by Anna Bell
‘Have you managed to speak to Gaby about the baby?’
‘A little, but now’s not the time.’
‘Now is exactly the time. I’ve done nothing but speak about myself for the last month and it’s about time that I listened to people with real problems.’
‘Everyone’s problems are real, they’re just different.’
‘Are you avoiding talking about it?’ I say, arching my eyebrows.
‘Yes,’ she says, laughing.
‘Come on, I want to hear.’
She sighs and lets out a deep breath.
‘We talked a bit more and I explained my fears to her and she understood them. We discussed the different options and we decided that if we were going to have more than one child we could take turns to have a baby.’
‘Well, that sounds fair.’
‘Yeah, it does, and I thought once we’d made a decision that I’d stop worrying. But now I’m worrying about new things, like, what if we have a baby and then we don’t want another one? Or what if we can’t have a second one? Will the one of us that didn’t have the baby resent the other one because she did?’
‘Oh, Rach. Of course those are genuine worries too, but you can’t think like that – you’re thinking of the worst-case scenarios. And you know, someone wise once told me not to make a thing bigger by adding unnecessary worries.’ I pause.
‘You want to have a baby with Gaby, and that’s the important bit. No matter how you do it or who does it, you’ll both be that baby’s parents.’
‘And that’s bloody scary. What if I’m no good?’
‘Then you join the club with the rest of us, as most parents think that from time to time. Or to be honest, all the time. But for what it’s worth, you’re going to make a great mum, and your baby will be lucky to have you as a mum. And Gaby too.’
Rach, who is certainly not a crier, looks like she’s welling up.
‘Bloody hell, do you remember when we used to sit in my bedroom obsessing over the latest X-Files episode.’
‘I know, life was so much simpler when the only things we were scared of were extra-terrestrials and chain-smoking men in suits.’
Rach laughs.
‘I’m sorry that we stopped talking like this,’ she says. ‘It’s lovely having a partner that’s like your best friend, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t have room for my oldest best friend as well.’
‘Ditto. I’m sorry I ruined it by marrying Max.’
‘You didn’t ruin anything. Promise that we’ll talk more about things in the future?’
‘Yes, I’d like that,’ I say. ‘It sounds silly to say I missed you seeing as we see each other loads at family functions, but I’ve missed seeing you.’
‘I know. Me too. Although today you might not just be seeing me on your own,’ she says, screwing up her face.
‘Your mum,’ I say. ‘I’d forgotten I’m supposed to pick her up later on to go to the garden centre.’
‘Yeah, about that. There is no trip to the garden centre.’
‘There’s not?’ I say, wondering what’s going on.
‘No, now, I’m not going to spoil the surprise, but you might need a little advance warning. You are obviously still beautiful with tear-stained cheeks and jeans that look like they’re covered in food, but you might just want to get changed into something a little flashier and maybe you might want to have a shower and do your hair.’
‘Why?’ I say. ‘Is it Max – has he planned something?’
‘No,’ she says, shaking her head. ‘It’s your new friend, Anneka.’
‘Oh god, I’m not having a b—’
‘No, no, no, don’t finish that sentence. I’ll be in trouble and I want to reveal as little as possible. But go make yourself presentable.’
‘OK,’ I say, slowly pulling myself up. ‘Am I at least going to like it?’
‘I think you’re going to love it. Now hurry up, you’re due at Mum’s in an hour and I’m mega scared of this Anneka. We’ve only been WhatsApp contacts for three days and I’m already cowering when I hear the notification beep.’
‘Thanks, Rach, for this advance warning, and for coming over, and for listening.’
‘Anytime. Now go. I imagine Anneka’s fury is worse in person than it is on WhatsApp.’
I get out of the car, tucking my freshly blow-dried hair behind my ear. I can hear sshing and giggling as I walk towards the door and then Judy opens it theatrically. As much as I hated the idea of a baby shower, being with my close friends and family today might just be what I need.
‘Darling, it’s so wonderful to see you,’ she says, opening her arms wide to welcome me in.
