by Jesse West
About a year ago, Jack had threatened to leave the house before numerous times but after they accused him of stealing, he had finally had enough. They kept telling him that no judge would ever allow him to live with his father since he was a convict. This might have been one of the subconscious reasons that drove Jack to want to seek a career in law enforcement but either way he was stuck where he was because in his mind, it made sense. He was almost 18 now so none of that mattered, especially since he didn’t plan on being there for long.
Living with his father wasn’t bad either. He was working at the time and going through a bunch of things medically. He wanted to help Jack as much as he could seeing that he was around for so long and now they were living together. All he had at the time was a couch to sleep on but Mike knew what his sleeping arrangements were like when he was with his mother so he swore they would move out to get a bigger place and he’ll have his own bed again. It had been so long since Jack slept in a bed. It wasn’t a big deal to him, his concern was getting his life together. His father was mainly there to keep a roof over his head and put food in his mouth until he could do so on his own. He did, however, spoil him a bit on his 18th birthday and he got him his first car. It was a dark blue 2006 Dodge Stratus and Jack loved it. His first car. It had some miles on it but he didn’t care. Nobody had given him something like that before. With everything that was going on at that point, he held his father above everyone else.
Graduation came and left almost in the blink of an eye. Jack didn’t care though. He didn’t get the normal graduation celebration like most kids. No ceremony, no cap and gown, no picture in the year book. That was money neither him nor his father had. He left school on the last day and was mailed his diploma a few weeks later.
He spent the majority of his time preparing himself for the academy. He was still young so he had to wait till he turned 21 to even apply. He did his research on what he needed to do in order to apply in the first place. The state required a few prerequisites before applications can be accepted, one of which was that Jack needed to have a minimum of 60 hours’ worth of college credits and maintain a 2.0 GPA.
This put the perspectives of being a cop so much higher and made it seem so much farther away from him. He hated school and couldn’t wait to leave and regardless of how many times they told him he needed to go to college in order to get a good job, he had pretty much drawn it up as a loss. He had no other options and his father couldn’t do everything for the both of them.
He had gotten his old job back in a different medical office but he was only making half the salary from what he was used to. They made him a deal being that he was an ex-con. Mike had to make that sacrifice since he had very little options. At least he was working and getting his life together. He was having his own issues to deal with. He wasn’t sure if it was withdrawals or possible side effects from years of drug and alcohol abuse but he was exhibiting a lot of neurological issues. To add on to that, he began experiencing stomach problems that were hard to cure and only manageable with constant medication. Sometimes, it seemed like Jack was really there to take care of him.
Jack finally decided that he couldn’t give up on his dream so he signed up and began attending Kingsborough College the next fall semester after he graduated. He had to give it a shot so he could truthfully say that he tried if it never worked out. He worked a weekend job tutoring a boy in 4th grade. The parents were a friend of Mikes and were willing to help them out since real tutors are a lot more expensive and they would only need to pay Jack a portion of that cost. It didn’t matter, Jack was smart and making money to help out. Any little bit counted.
Throughout the next 2 years, Jack his spent time tutoring, doing homework, studying, and spending time going to doctor appointments with his father. It seemed like with all the medication they had put him on, nothing was getting better. He began having seizures that they couldn’t explain but they were able to control. It required him to take more medication on top of what he already needed. Jack was flustered with how rough things seemed to be getting. He had to wait another year in order to apply for the NYPD and he feared not maintaining his average.
Some nights, he spent up for hours studying and doing homework, just barely passing his tests. Other nights, he was able to get work busting tables at a bar around the corner. On bad nights, he’d come home to his father on the floor or sitting up in a chair looking like he was sleeping. He was having what they called an awake seizure. He looked fine but he was actually seizing in his brain. It could cause him to pass out, choke on his food, or fall down if standing or sitting upright. Thankfully he had only fallen once at this point but Jack didn’t have enough fingers to count how many times he’s needed to dig food out of his mouth.
Mike was out of work since he was deemed unfit to be a medical assistant due to his condition and he was put on disability. This seemed weird being that he was only 48 but when you saw him it looked like he was 98. The belly he had disappeared and he was now of a medium or skinnier width that was unlike how he was before he went away. He was balding and combing his hair over to try and hide it. He was stuck in the house most of the time and he had to wear a seizure pin in case he’s out by himself and has a seizure on the street. He would read the newspaper, listen to old Rolling Stones albums, and watch old black and white movies and TV shows. This never bothered Jack since he loved most of this stuff too.
Right up until Jack turned 21, this was life. In Jack’s eyes, his father was doing his best to handle himself but Jack was always concerned when he wasn’t around. One day, Jack came home from school and saw his dad struggling with a bottle of pills.
“Dad, what are you doing?” he asked him grabbing the pills.
“I … nnneeedd … my … mennicin.” his speech was barely audible for Jack and this wasn’t the first time he’s sounded that way either.
