by Roya Carmen
“Fuck,” Blake whispers. “Is he okay?”
“No one knows yet,” I tell him.
“You sure you don’t want to go with her?” he asks. “We’ll be fine.”
I turn to him. “I promised Marilyn,” I tell him. “I’m staying.”
A quick flash of happiness flickers across his eyes – it’s so quick, I barely catch it. And then he’s back to his old self. “Well, suit yourself. And try to keep up. We’ll have a lot of work to do when we get there.”
I shake my head. “Well, aren’t you a bag of treats.”
Why does he have to be such a jerk all the time? I just don’t get it.
I don’t get him. At all.
10
I STARE UP AHEAD AT THE ROAD; blue skies and hills of greens, oranges and yellows – it’s a gorgeous day, but I don’t really appreciate it because all I can think about is Corrie and Jacob. Every now and then, I sneak a peek at Blake who has not uttered a single word in the last hour. Apparently, he’s put his usual ribbing on hold because my friend’s husband has just been in a terrible road accident. There’s a time for joking around, and a time for seriousness, and even he knows that. I wonder if this is a struggle – not teasing and insulting me as usual.
The kids are both quiet in the back. Maddie is watching some kind of tween show on her tablet, and Jake is playing a game on his. They’re both wearing oversized headphones. We have an hour to go.
“I have snacks,” Blake says out of nowhere. “Right behind you, in the red soft cooler.”
I twist around and reach for the cooler bag. I didn’t realize it but I’m kind of hungry. When I open it, I’m pleasantly surprised. All my favorites are in there; baby carrots, SunChips, iced tea drink boxes (peach flavored), and Babybel cheese.
I smile up at him. “You act like such a jerk sometimes, and the things that come out of your mouth make me want to punch you in the face, but your actions betray you, buddy. You’re a nice guy.”
The straight hard line of his mouth doesn’t budge. “It’s for the kids… not you.”
I shrug. “Whatever. Tell yourself what you want.”
I dig into the snacks, and hand treats to the kids who seem as excited as I am.
“I’ll have a cheese and a bag of SunChips,” Blake deadpans.
We’re quiet for the rest of the drive, nothing but the sound of the radio.
I’m excited when we arrive into the state park. It’s a beautiful crisp day, and I haven’t been camping in ages. Despite the fact that I’m stuck with Blake for the next two days, I’m determined to have a good time, and make the most of my time with Maddie and Jake.
I would have never agreed to come if I’d known that Corrie wouldn’t be tagging along, but in the end, I’m glad that I did. It beats hanging out on my mom’s old sofa, watching bad television and obsessively stalking Peter’s Facebook page.
A young brunette registers us in, and gives us our site stub and a printed guide.
“We need to pop by the dump station,” Blake tells me. I don’t think he’s cracked a smile yet.
“Oh… yeah.”
“I’m filling the tank up. We’ll have lots of water to do the dishes, and you and the kids can go crazy, have the biggest dumps you’ve ever had if you want,” he tells me, “but go easy on the toilet paper, and no tampons or crap like that.”
Wow. If I was ever concerned that there might be the slightest chance of this being romantic in any way, of me falling for Blake again and doing something stupid… I clearly need not worry.
Our site is beautiful and secluded. “Wow, this is amazing.”
He smiles… finally. “Thanks, I kinda know what I’m doing. I know all the best spots.”
I smile up at him before hopping out of the truck. The kids are eager to run around and stretch their legs, and so am I. The large pines and oak trees offer lots of shade. Leaves cover the ground already; a pretty colorful carpet of oranges, reds and yellows. The air is cool and crisp and I happily draw it in.
“Okay, enough of that,” Blake calls out. “We have some work to do.”
I turn around. Yep, he’s back to his old grouchy self. I’ve never really seen this side of him – he’s usually always pretty easy-going. He must be really annoyed by my presence.
I help him out with all our stuff; bicycles, a portable BBQ, firewood, tarps, lawn chairs, storage bins, and a hammock. I’m exhausted by the time we’re finished, but there’s more work to be done. Who ever said camping wasn’t glamorous.
