by Joy Nash
She didn’t know if he even heard her. He stared at her another few seconds, then shook his head and ran his hand down his face.
“We’ve known each other less than a month, Tori. There is no way I’d let myself be cornered into fathering the child of a woman I barely know.”
His words hurt. Badly. “I don’t want to corner you. Forget it. Forget I said anything.”
He found his shirt and pulled it on. “I’m damn well going to try.”
He gave her a long, steady look before he walked out the door.
Chapter Twenty-two
Sometimes, you don’t even realize how much you want something until your brother has it first.
“There you go,” Jason said to Tori early the next morning. “I set you up with an Internet account, e-mail, and everything. Leigh can show you how to use the inventory software.”
She gave her new computer a dubious look. It wasn’t that she didn’t like computers; it was just she’d never had the money to buy one. Colin had taken care of all the e-mail and other stuff while they’d worked for Weird Zone, so Tori had never bothered to learn more than the absolute basics. She could surf the Internet and use e-mail and a word processing program, but as soon as one of those nasty error windows popped up, she was lost. Just the thought of accounting and inventory software made her palms sweat.
Her anxiety must have been obvious, because Leigh laughed. “Don’t worry, Jason and I will help out if you have a problem. You can’t expect to run a business without a computer.”
“I suppose not.”
Jason sent her his all-American grin. Tori liked Leigh’s boyfriend. The minute Leigh had asked him, he’d built Tori a dirt-cheap computer, and had come over to set it up.
“I’d like to stay and help out some more,” he said now, “but I’m due on the beach in fifteen minutes.” He gave Leigh a quick kiss and was gone.
He was a sweet boy, easygoing and personable, and he was so obviously in love with Leigh. Leigh had told Tori about Nick’s irrational dislike of Jason, and how she’d been banned from dating him after their car accident the night of Leigh’s emergency midnight call to her father. Privately, Tori thought Nick was coming down on the kids too hard. They were really a perfect couple.
Unlike Tori and Nick. After that scene last night, she didn’t expect him to call today, or maybe even ever again. She tried to ignore the ache in her chest where her heart should have been.
“I like Jason,” she told Leigh.
“I’m glad,” she said, but her smile was a thin line.
“What’s wrong?”
Leigh avoided Tori’s gaze. “What makes you think there’s something’s wrong?”
“Wild guess,” Tori said dryly. “Is there?”
She hesitated a second, then nodded. “Yeah, there is.”
“Want to tell me about it?”
Leigh half turned toward a collection of magnetic affirmations displayed on a metal tower. She lined up I release my past, Power is in the present moment, and My perfect future awaits me, then frowned at the arrangement and scattered it.
“I love Jason,” she said finally.
“Is that a problem? From what I can tell, he feels the same about you.”
“Yeah, he’s told me that.” A pause. “He…he wants to make love.”
No surprise there. Tori had seen the hot looks Jason sent Leigh’s way. “How do you feel about that?”
Leigh slid Tori a quick glance. “You’re sleeping with my dad, aren’t you?”
Tori nearly choked. “You don’t really expect me to answer that, do you?”
“I guess not,” Leigh said, sighing. “What I really want to know is, how do you know when it’s right? Sex, I mean.”
Could a woman ever know? “Well,” Tori said. “I, um—”
“Because I’ve never done it before, you know?” Leigh’s words tumbled out, as if they’d been waiting a long time to be released. “Even though my best friend, Stacey, has, with her boyfriend, and she says it’s no big deal. And Jason wants to do it so much—”
“What do you want?” Tori cut in.
Leigh shut her mouth and frowned, as if she hadn’t really considered that angle of the problem. “I want it, too, I guess.” She colored a little. “Especially when he kisses me. It’s just that…” She trailed off.
“Just what?”
“Just that it’s not Jason’s first time, you know? He’s always been popular. He could have any girl he wants.”
Tori tried to piece it all together. “So…you think if you don’t sleep with him, he’ll find someone else who will?”
