by Jesse West
Thanksgiving Night
Jack pulled up to the house around nine o’clock. He put the car in park and just sat there. It was quiet in his car but he heard them inside, talking loud and laughing; they seemed to be having a great night. It was Thanksgiving so he knew they would all be there. Holidays were never the same for Jack as they were for other people. For the last four years, his partner, Rick, would invite him over to celebrate every holiday with his wife and daughter. Almost every holiday; Easter, Christmas, even Father’s day; but these were just ordinary days to Jack. Even though Rick had been his partner for as long as they were both cops and he could trust him with his life, nothing could ever make him look at holidays the same.
He didn’t care for the celebration of things that didn’t matter to him or that he didn’t believe in. He had no family that he cared for besides his big sister and he never wanted to burden her with his bitterness. These were his thoughts and his memories to bear. He had no right to push these burdens onto anyone else, especially someone he cared for as much as Emily. She was able to deal with it and get over what they went through growing up. She accepted being dealt a miserable hand which helped her get over it. But for Jack, dealing with what his life has been was too much for any person in his mind. He wasn’t as strong as his sister and he knew that. But he wasn’t backing down because this had to be done. He didn’t bother telling Emily either. He didn’t want her to worry about him or question his decision. She wouldn’t understand.
“She’s not in my head,” he thought to himself. “She might hate me forever but I can’t take it anymore.” He gripped the steering wheel hard, almost like he was waiting to take off any second. He was waiting for the green light, and the man waving the flag to tell him that the race to the finish has begun. The signal to move forward seemed to be so far away.
“It’s now or never.”
He turned the car off, put the keys in his pocket, and took a deep breath as he stepped out of the car. As he was approaching the door, he realized that once he rang the bell, there was no turning back. Why was he so hesitant? He couldn’t explain it. He knew what he was doing. He had it all figured out. He didn’t hesitate when he prepared himself before he left his apartment. He was prepared.
“What else can I do? I can’t live like this.”
He rang the bell and as a rush of acceptance flowed over his mind. The door opened and he hadn’t thought about who might make it harder than it had to be. There stood little Sabrina, Sue’s youngest daughter, who loved Jack, in a little black dress with a white belt wrapped around her waist.
“Cousin Jackie!” she shouted, as she threw her arms around him and squeezed so tightly he nearly threw up.
“Hey Sisi, I guess you missed me,” he said to her calmly as he hugged her back.
“All the time,” she replied and squeezed even tighter.
He loved Sabrina so much it killed him to leave her behind when he left so many years ago. When Jack was brought into this family, Sabrina wasn’t even born yet. Sue was pregnant with her and still with her husband at the time. Once Sabrina was born, life got tough for her family.
Sabrina was an adorable baby and Jack loved her since the second he met her. As she got older, she would talk so much that she would get tangled in her own words and not realize she was saying things wrong. When they tried teaching her to say her name, she said it so fast that it came out ‘Sina’ and she didn’t see anything wrong with it. It continued to be her nickname even after she started getting it right. Jack started calling her ‘Sisi’. She liked that nickname better. She looked up to Jack, more so than her own older brother, and Jack looked after her as best as he could. One of the only good things about this family to Jack was Sabrina.
He left when she was six years old and now she was going to be thirteen. She’s grown so much. Her bright brown eyes and thin brown hair in a ponytail. He remembered her so much smaller, but her face was still filled with innocence. She still had childlike tendencies because she was the baby. When they hugged, her head rested just below his chest and he recalled her not being able to hug him unless he was kneeling down.
“You got big, kiddo. What happened? You been eating growing beans?” he said to her jokingly.
“Yeah, Jackie, growing beans, that’s what I’ve been eating.” She understood adult sarcasm so well; she was so smart. He didn’t realize how much older she was until he saw her.
“Yeah, you’re not a kid anymore so those jokes don’t work I guess huh?
“Nope,” she replied happily with a smile.
“It’s good to see you kiddo.”