He extends the slide-out kitchen table and pops out the tent beds, and it’s my job to make the beds (three queen size mattresses), sweep the floor, bring all our stuff in, and stock the small refrigerator. I’m exhausted before I even begin.
Yet it’s only fair – Blake is busy doing outside stuff, and the kids are nipping at his heels, helping out (or probably hindering).
I work my little rear off, and when I’m finally done, I study my handiwork – the place looks really tidy and cozy. I’ve even put Buttons on one of the beds. Buttons is the stuffed bear I’ve had since I was eight – he was a gift from my dad. He’s not so handsome anymore but I still take him everywhere. Yes, I’m a twenty-seven year old woman who sleeps with a teddy bear, and I don’t care what anyone has to say about it.
The plaid comforters on the beds look so cozy, I’m tempted to have a little lay-down, but if Blake were to walk in and catch me lazing off, I’d never live it down.
Maddie swings the screen door as she barges in, full of energy. “Wow, it looks nice. I’m so excited.”
I smile. “Me too.”
Blake follows her in. “Nice job,” he tells me with a wide grin. Something’s different about him – it seems like the stick up his butt has been removed. “I’m all done outside. I even got the hammock up.”
I take a seat at the edge of the bed, and he sits right next to me. “Sorry, I’ve been a big grouch,” he says. “Setting up stresses me out. It’s the only part of camping I hate.”
I smile. “It’s okay.”
A playful grin curves his mouth. “Buttons is still around, I see. He’s looking good.”
I laugh. “He’s had better days. He’s pretty old.”
“I know,” he says softly, and his gaze catches mine. For a long beat, our eyes cling to each other’s. Unspoken words are shared – my father’s story. It’s his story too, but it’s something we never talk about, something we like to pretend never happened.
His intense dark eyes haven’t changed – I could easily get lost in them. I shake my head and jerk my gaze away.
“Well, you’re ready for lunch?” he asks.
“Already?”
He smiles. “It’s past noon,” he tells me. “Time flies when you’re having fun.”
“Sure,” I tell him. “Just want to check my phone first, and then I’ll make some sandwiches.”
I tap away on my phone – no messages. I’m worried, but I’m sure that Corrie will get back to me as soon as she can.
We have turkey sandwiches and potato salad for lunch, and then we go for a walk on the rocky beach. The lake is beautiful and calm, and I can’t remember the last time I walked on a beach and took the time to just enjoy nature. I’ve even left my phone back at the camper, at Blake’s insistence. I don’t like being off the grid, but I felt like I had something to prove.
The kids are happy, skipping rocks across the surface of the water, and finding treasures hidden between the pebbles on the shore.
Blake and I are strolling side by side. We haven’t spoken a single word. I’m content to just take in my surroundings and revel in the beauty and sounds of the lake.
“So what’s the deal with Parker?” Blake asks.
“Parker?” I ask, confused.
“Yes, the guy who left you on your wedding day.”
I roll my eyes. “Oh, you mean my fiancé, Peter.”
He cocks a brow. “He’s still your fiancé? You’d think you would have dumped the guy after he pulled
that crap. He must really have you on a leash.”
Yep, I was waiting for it – the moment when I’d want to slap Blake Taylor. It always comes, sooner or later. “He doesn’t have me on a leash. I just love him. But you wouldn’t know anything about that… about love.”
Blake has never had a serious relationship as far as I know. I think he’s emotionally incapable of love. Lust, yes. Love, no.
He throws a rock at the lake – it skips four times. “True, I don’t know about that. All I know is that you didn’t deserve that. I don’t know the guy, never met him, but I can tell you that he’s an asshole. Anyone who’d do that to you is an asshole.”
I’m speechless. “Uh…”
Maddie skips over to us. “Look, uncle Blake. Check out this sea glass.”
Blake slides the smooth piece of glass between his long fingers – it’s beautiful, jade green. “Awesome,” he says. “If you find some more, you can fill up a glass mason jar, and make a pretty candle holder for your mom.”
