Shattered

by Olga Bicos

  She settled into the crook of his arm as if she were cold. They were chilling facts he was telling her, that someone could sleep with his son’s future bride and then kill her.

  “I think it was an accident,” he said. “Or maybe at the last minute he wanted her to die, because it would make everything easier if she were out of the picture. No one would ever know about them, about the baby. Hell, even if there was some kind of paternity test, what would it show? Things weren’t so sophisticated back then. He’s my father, after all. We share the same genes. After we fought, she had time to find him and tell him.”

  “Could he really do something so horrible?” she asked, the shock clear in her voice.

  “Maybe. Since the day she died, he’s been trying to kill himself. The drinking is why he lost the business and why my mother brought Daniel in to take over. Samuel just didn’t care anymore.”

  It was as if he’d opened the floodgates. He couldn’t stop talking, just telling her everything. “I was the one who found her in the car. She was behind the wheel, like a broken doll, no seat belt or air bag deployed. She hit her head on the driver’s side window. The whole window had shattered. She was still alive, so I didn’t move her. Just called 911.”

  He’d never talked like this before, never had someone to share his dark secrets with, and it felt good. At the same time, he worried that she’d given in too easily, putting herself into the drama of his life without knowing what she was taking on. And still, he couldn’t stop.

  “The first time I saw you,” he said, “I was scared. I thought that, somehow, you showing up would bring it all back. That Gil would find out about Nina and my father. His daughter pregnant with his best friend’s kid. He’d have another stroke and that would be the end of that.”

  She met his gaze. “Maybe you didn’t give Gil enough credit. Maybe he’s stronger now.”

  “Funny you should say that. Those were Gil’s exact words. We talked after the lieutenant showed up at the vineyard. He burst into my office demanding to know what the police wanted. For the first time, I knew I had to tell him. Not everything, not about my father—but that there were other men in her life. That someone might have wished her harm to keep their affair secret. And that the police were looking into that possibility.”

  He blew out a breath remembering how calm Gil had been. Sad, but calm.

  “He asked me if the baby was even mine. All this time I was trying to protect him, and he asked me right out. Didn’t even blink.”

  “What did you say?”

  “The truth. That I didn’t think so. That I was always careful, taking precautions. Because, even then, I wasn’t sure about the marriage.”

  “That must have been hard for him to hear.”

  “God, yes. But I think he understood. He said it was the drugs. The autopsy showed alcohol and Valium, but that wasn’t all she did. Not by a long shot. He knew she’d been having problems, but he couldn’t seem to reach her. He thought things would change if she settled down, got married and had some children. But she never got that chance.”

  He spooned her into him, kissed her neck and closed his eyes, just holding her for a second. He’d told Gil how sorry he was and how much he wished he could have set Nina back on the straight and narrow. In the end, Ryan had only added to the problem, taking her to parties, then making sure she got home all right. Enabling her.

  “At first, I really loved that edge about her. I mean, we hadn’t seen each other since we were kids. Then I come back from school and she’s all grown up. Daring, and with this great spirit. She could take over a room. Only, it got to be too much. Out of control. Eventually, I just didn’t want to play anymore, so I called it off. And then she got into that car.”

  “You didn’t kill her, Ryan.”

  But he was shaking his head, not so sure she understood. “Even now, I wonder if it’s okay, this thing between you and me. Or will it start all over again, the past repeating itself? That’s why I pushed you away. I thought if I toed the line, you’d be safe—but I don’t really believe that anymore. I don’t know who’s pulling the strings, I just know it’s time to find out—and to stop them.”

  He’d left so much unsaid. The part about loving her. How he’d felt when he’d seen that car parked at the edge of the highway, knowing she was inside. That making love to her had felt like finding some missing half.

  But he didn’t know how to say that they should be together any better. She wasn’t Nina, and he wasn’t the kid who’d let Nina die. He was just a man who wanted Holly more than he should, more than was good for either of them. And he couldn’t find the words to tell her.