“No,” Leigh said—a bit too quickly, Tori thought. “I don’t think that. I mean, if that were the case, he’d already be gone, right?”
When Tori didn’t immediately answer, she rushed on. “You know, I’m just about the only girl in the junior class who hasn’t done it.”
“I can’t believe that,” Tori said. “And anyway, even if it’s true, that’s hardly a reason to give away your virginity.”
“Maybe not. But I feel like some kind of freak. Like some fifties throwback.” Her color rose. “And you know what else is twisted? My dad doesn’t even see how straight arrow I am. He thinks I’m a slut.”
“Leigh, I really doubt your father—”
“Dad’s on my case about my clothes all the time. And don’t even get me started on the belly ring. You would’ve thought I’d walked naked onto the beach! He thinks Jason and I have already done it. Not that it’s any of his business.”
Tori was floundering at this point. Leigh’s breathing was short and gasping, as if she were about to cry. What was Tori supposed to say? What did Leigh need to hear from her?
“Can I ask you something?” Leigh said.
“Of course,” Tori replied cautiously.
“How old were you when you did it for the first time?”
Well.
That was certainly a topic Tori didn’t care to discuss. But Leigh’s eyes were getting watery. She looked so forlorn, so troubled, so…motherless.
Tori found herself answering. “Sixteen,” she said slowly. “Younger than you are now. And I can tell you, Leigh, it was a big mistake.”
Leigh sniffed. “What happened?”
Now it was Tori’s turn to rearrange the affirmation magnets. “When my aunt got sick, I went to live with a foster family. I was thirteen. I knew they didn’t really want me—I learned pretty quickly they were after the state money that came with me. I stirred up so much trouble, they eventually decided I wasn’t worth it. I didn’t give the next family a chance to reject me—I was nasty to them from day one. So by the time I turned sixteen, I was already on my fourth foster family. I was the new kid in school again. I wanted so much to belong.”
She got a hollowed-out feeling, remembering. “I met this senior—a football player—at a party. He was very good-looking—all the girls liked him. He was funny, too. He stuck by me all night, made sure I always had a drink in my hand. The next thing I knew, we were in one of the upstairs bedrooms and I was giving him what he was begging for. I thought that if I did, it meant I was his girlfriend.”
“But you weren’t,” Leigh guessed.
“No. The next Monday, he hardly grunted in my direction. What was worse, he told all his friends what we’d done, and every time one of them saw me in the hall, he’d whistle and make a crude remark. I wanted to die.” She tried for a smile, and failed. “I made sure I had a new foster family and a new school before the next marking period.”
“Oh, Tori.” Leigh touched her arm. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”
“No, it’s all right. I wouldn’t have told you about it if I hadn’t wanted to. And I’m not saying Jason doesn’t love you or that you shouldn’t make love with him. That’s your own choice. I’m just telling you I wish I hadn’t thrown my virginity away so young. I used to dream how perfect the first time would be, with pink satin sheets and champagne. And poetry. I wanted my first lover
to recite poetry in my honor.” Tori forced a laugh. “You know, I never did find one who did that, even later.”
Leigh didn’t answer. The corners of her mouth were turned down. Her brow was furrowed, her gaze turned inward.
Suddenly, it occurred to Tori there was something else Leigh might need guidance with. Something a girl definitely wouldn’t discuss with her father or grandmother.
“There’s one other thing I wish I’d had my first time,” Tori said.
Leigh looked up. “What’s that?”
“A condom. The football player didn’t use one. I lived in sheer terror until my period came. I hope, if you and Jason decide to make love, that you carry protection.”
“I don’t have any. But I’m sure Jason will think of it.”
“You shouldn’t count on it. What if things heat up and neither of you is prepared? Promise me you’ll pick up a box of condoms.”
Leigh grimaced. “No way. I’d die before I’d go through a checkout line with condoms.”
