Conception

by Sarah McCarty

  “Deuce?”

  Edie stood staring at him, the dark blue of the borrowed shirt highlighting the wariness that developed in her eyes whenever she saw him as too different. He paused halfway through the door. “Yes?”

  “What does your name mean?”

  He met her gaze without flinching. “Lord and judge.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  The sun was just coming up over the trees, the bright light piercing the gently stirring leaves to strobe across her eyes and face. Eden hitched Jalina up on her shoulder and sat down on the top step of the porch, dragging the comforter around them both against the chill. Deuce’s shorts and T-shirts weren’t much in the way of insulation.

  She tilted her head back, as the light touched her skin. It felt incredibly strong for winter, but welcome. Oh so welcome. She felt like she’d been in the dark so long. She shifted on the cold wood of the porch and turned the baby in her arm. She carefully pulled the blanket away from her little face. “See that, baby girl? That’s the sun.”

  Jalina stared ahead of her as if fascinated. Eden didn’t know if she was staring at the sun or the scenery. Truth be told, she didn’t know if she saw like a human baby or if her vision was enhanced by her Chosen blood. It was simply enough that she was in the light of day, breathing the freshness of the air, listening to the sounds of the daylight world waking up.

  Eden kissed the top of her head, whispering against its downy softness, “Remember how this feels, Jalina.”

  She felt rather than heard the presence of another behind her on the steps. It had to be the Other, Harley, who’d been assigned to protect her. The man irritated her. He was too damn male, too damn arrogant and too damn sure of himself. And there was that little incident when he’d tried to scare her off. She was still holding a grudge on that.

  “You shouldn’t be out here.”

  “I know.”

  “Deuce isn’t going to like it.”

  “I know.” In truth he was pushing at her to go back inside, an insistent nag at the back of her mind.

  “I’m afraid I’m going to have to insist you come in.”

  A quick glance showed he was serious. As tall as Deuce and very heavily muscled with a bandanna wrapped around his head he was an imposing figure. He was probably counting on that to make his “insistence” enough.

  “Not yet.”

  Harley sighed. “I was afraid you were going to take that tone.” He soundlessly walked down the steps until he stood on the bottom one directly in front of her.

  “You’re blocking my light.”

  “I’m also blocking the sight line of anyone wanting to get a shot at you.”

  She shook her head. He so did not understand the nature of her enemy. “You might as well take a seat.”

  He hitched the gun up on his shoulder. His coat parted, revealing the broad expanse of his chest. “I’ll stand.”

  “I’m no use to them dead.”

  “I’m not putting anything past the sons of bitches.”

  Jalina jerked in her grip. Her head bobbing against her chest with baby uncoordination. She seemed fascinated by the belt buckle of the big man before her. She made a funny hiccupping sound.

  The harsh planes of Harley’s face softened as he looked down. “She’s just a bit of a thing to have so many hopes hanging on her.”

  “Yes.” But the weight of those hopes was ballast against her own fears that the Others would eventually resent the danger Jalina brought them. She had high hopes that the fear of extinction would keep them fighting in Jalina’s corner. “I’m sorry for the trouble we’re bringing you.”

  Harley looked up, his amber eyes crinkling slightly at the corners. “There’s nothing to apologize for. In case you haven’t figured it out, Others and Chosen are predators at heart. The need to kick up a fuss now and then is what gives the Coalition an edge.”

  “You fight among yourselves?”

  He shrugged. “In that way, we’re not so different than humans.” He tilted his head at her in a gesture that took in more than just her location “This change is hard for you.”

  “It takes some getting used to. Especially with Deuce being such a…” She bit her tongue on the words “pain in the ass”.

  “A polite term for the phrase you’re looking for might be protective.”

  She blew out a breath. “That’ll work. He doesn’t understand how smothering his care is.”

  “The Chosen are very close to their mates.”

  “And the Others aren’t?”

  His smile broadened to wry. “Nope. We’re a hell of a lot more reasonable. We’re content to just tuck our mates into our back pockets.”

  “I bet.” She’d noticed that the Others had more modern speech patterns than the Chosen, there wasn’t a thing about them that made her think they were open-minded when it came to their mates. For one thing, they still referred to them in that archaic, possessive term—mates. “Could you please step aside?”

  “My job is to protect you.”

  “If you don’t let me see the sun rise, I swear I’m gong to lose my mind, and where will that leave you with Deuce?”

  He cocked his head to the side. “That bad?”

  “I haven’t seen the sun for days and the only time I’ve breathed fresh air I was too busy freezing my butt off to care.”

  Harley whistled. “I can see where that would leave a sun worshipper in a bad way.”

  As he stepped aside the sun broke over his shoulder, hitting her full in the face. Jalina bucked in her arms. A quick glance showed her little face screwed up.

  In one smooth move, Harley flicked the blanket over her eyes. “Must be she has her daddy’s sensitivity to light.”

  Eden took a breath. “Does everyone accept that she’s Deuce’s?”

  He paused halfway back to straight, his shadow covering Jalina. “Is there a reason they shouldn’t?”

  “No.”

  “Then why bring it up?”

  “Because if they don’t, she won’t be accepted.”

