by Roya Carmen
Maybe my coming here was all about escaping my reality, pretending that everything will be okay and work out just fine. I’ll spend a week here making him jealous, he’ll come running back to me and beg me to take him back. We’ll go back to how it was, and I’ll have the life I want.
Things are never easy, though.
This little game Corrie and I are playing is completely juvenile, but maybe it’s about me wanting to be someone else. Clearly, who I am is not good enough. Not good enough for Peter. Not good enough for Blake.
I think I might just give up on men all together. Who needs them? I have my Momma, my family, and my friends. That’s all I need.
Later, Journal.
M
I tousle Corrie’s hair. “Are you alive?” I ask. “Tell me you’re alive.”
“I’m… alive,” she grumbles, the words muffled in her pillow.
“Someone had a little too much to drink last night,” I quip. “Someone needs one of my feel good smoothies.”
“Ugh…” she moans.
I hop off the bed. “Trust me, it’ll make you feel better.”
I busy myself making pancakes and smoothies. I don’t feel too badly, considering the night we had – that’s the upside of not drinking too much. Momma is out, watering her garden. She’s not too house proud when it comes to her home’s interior, but her garden is her pride and joy.
Corrie finally makes an appearance – she looks like hell; raccoon eyes, bird’s nest hair, and still wearing last night’s clothes. “Can I have a shower after breakfast?” she asks as she sits down at the kitchen table and taps on her mobile.
“Sure.”
A minute later, her face lights up. “Guess what?!” she says. “Peter liked your photo.”
My heart skips a beat as I slap a pancake on a plate. “Really? Which one?”
“The one of the two of us,” she tells me. “Which means he saw all of them.”
I pour us both glasses of smoothie – I call it Florida Morning – my own concoction. “You think he’s jealous?”
“I guarantee it. God, look at that one photo of you and Blake… it’s so freakin’ sexy, it makes me a little hot.”
I laugh out loud… the things that come out of Corrie’s mouth sometimes. Speaking of getting hot, I blush a little at the memory of the night before. I can’t even remember the last time I did that.
I hand her a smoothie and a pancake covered with blueberries. “My sister’s coming over later with the kids. Try to behave.”
She laughs. “What? I always behave.”
The kids are in the house before Marilyn. It’s only been a week or so since we last saw each other but they act like they haven’t seen me in months. “Auntie Maeve!” Maddie squeals and throws herself at me for a hug. “Nice to see you.”
I hold her tightly, inhaling that pre-tween little girl smell she has. “Nice to see you too, Maddie.” I smile. “And who do we have here?” I ask.
Jake shuffles shyly to me and gives me a hug. I rustle his hair and get a big grin out of him – he has one of those infectious huge smiles, just like his mother. They’re both so beautiful. Jake looks just like his mom, and Maddie takes more after her dad, Brian, who just happens to be Blake’s older brother.
“What am I? Chopped liver?” Momma says.
The kids smile and hop over to their Grandma.
“I made ginger cookies and lemonade,” she tells them. “Would you like some?”
Marilyn shakes her head, smiling. “Sure, Mom, it’s just before lunch, but they’ll have lemonade and cookies,” she says sarcastically.
I laugh. “Me too,” I quip. “I want to ruin my appetite too.”
“Me three,” Corrie chimes in.
“Hey, you kids remember my friend, Corrie?”
They both nod. Jake shoots her a shy wave, and Maddie offers a “How are you, Corrie?” For a ten year old, she can be so mature sometimes. She takes that after her mom, who’s always been the responsible one.
“Why, I’m great, Maddie,” Corrie replies. “Thank you for asking.”
We all settle at the table as Momma sets the tray of cookies and the pitcher of lemonade down. She pours us all a glass. I help myself to a single cookie.