  “I’m not going anywhere,” she whispered.

  He smiled. And she thought it was only her brother who read minds?

  The next morning, he woke up to find Holly dressed in one of his shirts—sexy as hell. She stood in front of his gas grill feeding what looked like strips of her architectural plans into the flames.

  Watching her, it was still a shock, how he felt. As if his heart was going to burst just looking at her, he wanted her so much. But at the same time he kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. What next?

  “Not one for sleeping in?” he asked from the sliding glass door.

  She turned around and smiled. That smile was one of the things that always made her look so different from Nina.

  He realized that there would come a day when he’d stop making the comparison, and that it would be all about Holly. In time, she wouldn’t even look like Nina. They’d grow old together. Things would change. He found himself looking forward to the changes.

  She gave him a kiss and turned in his arms so that they both faced the flames.

  “I’ve always wanted to wear a guy’s shirt with nothing underneath. They make it look so sexy in the movies.”

  He kissed her on the neck. “It is sex personified.” He nodded over her shoulder at the grill. “What’s this?”

  “A ceremonial burning of my flying buttress.”

  He gave her a look. “Okay. I’ll bite. Flying what?”

  “My safety net,” she explained. “If it ever really was that. Those are the plans for Cutty House. I had them with me when you picked me up yesterday.”

  “That seems like an awful lot of work going up in flames.”

  “It’s only symbolic.” She sighed, easing back into him. “Everything is on disk back at my office.”

  He thought about what that meant, that she was burning the plans. When she turned to look at him, he thought it was a little awe-inspiring, that he could feel so much without even touching her.

  “I came out here this morning to think about why I stayed,” she told him. “I didn’t want to fail again. I mean, after the bankruptcy, I basically decided that all hope was lost. I’d made the sign of the cross over my career, you see. And then Daniel showed up.”

  “Your own personal fairy godmother.”

  He liked making her smile and he made a mental note to do it more often.

  “Something like that, yes.” She sighed, staring at the flames. “And it was a wonderful opportunity. Only, it was never real.”

  They watched the fire silently. It was a little cool that morning. The water made the air moist. He put his arms around her, trying to keep her comfortable.

  “Ryan? When was the last time you went sailing?”

  He sighed, holding her close. “Twelve years ago, Holly. Never after that.”

  When the flames died into embers, she kissed him. Without saying another word, she took his hand and guided him back to bed. This time when they made love, it was Holly who whispered in his ear, “Mine.”

  “Ditto,” he told her, starting all over again.

  Ryan woke up an hour later, again to an empty bed. He thought it was strange how he was already used to her there beside him, as if he’d been holding the spot for her, saving her place. When he woke up and she wasn’t there, their arms and legs tangled together, the bed felt empty and cold.


  This time, he found her in the kitchen dialing the phone. Seeing him, she smiled but she didn’t stop what she was doing.

  He thought maybe she was calling her brother, letting him know that they were on their way over, giving him the heads up so Harris could be waiting with the shotgun at the door. Because, heck, it’s not like the guy was going to feel all warm and fuzzy about Holly’s decision to fight alongside her man.

  Only, it turned out it wasn’t her brother she was calling. Instead, he heard her say into the phone, “Daniel?”

  She waited a moment, letting Daniel have his say on the other end. Finally, her eyes never leaving Ryan’s, she finished the call with the simplest of statements.

  “I quit.”

  30

  The world had become a very confusing place for Samuel Cutty. Guiding the steering wheel, he thought about how, lately, things would get all mixed up in his head, how he couldn’t tell the difference anymore between the past and the present.

  It had happened this morning with Vanessa, the perfect lady. She’d been screaming at him in a rage, crying and screaming until she’d dropped to the floor weeping. Just like that day with Nina.

  She said she’d gotten a call. That she knew the truth. Screaming her threats.

  “I swear to God, I’ll kill you. I’ll kill you both.”

