Tales From a Broad

by Melange Books, LLC

  “Oh, come on,” I whined. “Actually, it’s really not much of a story and is exactly what I just told you.”

  “Well, flowers, an email, phone calls ... It kind of sounds like a story about a man who is in hot pursuit of you. Is this out of nowhere?”

  “Nowhere.” I rolled my eyes as I turned my body to face him. “We haven’t spoken since we broke up a few months ago.”

  “And you broke up because...?”

  I leaned my arm on the back of the bench and rested my head in my hand. My chest tightened as I debated how much to tell him. Hell, I may as well practice my spiel. It wasn’t like he was going to be a long-term contender in the dating game. No matter how much I happened to enjoy his company.

  “Well, the long and short of it is that I waited too long to have kids.”

  I shifted my body and sat on my hands to keep them from shaking. I sneaked a peak at Simon, but he didn’t seem to have much of a reaction. He just sat there and looked at me through narrowed eyes.

  “What?” I felt paranoid and braced myself for his answer.

  “I don’t get this. You’re a little over forty. How is that possible?”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “Who knows? For whatever reason, my eggs have expired. My fiancée was pretty shocked too.”

  Tears welled in my eyes, and I pressed my lips together. I looked down at the ground, nervous to see if his reaction was going to change. I wasn’t even sure why I cared, but suddenly I did.

  “Hey.” Simon touched my chin and gently tipped it up to meet his gaze. “Let me get this straight. This is why he broke up with you?”

  I chewed my bottom lip and nodded.

  “Unbelievable.” Simon shook his head. “He doesn’t realize what he had, Lucy. Maybe now he does but I really hope it’s too late ... for you. I’m sorry, but that’s unforgivable.”

  “Is it though? I changed what he thought he was getting out of life. Out of a wife.”

  “Lucy.” Simon took a firm hold of my arms. “That doesn’t change who he was marrying, who he would grow old with, who he would weather the storms with. The going gets tough, and he gets going? This is the twenty-first century. There are other ways to have a family. Please,” he muttered.

  My heart melted, but I fought it tooth and nail. “Says the man who wants to adopt. Not everyone feels the way you do. You already know that’s something you want to do.”

  “I also know whomever I fall in love with, I will stay in love with, through good times and bad. Especially, bad. I’m sorry, Lucy, but if you ask me, the guy did you a favor.” Simon may have spoken in a gentle tone, but his words cut through me like a knife.

  “I know it sounds that way.” I sighed and absently twisted the non-existent ring on my finger. “But we have history, Simon. I loved him.”

  Simon nodded solemnly. “Are you going to call him back?”

  “I don’t know.” I took a hair band from my wrist and pulled my hair into a ponytail. “Believe it or not, he really is a nice guy, despite the little details I’ve shared.”

  “Little details,” Simon muttered and rolled his eyes. “I’m sorry, but what you just told me is not a little detail, so I need to hear more. What did he do for you?”

  “What did he do for me...” I paused and considered. “Well, for starters, he treats me like a queen.”

  “As long as you look like one, right?”

  I furrowed my eyebrows and stared at Simon.

  “Didn’t you say he prefers it when you’re all dressed up?” I could detect a hint of impatience in Simon’s voice.

  “Well yeah, he’s more on the formal side, but the plus to that is he always looks really put together.”

  “Go on.” Simon compressed his lips into a line.

  “Okay, he’s funny. Not funny like you.” I smiled. “But he does make me laugh.”

  “Is he ... successful?”

  “Oh yes. Very. He’s always been career driven, and he’s settled and in a good place. In fact, he motivates me to work harder and stick to my goals. He was really good for me.”

  Simon’s face wore no expression, whatsoever. I bet he made one hell of a Poker player.

  “Is he fun? Not many people can pull off success and spontaneity.”

  I stumbled for a minute. “Well, we’ve definitely had some good times. He’s not wild and crazy.” I laughed. “I mean, he would never take weeks off to travel the way we all are. And if he ever did, it would have to be perfectly planned with reservations at the finest restaurants and hotels. He’s a bit anal like that and his career always came first, but that’s what makes him so successful.”