“How have you been, Maeve?” Marilyn asks in that big sister way she has. She looks so put together – slim skinny jeans and a pretty coral cardigan, her hair worn loose and wild, but beautiful all the same. This turn of events doesn’t surprise me in the least – she’s always had her shit together, and me, not so much. It’s not a surprise that she’s the one sitting at the table looking fabulous, two perfect kids in tow, and a loyal husband working hard at his company. Meanwhile, I’m still wearing my Hello Kitty pajamas, mildly hungover, recently dumped, jobless and childless.
Not that I’m comparing us or anything.
“I’m okay,” I tell her. My gaze travels to Corrie. I still have my friends and my health, I think. “I’ll be fine.”
“I’m sorry that uncle Peter didn’t come to your wedding,” Maddie offers with the saddest pout I’ve ever seen– she is so darn sweet.
I smile. “Yes, it’s kind of important for the groom to come to the wedding,” I quip.
“Are you still girlfriend and boyfriend?” she asks, curious.
Excellent question.
“Sweetie,” Marilyn cuts in. “Auntie Maeve doesn’t want to talk about all that right now.”
“It’s okay—”
“Auntie Maeve is making uncle Peter sweat right now,” Corrie chimes in.
Maddie cocks a brow, confused. Then she shrugs. “I have a boyfriend,” she says matter-of-factly. “His name is Ben. He has blond hair and really nice eyes, and super big teeth.
“Sounds cute,” I say with a smile. At least one of us is lucky in love.
“He is,” she says, “but he’s not the one I really like.”
“Oh…” I ask, intrigued by the idea of a schoolyard love triangle. This is what my life as come to – my ten year old niece’s love life is more exciting than mine. “What’s the other boy like?”
“Well…” she starts and a blush colors her cheeks. “He has dark hair, and really nice eyes too. He’s always super nice to me.”
“That’s good… you want boys to be super nice to you.”
She pouts. “But he’s an older boy. He’s in grade six.”
“Oooh,” Corrie coos. “A whole year older… how forbidden. What a scandal.”
Marilyn and I both crack up.
“It’s nice to see you’re your old self,” Marilyn says.
“Well, yeah. I’m not going to let one guy burn out my fire.”
“Exactly,” Corrie says. “Plenty of fish in the sea.”
But the thing is… I don’t want any other fish… I still want Peter.
Marilyn sips her lemonade, one slim leg crossed over the other. She sits up a little straighter. “There’s something I actually needed to talk to you about, Maeve.”
Uh-oh. I know that look and I’m familiar with that tone. She’s about to ask me for a favor.
“The kids are going camping this weekend with Blake,” she goes on, and pauses to take a bite of her cookie.
Ugh… Blake.
Of course the mention of his name brings him instantly to mind. I picture him, naked in bed, that sexy tall blonde draped all over him. Or would he be working? It is Saturday and the shop is busy on weekends. Wait…
“Doesn’t Blake work at his shop on the weekend?”
She shakes her head. “Not always these days. He’s got two young kids who help him out… good kids.”
“Oh…”
“Anyway,” she continues. “Mandy was initially going to go with them, but someone got sick at her work, and she got roped into working a shift today.”
“Uh-huh…” I say, curious and confused.
“I’m busy doing paperwork. I’m really behind on everything and I was hoping to catch up this weekend. And the kids have been looking forward to thi
s trip forever.”
I eye her with suspicion. “I’m still not following, Mare. You’re going to have to draw this out for me.” Admittedly, my brain is a little fuzzy this morning – hangovers will do that to you.
“I need you to tag along. You know how Blake can be sometimes. He’ll let them do whatever they want, eat whatever they want, go to bed with dirty teeth. He’s not going to remind them to put on sunscreen, check for ticks, and he’ll probably let them jump off a cliff or something.”
“No way,” I say without a moment’s hesitation. “Not happening.”
I do see where she’s coming from – Blake can be super irresponsible, and she worries about her kids. But no way.
“C’mon,” she says. “All this business with you and him was ages ago. You’re engaged to another man now. I’m sure you can stand him for two days.”
“I can’t, actually.”
Am I still engaged? That’s a question I hadn’t thought about.