“In that case…wait here.” Tori left the store and went to find the box of condoms Nick had left in her bedroom.
She had a feeling she wouldn’t be needing them anytime soon.
She pressed three foil squares into Leigh’s palm.
“Take them,” she said. “A girl can’t be too prepared.”
For the rest of the day, Leigh kept a close eye on the condoms.
Tori saw her check them between ringing up sales. Leigh bagged a tie-dyed T-shirt, looked in her purse, sold a book about fairies, looked in her purse, wrapped up a figurine, looked in her purse….
Had Tori done the right thing, giving them to her?
She was about to say something when Leigh’s cell phone rang.
“Hello?” Her brow creased. “Nonna? Where are you? How much? You’re kidding me…. No, I won’t call him. Look, don’t do anything. Stay put. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
She cut the connection and closed her eyes. “Shit.”
“A problem with your great-grandmother?”
Leigh opened her eyes and looked at Tori. “Yeah. Could I borrow some cash from the register? Just for today?”
“Of course,” Tori said, “but what’s wrong?”
“Nonna’s about to get arrested.”
“You’re kidding.”
“I wish I were. You know how she took that chakra bracelet the other day?”
“Yes, but—”
“Well, it’s this thing she does. It’s like she can’t help it. A compulsion or sickness or something. Usually she just steals from this old guy that’s known the family forever, and my dad stops in at his store once a month and pays him off. But yesterday she ‘picked up’ your bracelet. And now she’s snatched a man’s dress shirt from a fancy boutique at the Trump Taj Mahal.”
“Oh, no! And she got caught?”
“Yeah. To make matters worse, from what she just told me on the phone, it’s not the first time she stole something at that shop, either. She took a necktie last week, and the manager has her on video. If she doesn’t cough up cash for the tie in half an hour, he’s calling the cops.”
“You have to call your father.”
“No,” Leigh said. “No way. Nonna made me promise not to. He’s been on her case about this.”
“What about Rita? Or one of your uncles?”
“Nonna tried Johnny and Alex first, but neither of them is picking up. Mimi took Sophie to the mall—I doubt if she could make it over to Atlantic City in time. I’m the only one close enough, but I don’t have that kind of money in my purse.” She slapped the counter. “And I don’t have a car, either. Could I borrow yours? Along with the cash?”
“I’ll drive you,” Tori said immediately, reaching under the counter for her purse.
“But what about the shop?”
“I’ll put up the ‘Closed’ sign.” She hit the release on the cash drawer. “How much do we need?”
“Two hundred and twenty dollars.”
Tori’s jaw nearly hit the floor. “For one tie?”
Leigh shrugged. “It’s a designer store.”
Twenty minutes later, Tori left a perplexed valet parking attendant frowning at her beat-up Toyota while she and Leigh sprinted into the casino lobby.
“Second floor,” Leigh said, angling for the escalators.
They found Nonna reciting a recipe for ricotta cheesecake to a pencil-thin salesgirl while a paunchy store manager silently fumed. The man grunted as Tori counted out the bills for the necktie. She threw in an extra twenty, for good measure.
“Nonna, are you nuts?” Leigh raged as they left the boutique. “What ever possessed you to steal from a casino?”
“They got nice stuff there,” Nonna said.
“Well, don’t do it again. Please. Dad’ll have a stroke.” Leigh turned to Tori. “I’ll get him to write you a check for the money we borrowed.”
Tori thought of Johnny and his insistence that Nick would never send her a bill. And then she thought of Nick, and how angry he’d been when he’d left the day before. Their relationship was on shaky ground, and she didn’t like the money she owed him hanging over her head.
“Don’t bother,” she told Leigh. “I owe your dad a lot of money. You can tell him that was the first payment.”
“You’ll never guess what,” Johnny told Tori that evening.
Tori raised her brows. Nick’s brother had come knocking on her door about an hour after closing time. Now he was lounging against her sales counter, eating a candy bar.
“All right,” she said. “I’ll bite. What?”