  “So, where did you fit in?” Simon prompted.

  I closed my eyes and wished that I hadn’t opened up to him. I should’ve just walked away and read the damn email from Cooper in peace. “That’s not fair, Simon. This,” I said, opening my eyes and waving my hand between the two of us, “is not reality.”

  “Ouch,” Simon said with a wince. “It feels pretty real to me.”

  I shook my head quickly. “That didn’t come out right. What I meant was, my life isn’t spent waiting for summer camp to start.”

  I didn’t need to see the hurt look that appeared on Simon’s face before I immediately regretted my choice of words. My hand flew to the sides of my face and I let out an exasperated sigh. What was I doing? What was I trying to prove? And to whom?

  “Look, I’m sorry. It’s just ... this situation is stressing me out. I know you mean well, but I don’t need to defend him to you. You and I are in different phases of life, Simon. I was ready to settle down with a settled man. You couldn’t possibly understand how I’m feeling.”

  “You’re right. I apologize,” Simon said quietly.

  I closed my eyes again for a brief second. “I have to figure out what to do.” I rose to my feet. “I’d like to read this email. I’m dying to know what he had to say that was suddenly so important.”

  Uneasy, I loosened the scarf around my neck. “I’m going to go back to the hotel and deal with this,” I waved my phone in the air, “and freshen up for dinner. Can you just tell Tess I went on ahead?”

  “Sure.” Simon gave me a blank stare.

  “What time did you guys want to meet later? Mark mentioned a sunset boat ride on the Seine?” I gathered my things and tossed my bag over my shoulder.

  “Lucy,” Simon said, looking up at me. “I think I’m going to pass on tonight. You need to deal with things that are far more important than a night out with me.”

  “Simon.” I twisted my ponytail around my finger. “I want to go out with you tonight. Please,” I said softly.

  “Lucy, you just said...”

  I held up my hand. “I know what I said. I’ve been sending mixed messages, and I’m sorry, but that’s exactly how I feel. Mixed up,” I cried.

  “Well, let me make it easier for you,” Simon said wearily. “Go sort out your head. I hate to say it, but I think you might be right.” He looked down and made circles in the dirt with his sneaker. “You’re out of my league,” he mumbled.

  My mouth fell open. “I never said that.”

  Simon looked at me with sad eyes. “You didn’t have to.”

  Chapter Nine

  The living freak me out more than the dead.

  Facebook Status June 10 at 4:00pm

  Lucy

  Date: 6/10/14 at 3:01 PM

  Subject: Hi

  Dear Lucy,

  I hope you’re having a good trip. Ever since you called, you’ve been on my mind non-stop. Did you get the flowers I sent? I thought you would’ve called by now, so I wanted to double check.

  Hope to hear from you.

  Love,

  Cooper

  I suffered a state of confusion after Simon kicked me to the curb, but once I read Cooper’s email, my brain reeled with something entirely different. How dare Cooper harass me on my vacation? Who did he think he was? And shame on me for allowing him to ruin my date. Probably even the whole rest of
my day. Sorry wasn’t good enough, and did he really think he could just say it with flowers?

  With anger coursing through my veins, I backtracked my way to familiar territory, and by the time I returned to the Louvre grounds, I was able to take my first slow breath in an hour. I didn’t know whether it was the memories of my visit with Simon or the calming nature of the gardens outside the Louvre, but something turned the X-rated language in my brain to plain old PG-13.

  I found a seat at the Tuileries and opened the lunch I had bought from one of the cafeterias on the street. I scooped a forkful from the beet and mache salad that rested on my lap and dipped it into the cup of champagne dressing perched on my knee. I discovered the dressing tasted like truffle oil and poured the contents of the container all over the salad. The balancing act had not been an easy feat, considering that my knees had been knocking since I’d left Simon.

  A group of American tourists congregated around me, nose deep in identifying the different flowers in the magnificent park. I tried to pay attention to the botany lesson, but was too distracted by their attempts to look French. There were a whole lot of berets and striped shirts going on.

