Tales From a Broad

by Melange Books, LLC

  Was it really such a bad thing to want to see my friend? I seemed to be having a hard time looking away from the sight of Simon’s broad shoulders and back flexing as he reached for his coffee. What was wrong with me? I had such a strong attraction towards Simon. It would fade over time, I told myself. There were more important things in a relationship. What those things were and whether or not I had them with Cooper, still remained to be seen.

  “Ugh.” I closed my eyes and squeezed the bridge of my nose. I opened up an eye and peeked at Cooper.

  “I know,” he soothed.

  I clenched my jaw. No Cooper, you egomaniac, I’m not devastated that you’re leaving. I’m devastated that I have become such a whacked out head case. My thoughts were insane. I was insane. I took a breath to collect myself.

  I was so lost in thought that I actually jumped when Copper elbowed me to get my attention.

  “Look at that.” He pointed his chin in the direction of a child who was throwing a tantrum on the sidewalk. From the looks of things, the little boy had dropped his gelato cone on the ground and just couldn’t bear the thought of leaving the cherry behind.

  “Aw,” I said sympathetically, “that’s so sad.” He had to have been about three-years-old and wore the rest of the gelato on his face and hands. His parents were doing their best to console him and struggling to wipe his hands clean while he kicked and screamed.

  “Sad? More like ridiculous. It’s the parents’ fault for giving the kid his own cone in the first place. Spoon-feed him with a cup. Look at them,” he scoffed. “They’re practically kissing his ass to make him stop crying.”

  My mouth flew open, and I looked at Cooper in alarm. It had never occurred to me until that moment that he might expect too much from a child. His own self-expectations were sky high, as were the ones he had set for me. They all seemed to involve appearances and exterior perfection. Would our child have to have the right friends, the right school, the right clothes in addition to the right ice cream manners?

  “Don’t you worry, my dear,” Cooper said, slinging an arm around my shoulders as we walked into the pensione. “That would never happen to us. We’ll run a tight ship.” He massaged my arm.

  That’s exactly what worried me. I watched him glance at his phone.

  “So, why exactly are you leaving?” I said.

  “Something’s come up at work.” He waved his BlackBerry in the air. “This really can’t be helped. If I don’t get back, it’ll be a real disaster.” Cooper paused.

  “Luce, I just came to see you for a bit,” he went on. “I wanted to make the effort to show you how sorry I was for the way I acted. To be perfectly honest, I didn’t think you would want anything more than a dinner. The rest was just an added bonus.”

  I nodded thoughtfully. All sorts of negativity brewed inside me, but a slow and steady breath managed to calm me down. Yes, his priorities were screwed up, but this was not the time to pick a fight. I wanted to enjoy the rest of my vacation, not feel guilt over a crappy goodbye.

  Cooper glanced down at his watch. “Speaking of dinner, my flight leaves in oh, about five hours. Do you want to have a final one? How fast can you pull yourself together?”

  I forced a smile. “You’re talking to a backpacker. I can be ready in thirty.”

  Cooper raised one eyebrow. “I’ll tell you what, let’s make it forty-five.”

  “Why? Do I look like I could use the extra fifteen minutes?”

  Cooper chuckled as he fiddled with one of the cufflinks on his blue and white striped shirt.

  “I guess that answers my question. I better go and get a head start. Wait,” I commanded, interrupting myself as I entered the lobby. “Just so we’re clear, how nice of a dinner are you talking?”

  Cooper gave me a sideways look. “You can dress however you want.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Thanks, Dad. I’ll do my best not to embarrass you.” I flashed Cooper a smile and blew him a kiss.

  “I’ll be downstairs waiting,” he said, punching buttons on his phone. “I have to call the airlines. Right now, they have me booked for coach.”

  I gasped and placed a hand on my chest as we entered the lobby. “How horrible.”

  My irony was lost on Cooper. He nodded solemnly, as he pressed the phone to his ear. “Take your time. Thirty minutes ‘til the next available agent.” He groaned, pulling the phone away.

