Shattered Pearls

by Sidney Parker

  He pulled back and took a sip of wine, a long sip, when I blurted out:

  “I think about you every fucking day, Elliot.”

  He started to choke on his wine, coughing it back up to the point that others looked toward us in concern. He grabbed for a napkin and put it up to his mouth, trying to wipe up the liquid that now dripped from his chin. I reached over and wiped a drop from the corner of his lip and then put my finger in my mouth to suck it off, watching him watch me all the while.

  I wasn’t sure what came over me. I just blurted out the honest-to-God truth.

  I didn’t want to play games anymore—with anyone—but especially not with Elliot. How he chose to deal with it was on him.

  Before Elliot could respond, the waitress was back to see if we were ready yet. I started to open it when he put his hand on top of the menu. Turning to the waitress, he ordered for both of us.

  “I need two orders of lasagna and the house salad.” Turning back to me, he said, “They have the best lasagna I have ever tasted. I hope you don’t mind.”

  I didn’t mind at all.

  We continued our conversation as we waited for the food to arrive.

  I led the discussion back to a safer topic, like writing and travels. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk about the “we” factor. I just didn’t want things to move too quickly, and I already blurted out a little more than I intended. Hopefully Elliot understood that. Sitting next to him talking, drinking wine, hearing about how his life had been was a wonderful dream come true for me.

  And … I wanted nothing more than to crawl into his lap and lick every inch of him. I wanted to taste his mouth filled with wine, I wanted to drink him up completely, but not yet. I needed to know the feelings rushing through me, the desire, the headiness, were real, and that we both felt the same way.

  I shook off my rambling thoughts and worked on learning more about Elliot.

  “Now,” I said. “Tell me how you come up with such gruesome murders in your stories. You make them so real and so vivid. They give me nightmares.”

  “They are real. I may combine a few killings to make it more horrific, but every murder I write about in my books has happened somewhere in the world.”

  My face must have dropped because he reached out and took my hand.

  “The world is full of evil, Emily. It’s all around us. Most people close their eyes to it, but it’s still there, whether we choose to see it or not.”

  I cringed, but it wasn’t what he told me that made me react. It was the thought of Steve’s brutal slaying that rushed back into my thoughts when Elliot mentioned murder. Yes, evil was all around us, me especially, and it needed to be taken care of soon.

  But not today, I didn’t want to think about any of it today. I wanted to believe I had finally been given a little taste of heaven right here in La Jolla.

  EMILY

  Elliot’s eyes never strayed from my face; it was as if he were trying to reach inside my soul to see what was there. I watched him too, trying to read his feeling for me. Did he trust me? Could he ever love me again? A million thoughts were running through my head and had been for the last twenty-four hours.

  “Emily … are you really here, sitting next to me after all these years? I can’t believe it.”

  He voiced out loud the very question I’d been thinking throughout the day: is he really here in front of me after all this time? I knew he was, I could reach out and run my fingers over his skin. I could touch him and feel the warmth. I could taste the saltiness of his skin if I so chose.

  What I didn’t want to think about was the fact I was only here for a week. And then what would happen? Did we each go our separate ways again? Break my heart again? Did we try to go back and forth? I couldn’t see how it would work. My thoughts were jumping too far ahead and I needed to stop. I had to find a way to just sit back and enjoy this moment; otherwise, I would destroy this before it even began. I needed to find a way to let go of the control.

  I forced myself back to the here and now as the waitress set our food in front of us. Elliot refilled our wine and lifted his glass as he handed mine to me. Touching the rims together with a soft chime that only fine crystal can sing, he whispered a wish in the form of a toast.

  “To a new beginning. Maybe this time we can go slow and make it work.”

  Later, as Elliot held the door open for me, I stepped back outside into the bright sun, pulling out my sunglasses while he waited for me. Lacing his fingers through mine, we walked toward to water.

  The beach was still alive with people playing in the surf and walking about. I glanced up toward the beach house to see if Andrea was back yet, but I saw no signs of life.

  Elliot took my arm as we made our way over the rocks on the path leading down. When we reached the shoreline, I kicked off my sandals and waded in the water, watching it lap over my feet. He pointed out his house, overlooking the north end of the cove. It was rustic in appearance from the outside. A deck spanned the side facing the water, disappearing around the corner to the north side and the mountains. I could see chairs scattered about, much like I had on my back patio in Phoenix. Brightly colored flowers were visible here and there and some tall potted palm trees. It looked calm and inviting up there in his own little castle.

  “We can go up there after a while if you want to see what I’ve done with the place. If you want to,” he said with a bit of apprehension.

  “I would love that.”

  Heading down the beach, he turned the subject back to us. Stopping and starting several times he finally laughed.

  “I’m nervous all of a sudden and I don’t really know why.”

  “I am too,” I admitted.

  The awkwardness of our stumbling conversation had us both doubling over in giggles. Here was a man I had been intimate with. A man who, at one time, knew more about me than anyone else. Now we were trying to step carefully around what needed to be talked about as if we were strangers.