“Pleeeaase,” she begs.
I want to slap her. How dare she put me in this situation. What if I don’t go, and the kids end up with Lyme disease because I wasn’t there to spot the ticks on their little bodies. Marilyn knows me too well – she knows just how to get to me.
My phone pings. It’s a text from Corrie, who is sitting right across me.
Two days with him. Could be awesome for the plan. Snap a few pics of you and him camping together. It’s going to drive Peter wild.
She’s really obsessed with this plan.
I look over at her. A huge grin stretches across her cheeks and she bends her head and taps away on her phone.
Ping.
I’ll come with, so you won’t be alone with him and the kids. I’ll run interference, put him in his place if I need to. I’ve always wanted to go camping!
I smile.
I like the idea of camping too. The fresh crisp early October air might be just what I need to lift my spirits. And if she’s there too, I can just ignore Blake. And this is my chance to spend some quality time with the kids. How can I say no?
I shrug. “Sure, I’ll do it.”
Marilyn practically bounces off her chair. “Yes! I’m so happy. Thanks so much, Maeve. With you there, I won’t worry at all.”
I smile. “I’ll look after them like they’re my own,” I promise.
She leans in for a hug and grabs another cookie.
“Hey, guys. Guess what? Auntie Maeve is coming camping with you!”
The kids both jump to their feet. “Yes!!!” They squeal in unison.
The smiles on their faces makes this all worth it, no matter how it all turns out.
One thing’s for sure… there’s no turning back now.
9
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? How do I end up going camping with the boy who broke my heart? I’ll be hiking and eating s’mores with the person I hate the most in the world.
Um… Blake or Peter? It’s a close contest right now. Who do I hate the most? I’m not sure.
Neither Corrie nor I have packed for camping. Our fancy heels and purses are not going to help much when we’re in the middle of the woods. We need parkas, hiking boots, and baseball caps. Luckily between Marilyn and Mandy, we’ve borrowed enough stuff to be covered. Momma and I packed some food, and Blake has everything else we might need; bug spray, sunblock, towels, camping gear and more food.
“I’m not sure how I’ll like sleeping in a tent,” Corrie says, suddenly having second thoughts. “And it’s so cold out this time of year.”
“Oh, we’ll freeze,” I tell her. “And the ground is so hard, it’ll break your back. And the bugs… you’re okay with bugs, right? And spiders?”
Her eyes grow wide. “I hate bugs.”
I wince. “How ‘bout slugs… they’re all over the place in the morning… on the ground, on your sleeping bag. I once found one in my underwear.”
Corrie pulls a face – she’s terrified. She’s really second guessing her decision to tag along. She’s not exactly the roughing-it type.
I burst out laughing. “I’m just joshing you, Corrie. Blake has a nice comfy camper,” I tell her. “Marilyn told me all about it. Apparently, he’s really set up… queen size beds with mattress heaters.”
She lets out a huge breath of relief and throws a pair of rolled up socks at my head. “Bitch!”
I laugh. That was fun.
We’re almost all packed and ready to go when my phone dings – it’s a new incoming email. I’ve become a slave to my phone, like everyone else on this continent.
My hearts hammers – it’s from Peter.
Hello sweetheart,
I hope you’re well. I’ve been busy with work.
I see that you’re back home. I’m glad you’re spending time with your family. I saw the pictures on your Facebook – you look amazing in those pics, btw. That Blake guy still around? Is he married yet or still a bachelor?
I miss you, Maeve. I’m still so sorry about what happened. Maybe we can start over? From the beginning. No strings.
Bye for now,
Peter
PS. Say hello to everyone for me.
Of course he’s busy with work – it was the reason we weren’t able to book a honeymoon, which was actually a blessing after all.
Start over? No strings? What does that mean? He doesn’t want to marry me, but he wants to fool around?
I’m suddenly livid. “Check this out,” I say to Corrie and hand her my phone. She reads the message with undisguised curiosity.
