by Joy Nash
“I don’t care.” Jason’s voice was low and husky, as if there were more inside than he was willing to let escape. He stood on the beach, five feet below, looking up at her. It made Leigh feel like Juliet. Except she was sure Jason was way hotter than Romeo.
“Come on down. Or let me up. I won’t stay long. The second I hear him drive up, I’m outta here.”
Leigh hesitated. “Okay. Come up. But just for a minute.”
Jason’s muscles flexed as he hoisted himself over the seawall. When he reached for her, her arms went around his neck as if they belonged there.
He nuzzled just below her ear. “Why didn’t you call me earlier?”
“Sophie took forever to get to sleep.”
“I would’ve come over and helped you babysit.”
“You couldn’t have! She might’ve said something to Dad about your being here.”
He lifted his head, seeking her eyes. Even in the dim light, she could tell his expression was troubled. “Maybe I should talk to your dad. You know, man-to-man. Tell him how much you mean to me.”
“I…don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Correction: It was the worst idea. Her dad would freak if he knew how serious she and Jason were. He’d lock her in her room and grind the key into dust.
Frustration laced Jason’s voice. “Leigh, I’m sick of sneaking around to see you.”
“I’ll talk to him again. He can’t stay mad forever.”
Jason pressed his forehead to hers and sighed. “All right. But I doubt it will do much good. He hates me.”
Leigh didn’t deny it. Jason tugged her to a lounge chair, easing back and pulling her atop him. She sprawled on his chest, her legs stretched along his, their hips sliding together. She felt the bulge under his shorts. His hands moved to her buttocks, shifting her until her most sensitive spot pressed against his rock-hard erection. A jolt of desire nearly cleaved her in two.
He covered her gasping mouth hungrily. One hand slipped under her shirt. A second later, her bra was unhooked and he was touching her. His hips moved with an urgent rhythm, building the yearning inside until she thought she would go insane.
“God, I love you, Leigh. I think about you all the time.” His tongue found her ear, making her shudder.
“I love you, too.”
“When can we be together?”
The word drifted through the sensual haze. “Together?”
“I want to make love to you.”
Oh, God. Right now, she wanted that, too, but…“I don’t know,” she whispered.
Jason’s hands moved on her, making her forget her own name. He kissed her again, slow and wet and deep. Even so, a small, anxious knot shivered in her stomach.
It’s nothing, she told herself. Just a little stage fright.
“I’m working at Tori’s every day,” she whispered. “And babysitting Sophie most nights, since her mom’s on vacation. I don’t know when—”
“Come after everyone’s asleep.”
It was a possibility. Leigh hesitated. “When?”
“Fourth of July. My parents are going to Maryland for the weekend, and Beth will be out all night with her boyfriend. We’ll have the house to ourselves.”
“But…that’s so soon.” Too soon.
“I know. I can hardly wait.”
She laid her cheek on his chest while apprehension ate its way through her gut.
He smoothed a strand of hair from her face. “Ah, babe, don’t be nervous. You know I love you. I just want to show you how much.” He kissed the top of her head, hesitating. “Please?”
The pounding sound of the surf blended with the beat of Jason’s heart against her cheek. Love’s like the tide, she thought. Relentless. Inevitable.
She made her decision. “Okay. I’ll be there.”
Chapter Twenty-one
A baby changes everything.
“What’d you find out?” Nick asked Alex as he sank into a chair at Formica Bros. Italian bakery on Arctic Avenue, carrying a cup of coffee and a sfogliatelle as big as his hand.
Alex, having just refilled his own cup at the coffee bar, slid into the seat opposite. “You’ll never guess.”
“Try me.”
“Ma’s not having an affair.”
Relief washed through Nick. “Thank God. What’s she doing, then?”
Alex took a gulp of coffee. “I trailed her to a music studio in Northfield. She’s taking voice lessons. Jazz and blues, to be specific.”
