I groan. “I feel like it, too.”
I notice Ellie slowly swaying on her feet over in the corner. She has her arms wrapped tightly around herself while she stares at the floor and chews on her lip. I don’t like seeing her that way at all, it doesn’t feel right.
Maybe she’s being nice and giving me and Leia some space?
“Ellie?” Her huge eyes are full of sadness and fear when she looks at me. Leia can scare anyone, so I assume that’s what’s bothering her. She’ll see Leia’s not so bad once they meet. “Come here, I want you to meet my sister.”
She hesitates a minute, then comes back over to the bed. She attempts to smile, but I can tell it’s forced. I reach my fingers towards hers. She slips her hand into mine, but it doesn’t feel the same as before.
“Ellie, I’d like you to meet my little sister, Leia. Leia, this is Ellie,” I introduce them, gently waving their hands around in mine. “She was there with me yesterday, Leia. She stood up to those assholes like you would have. She thinks I saved her life, but I think she could have done fine by herself. She was smart enough to not get shot like I did anyway,” I tell Leia, trying to keep things light between them.
“Hello, it’s nice to meet you, Leia,” Ellie says, her smile weak and nervous.
Leia nods her head. “Hello.”
She’s smiling at Ellie like she’s her most hated client, but she still has to keep her happy. Ellie looks like someone kicked her dog.
What is wrong with them? Can’t they see I want them to get along?
I look over at Cash for some help, but he shakes his head at me. Something is going on, and I’m the only one that doesn’t seem to know.
Screw that.
“What the hell is going on? Quit babying me, and tell me what’s happening here. Why does it seem like you two know each other already?”
“Nothing’s wrong, Nik. What makes you think that?” Leia asks with enough attitude to make me question her.
“Bullshit!” I say, jerking my head off the pillow, and immediately regretting the pain it causes.
Ellie shakes herself out of her funk, and starts rubbing my hand with both of hers. “Nik, please relax so you don’t make your pain worse, okay? There’s nothing going on with us. Everything’s okay. I’m just really tired, and I’m sure Leia is, too, after flying all this way. Maybe we should call for Lacey to get you some more pain meds. We can all go so you can rest for a while.”
“I’m not going anywhere, cupcake. I just got here,” Leia smarts off to her, her voice hard.
“Leia, don’t be a bitch. She’s only trying to help,” Cash cuts in. He’s one of the few who’s never been afraid of her.
I look over at my sister as she stares Ellie down, her eyebrow raised to the ceiling. “Wait a minute? Did you call her cupcake? I remember you said something about a cupcake when you walked in.” As my memory clears, I turn to look at Ellie. Her lip is between her teeth again, and I see the pain in her face like I did when Leia came in. Only this time it changes to something else. Guilt. I hate to upset her, but I have to know.
“You’re not married, are you?” A tear slips down her cheek as she shakes her head. Then she lets me go, and runs out of the room. “Ellie, wait!” I call after her, straining my body way more than it wanted me to. Unfortunately, it doesn’t stop her or make her come back. “Damnit, Leia, what the hell did you do?” I half growl, half groan as my pain makes itself known again.
“Me? What makes you think I did anything to her? It’s not my fault she ran away.”
“She was fine...before you walked...in.” I close my eyes and pant, trying to breathe through the pain.
“Nik? What’s wrong?” Leia asks, her voice trembling.
“It...hurts.” My leg is beginning to feel like it’s going to explode–maybe it already has. The stabbing all over my left side is getting much worse, not to mention how bad my head’s splitting.
Damn, it hit fast.
“Leia, go get a nurse,” Cash orders her. “Now!” She must not have moved fast enough for him.
As I try to slow my breathing down, he peels my fingers from their tight grip on the sheet and holds my hand. “Squeeze as hard as you need to, bro. I can take it.” I don’t waste time taking him up on his offer. “Damn, Nik. Is it really that bad?” he asks with a groan of pain in his voice. I grit my teeth and nod. “I’m sorry, man. Hang on, I can hear them coming this way,” he tells me.