  When she looked at him, her expression—the fit of rage—was so unlike his manicured wife. That was the confusing part. It made him think of the night of the accident and how Vanessa had screamed then, threatening him.

  You’ve ruined me, Samuel. You and your lust. And you betrayed our child. Have you no shame?

  He’d taken a minute to try and figure out what to say. To imagine that he was somehow hallucinating, so no response was needed. In the end, he’d denied everything. Just like before.

  How could she know? Even with Vanessa standing in front of him, screaming about Nina, he couldn’t quite remember the where and when of it.

  And now, she would ruin everything, the same way she’d done twelve years ago.

  The first time he and Nina had made love, she’d come to him. It was a little shocking, an eighteen-year-old girl wanting him. A girl who was his best friend’s daughter and his son’s fiancée. Shocking and exciting.

  Afterward, when he’d asked why, she’d said he was more mature than Ryan, that she’d wanted a real man. All along, it had been him, not Ryan.

  Later, she’d tell him he was old and gross and she didn’t want him to touch her. Didn’t he understand she’d made a mistake that first time? Don’t you get it, you stupid old man? I was completely wasted. I thought you were Ryan!

  So he’d beg her. He’d buy her gifts. Whatever he had to do. Didn’t she understand how much he loved her?

  He still had to beg sometimes. Still had to buy her expensive presents.

  He staggered up the steps to the apartment. She didn’t tell him he was old anymore. She could be kind, even.

  He remembered wanting to die when he found out about the accident. And even though Nina was alive, waiting for him up those stairs, he still wanted to die remembering that night. Wanted to drink until he was incoherent, get in his car and drive right off the cliff where he’d lost her, finishing what he’d started so many years ago.

  But she hadn’t died, right? She was here for him now. Today. That’s why Vanessa had been in a rage this morning. You’ve ruined me, Samuel. You and your lust. Making him think of the past, confusing him.

  He was still wondering about the strange juxtaposition—the past alongside the present—when Nina opened the door. She was dressed in shorts and a T-shirt, looking just as young as the day she died.

  “Sammy. What a surprise. But I’m not ready for you, love. Come on in. I’ll just be a minute.”

  A good day, then, he thought, shuffling inside. A day he wouldn’t have to beg.

  When Ryan and Holly drove up to her apartment, Daniel was already waiting outside.

  He was resting against the hood of his Bentley, arms crossed, dressed casually in jeans and a T-shirt. Holly could see that his hair was still wet from a shower. She almost didn’t recognize him; she’d never seen him wear anything without a designer label.

  He’d snagged a good parking spot at the restaurant across the street. Only, the expression on his face was full of rage when he saw Ryan.

  “Wait here,” Ryan told her, double-parking.

  Closing the door behind him, he jogged into the street toward his cousin. He never even glanced back; he’d spoken without thought. Wait here.

  She would, of course, stay put and wait for him, the man, to take care of things while she kept out of harm’s way. Let the boys work it out.

  “Right,” she said, climbing out of the car to follow.

  By the time she reached them, Daniel was pacing on the sidewalk. He moved like a cat, back and forth, tense and revved up. This morning when she’d called Daniel, she hadn’t been afraid. Suddenly, that changed.

  “I quit?” He spoke to Holly, ignoring Ryan for the moment. “Imagine what I’m thinking when I hear that? What did I do wrong? How can I fix this? Running over here like an idiot to talk it out.”

  He stopped, staring Ryan down, making it clear that he didn’t like the fact that he was the problem.

  “But I can’t do anything about this, can I, Holly?” he asked. “This isn’t about me and what I did. This is about Ryan and what he’s been whispering in your ear.”

  “I didn’t bother to whisper.” Ryan stepped between Daniel and Holly. “I told her straight out. You put Holly in that car, Dan. Were you getting even with me after all these years by making me relive some nightmare past? Maybe you were trying to send me over the edge? How does that work for you, because I think it’s a nice fit.”