  “That’s the perfect amount of time for an Xbox rematch,” Landon yelled, jumping onto the couch. Mark sat down next to him and pulled Tess onto his lap. I smiled to myself and raced up the stairs two at a time.

  When I got to my room, I looked at the clock and dialed Morgan. I had tried to leave her out my love life, but now, I was desperate. It was time to call in the big guns.

  “C’mon,” I pleaded into the phone. It had already rung twice on her end. I walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. It took about five minutes for the water to heat up, so a head start was a good thing.

  “Pick up, pick up....”

  “Lucy!” Morgan shrieked into the phone. I held it a foot away and massaged my ear. “I spoke to Tess, and she filled me in on—”

  “Isn’t it amazing? I think she may have found her true calling.”

  “Yes, I couldn’t be happier for her. But Lu, that wasn’t what I was talking about. I’ve been speaking to her all week. She has filled me in on everything.”

  I gripped the phone and cringed. “Everything?”

  “Everything.”

  “Okay well, I only have about forty-one minutes until I meet Cooper for dinner, so there’s really no time for judgment.” I pulled off my leggings.

  “Fine. We’ll reserve that for a later time. Honestly, I feel like you’re starring in an Italian soap opera. Any new developments? By the way, I have Josh Duhamel playing the role of Simon. Am I right?”

  I sank down on the edge of the tub with relief. I had feared the wrath of my older sister and was so glad that she wasn’t upset with me, but still, I really wasn’t in the mood for jokes. I closed my eyes and drew in a slow breath.

  “Morgan, I really don’t have time for this now. I’m actually kind of upset. Do you have a minute?”

  “Yes, of course,” Morgan answered quickly. “I just made a cup of tea. Omigod, this really is like a soap.”

  “Enough with the goddamn soap. Please,” I said firmly. There was a silence at the other end of the phone. I bit down on my thumbnail. “I’m sorry. It’s just I need some quick advice and know you’re so good at that, Morgan.”

  “You also seem to know I respond well to ass-kissing,” she said dryly. “Now start talking.”

  “Okay. Cooper blew me off today.”

  “Shocker.”

  “Anyway,” I said impatiently, “I went out by myself and ran into Simon.”

  Morgan let out a slow whistle.

  “Yeah,” I said quietly.

  “That must’ve been awkward ... after last night’s tiff.”

  “Wow. Your daughter is quite the details girl.” The clock in the bathroom indicated I had about thirty-eight minutes left, so I reminded myself there was no time to be angry with Tess.

  “Well, that’s the thing. It wasn’t awkward at all. Simon apologized, and for once in my life, I didn’t hold a grudge. How could I? The guy meant well, and I know you don’t know him, but Morgan, he’s so charming, it’s ridiculous.” I walked over to the sink and put toothpaste on my brush.

  “Okay, I know you hate this, but I’m a visuals girl, so please humor me. Now I’m picturing Bradley Cooper. Maybe even a young Colin Farrell. You know, the hottie with the sexy accent?”

  “Well, Simon’s from Chicago and his Midwestern accent isn’t as sexy, but he is just as hot. Or haat as he would say.” I looked in the mirror and saw my cheeks redden in my reflection.

  Morgan laughed into the phone. “Did you hang out for a bit?”

  “More than a bit. We spent a few hours at a local garden and then wandered around the city for a wh
ile. We were totally sweaty and gross, but completely happy. So, guess who we ran into?”

  “Noooo,” Morgan groaned.

  “Yep. And I could tell immediately he was bothered that I had been out with Simon.”

  “But he cancelled on you,” Morgan said matter-of-factly. “Not only that, but what did he expect, to come here and regain your trust in two days?”

  “Well, hang on.” I gave my teeth a quick brush and filled her in on the conversations I’d had with Cooper about our future.

  Morgan groaned again when I was finished. “Shouldn’t you make him work a little harder for you? Do you really think he’s changed that much? No offense, but there’s no way he’s going to move into your little place.”

  “Who knows?” I anxiously looked at the clock and ran to my closet to select an outfit before I got into the shower.

  “Hmph. So were you totally psyched to discover this metamorphosis?”

