Her parents looked at each other and then back at her, their faces not quite as stern as they’d been before. “Go on,” her mom said.
“When Kelly told me what the dare was and if I didn’t do it that I’d be kicked out of the group, I didn’t really think about what it would mean to do it even though I knew it was wrong. I didn’t think about how I would appear to the girls by willingly going along with something that my heart was telling me not to do.”
Dad leaned forward, hands clasped together. “Why do you think your heart was telling you not to do it?”
“I think …” Lindsay swallowed hard, not sure exactly how to put her thoughts into words. “I think it was God telling me it was wrong. I think it was my conscience—the Holy Spirit—trying to show me that what I was about to do was a sin.”
“But do you understand why it was a sin?” Mom asked, tears sparkling in her eyes.
“I think so. I think it’s because by doing it, I wasn’t being a good witness to the girls. I wasn’t showing them that being a Christian means choosing to do things that are right, things that are good and holy, and choosing not to do things that are wrong—especially when they’re illegal.”
Lindsay ran out of steam and put her head in her hands and began to cry. A month of regret and fear had finally broken her. She was heartsick over the way she had ignored God’s will and hurt her parents but so grateful for forgiveness and unconditional love.
Instantly her mom was at her side and her dad wasn’t far behind. They held her and rocked her back and forth. Both of them were crying, too.
“Oh, Lindsay, sweetheart,” her mom cried. “We have been praying so hard that you would finally come to understand this, that you’d understand we were still hurting. You hadn’t asked God for forgiveness yet, and we couldn’t force you to do it when you weren’t ready.”
“You’ve proven to us that you’ve learned from your mistake, Lindsay,” her dad said, his voice gruffwith emotion. “There is a difference between being sorry that you got into trouble and true repentance. We’ve been praying for you to find your way to true repentance.” He paused for a moment. “Speaking of prayer, the one thing that I’ve missed most is that we haven’t been praying together as a family since this happened.”
“Yes!” Lindsay wiped at her tears. “I’ve missed praying with you guys so much! But I just couldn’t do it because every time I thought about it, the guilt was so terrible that I couldn’t breathe. “
The three Martins joined hands. Lindsay felt an electric spark at the touch of her parents’ hands. She realized that it had been almost a month since she had let either of them do that.
With a deep breath, her dad began, “Father, we come to You broken and sinful. Not one of us is perfect. We have all sinned and fallen short of Your goodness and grace. We need You now more than ever. Please fill us with Your peace, Your grace, Your wisdom. Thank You, Father, for answering our prayers and leading Lindsay back to You, back to her family. Unite us as a family once again.”
“Jesus,” Lindsay began to pray, “please, please forgive me for what I did. Help me to find forgiveness from those around me. Please show me how to rebuild the reputation that I have destroyed by my actions. And, Jesus, please help me to face my consequences and get through this time with my head held high. If You can use me in some way to reach other kids through this, please just show me how.”
“Heavenly Father, I thank You for my family.” Mrs. Martin’s voice caught as she began to cry once again. “I thank You for my daughter, who has found her strength in You and, like the little lost lamb, has come back into the fold. Please unite us, and help us get Lindsay through this time. Lord, please let Lindsay know just how much we love her. Show us how to help her and give us wisdom to know what to do.”
The Martins all said, “Amen,” at the same time, united once again.
Chapter 11
THE FREEDOM
OF FORGIVENESS
“Morning, Mom,” Lindsay said cheerfully, as she bounced into the kitchen. She looked refreshed and happy, like she’d had a great night’s sleep. Mom smiled back at her daughter, reflecting the same sense of relief and buoyancy as Lindsay.
“What’s gotten into you?” Mom teased.
“Oh nothing, really—I’m just relieved. Plus I have some work to do, and I’m anxious to get started on it.”
“Work? What kind of work?” Lindsay’s mom asked as she passed the milk so Lindsay could pour it over her cereal.
“Well, you and Dad and God aren’t the only ones I need to fix things with. But I’m not really sure how to get started.”
“You could start by talking with Pastor Steve. Tell him what you told us last night, and I know he’ll be able to pray with you and maybe even give you a Bible study that will help you learn how to make better decisions in the future. ”
“That’s a good idea. And I feel like I need to apologize to Sam’s, Macy’s, and Kelly’s parents. They’ve always been so good to me, and I feel like I’ve really let them down.”
“Maybe you could write each girl’s parents a letter,” her mom suggested. “I think that they all understand you weren’t completely at fault, but taking responsibility for your actions will go a long way toward regaining their trust.”
“Actually I think I’d rather talk to them—I want to ask for their forgiveness face-to-face so they can hopefully see that I mean what I say.” Lindsay took a few bites of cereal. “Then I need to talk to the girls. I don’t know if our friendship can ever be the same; after all, they did tell me that if I didn’t do the dare, they wouldn’t be my friends anymore. I can’t just ignore that and pretend it didn’t happen.”
“I know you’ve been friends with them for a very long time, Lindsay,” Mrs. Martin said, “but if they’re going to put those kinds of conditions on your relationship, are you sure they’re the right friends for you?”
Lindsay laid her spoon down on the table. “First I’ll explain to them about why what I did was wrong—about how it was a sin and how I’ve confessed it to God and prayed for forgiveness. But then I’ll explain that from now on I can only be friends with them as long as they don’t pressure me to do things I know are wrong. If they can’t agree to that, I’ll have to tell them we can’t hang out anymore. It’ll hurt, but I know that I need to be strong and do what’s right. So I’ll do my best.”