  “Okay, Elliot, I’m going to ask first. Is there anyone else in your life? I mean … I guess if you are involved with someone, I don’t want to step on any toes.”

  I held my breath as I waited for his answer.

  “No, there is no one else. God! I haven’t been able to become seriously involved with anyone since the day I left you. That’s not to say I haven’t tried, but it just never seems to work out.”

  With a loud whoosh, I let out the breath I didn’t realize I had been holding until just now. Relief filled me, making me relax a little bit more.

  “How about you, Em? Are you seeing anyone?”

  “No, I was dating a lot a few years ago, but as I mentioned before, it’s been over a year since I’ve gone out with anyone. I really suck at relationships.”

  “Maybe because they weren’t me.” He pointed out quietly.

  Taking the hand his fingers were entwined with, he raised it to his lips and kissed me, looking into my eyes with such intensity, I began to squirm. My emotions were moving faster than my mind could work. I couldn’t think straight around this man.

  “I still love you, Emily, just as much as I did seven years ago, maybe even more. I’ve grown and I’ve experienced a lot during the time we’ve been apart. But I also know what I want more than I ever did before. I won’t rush you. I’ve learned how to be patient, really, really patient.” He grinned at me.

  “But … I want nothing more than to pick you up, throw you over my shoulder, caveman style, and carry you back to my house to spend the next few hours making love to you in every possible way I can dream of.”

  I was breathless.

  I was exhilarated.

  And I was scared to death.

  Scared because I still loved him too, and I wanted everything he wanted, even more so. But I was afraid I would screw it up … again.

  “I still love you too, Elliot. But—”

  “No buts,” he interrupted me. “We can make it work if we really want it to. Let’s just take our time. Start o
ver from the beginning.”

  He turned his back to me, running his hands over his face and through his hair. Then turning back to face me with a grin, he took my hand.

  “Hi, I’m Elliot. Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?”

  He made me blush, from the bottom of my toes all the way to the top of my head. He made me tingle and lightheaded and he made my blood run steaming hot.

  Grabbing my waist, he swung me around on the sand and then he pulled me close. So close I could feel every inch of his muscular body against mine.

  His lips met mine, softly at first, playful, then more demanding, more urgent as his desire increased. He inflamed my need for him with those lips and his tongue, his hands … I could feel myself sinking, wanting him more and more as the kiss grew and his hands stroked their way over my skin, making it burn.

  He broke away from me suddenly and ran his fingers through his hair, pulling it back from his face, a habit I remember fondly, signaling frustration. Elliot was losing control.

  “I need to walk you back to your place or I’m going to forget what I said and take you back to mine. I meant what I said about moving slow, Emily. I want this more than anything in life, but I want you forever, not just one night or a single week. I’m not going to fuck this up just because I’m ready to start making love to you on this very public stretch of beach. ”

  Before I could say anything at all, he guided me back up to the street. The sun was starting to dip beneath the horizon to the west, darkening the skies.

  To say I was a bit shocked and a little more than disappointed was an understatement. I wanted him. I wanted his arms around me and his lips on my body all night long. I wanted to feel him inside of me, every single inch of him. I wanted our bodies drenched in sweat because we didn’t ever want to stop. I was going out of my mind wanting this man.

  As we approached the door, he took me in his arms again. Touching his lips to mine, he spoke softly into my ear as he nibbled down my neck.

  “Never doubt for a moment that I want you. I want all of you. But more than anything I want you to be sure. Because once I make love to you, there is no going back … ever.”

  I had no choice but to comply. He was right, we needed to move slowly, not just jump back into bed together. I needed to be sure of myself.

  He kissed me goodnight and waited until I stepped inside and closed the door. I ran up the stairs and out onto the deck to wave goodbye, but he was already halfway down the block. Turning back once, he blew me a kiss.

  Tomorrow, he mouthed to me and smiled. Turning away, Elliot headed back into the fading sunlight.

  It was only thirty minutes later that I heard Andrea come through the door. I was sitting on the balcony sipping a glass of wine, another glass sitting on the table waiting for her this time, when she walked outside and sat down.

  “How did it go today?” I asked her.

  “Great. I think it went well, but more importantly, how was your day?” Her eyes twinkled. “And don’t leave out any details.”

  My rage was building as I slammed a wrench across the garage, hitting the wall and causing a chunk of sheetrock to break apart and drop to the floor. Where the hell was she? What right did she have taking off like that again?

  She was not getting away from me again. She thought she was so damn smart sneaking off in the middle of the day while I was busy. Like I wouldn’t be able to track her down. Stupid bitch. I decided where she went and with whom. If that little slut took off with another guy again, I’d teach her a lesson she would never forget. I checked the house several times already. Even the damn dog was gone. That nosy neighbor across the street was missing too. She’d better not have run off with him. That would be just like her. That bitch didn’t care how old a guy was if he had something to put between her legs. FUCK! I needed to take care of this shit once and for all. She’d better get her ass back here or she was going to pay for it! And whoever she was shacked up with.