“Fuck, yeah,” she cheers. “The guy is so freakin’ jealous… he’s asking about Blake. And he obviously wants to do you so bad. I mean who wouldn’t… you look fucking hot in those photos. We’ve got him right where we want him. I bet he’s really regretting walking out on you right about now.”
“Okay… settle down,” I tease. “You’re enjoying this a little too much.”
I steal my phone back from her and finish up my packing. I’m actually really looking forward to this trip – I haven’t been camping in forever. I used to love it, but Peter wouldn’t be caught dead camping.
“So what should I do?” I ask Corrie.
She cocks a brow as she zips up her duffel bag. “Nothing,” she says. “You do absolutely nothing. Don’t even acknowledge his email. Make him sweat.”
I bite my lip. “Sounds a little harsh, don’t you think?”
She stands straighter and settles a hand on her hip. She shoots me the evil eye. “You know what’s harsh? Leaving someone at the altar without a word, leaving them wondering what the hell happened, what went wrong. And not giving them the answers for twenty-four hours. Now that’s harsh.”
Yes, definitely.
“You make an excellent point,” I say. “Yeah. I’m not replying. Ever.”
“Good girl.”
And so the game officially begins.
We’re busy packing up Blake’s Silverado. He’s got the camper hitched up already – it’s just a big white box right now, but soon enough, it will be our little cottage on wheels. The kids are giddy, running around. Blake is serious and in charge. I’m a nervous wreck, and Corrie is her usual self; mischievous.
We’re just about ready to go when Corrie gets a call on her cell. She’s all smiles when she picks it up, but as soon as she hears the voice at the other end, her face falls. Whatever it is, it’s something serious.
I watch her intently, as if her expression and slight movements could give me any indication of what is happening. I think about her parents – maybe one of them has fallen ill, or had a sudden heart attack. They’re both in their sixties, still young.
“Is he okay?” she asks. “Is he conscious?”
Whatever has happened is serious.
She’s in tears now. “When did this happen?”
It must be her dad, I conclude. My bet is on a heart attack.
“I told him that bike was stupid,” she cries.
Uh-oh. Bike. She must be talking about Jacob. Fuck. He mu
st have been in an accident.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” she says. “I’m up north right now. About two hours away. Sure…” she adds. “Thanks for calling me, Sandra.”
Oh… she’s talking to Jacob’s sister.
She says goodbye and turns to me. Her eyes are wet. “It’s Jacob,” she says. “Got in a motorcycle accident. He’s at the hospital.”
I take her into my arms. “I’m so sorry, Corrie.”
She’s always bitching about her soon-to-be ex, but deep down, I know she loves him. Always has. She and Jacob are like magnets. No matter how much they say they hate each other, they always seem to be drawn back together. Their relationship is intense.
I hold her tightly as she sobs into my t-shirt. “I told him to get rid of that stupid bike,” she cries.
I don’t know what to say. I’ve never been very good in these types of situations.
Blake makes a sudden appearance, confusion written all over his face. “What’s up?” he mouths.
I don’t say a thing. I just wince. He can wait.
The kids are curious, and Blake kindly shepherds them away and keeps them busy. They help him pack up my bike; an old red beach cruiser.
Five minutes later, after an extensive cry fest, Corrie tells me she has to go. I offer to come with her – I’m sure Marilyn will understand. Corrie tells me to stay put and to have fun. She flashes me a wink, and I smile.
We grab her stuff and stick it in the back of my small SUV – she’s borrowing my car. She tells me she’ll call me to let me know what’s going on.
I hug her again and we exchange sad goodbyes. I’m too flustered to even think about the implications of this for me. I’m too busy thinking about her and Jacob, and hoping that Jacob will be okay.
I wave goodbye as she climbs into the driver’s seat of my car, and she zooms off a minute later.
Blake is by my side as soon as she’s out of sight. “What happened?”
“Her… husband was in a motorcycle accident.” I don’t even get into the whole separation thing – Jacob is still her husband as far as I’m concerned because they’re not legally divorced yet.