‘Aren’t we supposed to be going out?’ I say, playing along.
‘What?’
‘You know, to the garden centre,’ I say, raising an eyebrow.
‘Oh yes, about that… I have something I thought you might like to see in the lounge.’
‘Oh right,’ I say, wishing that I shared her ability for ropey acting, although her stint pretending with Mick has really honed her skills.
I open the door and there are balloons everywhere and I almost can’t see my friends who are hidden between them.
‘Oh my goodness,’ I say with canned laughter and a smile that I’ve been practising all the way over.
‘We simply couldn’t let you not have a baby shower, especially when you missed out on most of mine,’ says Anneka, pushing balloons out of the way to come to the front.
‘Oh my God, what are you wearing?’ I say, my eyes opening wide.
‘Isn’t it fabulous?’
It’s a long T-shirt with a Wonder Woman costume printed on. It goes down to her thighs so it even has the little shorts printed on it too. I look around the room and notice that everyone is wearing them, complete with little headbands in their hair and little capes.
‘Excellent theme choice,’ I say as Helen comes up and gives me a hug. ‘But what’s with all the balloons?’
‘Anneka forgot that not everyone else’s house is as big as hers when she ordered them.’
I turn round to greet Polly and Rach, before Judy thrusts her iPad in my face. It’s mounted on a tripod and I’m wondering what she’s doing, until I see my mum on the screen waving at me.
‘Hello, Ellie, love,’ she says, grinning in the slightly pixelated picture.
‘Mum, you made it,’ I say, tearing up a little.
‘I wouldn’t miss it for the world,’ she says. ‘All you’ve got to do is make sure you move me round with you and I won’t miss out on anything.’
‘Now, we would have invited more of your friends,’ says Judy, ‘but being a Thursday afternoon, not a lot of people could make it.’
‘Gaby sends her apologies,’ says Rach.
‘Oh, bless her,’ I say. ‘This is so lovely, thank you. You know, I would have hated anything big.’
‘That’s what I said, didn’t I?’ says Anneka, looking round the room for confirmation. ‘Now, it’s time for you to get your outfit on, Ellie.’
‘My outfit? Do I get a T-shirt too?’
‘Oh no, we’ve got something much better for you,’ she says, pulling out an actual Wonder Woman costume from behind her back.
‘Um, Anneka, the bump, it’ll never fit.’
‘Yes, it will. I had my seamstress fit it with elasticated material – here,’ she says, pointing it out. ‘The bits that are meant to be rigid are soft. It’ll be lovely and cosy for your bump.’
‘Put it on, put it on,’ chants Helen followed by the rest of the girls. I get hideous flashbacks to the last time I was wearing a Wonder Woman costume and the guys that were chanting at me, although they were chanting for me to take my clothes off, not put them on.
I take the hanger and everyone cheers.
‘And that’s just the start,’ says Anneka, clapping her hands.
My mum gives me a thumbs-up as I walk away to change into my outfit. It’s all such a lovely gesture that it suddenly becomes all t
oo much for me and I begin to cry.
‘Bloody hormones, huh?’ says Polly, giving me a little squeeze.
‘Yes, bloody hormones,’ I say, for the first time glad that I have them because at least it’s given me a cover story for why I’m an absolute bawling wreck.
Chapter 26
It turns out having a baby shower isn’t a completely hideous experience, especially at the time of having a secret life crisis. I didn’t realise how much I needed to be fussed over and it gave me the courage to tell my new mum friends what had happened. They’ve rallied around me over the last couple of days, meeting Sasha and me at the park, inviting us over for dinner at their houses, and keeping me laughing with ridiculous chat in our WhatsApp group. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without them, and without Rach, who’s been sending multiple texts daily, to see if I’m all right.
I still haven’t spoken to Max. He’s been busy with Mick, who came over from Portugal for the weekend, and it’s worked out to be the perfect excuse to not see him as I’m allowing him the space to rebuild his relationship with his dad, while in reality I’m stalling for time, unsure what I’m going to do. I dropped Sasha off at Judy’s yesterday afternoon as I knew that Mick would want to see her, and she’s missed Max terribly too. She stayed overnight and today they’re going out for the day. And they’re not the only ones, as the girls surprised me by booking tickets for us to all go to Comic Con.
