go to sleep.’
‘Okay,’ he said, ‘I’ll bring up some food for you, and then I’ll try to get home early.’
He stood up to go, but then his eyes fell on his phone. He glanced across at me, but I pretended not to notice, so he just scooped it up in his hand. But then he did, and said, a very strange thing. He touched the sapphire necklace around my neck – which he insisted I wore all the time – and bent down to kiss my forehead. Then, with his lips hovering just above my skin, he said, ‘I love you, Sammie.’
‘Jay?’ I whispered, frightened.
‘It’s okay, Sammie,’ he said, ‘everything is going to be okay. Everything I do is for you. For you and our baby. Just like you wanted.’
Sammie
43
‘You need to leave,’ Mark said to Sammie.
‘That’s what I’m trying to do! I’m trying to leave with Jay.’
Mark held up the phone to her so she was forced to look again at the picture he’d just sent to Jay.
‘I mean alone,’ he said. ‘You’ve got no choice, Sammie. Surely you can see that it’s impossible for you to be with Jay now. Once he’s seen my message—’
‘I have to go and see him. I have to explain.’
‘Sammie,’ Mark said softly, ‘how are you going to explain?’
Sammie’s eyes filled with tears. ‘How could you do this to me?’ she asked him. ‘How could you do this, Mark? I… I’m pregnant—’
‘And now you’ve cheated on him,’ Mark said, ‘with me. You can’t expect him to support you now.’
Sammie shook her head. ‘What’s wrong with you?’ she said, ‘you… you’re… you’re evil.’
Mark stood up. ‘I’m going home,’ he said, ‘and if you know what’s good for you, you’ll get your bags and leave. You’ve made it so that you can’t stay here. Don’t blame me.’
Sammie let him leave and sat down on the bed. There was still another hour before her and Jay were supposed to be catching the bus into town. Perhaps in that time she could talk him round. No matter what Mark said, there had to be a way of getting Jay to understand that Mark had tricked her, and she owed it to herself and the baby to try.
She was terrified as she walked to Jay’s house. Her legs were shaking, and she had to stop and rest with her hand against a tree at one point, taking deep breaths to try to calm herself. When she got to Jay’s house, it was a long time before he came down to answer the door, and when he did, he looked her up and down and simply said, ‘come upstairs.’
She followed him, not sure whether to start explaining straight away or to wait until he brought the picture up himself. Once inside his room he closed the door, then he picked up his phone and showed her the picture of herself with Mark.
‘Jay,’ Sammie said, ‘Jay… I…’
He slapped her across the face. ‘You fucking little slut,’ he said.
Sammie could taste blood. She lifted her hand to her mouth, and when she lowered it again her fingertips were red.
‘He says that’s not the first time,’ Jay told her. ‘He says he’s fucked you, too. He says he did you earlier, right before you sucked him off.’
‘No,’ Sammie said, ‘no, that’s not true. He’s lying again—’
Jay grabbed her and thrust the phone in front of her face. ‘This,’ he said, ‘is this a lie?’
‘No! It was a trick, he made me—’
‘He made you? He made you give him a blowjob?’
‘Yes,’ Sammie sobbed.
‘How? I don’t see him holding you and stuffing it down your throat.’
‘I came round to explain,’ she said quietly. ‘He said he was going to stop us leaving unless I did it—’
Jay caught hold of her hair. ‘I don’t believe you!’ he said.
I know,’ Sammie said, as calmly as she could, ‘but you have to listen to me—’
Jay twisted his hand in her hair. ‘I’m done with that!’ he said, ‘I’m done with fucking listening!’
He used the hand in her hair to give her a shove so hard it sent her sprawling against his desk and she stumbled to her knees.
‘Jay,’ she said, ‘it’s not what—’
He walked over to her and she looked up at him. ‘Your mouth,’ he said, touching her lip with his finger, ‘I’ve kissed your mouth. Would you have let me kiss you today? Straight after you’d been doing that,’ he pointed at his phone.
‘No!’ Sammie said, ‘yes… I… I don’t know—’
He hit her and her face smacked against the corner of the desk, catching her nose. A few drops of blood splashed into her lap, and she could feel it trickling over her lips.
‘Jay…’ she said, but she could feel herself starting to grey out. He grabbed her by her hair again and forced her to look up at him.
‘How many times?’ he asked her, ‘how many times have you done things like this with him?’
‘Not…’ Sammie said, ‘…none.’
He threw her down onto the carpet and for a moment Sammie thought it would be over and he’d leave her alone, until she felt a blow that caught her in her thigh and she realised he was kicking her.