I open my eyes when I hear feet running into the room. Lacey comes in with Leia hot on her heels. Thankfully, she stands back and keeps her mouth shut while Lacey gets to work.
“Keep breathing, Nik. It should start easing off in a minute,” she tries to reassure me. “I’m sorry we didn’t get this going before it got bad again. The last round should have lasted you longer than it did. I think maybe it’s a little early for you to be having so many visitors at once, hon. You have to stay as calm and relaxed as possible, okay? You need to rest to get well, don’t forget that.”
“Thank you,” I sigh, closing my eyes again as I feel the heaviness start to spread throughout my body, slowly washing the pain away with it.
“I’m sorry guys, but I’m gonna have to ask y’all to step out for a while,” Lacey tells them. “And I think for the next few days y’all are gonna need to keep it to one at a time. The last thing any of us wants is for him to hurt himself even worse.”
Damn right we don’t.
“You can tell him bye real quick before you leave.”
I still have a grip on Cash’s hand so he gives it a squeeze. “Get some rest, and I’ll see you later, bro.”
I squeeze back. “Check on...Ellie. Don’t...let her leave.”
“I’ll make sure she’s okay, don’t worry,” he says, and lets me go.
Then a small hand is on my cheek. “I’m sorry, Nik. I always fuck things up when it comes to you. Please rest, and I’ll see you when you wake up. I love you,” Leia whispers. I can easily tell she’s crying now.
“I love you...too, but, sis...you have to...fix it. I want her...to stick...around.”
“I will. I promise,” she says as sleep pulls me under.
ALL THE LITTLE PIECES
~
ELLIE
I RUN BACK TO THE nurses’ lounge and straight into bathroom, locking the door behind me, then sink to the floor. The fear, anger, and sadness are trying to take control, but I’m not gonna let them. I just need a few minutes. Just a few to get myself to calm down. I’m not gonna let it happen this time. Not today.
“Breathe, Ellie. Find something to count.” I hear Vicky’s voice in my head.
Looking up at the shower tiles, I follow her advice.
In–one, two, three, four, five. Out–six, seven, eight, nine. In–ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen. Out–fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen.
Over and over I breathe and count until I run out of tiles. There are two hundred and six of them. I feel better since the fear and sadness have lessened considerably, but the anger has expanded to take their place.
“Dammit all to hell!” I scream, pounding my fists against the cold floor. “I didn’t want him to find out that way,” I sigh out loud, leaning my head against the wall.
Meeting Leia went exactly like I was afraid it would–horribly. Scott told me he would explain things to her, obviously she didn’t like his explanation.
“Shit, shit, shit!” I pound at the floor again. I can’t hide in here, and make her think I’m some weeping willow, even if I am. I may have to pretend, but all she’s gonna see from now on is a steel magnolia. I pick myself up off the floor, and go to the sink to splash some cool water on my face. I dry off, take a deep breath, and head out the door to face Tornado Leia. Lacey is coming out of Nik’s room when I make it around the nurses’ station.
“Hey, how’s he doing?”
She smiles sadly at me making my heart squeeze with worry for him.
“He’ll be all right, hon. He’s sleeping again. But whatever was goin
g on in there had him really worked up, and his pain kicked into overdrive. I’m going to put in an order for a morphine pump right now. Ticks me off Peterson didn’t get him one to start with.” she says angrily, heading back to her desk.
“There were too many of us in there. I’m sorry. I should have left as soon as his sister walked in,” I tell her, leaning over the counter as she types away.
“I think she was the problem, but I told her and Cash that only one of you is allowed back here at a time. We’re gonna keep the visits short, too. The next couple of weeks are gonna be really hard for Nik. He doesn’t need any more stress.” She looks up at me, her brows furrowed. “I know you already understand that, hon. I’m not fussing at you, I swear.”
I like Lacey almost as much as Rachael. Thankfully, they’ll be swapping shifts back and forth for the next week at least.
“It’s okay. You’re completely right. Nik should come first for all of us right now.”