‘What do you think?’ I say, tugging at my Wonder Woman costume. It wasn’t that bad wearing it round Judy’s for the baby shower, but I’m a little embarrassed to wear it out in public.
‘Of what you’re wearing or the message you received?’ says Helen, looking up from my phone.
‘Both,’ I guess.
Last night I received an unexpected Facebook message from Anne. She told me that Max had phoned her to apologise for leaving her when she’d had the accident and he’d explained what had happened with us, and that he wished her well but that he never wanted to hear from her again.
‘You look smoking hot in that outfit, and I thought it was a nice message,’ she says with an apologetic shrug. ‘She sounded genuine in her apology. Plus, I kind of get it. She’d just split up with her husband, she’d moved cities and she saw Max, who was all familiar, and she got it wrong.’
‘Yeah, that’s what I thought. I respect her for messaging me; she didn’t have to do that.’
‘No, and if there really was something between them then she wouldn’t have messaged you, encouraging you to take him back.’
‘I know,’ I sigh. ‘Hey, hang on a second. Why aren’t you wearing your Wonder Woman T-shirt from the baby shower – wasn’t that the plan?’
‘Oh yeah,’ she says, unbuttoning her oversized cardigan. ‘I had to sneak out wearing this over the top of it. You know, Toby has been like a horny teenager ever since I wore it home last week. I’ve had to keep hiding from him.’
‘But I thought that’s what you wanted?’
‘I know! It was! And it was all very flattering, but I’d forgotten how exhausting and how much effort sex was, especially when you feel like you’re the size of a whale.’
‘Well, you never know, it might help move things along; isn’t that the old wives’ tale?’
‘I think I’d rather take my chances with the raspberry tea and a curry,’ she says, tucking into the jar of raisins on the counter. ‘What’s with the healthy snacks? Going all Anneka on me?’
‘I do it for Sasha. The good stuff is in the cupboard.’
‘Now you tell me,’ she says, still shovelling the handful into her mouth. ‘Speaking of snacks, do we need anything for the ride?’
‘Got it covered,’ I say, holding up a bag. There’s a beep from outside. ‘Speaking of our ride.’
Helen does a little clap of her hands and we head out to the street to see a smart-looking Rolls Royce parked outside.
Anneka pops her head out of the passenger window.
‘Hop in, ladies.’
Helen and I slide in next to Polly.
‘This certainly beats getting the train,’ says Helen.
‘I thought at least this way we’ll get to have a good chat whilst we’re going up,’ says Anneka. ‘All ready?’
‘Yes,’ we all chant and I can’t help but feel touched that they’ve done this to cheer me up.
‘OK, ladies, next stop Comic Con,’ she says, and the driver pulls away.
‘You know,’ says Helen, looking around when we step inside the exhibition centre, ‘I didn’t expect to be underdressed wearing this.’
Everywhere we look there is someone in a costume. From Doctor Who to Star Wars to The Avengers, there’s truly something for everyone and at such a high standard too.
‘Who are all these people dressed as?’ says Anneka, wrinkling her nose up. ‘I had no idea this was going to be some kind of freak show.’
‘You ain’t seen nothing yet,’ I say, clapping my hands together. ‘Now, what do you want to do first? Check out the stalls? Try and get tickets for a signing or see one of the talks?’
Anneka’s nose is still wrinkled. ‘You know, I thought Comic Con was going to be funnier, like, as in comedian. You know, comics.’
‘Um, no, like comics the graphic magazines rather than funny ha ha,’ I say, as she pulls even more of a face.
‘Why do you think we’re all dressed up as Wonder Woman?’ asks Helen.
‘I thought it was to cheer up Ellie and to get some wear out of them. If I’d known that it was sci-fi then I would have worn my Princess Leia gold bikini costume. I don’t get enough opportunities to wear that outside of the bedroom. And I definitely would wear it better than her,’ she says, pointing across the room.