  “Yes and no. I thought I would be. But something seems different. I think I’m different.” I shook my head and sighed. “There’s also the slight issue that I can’t stop thinking about Simon. He and I had such a nice day and ... I kind of miss his company already.” I was surprised by my own words and cringed after I said them.

  “Is that weird?” I continued. “I thought he wasn’t boyfriend material, but after spending the day with him, well, I don’t know. I just love how I feel when I’m with him. I love who I am. He brings out the best in me,” I gushed. “Now I feel really nauseous. Or maybe I’m just worried I hurt his feelings and that’s what’s making my stomach churn.”

  “Or maybe you just really, truly, enjoy his company. Is that so hard to believe?” Morgan said. “You know, I think it’s a good thing Cooper’s heading back home. A fan-freakin-tastic thing, actually.”

  “Morgan,” I chided.

  “What? You obviously like the guy, Ms. Denial. I think you should talk to him later. Come to terms with it or get whatever it is out of your system before you’re fully committed in New York. If that ends up happening,” she said reluctantly.

  “I should be fully committed all right.” I sighed. “In a straight jacket.”

  “If you’re unsure about Cooper...”

  “I don’t know if unsure is the right word, but spending more time with Simon made me realize just how much work I need to do on Cooper. I mean, we can all use a little improvement, right?”

  “Well, that depends,” Morgan said skeptically. “What kind of work are you talking about?”

  “You know, subtle things. Tweaks.”

  “Like...”

  “Like, I love the way Simon is truly present. I’ve come to realize that nothing is better than spending a day with someone whose main focus is me. I know that seems selfish, and I don’t mean a guy has to be focused on me 24/7, but sometimes I feel I would get more attention from Cooper if I had a delete key.”

  I heard Morgan laugh on the other end.

  “Maybe I should start taking Cooper to Dr. Colter when I get back. I’m sure this is a very common issue in couples therapy. Right?”

  “Probably,” Morgan agreed.

  “And probably much easier to fix than some other things.” I sighed. “I just love the way Simon goes with the flow. Would Cooper ever walk around a city for hours? Or anywhere, for that matter? Um, no,” I said, answering my own question. “I also like the way Simon does little things for me by himself. Like buying me chocolates in Paris that I mentioned I wanted to try, as opposed to Cooper sending the concierge to shop for me or how about the way he took me on a hot air balloon ride?”

  “No!” Morgan cried in disbelief.

  “Yep. I guess Tess forgot to tell you that one. It’s as if his head is in the clouds.”

  “No,” Morgan said firmly. “More like his nose is in the air. The only thing he’s good at is throwing money at people. To tell you the truth, I often wonder if he even picked out your engagement ring himself.”

  “Yes,” I said firmly. “He totally did.”

  “You always wanted an antique ring. He didn’t know that?”

  “He did,” I said reluctantly, “but I guess he thought I would be happier with a big fat diamond. Who isn’t? That’s water under the bridge anyway. Or at least a three carat diamond on the George Washington Bridge,” I added.

  “I never thought I would say this, but I actually think you’re simpler than I ever thought.”

  “I think you might be right,” I exclaimed with surprise. “You know, growing up poor, Cooper truly believes that money can buy happiness. For him it does. But I don’t share that belief and to think I owe this revelation to meeting a younger—not to mention poorer—man. It’s nice to be with someone who appreciates the little things in life. I really am going to work on Cooper. I bet I could tweak him a bit.”

  “Um, Lu, I hate to say this, but your little tweaks are not so little. You act like you’re talking about Botox, but what it sounds like to me is a full-on facelift. And honestly, some faces are just too far-gone to be lifted. I wouldn’t make that bet.”

  “What are you saying?” I said, biting my nail.

  “You think you’re happy being simple with that type of guy, but it seems to me you are just simply happy with that guy, in particular. Caviar on an imported cracker from Cooper or crap on a stale rice cake from Simon? From what Tess has told me, I’m thinking you’d take the latter. She told me how sweet he was when you fell off that ladder. Didn’t he even bring you a cane? Cooper would have taken the cane and pulled you into hiding like an old sitcom.”