She reaches up, pats my hand, then goes back to typing. “I sent them all to the waiting room, if you want to join ‘em.”
I let out a big sigh. “I honestly don’t, but I probably better.”
She chuckles and gives me an understanding look. “I’ll let you know if anything changes with him.”
“Thanks, Lacey.” I wave at her as I walk out.
Lord, please help me keep myself together, and my sass to a minimum. Amen.
Praying helped yesterday when I was heading down this hall, maybe it will today. But, just like yesterday too, I hear my name pop up in a very heated discussion. This time, however, I don’t hover in the hallway eavesdropping. I walk right in and cause crickets to start chirping.
They’re all staring at me with several different expressions on their faces. Scott is embarrassed, the poor thing. Cash is very frustrated, but that look is only for Leia. I get his guilty one once he quits trying to kill her with his eyes.
Leia, well, she’s... Hurt? Angry? Scared? Sad? They all flash across her features in quick succession. I can understand them all. I can also see that, like I did with Cash, I’m gonna have to earn her trust.
“Leia, I think maybe you and I should start from scratch. Would you like to go downstairs and get something to eat with me?” I ask her as nicely as possible.
Her eyes widen a fraction at my invitation and then even wider because of Scott and Cash’s immediate protests.
“Ellie, I don’t think—”
“That’s not a good idea—”
I hold my hand up and wait for them to hush. It doesn’t take long. “We’re big girls who can take care of ourselves, boys. You both know Leia and I need to talk, so please let us handle it.”
Scott hangs his head a bit then nods at me when he looks back up. Cash lets out one of his loud sighs. “Fine, but I really need to speak to you first, Ellie. Alone, please?” he asks.
“Try not to keep her too long, Cash. I’m starving,” Leia tells him. “Scott, will you take me downstairs?” Without waiting for an answer, she starts for the door. When she reaches me, she stops and stares at me hard for a moment, her face stony. Whether she’s trying to size me up or scare me, I’m not sure. I don’t really care either. I smile back sweetly at her.
“I’ll be down in a minute,” I tell her, my voice as sweet as sugar.
Kill ‘em with kindness, Aunt Maggie always said.
Her beautiful face twists into an ugly grimace and she walks away. Scott trails after her, his expression full of apology.
“She’ll come around,” he whispers to me as he passes by.
Once they’re gone, I sit down with a sigh, and rub my face a bit before looking over at Cash. He’s sitting right across from me, leaning over with his elbows on his knees.
“I’m really sorry, Ellie. She can be difficult on the best of days, and like me, she’s angry and scared. Probably more like terrified, actually. He’s all she has left. They can both be extremely protective of each other because of that. It’s gonna take some time for her to warm up to you,” he tells me with the most kindness I’ve heard from him yet.
“Thanks. I knew things probably wouldn’t be easy with her. I’m gonna go talk to her, and see if I can get her to listen to my side of things. She needs to hear it from me I think.”
“I bet you’re right. Woman to woman may be best. Don’t let her push you around too bad though, and remember her bark is worse than her bite,” he says with a smirk.
I smile back. “I’m not so sure about that yet, but we’ll see. I think I’ll go home for a few days—”
“NO! You can’t leave!” he hollers and grabs my knees in a tight grip, almost giving me a heart attack.
“What the hell, Cash?”
He quickly lets go, holding his hands up. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, but you can’t leave yet. Nik begged me to make sure you stayed after you ran out,” he explains.
“He did?” I ask, hating how unsure, yet hopeful my voice sounds.
He nods his head. “He wanted me to check on you, and make sure you stayed. He told Leia she had to fix things with you, too. He wants you to stick around.”
I take a minute to let those words sink in, and to figure out how they make me feel. Scared, hopeful, confused–the same as Nik always makes me feel.
Cash sticks his foot out and bumps mine. “And don’t forget, you told us, and him, you’d stay if he wanted you to.”
Why did I ever say that? Why? I can’t stay here, I can’t.
I get up and pace the room, my arms crossed tight while I chew on my thumbnail.