‘Don’t you think your bump might have got a bit chilly?’ I say, trying to purge the mental images I have now.
‘Oh right, I didn’t think of that. Well, I’m sure that I could have found something better.’
She winces and scrunches her face up in pain before she starts walking round in a circle, taking deep breaths.
‘Um, are you OK?’ asks Polly.
‘I’m fine. I’ve just been getting Braxton Hicks all morning. Nothing to worry about,’ she says.
‘Right,’ says Helen, looking a little alarmed. ‘OK, so we’ve got some time before we’ve got that pre-booked Dark Energy panel.’
I clap my hands together. I’m so excited.
‘I can’t wait to see Candy Tyler and Evan Wilson.’
The three of them stare at me blankly.
‘They played Persephone and Commander Quartz.’
They still look none the wiser.
‘You’re going to love it,’ I say, laughing. ‘Come on, let’s check out some of the stalls to get us in the mood.’
‘And we should head to the toilets too, if we’re going to be sitting down for a while,’ says Polly.
‘Yes, Mum,’ says Helen.
We start walking through the crowds that are swarming around the rows upon rows of tables.
‘It’s nice to see you smile,’ says Polly, linking her arm through mine.
‘Thank you, it’s nice to be smiling,’ I say, steering her out of the path of Captain America and Loki who are play fighting.
‘Hopefully today will be just what you need.’
‘Let’s hope so,’ I say, trying to banish thoughts of Max and concentrating on enjoying the moment.
The Dark Energy panel is everything that I’d hoped it would be. Even the girls seem to be enjoying the atmosphere. There’s a magic that comes from being at Comic Con that’s hard to explain to anyone who’s never been. There’s always an infectious ripple of excitement no matter who the speakers are; the super fans are so enthusiastic and responsive that it kicks the audience up into hyper-reactive mode. I’m almost gutted that we’re nearly at the end of the hour and there’s only time for a few more questions.
‘Is there any hope that there’ll be another series?’ asks a fan near the front of the
room. The audience laughs and a few people clap and applaud. It’s what we all secretly hope for but we’ve given up asking.
‘Well,’ says Candy, turning and looking at the director at the end of the panel, ‘whilst I think it’s safe to say there’ll never be another series—’ groans ring out from the room ‘—there just might be – I don’t know if I dare say it – a feature-length movie on a streaming platform.’
She almost whispers the last bit before she claps her hands over her mouth.
The director winks at her and the whole room erupts and suddenly hands go up everywhere for the next question.
‘I wish we had time for all your questions,’ says Hans the director, ‘but I know that a lot of you felt cheated that Persephone and Commander Quartz had missed out on their happy ever after. So all I will say is, when we continue the story, the path to true love might not run smoothly, especially in the gamma quadrant.’
Most of the people in the room, bar my friends, snigger, as the true fans get the galactic reference. I turn to look at Anneka who’s fidgeting in her seat. She’s been experiencing more and more twinges and every so often she looks like she is in pain, and I’m wondering if we should call it a day after this.
‘Do you want to sneak out? I think it’s more or less finished,’ I whisper.
‘No,’ says Anneka, almost in horror. ‘We must stay to the very end.’
‘OK,’ I say, shocked but also pleased that she’s enjoying it as much as I am.
‘Right, last question,’ says the host, to more groans.
A steward takes a microphone over to a man dressed in a Batman costume, from the 1960s classic TV programme.
‘Hi, um, this is just following on from what you said about fans not getting to see the happy ever after,’ says a shaky voice, a voice that sounds just like Max. But it can’t be. Max wouldn’t dress up or come to Comic Con. ‘One of your fans, one of your biggest fans, had the chance of a happy ending and I messed it all up. I did something really silly, just like Commander Quartz did,’ he says, nodding at Evan Wilson. That is definitely Max talking. My heart starts to hammer in my chest and I stand up to try and get a better view only for the people behind me to whisper at me to sit down. ‘But unlike him, I knew instantly that I’d been a total idiot and—’