“It’s great to see you Jackie.” Her smile lit up even the darkest corners of Jack’s doubt.
“If I’m doing this for anyone but myself, it’s for you Sisi.” He thought to himself.
“Come in! Come in! We just finished eating. I’m sure everyone can’t wait to see you.” She dragged him in by the arm, almost tearing his jacket at the seam and pulling his arm out of its socket at the same time.
“Easy kiddo, I like my arm where it is,” he proclaimed as she nearly dragged him through the long hallway into the dining room. She never understood why Jack left. She just didn’t understand that he had no choice. He wished he could send her away so he didn’t have to destroy her image of these things but he couldn’t. She was stuck here, but he made it his duty to make sure she wouldn’t get hurt. He would try to keep intact everything he loved about her, even if it killed him.
As he walked into the dining room, Sabrina was shouting for everyone to look at who was here. He looked around at all of their faces, and took a quick glance at what his surroundings, which was something he got from his training at the academy. The best way to assess a situation is to observe the surrounding environment and take notice of the things that can be beneficial and detrimental. Keep these things in mind at all times because you never know what can come in handy or what can backfire against you. After a split second of silence and watching him walk in, there was an uproar of excitement that Jack knew was fake, merely another illusion to cloak over how horrid these people were on the inside. Jack never wanted them, never asked for them, he was just stuck with this family.
The Viccaro’s.
Excited to see him? None of them ever cared before. He knew better and he wasn’t going to let his guard down. Gene was the man of the Viccaro household and his wife Paulina. They lived in a two family duplex, which kept all of their children and their children’s children. Everyone at some point has lived in this house when times were rough. Even Jack at one point was living in this house with Bobby and his Mother. The Viccaro’s three kids were Robert, Suzanna, and Salvatore. Sal was the youngest while Sue was the middle child and their only daughter. Robert was the oldest of them, first born, big brother Bobby. This was the man that Jack had the pleasure of calling his stepfather, for lack of a better word.
“OH! Look at this big bastard over here!” shouted Sal as he slapped Jack in the shoulder. He gave him a little grin.
“How ya doin’ Sal?”
“Hey, it’s Uncle Sal, you know that. Come here.” He gave Jack this big hug, almost like he really meant it.
Sal was an out of work construction worker that still lived at home. He collects disability from an injury he got on the job, though you could tell he fakes it half the time. A construction worker on disability wasn’t difficult to believe and he played the role very well, but an unemployed man living at home and pushing 40 is a bit much. He was making good enough money to pay his own way in the world at one point but mommy wouldn’t let him leave. She didn’t let Robert leave either, at least until he met Jack’s mother. He saw that Sal was in his normal home attire
too, a wife-beater and shorts. You can tell he was all dressed up for the holidays.
He was shorter than Jack but built. Being a construction worker made Sal stronger than Jack, but he knew he didn’t have to be stronger than him, just quicker and he knew he wouldn’t be much to handle otherwise. He was bit shocked that Sal even said anything, but as he looked around he saw that no one else was really giving him a standing welcome.
He walked over to Paulina and gave her a kiss on the cheek as he said hello. She was in one of her holiday dresses; hair curled up and freshly dyed. She always tried to keep her good image just like any woman who knows she’s getting old would. She was a stay at home wife and has been for the last 45 years. She took care of everything around the house while Gene brought home the bacon. They were very old fashioned in many ways.
He walked over to Sue who stood up to greet him. She had her fake nails done and tons of make up on, her eyes were green but they were colored fake contacts. She was always trying to be something else, something she wasn’t, and her kids imitated that example. This took him by surprise as well, but he knew Sue loved how he was with her kids. She was a divorcee who just hit 40, struggling to look like she’s still 20, with three kids of her own. The youngest of her children was Sabrina, her older brother James, and middle sister Victoria. She was a hair dresser with three kids to feed and a husband who left her just after Sabrina was born with almost nothing. Jack didn’t blame Sue’s ex because getting out of this family was the best thing he ever did. Jack understood why her husband did it so long ago.