  EMILY

  Every morning, Elliot was outside the front door waiting for me when I woke up. I rushed to the balcony and there he was: coffee in hand, gazing out at the ocean. We walked the beach, talking, laughing, and holding hands.

  I was getting to know him all over again. It was the same and yet different, if that made any sense. I was learning a part of him I never took the time to understand before this.

  And I was trying to be completely open with Elliot, and I was letting the walls come down that I’d hidden behind most of my life. If he didn’t like who and what I’d become, it wasn’t my problem. I wanted him to love the real me, to desire the woman I was growing into, not the child I once was.

  We would grab breakfast and head over to the workshop following our walk on the beach. Afterwards, we would find a spot for dinner and discuss writing and how to expand the ideas I had. And we talked about us.

  Wednesday night, Andrea joined us for dinner at a seafood restaurant right by the water. I loved watching her get to know my Elliot. We cracked open crabs and drank wine until well after the sun set. Every time she glanced at me she gave me the thumbs up or raised her glass in a silent toast with a grin. She definitely approved of my choice this time.

  The only thing driving me crazy was Elliot sticking to his no sex decision. He was a gentleman all the time and I wanted more. I craved him more every minute I spent with him. I was beginning to feel like a child, the candy in plain view but just out of my reach. It was starting to make me crabby and a crabby Emily wasn’t much fun to play with.

  There was plenty of kissing, hugging, and hand holding, teasing me to the very brink, but he always withdrew and went home. I had no idea how he was managing it. Every time he looked at me, my body started to tingle. I wanted to wrap my whole self around him, jump up, circling his waist with my mile-long legs, bury my face into his neck and just breathe, never letting go. I was going nuts! And we were leaving on Sunday!

  I didn’t know what the hell to do but I needed to do something and soon.

  Elliot could spend hours touching me with his fingers, his lips, his tongue … my lips felt permanently swollen, they had been kissed so much the last four days. The things that man could do with his tongue … he had licked every part of my body accessible with my clothing still on. I was preparing a salad for dinner back at my borrowed beach house and he snuck up behind me. Lifting my hair away from my neck, he proceeded to lick me from my hairline to just below my shoulder blades, slowly tracing his tongue downward, never lifting it from my skin. It was so damn erotic that I broke out in shivers. I could feel the heat building between my legs and racing throughout my body. By the time I could turn around, he was backing away from me, smiling.

  Today was the last day of the workshop. One more day to listen to Elliot. To sit and watch his every move and absorb everything I could possibly learn about writing … and of him.

  Awakening earlier than usual this morning, I made an effort with my hair and a touch of makeup. The first part of the week I kept it pretty casual as far as my appearance went, but I decided since the week was almost over, I would make sure he noticed everything about me, every single detail. I wanted to be ravished!

  I met him outside as he came strolling up the street. Greeting me with a hug, he took my hand and we headed toward the cove to sit on the rocks by the water. I could get so used to this, walking along the ocean every day, the relaxed atmosphere of this quaint little beach town, Elliot…

  He was quiet this morning, almost pensive as he looked out at the water. The weight of his thoughts seemed to burden him.

  There was more wind today, so the waves were touched with white frothy caps on the top of them as they rolled in, crashing against the shoreline with a loud splash and spraying saltwater far up onto the beach.

  “I’m not ready for you to leave yet,” he spoke softly, almost a whisper.

  “I’m not ready to go,” I answered.

  We both sat there, holding hands. It had been less than a week of togetherness, y
et it was so different. I felt like this was where I belonged.

  Years ago, we would have been tearing each other’s clothes off every chance we had, devouring each other. Seven years ago we were riding a roller coaster … the passion, the emotions, and the uncertainties of our feelings.

  This week, it was calmer, more peaceful. The need and desire was there, absolutely, but as much as I hated to admit it, the waiting and the anticipation was nice, too. I was content to spend the time with him.

  Elliot broke into my thoughts.

  “This week has been really nice…”

  I held my breath wondering if there would be a but. I knew he was watching me as he spoke because he read my mind.

  “No buts. I have no regrets about spending this time with you at all. It just confirms what I have been feeling, all this time, is real.”

  Gently touching my jaw, he turned my face to him so I had to look into his eyes.

  I could get so lost in those eyes.

  “I mean this, Emily. I want to be with you. I want to wake up with you next to me every morning for the rest of my life. There is no doubt in my mind. And I am willing to wait until you know you want the same thing with me.”

  I really didn’t have to think about it. Elliot was the only man I wanted. Every mistake I made in the past was a part of my journey back to him. They were lessons I needed to learn and a road map to figure out who I was, because until I knew me, I could never really understand him.

  I turned my whole body to face him. Reaching my hand out, I ran my palm across his cheek, one finger tracing his jawline.

  “I know what my heart wants, and I know I love you, only you. I have spent a long time trying to figure myself out, healing the broken inside of me. It’s an ongoing process, but I’m working on it. I want to be with you more than anything else in the world. Logistically how will it work? I mean I’m there and you’re here. I love it here, but I’m afraid I would miss there … does this make any sense to you? Because thinking about all of it, trying to figure it out, is muddling my head.”