“Voice lessons?” Nick frowned into his own coffee. “So why is that such a deep, dark secret?”
Alex shrugged. “Don’t know.”
“Maybe she’s having an affair with the instructor.”
“The instructor’s a woman.”
“Oh.” Then, “I don’t get it.”
“What’s to get? You know Ma’s got a great voice. She’s sung in the church choir forever. Maybe she wants to expand her repertoire.”
“Maybe,” Nick said, trying to puzzle it out. “But why wouldn’t she just say so?”
“Why don’t you just ask her?”
“I did,” said Nick. “All she said was not to worry.”
“There you go, then.” Alex slid a pen from his shirt pocket and started doodling on a napkin. “You know, I met Tori last night. She’s cute.”
Nick snorted. Cute wasn’t quite the word he associated with Tori, but then again, he’d seen sides of Tori that Alex never would. “That’s what Nonna said.”
Alex drew a few more lines on his napkin. “You two serious?”
“I barely know her.” Nick took a bite of his sfogliatelle.
“I’m only asking because Johnny was really into her last night. You might’ve thought he was onstage, he was trying so hard to impress her.” Alex looked up from his drawing long enough to send Nick a pointed look. “She seemed to like him, too.”
Nick set down his pastry, his appetite suddenly sucked into the empty hole at the bottom of his stomach. “Johnny flirts with women all the time. Doesn’t mean anything.”
Alex shoved his napkin across the table. He’d drawn a woman with curly hair leaning over a balcony railing. A man with two hoop earrings and an arm tattoo was climbing up an arbor to join her.
“That’s bullshit,” Nick said. “Bullshit.”
“Just as long as we’re all on the same page,” Alex said.
Nick called Tori that afternoon, and asked her out for dinner after he left the office. Her heart was tripping double-time as she agreed. Finally. A chance to clear the murky air hanging between them. They drove over to Ozzie’s, a fifties-style diner in Longport.
“Do you mind so much?” she asked him as they slid into a booth. “About Leigh working at my shop?”
He leaned back in his seat and expelled a long breath. “Leigh usually works in my office in the summer. But she’s bored with it, so I guess it won’t hurt her any to work for you instead.”
Tori let herself relax. “I’m glad. She’s been a big help already.” She smiled, fingering her napkin. “She’s so sweet and agreeable.”
Nick gave a snort of disbelief. “Leigh? Agreeable? Are we talking about the same girl?”
“She does everything I ask her to—and even thinks up extra jobs. And she’s always smiling.”
“She wants to get on your good side. Wait until she doesn’t like something you tell her to do. The sparks’ll fly then.”
Tori tore a long strip off the edge of her napkin. “I don’t think you’re being fair to her.”
“That’s because you don’t have kids. You have no idea. Leigh’s first word to me was ‘no.’ ”
“She was a handful, huh?”
“That and more. She was a tough baby, and even when she got older…” He shifted, letting his hand drop to the table. “It’s been one thing after another. This teenage crap is the worst. See these gray hairs?” He jabbed a finger toward his temple. “Premature. Don’t get me wrong: I love my daughter, but raising her has emptied me out. That�
��s why I’ll never do it again.”
Tori froze. “Never do what?”
He didn’t seem to notice that her breathing had gone shallow. He took a generous swig of his soda. “I’ll never have another kid. Stick a fork in me; I’m done.”
“But…” Tori’s napkin turned to shreds in her fingers. “You’re only thirty-five. Lots of men your age are just starting families.”
“Good luck to them,” Nick said. “Believe me, they’re gonna need it.”
“But…” Tori felt the world slipping away from underneath her, as if the tide had come in to wash away the ground she stood on. “Don’t you want a son? To carry on your name? I thought that was important to most men.”
“Not to this one. I’m not into that firstborn ego crap. I’ve got three brothers. Let one of them carry on the family name.”
Their dinner arrived just then.
But Tori’s appetite was gone.