  Once I’d finished my lunch, I tossed the remnants in the trash and leaned against a tree to reread the email from Cooper. I slid down to the ground as I read the words that were almost committed to memory by then.

  The bark stuck to my leggings, and when I separated myself from the tree, I discovered a tiny hole in the seat of my pants.

  “Just what I needed, another a-hole,” I muttered aloud as I began to type a response.

  Dear Cooper, thank you for the flowers.

  No. Too nice.

  Cooper, the same flowers I planned to carry down the aisle? Really? Too late.

  Was it though? The jury was still out on that one.

  Dear Cooper...

  Oh, f... this. Before I could change my mind, I pressed the numbers I had dialed thousands of times before on the phone.

  Ring.

  I swallowed and took a breath. Please don’t pick up. Ring. Please let it go to voicemail. Ring. Oh, thank God.

  Three rings down meant that I was probably safe. I cleared my throat and swallowed in anticipation of leaving a message.

  “Hello?” Cooper said breathlessly.

  I closed my eyes and clenched my fist. “Hi,” I said coolly.

  “I was hoping to hear from you.”

  The sound of his familiar voice brought tears to my eyes. I inhaled to steady my shallow breaths.

  “Did you...?”

  “Yes, I got your flowers. Thank you.” Don’t be a wuss. Make him work.

  I cleared my throat and sat up straighter, feeling the bark scrape along my shoulder. “You were right, by the way.” I winced and cast a sideways look at the long scratch. “Orchids do not withstand the humidity too well. Good thing we didn’t make that mistake.”

  My forced chuckle, which sounded more like a horse being strangled, was met by an awkward silence.

  “Um, Luce, I was really happy to hear from you. When you called the other night...”

  The all familiar twisting in my stomach started, and I pulled my knees to my chest to make it stop. “Cooper, um, I was stoned. Calling you was not part of my plan that day.”

  I swallowed the hard lump that formed in my throat and wondered if he could hear the razzing sound as it dissipated. “It was a really emotional day for me. Had my wits been intact, I never would have called.”

  “Oh. Well, I’m glad that you did. How’ve you been? Where are you?”

  “I’m doing great. I’m at the Louvre.” I smirked to myself, knowing he and I had talked about going there together.

  “Good for you. You’ve always wanted to go there. How is it? Did you see Mona?”

  “Yeah. She was about the size of a postage stamp, but for a little lady, she attracted quite the crowd.” I clenched my teeth. Why was I being so nice?

  I cleared my throat and tried a different tactic—to say what was on my mind. “Cooper, do you really think I can just make small talk when the last thing you said to me was that you didn’t want to marry me? What do you want from me?”

  “Luce, I’m sorry. I know you probably hate me right about now. I just want to talk to you.”

  “About what? What can you possibly have to say? Where have you been for the past three months? I’m trying to move on with my life. If I wanted to pine away for you, I would’ve stayed in New York. Do you have some sort of a radar on me?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Did you sense I was having a good time? Did you feel I was getting over you? Don’t worry. I’m not there yet.”

  “I don’t need any reminders of you. It’ll be a long time until I stop thinking about you. Are you happy now? Yes Cooper, I still think about you. So please...” My voice broke and I rested my head against my knees. “No more flowers. No more emails.”

  “How about a visit?” he said in a quiet voice.

  “What?” I snapped.

  “Can I come see you?”

  “See me? Where?”

  “Paris. Or wherever you’ll be this weekend.”

  Was he kidding? He would come all the way over here? Just to talk? I rapidly tugged on the grass to the rhythm of my heartbeat.

  “Please, Luce. I can be there by Friday.”

  I chewed the bottom of my lip and tore off a piece of skin.

  He began to talk faster. “We can meet for dinner, and if it goes well, I’ll stay. If not, I’ll never bother you again. Please, just give me one chance to talk to you.”