  He shoved Daniel hard in the chest, taking his cousin by surprise so that Daniel lost his footing, stumbling against the building behind him.

  “What were you thinking?” Everything Ryan felt was right there in his face. “You almost killed her, you bastard.”

  “So now I’m the villain of the story.” Daniel’s voice sounded deadly. “So Wonder Boy here wins again. Every fucking time. You—effortlessly—win.” He tried to circle around, but Ryan stopped him, keeping him from reaching Holly. “And you’re just going to hand it to him? Is that it? Does he get to win again?”

  His words brought all her suspicions into focus. Just as Ryan suspected, the car ride had been some twisted plan to bring Ryan down. After all these years, Daniel was still working through his fears that he was the lesser man.

  “I’m treated like shit in this family.” Daniel was practically screaming, out of control in a way she’d never seen. “And do you know when finally, finally, I get my due?” He wasn’t waiting for an answer. “When Cutty House becomes a piece of crap. When it’s all gone to shit and Ryan’s moved on to his vineyard and his other successes, I get the phone call for help. Look, Daniel, it’s all yours now, this piece of shit!”

  But Ryan wasn’t having any of it. “No one’s denying you got a raw deal. But bringing Holly here, putting her in danger? You don’t have that right.”

  “You bet your ass I have the right.” He jabbed his finger in the air in front of Ryan’s face. “I didn’t put the woman I loved in a car to watch her destroy herself.”

  Somehow, Daniel got around Ryan—only to be grabbed from behind so that Ryan kept him from reaching Holly. But that fire was still in his eyes.

  “Yeah, sure,” Daniel said, talking only to Holly. “I admit it. The plan was to mess with Ryan. Resurrect Nina. Get him to fucking confess what he did to her. But then you went and turned everything around—” the wonder of it in his voice “—so that I wasn’t so sure anymore.” Suddenly, financial success was better revenge.

  “I thought that maybe this time, with your help, I could win.” He wasn’t fighting Ryan anymore. “I could see it, Holly. You made me see how you were going to save Cutty House, put me on top, give me that win because I’d found y
ou. Not him. Me, Daniel East. I came to the rescue.” He whipped around, pushing Ryan with both hands. “And now he gets to destroy that, too?”

  “Forget it, Daniel.” Ryan stood his ground. “She’s out of here.”

  “So you win? You get away with it?”

  “Get away with what, Daniel?”

  “Killing her, dammit. Taking Nina from me.”

  “I didn’t kill Nina—”

  “Fucking a, you didn’t kill her! Of course, you killed her! You and your damn father. She told me everything, Ryan. How you pushed her away, saying you didn’t love her,” he screamed. “She was crying her eyes out that night, you son of a bitch. Only, I said she’d be fine, see? Because, hell, she had me. I asked her to marry me right then, that very night. And do you know what she did? She laughed. She laughed at me, because she didn’t want anything to do with me. She wanted the money, Ryan. The Cutty prestige. And if you couldn’t give it to her, your father would. But not me. No way. I wasn’t even in the picture. I was just some idiot she balled when she had some free time from you and Daddy. I wasn’t…in the line of succession.”

  Even Ryan took a step back, shocked. “Jesus, Dan.”

  “You let her get in that car! You let her die!”

  And that would always be his crime in Daniel’s eyes. Holly could see that it wasn’t about direct responsibility. Nina was dead and someone had to pay—preferably the son of a bitch who’d been a thorn in Daniel’s side his whole life long.

  “And now you get her, too?” Daniel shook his head. The way he looked at Holly froze the blood in her veins.

  “No way, Ryan,” he said, walking away, but the threat lingered there in the air. “No fucking way.”

  31

  “Nina?”

  Samuel looked down at his hands. The blood. It was everywhere. He hadn’t known the human body could have so much blood.

  “Nina, please.” He couldn’t lose her again. “I need you.”