She talked it over with Chelsea.
“Maybe he’ll change his mind,” Tori said, pacing a narrow strip of carpet in front of Chelsea’s sales counter. Her stomach hurt something awful. “Maybe after we’ve been together a while, he’ll decide another baby wouldn’t be such a bad thing.”
“Are you listening to yourself?” Chelsea demanded. “You’re out of your mind. The man told you flat out he doesn’t want any more kids. You have to respect that. It’s not fair to him if you don’t.”
Tori didn’t have any answer.
Chelsea came around the counter and hugged her. The sisterly gesture made Tori’s throat ache.
“Aw, honey. I know it sucks. But you can’t ignore the facts. You spent the last five years being what Colin wanted. Don’t spend the next five being what Nick wants.” She held Tori’s gaze steadily. “You have to do what’s best for you.”
Tori took a deep breath. Her friend was right.
But it hurt like hell to admit it.
Nick came over that night in a good mood, bent on sweet-talking Tori right into bed.
And despite the warning bells ringing in her head, Tori let him.
The afterglow faded more quickly than it should have. Tori lay beside Nick, staring up at the ceiling. He drew lazy circles on her arm. She turned her head and looked at him.
Her expression must have given her away, because he said, “What’s up?”
Tori exhaled. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
He pushed himself up on his elbow, his brow furrowing. “That sounds serious. What is it?”
“I’m going to have a baby.”
He jerked upright. “You’re pregnant?”
The anger in his dark eyes scared her. “No!” Tori sat up, pulling the sheet over her naked body. “No! I’m not.”
Relief wiped his expression clear. “Then what—”
“I said I’m going to have a baby.” She stared at the tent her knees made of the bedsheet. “And I am. I’m just not pregnant yet.”
She could feel his gaze boring into her. “You’re not making any sense.”
“I’m making perfect sense.” She still didn’t look up. “I’m thirty. I want to be a mother, so I’m going to get pregnant. Soon.”
He shifted on the mattress, and the heat of his body receded. His voice, when he spoke, was tight.
“And who, pray tell, is the father of this child going to be?”
“Don’t worry,” Tori said, fighting tears. “It won’t be you.”
He was still for a long moment.
“Then who?” he said at last. His voice was taut and scratchy.
She drew a breath. “I…I’ve decided to use a donor. A sperm donor.”
His jaw dropped. “You’re shitting me.”
“No,” she said, straightening her spine. She finally found the guts to look at him. “I’m not kidding. Lots of women do it! Chelsea—”
“Chelsea’s a freaking lesbian! It’s not like she had a choice.”
“Straight women use donors, too! If the husband is sterile, or if there’s no guy around…”
He just looked at her.
“I want a baby,” she said limply. She could feel the tears gathering, and her eyelids worked furiously, trying to hold them back. “I want a family.”
His expression softened then. He scooted closer and brushed a curl out of her eyes. “You don’t need to have some stranger’s child. You could adopt a baby.”
Her hand, completely on its own, went to her stomach. She was all too aware that he’d left himself out of that picture.
“I want my own baby,” she whispered. “And I almost had her. Last year. I lost her.”
“You lost a baby?”
“Yes.” And suddenly she was angry, so angry she had trouble catching her breath. “I got pregnant. My boyfriend wanted me to get an abortion.”
“Did you?”
A single tear escaped. “No! How could you think I would do that? I wanted her so badly.”
He dragged a hand over his head. “Tori—”
“I miscarried. Right after Colin and I fought. He didn’t want his own child! I told him I was having the baby and there was nothing he could do about it. I was so upset.” She sniffed. “Turned out he didn’t have to do anything about it. The next morning the contractions started. Ironic, huh?”
“Ah, honey.” Nick’s arm went around her, pulling her close. She let his heat seep into her. He was so solid and strong. He tipped up her chin, forcing her to look at him.
“That must’ve been hell.”