  Holy mother of God. He wasn’t kidding. I rubbed my eyebrows back and forth, a weird nervous habit of mine. “Cooper, I don’t think that’s such a great idea. I’m vacationing with Tess, and I don’t need her to see you skulking around.”

  “Luce, it’s just one dinner. Please?”

  One dinner. Tsk. One dinner could do a lot of damage. Look at what one dinner did last night. It led to a knee-buckling kiss and intense feelings for a younger man. Cooper’s flowers pretty much ruined the high I had been riding. Who did he think he was, anyway?

  “No, Cooper. I’ve come here to start my life over.”

  “I’m really, really sorry,” he said in a low voice.

  I tapped my toe against a root. “Oh wow. Finally. Wait; I’m assuming you’re apologizing for breaking up with me on the day I discovered I couldn’t have kids, right? Or are you just sorry for hunting me down on my trip? I’m supposed to be on my honeymoon, you know,” I spat.

  “I just thought that after you called, maybe you still cared.”

  “Maybe I still cared? Do you seriously think I can just shut my feelings off? Cooper, I have to go. I should never have called you the other night. Or today, for that matter.”

  “Lucy, wait. Please don’t hang up. Please give me the chance to explain.”

  “Goodbye.”

  I hung up the phone and tossed it into my bag. An instant later, it began to ring.

  “Yeeees?” I sang wearily.

  “Aunt Lu? Are you ok? Simon told us you weren’t feeling well, and you don’t sound too hot either.”

  I was relieved to hear it was Tess and not Cooper, but dizziness washed over me, the aftermath of my emotional roller coaster ride. “Oh no, I’m fine,” I answered with artificial gaiety. “Just tired. I felt a little claustrophobic in the Catacombs, but once I got more air, I felt better.”

  “You and Simon both.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah. When we got out of the Catacombs, he seemed a little off. He said he was going to walk back and pick up a few souvenirs for his buddies. Can you believe it? A guy who shops for souvenirs? I think he’s a keeper.”

  I leaned my head against the tree and looked up at the sky in despair. “I don’t think he wants to be kept,” I muttered under my breath.

  “What’s that?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Aunt Lu, I have to ask you something and please be honest.” Tess
continued talking, oblivious to my emotional turmoil. “Would you mind if I went out alone with Mark tonight? He wants to have an official date and I kind of want to go.”

  “No, go ahead. I have work to do anyway.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Positive.”

  “Thank you!” she squealed. “What do you think of him, anyway?”

  “Well, just last night I had said that I wasn’t going to let you out of my sight. So, the fact that I am sending you off with my blessing should be an indication of just how much I like him. He seems great, Tess. Really.” I smiled.

  “He is. We just stopped for a glass of wine at this adorable little bistro. We sat outside at a table for two, chairs facing the street. Just like they do in the movies! We could even see the Eiffel Tower. It was so romantic.” She sighed. “He even bought me a rose from a vendor on the street. The rose man didn’t even ask him. Mark called him over.”

  “That’s serious business, Tessie. You watch ‘The Bachelor.’”

  “That’s what I thought, too! And the best part is that he and his girlfriend broke up. I noticed he was being overtly flirtatious all of a sudden, and now I know why. I guess last night after he and I parted ways, they had a heart-to-heart on the phone.”

  Tess paused and seemed to take a deep breath. I was about to say goodbye and wish her luck on her date when she suddenly continued. “Um, Aunt Lu, can I confess one more thing?”

  “Sure, hon.” What now? I loved my niece, but I was suddenly so exhausted I just wanted to get off the phone and get back to the hotel.

  “I wasn’t sure how to handle this with Jack. That was, before—”

  “Yikes. I almost forgot about him,” I interrupted with a cringe.

  “You and me both. When we decided to take a break, without saying it in so many words, we both knew it was the softer version of breaking up. Kind of like a pre-break up, an easier way to end things without feeling the finality of our six and a half year relationship. Regardless, we promised to be honest with each other before anything happened with anyone else. I just logged onto Facebook to see what he was doing ... okay, truth be told, I was going to shoot him a message and take the easy way out.”