I smile. “Well, look at you, Martha Stewart.”
He pulls a face, and with one big bound, he steps ahead of me – I’ve been dismissed.
I study the curve of his back and his strong legs – I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help myself. He’s wearing dark jeans and a slim fitting grey sweater. I hate to admit it, but he looks delicious – he always looks good, there lies my dilemma.
We’ve been walking for quite a while, and we’ve ventured into quieter territory – there’s no one here but us. The kids are squealing, and I hear Blake say, “No way. You kids are insane.”
Maddie laughs. “I bet you five dollars that you’re too wimpy to go in.”
Blake laughs. “Oh, I’m not, but unfortunately, I haven’t packed my swim trunks.”
Are they really talking about going in? In this weather? The water must be freezing.
“Excuses, excuses,” Maddie taunts. “You’re just a wimp, uncle Blake. Admit it.” Maddie knows her uncle well, and probably knows that he never walks away from a dare or a challenge.
“Okay, Maddie. I’m game,” he says, “but let’s walk closer to camp.”
“You’re not really thinking about doing this?” I ask as we set out back to our site. He’s walking briskly now, and I hop and skip to keep in step with his long strides. The kids run ahead of us, full of energy.
In no time, we find ourselves where we started.
“I can’t wait to see this,” Maddie cheers.
I smile – the sight of her and Jake so excited is sweet. I honestly don’t know much about Blake anymore, but one thing I know for sure is that the kids love their uncle. And he loves them. They’re much closer to him than they are to me, but that’s to be expected. They see him almost every day, and they only get to see me a few times a year, for two or three days at the most. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little jealous.
Blake strips off his Birkenstocks and jeans. He’s wearing black boxers, and I have to force myself to look away. He peels off his sweater, and… my, oh my. Those are not the same abs I remember. They’re new and improved. I bite my lip.
Look away, I tell myself. Look away.
I finally venture another peek – I can’t help myself. He’s stifling a mischievous smile and I just want to throttle him. “See what you’re teaching them, Blake,” I scold. “Did you know that Marilyn insisted that I tag along because she doesn’t trust you because you can be so irresponsible sometimes. Some of us like to act like the responsible adults we are, not silly teenagers.”
“Is auntie Maeve going in too?” Jake asks.
Blake laughs, a loud obnoxious chuckle. “Hell, no. Auntie Maeve would never go in. She’s a good girl. She never does anything wrong or wild. She never drives over the speed limit, always waits for the little blinking man to cross the road, recycles, wears little frilly sweaters and cute sensible shoes with buttons and flowers on them, and gets engaged to some boring guy who doesn’t even appreciate her for who she is.”
I scowl, at a complete loss for words. Sometimes he makes me so angry, I can’t even…
“And she still sleeps with a teddy bear,” he adds with a smirk.
“Leave Buttons out of this,” I scoff. “You’ve gone too far.”
“I thought we were supposed to wait for the little man when you cross the road,” Jake chimes in. “That’s the rule. Mommy said.”
“That’s right, Jake. Uncle Blake doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Don’t listen to him.”
Who does he think he is? He doesn’t know me. Maybe I’m secretly a wild bank-robbing, gambling, drug-addict. I’m not, but I could be. Maybe I’m secretly a stripper at some smutty dive. How would he know? I’m going to show him.
“I’m in,” I announce. I take off my Keds and peel off my capris. I’m wearing comfy pink Fruit of the Loom undies and a sports bra – not very sexy, but I don’t care. I undress swiftly because I know that if I don’t do this quickly, I’ll lose my nerve.
Blake and the kids are wide-eyed, jaws hanging. They watch me intently as I peel off my watch and socks.
“Let’s do this,” I say to Blake. He’s still in his boxers, frozen by shock. I swoop right past him and dash toward the water. I dive right in before I can even think about it – a loud yelp escapes me. The water is so freezing, it physically hurts. I worry my heart may have stopped.
Blake is all smiles when he follows me in. “You surprise me sometimes, Freckles.”
He shrieks as he dives in too. When he resurfaces, he looks like he’s in pain, because he is – it’s that cold.