  Harley straightened to his full height, forcing Eden to arch her neck. “She’s Deuce’s daughter, by his decree and Bohdan’s. There will be no question.”

  Relief almost swamped her. Immediately, Harley reached for her. Almost as quickly, he was shoved back by an angry force. Unbelievably, he laughed.

  Eden blinked. The man was primitively devastating when he laughed.

  “That’s one possessive Chosen you have there.”

  She shrugged, ignoring Deuce’s mental prod to Come inside. Now. “He’s going to have to learn to adjust.”

  “Uh-huh.” Harley turned and scanned the surrounding area as he said, “If I were you I wouldn’t count on him backing off too much that way.”

  “Why is that?”

  “Did you ask him?”

  “Yes.”

  “And?”

  She shrugged. “He just says we’re mates as if that explains everything.” The sun was rising in the sky, getting stronger. It warmed her skin like midday in the summer rather than early morning winter.

  “I imagine to him, it does.”

  She brought her hand up to shield her eyes. “Can you explain it better?”

  “I’m not Chosen, so no.”

  “How is it for Others?”

  “We’re incomplete our whole lives until we meet our mates.”

  “Like humans.”

  His hair rustled against his leather coat as he shook his head. “Unlike humans who get along, seemingly oblivious to the fact that part of them is missing, Others know from the minute they are born that they are only part of what they should be.”

  “Makes me glad I’m human.”

  “The hunger is hard to live with, but the resolution is a gift beyond price.”

  “Are you married?”

  “I haven’t met the right woman yet.”

  “Then how do you know?”

  “A wolf is born with the knowing.” He took two steps to the left, his lip
s quirking as his shadow shifted.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Balancing out your color.”

  She touched her right cheek. No wonder the sun felt so strong. “I’m burning?”

  “A side effect of marrying up with the Chosen is an increased sensitivity to the sun.” He motioned to Jalina. “You should get her back inside.”

  She leaned over to kiss the top of her daughter’s blanketed head as she accepted the truth. Jalina was never going to play in the park with other kids, splash in the ocean as waves sparkling with sunlight washed around her, laughing with other children as she built memories during long summer days to cherish for a lifetime. “I just wanted her to know a little of my world.”

  She knew he’d heard the catch in her voice by the gentleness in his tone as he said, “She might build a tolerance over time.”

  “Or she might get worse and not even be able to bear a single ray. Like Deuce.”

  “It won’t change how she feels about you.”

  “She won’t even know me. We’ll have nothing in common, no similar experiences, no common pleasures.”

  Oh God, now she was going to blubber like a baby in front of a man who looked like he could take on a whole motorcycle gang and walk away unscathed. A white handkerchief appeared in front of her face. A werewolf dressed like a biker who carried a clean handkerchief? The laugh that burst from her throat caught her by surprise. “I think I’m losing my mind.”

  Deuce’s probe was not subtle. She closed her eyes and concentrated on blocking him.

  When she opened them Harley’s expression was knowing. “You should let him comfort you.”

  “By letting him take over my mind?”

  “Sharing is not the same as taking.”

  “As my mind is the only thing I have left that’s mine…” She stood. He caught her arm, steadying her on the step. She turned away. “I think I’ll keep it just mine.”

  The porch boards creaked as Harley followed her to the door. “Punishing him won’t change anything,” he said as he reached around her to open it.

  “I’m not punishing him, just holding onto me.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  The house was dim after the bright light. She stubbed her toe on an end table. “Do you think we could open some curtains?”

  “You can ask Deuce when he gets up. With Chosen living in the mansion, we have to take precautions.”

  Jalina whimpered. No doubt she was hungry. Eden changed her direction to the kitchen. “How sensitive is a full-blown Chosen to light?”

  “It burns them like acid in a matter of minutes.”

  So much for her hope that the new sunscreen clothing might allow them a more normal life. Her slippers made a slight swishing sound as she went down the hall. Noise came from the kitchen. As she got closer, she recognized voices. She stopped. Harley drew up beside her. “It’s just Dak and some of the Pride welcoming back one of our members.”

  “A Chosen?”

  He cocked an eyebrow at her as if to ask if that made a difference. “No. Other.”

  “Oh.”

  She wasn’t ready to sit in a group of Others and try to pretend everything was normal and that she wasn’t sitting in the middle of a bunch of freaking actual living, breathing werepeople.

  “They won’t hurt you.”

  “I know.”

  Harley shifted the gun strap on his shoulder. “Then why are you standing here in the hall?”

  “Believe it or not, I’m having a bit of a dramatic moment contemplating so many figments of my imagination at once.”

  “You don’t think we’re real?”

  “I didn’t used to.”

  “And now?”

  “I’m trying to take it all in.”

  “C’mon. I’ll introduce you.”

  She didn’t want to be introduced to a bunch of strange men. Especially the newcomer. The knowledge hit her with the force of a sledgehammer. She backed up. Harley caught her arm. She pulled away. He frowned and then dropped his hand.

  “How about I get the little one’s formula and some of whatever they’ve cooked up and bring it to the living room? You can eat it while watching TV.”