“I didn’t get pregnant on purpose.” It was suddenly very important that Nick was clear on that point. “I knew Colin wasn’t into kids. And I was okay with that, until I found out there was a baby growing inside me….” She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “I thought Colin would be glad, too, once he got used to the idea.”
“The guy was an asshole.”
“I was with him for five years, Nick. I thought I knew him….”
His arm tightened around her. Her voice trailed off, and they were both silent for a moment. When Nick finally spoke, his tone was distant.
“Thirty’s not old. You’ve got plenty of time to have a baby.”
“But I don’t, not really.” She told him what Dr. Janssen had said about her endometriosis, how it would lead to scarring and infertility. And how pregnancy could reverse the condition.
Nick’s disbelief was clear. “There’s got to be some other option.”
“Surgery. Or massive amounts of hormones. I can’t do either.”
“Why not?”
“I was on the pill for a while. Colin wanted me to take it. But the hormones messed me up and I had to stop. The pills the gynecologist wants me to take are just souped-up versions of the ones I couldn’t handle.”
“Then have the surgery.”
“No.” She pulled the blankets more tightly around her. “I hate hospitals. My mother was in and out of them all the time when I was young. She died in one. I can’t even walk into a hospital without feeling like I’m going to faint. When I had the miscarriage and had to go to the emergency room…” She shuddered.
“But if you need surgery—”
“I don’t. I just need to get pregnant. Soon. The longer I wait, the worse my chances will be.” She met his gaze. “This means everything to me, Nick. I’m going to do it. Don’t try to talk me out of it.”
He swore softly. “Tori. A baby’s a big commitment, and an even bigger time sucker. You just started a business. How the hell do you think you’re going to run your shop and take care of an infant, too, with no family to help out?”
No family. She fought back tears. “I’ll manage.”
“It’s a bad idea.”
She broke his touch on her arm. “I didn’t ask your opinion.”
He regarded her in silence for a moment, then swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood. He rummaged around on the floor, looking for his clothes.
“You might not want to hear it,” he said, “but I’ll give you
my opinion anyway. A baby is not a one-person job. It’s exhausting enough for two parents. What if the kid has colic? What about when he gets sick? Are you going to work all day and stay up all night, too?”
“I’ll worry about that if it happens.” She watched him pull on his pants. She wanted to get to her clothes, too. But she didn’t want to come out from under the blanket.
He finished dressing. “The kid will get sick, Tori. All babies do.”
She sighed. “I think you should go.”
He didn’t move. He just stood there, looking at her for the longest time, as if she were someone he’d never seen before.
“Won’t it bother you,” he said slowly, “to give birth to a stranger’s child?”
“No,” she said, after the slightest hesitation. “It won’t. In fact, I have a donor all picked out.”
His eyes widened. “You’re really serious about this? I mean, you’ve been making arrangements and you haven’t even told me?”
“I’m telling you now. I went to the same clinic Chelsea used. They gave me pages of information about the donors. I almost feel like I know the one I picked out.” And then, because Nick was looking at her as if she were the biggest freak show on the planet, she added, “He’s nothing like you.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “Oh. Really?”
“He’s a marathon runner. He has black hair and green eyes, like me, so the baby’ll look like me. He’s a journalist, he likes old black-and-white movies, and he votes Democrat.”
Nick’s jaw worked. “Sounds like a real stand-up guy.”
“And,” she said, “he’s gay.”
Nick stared. “You’re planning,” he said slowly, “to have a gay man’s child?”
She crossed her arms, mirroring his pose. “Unless you’re volunteering to be his replacement.”
Oh, God. As soon as she’d said it, she wished she hadn’t.
Nick’s expression went from disbelieving, to shocked, to truly and royally pissed. All in the span of a heartbeat.
“Don’t.” His voice was harsher than Tori had ever heard it. “Don’t even think of putting that on me.”
“It was just a joke,” she said lamely. “I didn’t mean it.”