The kids bounce up and down, enjoying the show. “What a great example we’re setting,” I say to Blake as I quickly escape the frigid water. Blake follows me closely.
It’s still cold when we step out of the lake. I hug myself to conserve heat, and also because I don’t want Blake to see my hard nipples. We’re too wet and cold to attempt to slip our clothes back on, so we quickly grab our stuff, and run back to camp instead, in our underwear. On the way there, we run into a few people who shoot us funny looks. The kids are still smiling, probably thinking that their Uncle Blake and auntie Maeve are kind of cool.
Marilyn would not be impressed.
What can I say? That’s the effect Blake has on me. He makes me want to be wild. Always has. He makes my heart race. He reminds me that I’m alive. He makes me want to scream at the sky. I’d forgotten that feeling. It’s been so long since I felt this alive. And I hate to say it, but I love it.
And I miss it.
11
I’M COZY AND WARM in my jeans and a soft hoodie sweater – camping wear. It’s raining outside, and we’re huddled into the small booth kitchen table, the girls on one side, and the boys on the other. The view from the windows surrounding the table is nothing but trees – so pretty. We’re eating Blake’s famous burgers. He’s prepared them himself and grilled them on the small barbecue hanging off the side of the camper. He’s also made a yummy macaroni salad. I swallow another delicious bite. “I’m impressed,” I tell him. “You’ve really got it together when it comes to camping.”
He smiles. “Yeah, I’m the King of camping and fishing, everywhere else I’m a mess.”
“You’re not a mess, uncle Blake,” Maddie chimes in, shaking her head. “You’re awesome.”
He smiles. “Why, thanks for the vote of confidence, Maddie. You’re officially my favorite niece.”
She grins. “I’m your only niece, silly.”
I bite my lip. “I wouldn’t quite say you’re a mess. You have a house, a business. Okay, so you desperately need a haircut and a shave, and there are five holes in your jeans.”
He laughs, burger in hand. “Five?”
“Yes, we counted,” Jake tells him, “when you were chopping wood.”
He smiles, a wide delicious grin. “So, while I was working hard, you were all lazing around, just watching me?” He turns to me and cocks his brow. “Ogling me?” he whispers.
I laugh. “
No. No ogling,” I lie. Yep, I was totally ogling.
“This takes me back,” he says. “Remember when we used to go camping as kids?” he asks. “Auntie Maeve was such a girl. I used to love to catch toads and throw them at her.”
I cringe at the memory. He was such a jerk, even as a kid. I honestly don’t know why I ever went out with him. I suppose you could blame it on teenage hormones. “Remember the s’mores contest?” I ask. “I totally beat your ass… um, your butt.”
He smiles again. “Did you know that Auntie Maeve can’t hold a worm? She’s afraid of them.”
I shake my head. “I’m not afraid of them. They just freak me out, that’s all. They’re all wiggly and slimy.”
“I hate them too,” Jake says.
“I love them,” Maddie tells me. “I like to dig them up for Daddy and uncle Blake.”
“And look at her shoes,” Blake adds. “Could they be any whiter? She must have just bought them.”
I stare down at my pristine Keds. I like them like that; white and clean. What’s wrong with that? “I’ve had them for a year, actually.”
He laughs, and I just want to reach over the table and slap him.
“How ‘bout you?” I ask Maddie, deciding to change the subject. Blake is just trying to rile me up, and I won’t give him the satisfaction. “Have you been out fishing?”
She nods enthusiastically. “Yeah, I’m awesome.”
Blake smiles. “She is.” For a long second, my gaze lingers on his wide grin. His beautiful smile has always been my Achilles heel. He can be a total jerk, but as soon as he flashes me that smile, I forget everything and melt.
“Does Parker fish?” he asks.
I shake my head. “Peter,” I remind him. “You know his name. You just pretend not to remember. And no, he doesn’t fish.”
“Doesn’t surprise me,” he says. “He doesn’t look like the rugged type.”
“How would you know?” I ask. “You’ve never even met him.”