  The living room was only a few feet from the kitchen. Not much of a safety zone, but it was something. “Thank you. That would be good.” Harley turned on his heel. The nervousness inside her built as he got near the door. He reached for the kitchen doorknob. The panic built to intolerable.

  She took another step back. One, two, holding Jalina closer with each step. As his lean fingers closed around the door handle, she knew the living room wasn’t far enough. “But I think I’ll have it in my room.”

  Harley’s only response was a lift of his brow and a nod. She bolted for the stairs, knowing nothing more than that she needed to be out of sight before that door opened.

  As soon as she reached the stairs some of the unreasoning panic faded, but her sense of urgency increased. She raced down the dozen steps, practically throwing the bedroom door open. She closed and locked it behind her, looking around the room, seeing Deuce sprawled on the bed, his body in the same position as when she’d left, the sheet she’d twitched over his privates still in place. She leaned against the door and held Jalina against her. Her heart pounded in her ears and her mouth was so dry it hurt to swallow. She moved toward the bed and Deuce. Even though he was comatose, he was at least big enough to give the impression of safety. She sat carefully on the edge. The mattress dipped. Jalina whimpered again, a soft cry that built in volume to the end. “It’s okay, baby,” she whispered as she patted the little girl’s back, “we’re safe now.”

  Her words hit her like a slap in the face. She was actually cowering in her bedroom, huddled up against Deuce’s unconscious body, because—why? There were Others about? There was nothing new in that. The only thing new was that one of them was new. To her anyway. There was no reason for her to be reacting this way, unless…

  She looked down at Deuce. Unless someone was putting the idea in her head. The only one she could think of who was so inspired was the man supposedly dead to the world.

  “Damn you!” She slapped his shoulder. “Can’t you even leave me alone when you sleep?” Deuce didn’t answer, didn’t move, but she thought she felt a flutter of concern at the edge of her mind. She ruthlessly blocked it. “You’re so helpless right now I could do anything to you and you couldn’t prevent it.”

  She could leave, stay, hurt him, their daughter. It was hard to believe, but at this time, he was truly vulnerable, all that big muscle and bone useless against anyone who would harm him. She paused, the realization coming to her that he actually had a vulnerability. One that her grandfather could take advantage of. She touched his arm. He didn’t move, but the sensation of comfort came to her again. He was Chosen, a different species, but he cared for her. Took care of her like no other and as much as it irritated her, she liked the thought that if she needed him, he would be there.

  Always. The reassurance whispered into her mind. So he wasn’t totally out when he slept, but he was still weak.

  The Others are here, also.

  She should have known he would have that angle covered. She leaned over and touched her mouth to his. It was so hard to be cold and aloof when he gave to her so effortlessly. “Thank you.”

  She sensed rather than felt his smile, but that didn’t diminish her reaction to it. Part of her delighted to bring happiness to him. The other part of her did not like the strangeness of him lying so placidly. She was used to Deuce taking charge, aggressively staking his claim. Having his lips so calm under hers created a sick feeling in her stomach.

  There was a surge of power around her and his black eyes opened. “You do not sleep.”

  How could she explain that lying next to what in essence was a corpse creeped her out? “No.”

  “You worry.” There was a tightness to his voice that she wasn’t used to hearing. Signs of strain around his eyes.

  “Is it hard
for you to be awake now?”

  “Yes.”

  He turned onto his side, touching Jalina’s cheek with his fingers, a smile on his face and in his voice, everything about him softening. There was no doubt he loved his daughter. “Hello, my little light.”

  Jalina stilled, her fussing dying off to a happy coo at her father’s attention.

  “Why do you not rest?” For a moment father and daughter stared at each other. Deuce glanced up. “She is hungry.”

  “Harley is coming with a bottle.”

  He touched her cheek with the same gentleness with which he’d touched their daughter’s. His frown did not bode well for the man. “He is supposed to be guarding you, not running errands.”

  “He would be if you hadn’t indulged your jealousy and given me a panic attack.”

  Signs of his weariness vanished. His fingers curled under her chin, lifting her face to his. “You will explain.”

  “You gave me a panic attack when I was going to go into the kitchen where the newcomer was.”

  “I did not.”

  “Well, I don’t have panic attacks!”

  “But you experienced one?”

  “Yes.”

  “When, exactly?” His eyes narrowed and she felt his probe. She blocked him, and felt his surprise.

  “Do you even know that you do that?” she asked.

  “What?”

  “Probe my mind.”

  His thumb brushed her lips. “Not always. It is natural for mates to blend thoughts.”

  “But not for me.”

  “No.”

  There was absolutely no inflection in his response, but she sensed his frustration. Between them, Jalina fussed. He rolled to his back and propped her on his chest. She rested there, a happy sigh sliding past her rosy lips as a weary one passed his. He closed his eyes. Jalina did the same. There was something so intriguing about the big powerful man cradling the tiny baby that it scared her. Mostly because she wanted to be a part of that circle and she couldn’t. Deuce’s hand wrapped around hers, keeping her close to the temptation he presented. His weariness traveled from him to her. She wanted to resist him, and at the same time soothe him. She settled for curling her fingers around his.