“I gave you your meds this morning pop. Remember? It was right before I left.”
Mike looked at him with wide eyes, bewildered by what he was saying. Jack looked at the bottle and saw that it was his pain killers.
“You can’t take too many of this dad. It’ll mess with your muscles and your…” Jack paused for a second. It just hit him. This wasn’t the first time Jack’s seen him this out of it and he was beginning to notice that his pills are getting lower and lower faster than normally.
“Dad, have you been taking more pills than you need to be taking?”
He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. Jack walked over him and shook him to try and wake him up.
“Dad. DAD!” he put his finger under his nose then listened to his chest to make sure he was still breathing. He was, he had just passed out on him. He did that a lot. Just pass out for an hour or so then wake up asking what happened.
Jack cleaned everything up and sat down in front of his father, waiting for him to awaken. He had questions he needed answered.
“Old man,” he thought to himself while burning a hole in Mikes head “You better not be fucking yourself up.”
Eventually, he woke up and was startled by Jack just sitting there.
“What happened?” he said sounding confused.
“You passed out like you usually do. Conveniently, I might add.” Jack said with an angered tone in his voice.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“I asked you a very important question then you conveniently passed out on me.”
“Well, ask me now.” He sat up and smiled like nothing was wrong.
“Dad,” Jack leaned forward in his chair and held the bottle up to him. “Have you been taking more of your pain killers then you should be?”
“Yes, Jackie.” He said confidently.
“Why?!” Jack wasn’t amused by this.
“Because I need it.” Was his reply.
“You don’t need this much dad.”
“Jackie, I’m in pain. The medicine helps.”
“Yeah, well the medicine might also be making things worse. Too much of this could
fuck up your system more than it already is.” Jack was upset with his father.
“I know what I’m doing Jackie.”
“No, you don’t!” he shouted “You don’t know what it’s like on this end when your half out of it, incoherent, and I’m stuck cleaning up whatever I can!”
Mike’s head fell to his chest. Jack could tell he felt bad so he lowered his tone.
“You can’t do this to yourself, Dad. Your making yourself worse and there’s only so much I can do. What are you going to do when I’m not around?”
“I don’t know, Jackie. But we’ll figure that out. I’ll try to be better at managing myself when I’m alone.”
“Thank you.” Jack got up and walked over to him then gave him a kiss on the forehead “I love you, old man.”
“I love you too, superman.”
Things were better for that day but it wasn’t the last time Jack needed to have this discussion with his father. It started becoming clear to him that 1 of 2 things were happening. Either his dad was too out of it to realize he was doing this to himself or he was doing it purposely. Jack didn’t have a lot of time to figure it out because 21 was around the corner and he was getting his scores back from classes.
He held a 2.1 GPA by the end of the third year and he was eligible to apply for the New York Police Department.
This moment, this exact moment, was marked as the epitome of Jack’s happiness in this world. Everything from this point on and before it could never measure up to the sign of relief that ran through his mind when he saw his final scores. They weren’t great but they were enough to allow him to apply.
The only thing stopping him was waiting till August to turn 21 then he’d have to wait till January to apply but he waited this long. He remained patient, kept his head up, and kept moving forward.
By the end of the year, he felt ready. He prepared himself over the last 6 months for the application process. He showed up in his only suit, freshly dry cleaned, and a shaved face. He even slicked his hair back with gel, he always kept it a medium-ish length because he liked how he looked with relatively longer hair then most men. He shook hands firmly and went through the motions whatever they needed him to do. From the eye examination to the written examination, Jack looked confident regarding everything. They had to run a background check as well as administer a drug test. He feared none of this since he knew the most they would find is the time he spent in foster care when he was a kid but he doubted that would have any significance here. He was asked to return for a physical exam to which they could test if he met the fitness requirements. He wasn’t the most fit person in the world but he managed to pass the testing which including things such as running, pushups, sit ups, and a few other relatively basic fitness requirements.
After all of this, he came to the psychological evaluation. This made him nervous because he didn’t want to portray any resentment during the examination, though not directed towards anyone but he felt that with what he’s been through with his mother and what was going on with his father, he didn’t want to say the wrong things. Once this was over, he took an up to date medical testing and waited. All these exams just to join the academy and Jack couldn’t bare waiting. He was a pretty impatient person when it came to certain things but he kept himself occupied with his father’s doctor’s appointments.
He wasn’t getting any better and in Jack’s eyes he wasn’t trying to either. He felt that best that his father would need someone to watch him while he wasn’t around. Thankfully his disability benefits offer an in home nurse for a few hours a day. That took a lot of the weight off of his shoulders, especially with the pressure he had on his mind from waiting.
Finally, he got the call saying he passed and they wanted him to come back. Jack was going to join the new recruits of the NYPD at the New York State Police Academy in Albany, NY.