“Ellie?” Cash calls softly.
I spin around and face him, throwing my hands out. “Look, I know I said that. I know I did, but that was nuts. I got all emotional, and worked up and said stuff I shouldn’t have. I’m a stranger, for heaven’s sake. You said it yourself, y’all don’t know anything about me. Yes, I owe him my life, but he’s still a stranger to me, too. The idea is crazy.”
He gets up and walks over to where I am, his face soft and kind. So unlike our first meeting. “Do you want to stay?” he asks.
My eyes drop to the floor as I curse them for tearing up, my shirt clenched tight in my fists. “Yes. I don’t want to leave him. It would drive me insane not knowing if he was okay or not, but it may be less stressful for him if she isn’t so bent out of shape because I’m around. I only want to do what’s best for him.”
“Leia is always bent out of shape, no matter what, Ellie,” he says, “Listen, I truly think you may be what’s best for him. What you two went through yesterday is not something any of us can even begin to understand. What if he starts having some kind of PTSD from it? You could help him better with that than any of us could.”
I flinch at his PTSD comment, unable to hide it from him.
“Shit. I’m sorry.” He groans and runs his fingers through his thick hair, then down to rub the back of his neck. “I didn’t mean...I only meant because you went through it with him. Not because of your attack.”
I try not to react again, and keep my face neutral, but I fail.
“Shit. I’m gonna stop now. I’m sorry.” He sighs and turns around, walking across the room.
“Cash, it’s okay. I know you didn’t mean anything bad by it.”
He stops pacing and faces me, his arms crossed over his bulging chest. He’s a really good-looking guy, but I much prefer Nik’s lean build.
Okay, where the hell did that come from?
I shake myself, and get back to the conversation. “I honestly didn’t even think about Nik possibly having any anxiety about the robbery, believe it or not. I always figure I’m the only person that gets freaked out and has attacks. So, you actually do have a point. I may be able to help if that ever came up for him, but I hope to God for his sake it doesn’t.”
Cash looks over at me, his eyes gentle. I appreciate it, and hate it all at the same time.
“So, you’ll stay? You won’t go home right now?” he asks, still slightly worr
ied.
“I guess not,” I whisper.
“You promise you’re not gonna run off, and leave him when he needs you?”
“I wasn’t going to leave for good. I was gonna come back! I was just going to give him and Leia some time without me hanging around. I’d never leave him if he didn’t want me to!” I say with enough anger to surprise even myself.
He laughs at me, which only succeeds in making me angrier–until it doesn’t anymore.
“Kiss my ass. I got enough problems without you messing with me,” I fuss at him, grinning as my anger turns into laughter.
He laughs with me and waves towards the door. “Come on, missy. I’ll take you downstairs.”
I get up and follow him out. “Shouldn’t we give Lacey our numbers in case she needs any of us? What if something happens while we’re downstairs?” I ask, my worry coming to the surface.
“Already done. I gave her our numbers when I got here.”
“Oh, okay then. I can’t stall anymore, can I?” I pout.
He smiles over at me as we step up to the elevator. “I’m not worried a bit, you’ll handle Miss Leia just fine.”
“Glad someone isn’t.”
We ride in silence until we get downstairs, but he stops me before we get off. “I’ll go back upstairs, and let y’all talk.”
“You know what? Stay. There’s some things you don’t know yet, and I really don’t want to have to do this over and over again. Do me a favor though. If Leia gets an attitude with me, let me handle it, okay?”
He holds up two fingers and waves them at me. “I promise. Scouts honor.”
“Let’s get this over with then.”
We find Leia and Scott already sitting down with their food.
“Tell me what you want, and I’ll go get it for you,” Cash offers.
“Oh, thanks. Um, something with some protein will be fine. Chicken, beef, whatever they have.”
Once he walks away Leia looks up at me. “You two sure are chummy,” she says with a smirk, and not a nice one either.
“He’s a good guy, but you should have been here yesterday afternoon. He hated me almost as much as you do, right Scott?” I wink at him.
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