After the divorce, the kids never understood why they couldn’t see this cousin or that aunt because they didn’t get why Mommy wasn’t speaking to them. Grown-ups make no sense to kids, yet they can’t wait to grow up. Kids drive adults crazy, yet they search for their youth as the years continue to pass them by. This vicious cycle takes its toll on all of us. If only we realized the joys of youth when we were young and loved ourselves more as we got older, perhaps we would be accepting of the changes in life with more ease and compassion instead of grief and uncertainty.
Jack walked over to Gene and shook his hand as he leaned in. All Gene did was turn his head to give him his cheek, like he was royalty and Jack should bow to him. Gene always came off as being better than anyone, no matter how wrong he was. He accepted his age but didn’t use it as a crutch. He was a retired foreman for the plumbers union local 21 and a mean, old-school, off-the-boat, Italian. His hair, or what was left of it, was gray and slicked back with so much gel it nearly shined like the top of a freshly waxed car hood. He always had this big gold ring on his finger that he rubbed while he spoke. His dark blue sweater laid opened showing that he too was in his holiday attire, plain white T-shirt and sweat pants. The men were always able to do what they wanted, while the women made sure all the work was done.
He got through these formalities but he didn’t see his Mother or Bobby. James, the oldest of Sue’s kids, came over to see Jack as well. He was just shy of 17 and always a tough around the edges kid. He hated that his father left and kept that anger bent up inside till he would burst out without warning. He was in therapy, counseling, and anger management, all at only 17. Jack felt bad but not out of sympathy. He saw himself in Jimmy. He saw what he would have become; possibly what he should have become. All that rage kept locked inside. He knew Jimmy was a good kid, he just wanted to fit in, be accepted, and no one understood.
Jimmy took off his hat, which was barely on his head in the first place, and bounced his way over to Jack. He was holding up his baggy jeans through his extra-long black shirt. Jack was pretty certain it was covering his underwear since his pants didn’t seem to be doing so.
“Whaddup, Jackie? Where the hell you been at for so long?” Jimmy was just a teenager, trying to be cool. Jack gave him a high five and a slap hug.
“Ya know, just living the thug life. Doing my thang,” said Jack as he was purposely overdoing the slang since he didn’t take it seriously, “How about you, playa?”
Jimmy laughed a bit cause he knew Jack wasn’t serious “Well, you know, me and my boys, we keepin’ it real. You know?”
“Haha, yeah just stay outta trouble. I don’t wanna see you on my end of the line, you got me?”
“I gotchu Jackie, I gotchu.”
The kids were still relatively young when Jack was around and he wasn’t much older at the time either. Jimmy was only 10 when Jack left and at that time Jack didn’t take notice of how it affected any of them. They all pretty much had some kind of love for him and he knew their love was the realist of the entire family. He looked over into the living room and Vicky was sitting on the couch, her phone in hand, and talking it up with any number of her girlfriends. She was the typical girl, who loved gossip, make-up, shopping, and shoes, to the extreme even when she was younger.
When Jack noticed her, she had her feet up on the couch in front of her on the couch in the living room which was connected to the dining room and she was talking into her lap so her conversation wasn’t overheard. Sue was always snooping around her business. One couldn’t be sure if the intrusion on her privacy was that of a concerned mother or just a fascination with wanting to be young again through her daughter. Her hair was light brown with highlights that were certainly not there when Jack was around. He looked a bit confused. Did she dye her hair? She was only 15. That stuff takes its toll on a person’s hair and starting so young isn’t good. What’s wrong with Sue that she allowed her to do this? Then Jack realized she’s probably the one that did it for her to begin with. He shook his head to himself as he got her attention. She waved to him in excitement and to his surprise rushed her friend off the phone. She jumped off the couch and ran into his arms nearly knocking them both over.
“Oh My God, JACKIE!” she shouted.