  “Oh come on. Don’t you think you’re being a little hard on him?”

  “I think you’re being a little hard on yourself. Take a page from Simon’s easy, breezy book. Instead of changing Cooper to be like Simon, just take Simon as-is. He’s ready-made, sweet, and totally fresh.”

  “Okay, now it sounds like you’re talking about a pastry. Newness isn’t always goodness you know. Over time, people change, and I’m sure Simon has his own annoyances that will irk me as well. I barely even know the guy.”

  “Well, ask yourself this,” Morgan said carefully, “what was it about Cooper that made you fall for him in the first place? Are there things that don’t irk you?”

  “Ha.” I chortled.

  I paused for a moment and scratched my head while I gathered my thoughts. “Well, I guess I felt honored to be with someone who had such sky high standards. Because he chose me, I felt really good about myself. Which is odd because he also makes me feel horribly insecure at the same time. I feel like I always have to apologize for my appearance or don’t feel happy with the way I look until he gives me the seal of approval. But when he approves, he really approves. He brings me up in ways I have never known before. It’s weird.”

  “Um, hello? That is called mind-fucking 101. He’s a chopper. He builds you up and cuts you down. In the past, you’ve said you have a weakness for him because of his childhood, his inability to please his mom and make her happy. I get all that and blah blah blah, but I see him having a weakness because of that. He needs everything and everyone to be perfect, and he doesn’t get the whole unconditional love thing. Your, no offense, crazy brain takes it as a compliment that someone so hard to please chose you, but let me tell you something, Sister, you will always be under the microscope with that one. He’s under his own microscope, for goodness sake. Nobody will ever measure up to his standards. Not even himself.”

  “But Morgan, I’ve always felt so safe with him,” I whined. “He takes care of me. He treats me like a lady. I guess you can say that he’s kind of like my Mr. Big.”

  “You and your romance. There are more important things than being wined and dined, as you very well know. You want to be damn certain that your Mr. Big isn’t a big mistake.”

  I groaned inwardly and chose to ignore her comment. “Speaking of wining and dining, I’d better run. I’m meeting Cooper in thirty-five minutes. Thanks for the pep talk. And I’ll still take that bet. I’m a firm belie
ver that people can change,” I said punching my fist in the air, even though I wasn’t truly convinced. Especially, after hearing all my inner thoughts come to life.

  “Oh!” Morgan exclaimed. “That reminds me. Can you pick me up a leather wallet, with a zippered compartment for change? Maybe a nice brown one?”

  “You got it.”

  “Grazie. Text me later. I hate cliff hangers.”

  “You need to get a life.”

  I hung up the phone and jumped in the shower. Moments later, when I stepped out of the bathroom in a towel, I noticed an unmarked envelope sticking under my door. I plopped on the bed and opened it up to find Simon’s sketch of the tree-lined passageway. It was the most beautiful gift I’d ever received. I traced a finger along the edge of the drawing he’d created with his own two hands.

  Morgan was right. There were more important things than being wined and dined, and I knew that. You couldn’t put a price on a gift from the heart. I put the drawing down and fell back onto the bed in despair, pulling my ratty old nightshirt from behind my head. It had been rolled up in a ball, along with a lacy bra Cooper had included in the gift bags.

  “Somebody, help me,” I groaned to the ceiling as I held my beloved t-shirt in one hand and the fancy bra in the other. What a difference between the two guys. I had loved playing dress up with Cooper, but after five years, maybe it was time to stop playing and just be me. I was beginning to get to know that person and definitely wanted to see more of her.

  I sat up with a start. Quickly, I threw on a dress, twisted my hair into a bun, and applied a coat of lip-gloss. Smacking my lips together, I picked up my purse and headed down the stairs. As I came around the corner, I heard my nephew’s voice. I realized he was talking to Cooper.

  “Dude, what’s your beef with Xbox,” Landon asked.

  I slowed down on the landing to listen and peered over the banister. “Don’t disparage the greatest invention known to man, ever. Just play,” Landon said, holding up a joystick. “It’s tennis. You might surprise yourself and be a natural.” He pretended to serve a ball in midair.