‘No,’ Sammie said, as she realised he was going to do it again. ‘Jay, you can’t! You can’t. The baby—’
He stopped, just staring at her. But then they heard a noise from the hallway and Jay’s eyes snapped towards his bedroom door. ‘What was that?’
He rushed to the door and opened it, and as he looked out Sammie heard the unmistakable sound of the front door slamming closed.
‘That was my mum,’ Jay said, horrified, ‘that was my mum!’ He stared at her, open-mouthed. ‘What if she heard?’ he said.
‘Jay—’
‘You stupid bitch,’ he yelled, aiming another kick at her, then another. ‘What the fuck am I going to say to her?’
Sammie gasped for breath. His foot had caught her first in her ribcage, then in her stomach. Jay looked at her, and then he realised something. ‘You’ve got blood on the carpet!’ he said. He pulled her up and she lolled against the door. She could see the blood from her nose had dribbled all down her top as well as onto the floor.
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Jay walked over to the window and Sammie heard a car door.
‘Why was she even here?’ Jay asked, ‘she never said she’d come home in the morning.’
Jay slammed his hand against the window pane and Sammie let out a little gasp. Then she closed her eyes and lost consciousness.
When she came round she was on the floor. Whether she had slid back down to the floor herself or Jay had put her there she wasn’t sure, but there was a thick pile of tissues underneath her face to stop her bleeding on the carpet.
‘You’re awake,’ Jay said when he noticed her eyes were open. She thought she could hear relief in his voice, but it wasn’t echoed in his words. ‘Now you can get out,’ he said.
‘I’m not… leaving,’ Sammie said, ‘I’m not leaving… until you understand.’
‘I got another message from Mark,’ he said. He passed the phone down to her, and Sammie read what Mark had said.
Im sorry i had 2 send u that photo. Its been goin on for weeks, i felt too guilty 2 keep lying so i had 2 show u what sammies really like.
‘No,’ Sammie said, ‘that’s not true!’
Jay snatched the phone out of her hand and Sammie rested her head against the door. ‘I don’t feel well,’ she said quietly. She held her hand out to Jay, though she knew he wouldn’t help her. ‘Please,’ she said.
‘Is it mine?’ Jay asked, ‘the baby. Or do you not know?’
‘Of course it’s yours! Jay, I’ve never been with anyone except you—’
‘Really?’ Jay said, ‘and if you hadn’t been caught out by the photo today, would you also sit there and tell me that nothing had ever happened between you and Mark?’
‘No… I… I don’t know.’
She held her hand out for a second time, and Jay looked down at it.
‘What do you want?’ he said.
‘I don’t… I don’t feel well. Please. The baby….’
There was silence for a while. ‘Please,’ Sammie said again, ‘please Jay. Just listen to me.’
‘I don’t want to listen to you. I want you to get out.’
Sammie carefully pulled herself up until she could sit on the bed beside him. She noticed for the first time since she’d got there that there were a couple of bags packed and waiting in front of Jay’s wardrobe, and the knowledge that he’d been ready to run away with her gave her the strength to carry on trying to persuade him.
‘Jay, I promise you, Mark made me do it. I know it sounds stupid, but he said he’d stop us… why do you think your mum suddenly turned up here?’ she said, ‘Mark called her work when I was with him earlier, he didn’t speak to her because I stopped him, but whoever he spoke to must have told her someone phoned and—’
‘Just get out, Sammie.’
‘No,’ she said, ‘you have to listen. We’re going to have a child together. I know… I know things have gone wrong between us, but the baby happened because we love each other, Jay. This baby, our baby. It’s made out of love.’ A tear spilt from her eye as she remembered how it had actually been made, and she pushed the thought aside.
Jay grabbed her hair and pushed her down onto the bed, holding her face pressed against the duvet. ‘How stupid are you?’ he yelled at her. ‘I don’t have to love a girl to get her pregnant. I don’t even have to know her name! That’s how special it is.’
‘Let go of me. Let go of me, Jay.’
He carried on holding her hair. ‘Why should I believe it’s mine?’ he said. ‘Why should I take your word for it? It could be anyone’s!’
‘No,’ Sammie said. ‘I told you, I’ve only had sex with you, it can only be yours. I know it’s a lot to take in, but soon… soon you’ll come to—’
Jay twisted his hand in her hair and Sammie had to choke back tears. ‘Come to what?’ he said, ‘come to love it?’
‘Yes,’ Sammie said, ‘because it’s yours. It’s your little son, or daughter.’