“Whoa,” he said, “I didn’t expect that. Next time, wait for the gun to go off before you sprint down the track”
She replied with, “Shut up, Jackie! I can’t believe you’re here! It’s been years.” Not holding back her excitement to see him. She missed Jack just as much as if he was her brother.
“Yes, it really has been,” he replied. She stood there in front of him with her bangs clipped up into hair and she had on a nice black button down shirt. He guessed that Sue and the kids were all wearing black for Thanksgiving.
“It’s great to see you! Wow. What are you doing here?”
“Well, it is Thanksgiving and…” with a moment of hesitation of what to say “…I came to see the family.” He replied with a slight hint of disbelief in his voice. He knew that wasn’t true.
“For the first time in years, isn’t that something?” Pauline chimed in, sarcastically.
As Jack turned to face her, almost allowing her rude comment to set him off, Bobby walked into the dining room. His head was shaved which Jack didn’t expect, as well as a goatee shaved on his face. This wasn’t how he looked the last time Jack saw him, but it had been seven years.
He stood there and stared at Jack, wide eyed. He gave him a smirk and shook his head as he approached him. He wasn’t in the best shape either with a beer belly he couldn’t hide. His tattoos on his arms were still old and faded as always, you could tell he got them when he was young. They embraced each other with a hug, even though most of Jack’s enthusiasm towards Bobby was faked, he found it fitting since half of these people’s lives were fake. Bobby acted as his father for years and despite hating himself for when he started calling him Dad, he had to play the act for now. Following behind him was the main purpose of Jack’s visit. The person he truly came to see. His reason for everything that was about to happen. His mother.
The excitement she showed upon seeing him was so great, Jack couldn’t help but be happy to see her too. You can never replace your mother. Even after coming to the realization of the kind of person she really was, he couldn’t help but still see his flawless, loving mother.
“It’s good to see you, mom,” he whispered as they hugged, almost f
orgetting where they were for moment.
“I missed you, Jackie.” She whispered back with tears in her voice.
He thought to himself, “You play the part so well mom and I should know better, but I still love you.”
They all sat down at the table together. Jack sat next to his mother close to the end of the table where Bobby sat, directly across from his father. The men of the house always got the head of the table. As they sat there, settling in with coffee and various pastries, Jack felt a bit unsettled. His mother failed to notice, or probably didn’t care, as she sat down next to him. She was probably too busy dealing with the dirty look Bobby gave her for wanting to sit next to her son rather than him. She half ignored it, knowing she would deal with it later.
“So, how’s my boy? Still being the best cop in Brooklyn?” she said to Jack.
He put on a fake smile attached with a giggle as he replied “Well, all cops are the best, mom. I just do my job.”
“I’m so proud of you. You grew up so fast but you’ll always be my baby.”
He hated it whenever she did that. He knew better. But he smiled.
“It’s good to see you, Jackie. It’s been a long time.” Bobby said.
He turned to face him, not really wanting to, just going through the formalities.
Bobby continued, “Ever since our little falling out, I didn’t think we’d ever see you again.”
“Neither did I.” Jack said and before another word was uttered, Paulina chimed in her two cents from across the table.
“Well, I guess we’re all happy to see you,” without even attempting to hide the sarcasm of how fake she was being. Sal chuckled at this comment and Sue slapped him in the arm for it. Gene didn’t bother to lift his head from his plate. Bobby’s parents never cared about Jack or his mother. They were the outsiders of the family and they made that known over the years. Gene didn’t care to comment or speak to Jack about anything. That made Jack happy though so the joke was on him.
Paulina, on the other hand, was a very outspoken Italian woman, especially when it came to her family. They barely liked their own family, let alone outsiders; therefore Jack wasn’t high up on her Christmas list of the people she gave a shit about. Jack’s mother on the other hand, she conformed to this lifestyle; she accepted it as if there was no choice. Jack would do no such thing. Their life was fine before this family came along and his life was even better when he left them. If this was how family was supposed to be, Jack wanted no part of it.