“I got my mother a gig at the nightclub where I work.”
“Rita’s a comedienne?”
He chuckled. “God forbid. No, it’s a singing gig. Ma’s got a sweet voice, but all she ever sang were church hymns. I hooked her up with a voice instructor I know, and bang! She’s going pro.” He took a bite of chocolate. “She’s always wanted to, you know.”
“That’s wonderful! I’d love to hear her.”
He chuckled. “She’s kept it a secret from everyone. No one in the family knows but me. And now you.”
Tori refrained from pointing out that she wasn’t exactly part of the family.
“Ma’s debut’s next week,” Johnny said. “On the Fourth of July. Get Nick to take you.” He laughed. “That is, if my big brother can take the pole out of his ass. He was pretty pissed when Ma announced she was doing a show at my club.”
“Really?” Tori’s gaze drifted to the phone.
Johnny didn’t miss it. “Expecting Nick to call?”
Tori sighed and looked back at him. “If you must know, not really.”
“Trouble in paradise?”
A sudden sharpening of his tone made Tori look back at him. He was still lounging on the counter, but suddenly he didn’t seem so casual.
“We had a…difference of opinion,” she admitted.
“Let me guess,” he said. “Nick’s being a wet blanket about something.”
She rubbed her arms. “I wouldn’t exactly call it that. But he is taking a conservative view.”
Johnny saluted her with his candy bar. “That’s my big brother.” He bit off another hunk.
Tori frowned at him. “Is that your dinner?”
“Probably. Want some?”
“No.”
He finished off the bar and shot the wrapper, basketball-style, into the trash can. “So, if things are in the pits with you and Nick, what’re you doing tonight?”
Tori shifted her weight. “I don’t have anything planned.”
“Then hang out with me. I have a gig at eleven, but we’ve got plenty of time to have a real dinner and maybe play a couple hands of blackjack before I have to be at the club. I’ve got some friends coming to the show tonight. You can sit with them, front and center.”
He gave her an expectant grin, waiting for her answer. She tapped her lips with her forefinger, pretending to think it over.
“I don’t kno
w,” she said. “Are you any good?”
He shot her a look. “Babe, I’m the best.”
“Damn, you’re lucky,” Johnny said two hours later.
Tori counted her winnings before answering. “Seven hundred and sixty! This is great,” she said, beaming.
“Were you counting cards?”
“Who, me? I wouldn’t know where to start. I just listened to my inner voice.”
“Well, do that a few more times, and the casino’ll put your inner voice on their blacklist. They don’t let psychics in, you know.”
She blinked at him. “You think I’m psychic?”
“Sure,” he said, nodding at the wad of cash. “Why not?”
“Because Nick and Alex are so logical, and Leigh is, too. I thought…”
“That I’m like all the other fish in my gene pool?” Johnny laughed, but the note was strained. “People think that all the time. When you’re the last brother in a streak of four, you’re like the invisible man.”
“I never thought of it like that before.”
“I guess you wouldn’t,” he said. “Seeing how you’re an only child.”
She looked at him then. Really looked. Johnny’s constant joking made it hard to take him seriously. But his eyes weren’t laughing now. Looking into them, she caught a glimpse of something that reminded her of Nick. And she realized that under Johnny’s mask of joviality, he was just as driven, and just as stubborn, as his oldest brother.
“You’re tired of it,” she said. “Tired of not being seen.”
“It gets old,” he admitted. “That’s why this Franklinville Hospital thing…” He trailed off.
“You really want that role, don’t you?”
“More than anything.”
“I have something that could help, maybe,” she said. “I have a spell I could cast.”
A smile tugged at his lips, but it wasn’t a mocking one. “You’re a witch, too?”
“No. But I met a few real witches while I was working for Weird Zone. One was an old Cajun woman. She gave me a bundle of candle magic spells. I have a couple left, and I think there’s one that will work for you.”
He looked intrigued. “What do I have to do?”