He spoke with various people from his father’s insurance company to the disability agency to set up full time in home care for him while he was away. They understood his predicament and set up the necessary arrangements for what Mike was allowed at the time. It had to be enough because Jack wasn’t backing out now. He worked too hard to get to this point and he was going.
On the way out there, Jack had found a friend in another recruit. His name was Rick Krauthammer. He was half German and half French but he spoke neither language. Any resemblance to either of those nationalities was overshadowed by his thick Jersey accent. He was raised in Jersey but his parents moved him out to Long Island when he was a teenager so he could go to a private school. He wasn’t rich but you could tell he had a lot handed to him. It didn’t affect his personality or made him come off like he was better than others, he was just lucky. He was dealt a better hand in life and Jack never held that against him.
Through the weeks of training they became really good friends. Rick would help Jack get in better physical shape for their training and Jack helped him with his studies. They filled in each other’s weak points throughout the 26 weeks of training. They were both prepared when it came to field training which lasted about 10 weeks then once the academy was over, they were given their final assessment. It was official, they were both on their way to becoming police officers for the New York Police Department.
Once they got out of training, they went out to celebrate together. Jack knew there was a waiting period before they would be placed anywhere but Rick mentioned that his father had a connection to get them a push into a precinct. He wasn’t one for handouts but at this point, Jack might’ve deserved it. After all he went through to get to this point, maybe a little reward isn’t so bad. He thought it was great just to have a friend with the drive for the same thing that he wanted. The night they were out, they shared dinner and drinks with a few other recruits they met in the academy.
As the night died down and people started heading home, Rick invited him back to his place to have a few more beers and meet his wife. Rick was only a couple years older than Jack but his wife was pregnant and regardless of their age, they were happy together. They made it official just after Rick graduated from Hunter College. Rick liked the idea of law enforcement so he decided to seek a career in the NYPD. Jack met her for only a brief moment that night since when they got there she was pretty much ready for bed and it was already late. Rick and Jack stood up and shared their stories about trials and tribulations with life. Jack trusted in Rick so he expressed to him what he had been through in his life. From the foster care to watching his step father beat his mother then right up to them accusing him of stealing and Jack leaving. By the end of it, Rick was shocked. That whole story took him by surprise.
“Damn, Jackie. That’s a rough patch.” He said following the completion of Jack’s life story.
“Ha. Make that a couple of patches.” He replied jokingly.
“I mean some of that is just crazy man. Like...I don’t have the greatest life in the world but how you survived all of that is….” he paused trying to find the word.
“Crazy?” Jack attempted to fill in.
“Amazing was more the word I was thinking.” Jack looked at him with confusion as he said this.
“I mean think about it. Look at what we’ve been learning for the last few weeks. Most of the people that go through shit like that wind up either dead or in jail by now.”
“I know” Jack agreed “but I’ve been able to hold myself together for the most part.”
“I see.” Rick found all of this intriguing. “I gotta ask one more question then we don’t need to talk about it for the rest of the night.”
“Shoot.” Jack sat back and waited for what the question might be.
“How did you pass the psych eval. cause clearly you have some pent up issues that you need to seek therapy about.” Rick couldn’t hold in his laughter from how unserious he was making his question. Jack joined in with the laughter knowing that he was kidding.
“But seriously Jackie,” his laughter calmed down as he became serious again “How do you m
anage?”
“I don’t know. All my life I’ve just been dealing with just shit after shit after shit and I know it’s not normal….but I also know that it’s not my fault. There were choices made that were out of my hands. I was simply an innocent bystander to a huge fucking train wreck.” He and Rick chuckled a bit as he said that then he continued “But I just keep myself motivated. Busy. My mind has always been occupied. With needing to take care of my father and wanting to be a cop, it’s just buried in the back of my mind.”
“When was the last time you saw your mother?” Rick asked curiously.
“It’s been a little over 4 years now.” He replied.
“Do you miss her at all?”
“Not even for a second.”
“I don’t know man. I can’t picture myself not having my mother in my life.”
“Yeah. Well, family hasn’t been my strong point.”
“How’s your pops doing these days?”
“He’s not getting any better. I never know if it’s part of him getting older or if he just does it to himself cause he doesn’t care anymore.” Jack showed a bit of concern in his facial expression and Rick could tell in his voice that what was going on with his father was hard on him. “But I know that when he does go” Jack continued “it’ll probably be the day that I lose my mind completely.”
Rick chuckled a bit as he raised his beer
“To our fathers.”
“Our fathers.” Jack joined him in the cheers all the while in his mind he was worried now. Thinking about his father who he hadn’t seen for weeks.
“I didn’t even think of that.” He thought to himself. “Now that I’m in, I can’t be around as much. He has to understand that. He has to get his act together.”
He finished his beer so Rick got up to get them more. Jack’s mind filled with concern as he stared out the window in Rick’s apartment, contemplating the worst in his intoxication.
“You better not be fucking yourself up old man.”
The Rules