Jay leant down very close to her. ‘Listen to me,’ he said, ‘that thing inside you; it’s nothing to do with me. It’s trash, Sammie. It’s not wanted, it’s not loved, and if it isn’t already dead from what I’ve done to you, I want you to go and get rid of it. Do you understand?’
Sammie didn’t answer and Jay twisted his hand so hard that her hair started to pull loose from her scalp. ‘Do you?’ he said again.
Sammie nodded.
‘You better do,’ he told her, ‘because I don’t want it, and I certainly don’t want you.’
Felicity
44
Once Jay had left for work I waited anxiously. I was sure that if Mark had seen the email and left straight away he would arrive in enough time to help me, but I had no way of knowing if he’d got the email, or whether he’d understood it if he had.
The hours dragged, and I began to feel genuinely ill. My pulse raced uncontrollably, and I felt sweaty and frightened and nauseous. When I heard a car door outside I nearly jumped out of my skin, even though it was what I’d been waiting for. There was a knock on the front door, though I could only just hear it from where I lay locked in the bedroom. I called out, but it was no good. I knew from experience trying to call out to the postman that my voice didn’t carry well to the outside.
There was another knock on the door, then silence, and I began to worry it wasn’t Mark. It seemed almost too much to hope for, after all. I braced myself for the sound of the car door again, but instead, frighteningly loud, came the sound of smashing glass downstairs, so that I screamed in shock.
‘Felicity?’ A voice called out, ‘Felicity? Are you in here?’ It was still a little muffled, but the words and the voice were unmistakable.
‘Mark!’ I shouted. ‘I’m upstairs.’
When he finally drew back the bolt on the outside of the bedroom door and came inside, it was as though I was in a dream – he really had got my message, and he really had come. For the briefest moment all I saw in his face was relief, then his eyes fell to my bump, and then to the handcuffs and the loop of silver chain that was attaching me to the bed.
‘No,’ he said, his eyes back on the bump again, ‘oh no. No. No…’
He took a few stumbling steps towards me and I reached my hand out to him.
‘This is all my fault,’ he said when he reached me. ‘This is all my fault.’
I pulled him down onto the bed beside me where he sat with his head in his hands. ‘Help me, Mark,’ I said calmly.
‘I…’ he said into his hands, ‘I can’t…’
‘Mark,’ I said, ‘for God’s sake, we need to be quick. Jay knows he accidently left his phone in here with me this morning, he’s probably already suspicious.’
Mark lowered his hands from his face, but he seemed transfixed by the sight of my body, staring at my bump as though he’d never seen anything like it before.
‘Did he… did he do that by forcing you?’ he asked.
‘Mark—’
‘Did he?’ Mark asked again.
‘Mark,’ I said, as calmly as I could, ‘we can talk about this another time. You need to get me out of here. Now.’
Slowly, as though he was in a daze, Mark got up and came to look at the handcuffs and the chain that attached me to the bed. ‘Where does he keep the key?’ he asked.
‘He keeps it with him,’ I said, ‘I don’t think there’s a spare one in the house.’
Mark took hold of the metal bar of the headboard and tested its strength, then he did the same with the chain.
‘They’re strong,’ I said, ‘I’ve tried.’
Mark stood up and started pacing. ‘Does Jay have any tools?’ he asked finally, ‘anything that can get through metal?’
‘I don’t know. Not that I know of. There’s a garage outside but I don’t think there’s much in there, just some old stuff that belongs to our landlord—’
Mark looked again at my wrist and the headboard. ‘I don’t know how to get you out,’ he said. ‘I don’t know what to do… I don’t know what to do.’
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�Then call the police!’ I said, ‘or have you already?’
Mark stared at me as though I was talking nonsense. ‘The police,’ I said, ‘you must have called them when Jay took me. Say that you’ve found where I am and…’
I trailed off at Mark’s expression. I could see he’d never called the police.
‘Mark,’ I said slowly, ‘you did… you did get the police to look for me when Jay took me, didn’t you?’
Sammie
45
Sammie checked carefully up and down the street before she left Jay’s house, because she didn’t want anyone to see the state she was in. She held her hand up to her nose, which thankfully had stopped bleeding, and dashed down the road as fast as she could considering how unwell she felt, and towards the quieter lane that led to her own house. When she heard someone call out her name she froze in horror, and when she turned she saw it was Mark.
‘Leave me alone,’ she said, though he wasn’t close enough to hear, ‘leave me alone, leave me alone.’
She started to run, but she stumbled as she left the pavement to turn down the little lane, and she fell against a hedge, scratching her arm on some brambles. Mark caught up with her and pulled her hand away from her face so he could see what damage Jay had done.
Anything for Him Page 19