“Well, Linds, it sounds like you have a really full day ahead of you. I think it’s a wonderful thing that you’re doing. Do you want me to drive you?”
“No, thank you. I’d really rather take care of all this on my own. I mean, if that’s okay. I know I’m grounded, but I promise I won’t hang out or socialize.”
“Lindsay, your dad and I feel that your punishment here at home has run its course. You’ve grown beyond what being grounded was teaching you. So, yes, I think it’s fine and probably for the best that you go alone. I’ll be praying for you the whole time, though.” She reached across the table and hugged her daughter tightly.
Lindsay gave her mom a kiss, grabbed her bag, and left the house with a skip in her step. She was so happy to be back on the right track, and it showed in her every movement and on her face.
First stop: the church.
Lindsay hopped on her bicycle and headed in that direction. It took her almost thirty minutes to bike there, but it was a nice ride; the exercise and fresh air did her some good by clearing her mind and helping her prepare for her conversation with Pastor Steve. When she arrived at the church, she paused for a moment to take a drink of water from the water bottle in the holder on her bike. As she was standing there drinking her water, Pastor Steve pulled into the parking lot. He saw Lindsay and walked right up to her.
“Hey, Lindsay. How are you today?”
“I’m fine, Pastor Steve. I was hoping that we could have a chat. Do you have a few minutes?”
“Absolutely. Let me put my stuff down, and I’ll meet you in the youth center, okay?” Pastor Steve, wearing his usual b
lue jeans and polo shirt, took his brown gym bag and lunch bag into the church. When he came back through the parking lot, walking toward the youth center, Pastor Tim was with him.
“Lindsay,” Steve began when he opened the door to the youth center, “do you mind if Pastor Tim joins us … or is there some reason that you’d like to speak privately?”
“No, actually that’s great, because I was going to head into the church to talk with him when we got finished, so this works out great.”
“So what’s up?” The two pastors waited for her to collect her thoughts and begin.
“You probably know what I’m here for, and I’m sure you know all or most of the details about the events that happened. What I’d like to share goes back just a little bit before that, though.” They nodded and remained silent, encouraging her to continue.
“Pastor Tim, about a month ago, before all of this happened, you preached a sermon about avoiding even the appearance of evil. And you explained about how sin creeps in and we aren’t even aware of it until it’s too late unless we’re prepared for it.”
“Well, at least I know that someone was listening.” The pastor winked at her.
“Yeah, it really stuck with me. Actually, immediately after the sermon, before I left the church, I was able to put it into practice. I happened upon some kids who were messing around with cigarettes, and I realized that if I stayed with them and we were caught, even if I wasn’t doing the bad behavior, I would be accused of it or at least of condoning it just by associating with them. Right?”
“Absolutely, Lindsay. That’s exactly what I was talking about in my sermon. ”
“Well, look what happened to me. I guess I don’t mean ‘happened’ to me, because it was my own doing. But it was a real live case of sin creeping in slowly and doing something that I didn’t realize was so bad but has cost me a lot.”
They both nodded their understanding, so Lindsay continued. “So, I guess what I’m here for is to ask for your forgiveness. I know that I disappointed both of you and deeply affected your trust in me even after you gave me a leadership role. I am just so sorry, and I hope that someday our relationship and trust can be restored.”
“Lindsay,” Pastor Steve jumped in, “we absolutely forgive you. Thank you for sharing with us. It’s awesome to see such real understanding and application from someone your age. I am really proud of you. While I can’t restore your leadership role just yet, it’s still there and it’s yours when the time is right. In the meantime, I wonder if you would be willing to share what you’ve told us with the youth group. Many young people would benefit from hearing your experiences and would hopefully apply them before they got into trouble. Would you
do that?”
“I—I don’t know if I’m quite ready to share yet with the whole youth group. I really need to work on straightening things out with my friends first, and I don’t know how long that will take. But I might be able to share some of it eventually, even though it’ll be really hard—I’ll need to pray about it a lot to make sure my heart is really right with God before I do.”
“Lindsay, my heart is so full of joy right now.” Pastor Tim wiped his eyes. “I was grieved by what transpired, and I have prayed for you and your family nonstop since the beginning of all of this. I can see that my prayers have been answered mightily. You are an inspiration to me, young lady.”
The pastors asked if they could pray with Lindsay before she left. During their prayer, Lindsay felt another piece to her puzzle of healing falling into place. She knew that another empty part of her had been filled by their forgiveness. As she rode her bike toward her neighborhood, she let the wind blow in her face—she felt so free.
One by one, Lindsay went to speak with the girls’ moms, leaving Macy’s mom for last. Kelly’s mom was a little standoffish at first. But then she admitted that she admired Lindsay’s strength and that she knew she hadn’t acted alone. She said that she hoped the girls would be able to have the same old friendship back really soon but that it would be awhile before she would allow Kelly to attend a sleepover. Lindsay understood—she wasn’t sure she wanted to go to a sleepover anytime soon, anyway. She didn’t stay long—just long enough to make sure she said all she needed to.
At Sam’s house, she was received much more warmly by Mrs. Lowell. “Oh, honey, you don’t need to apologize to me. You sweet thing, you didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t know.”
“Mrs. Lowell, with all due respect, I did do many things wrong, and it’s important that I own up to them. Whether or not I knew it was illegal, I knew in my heart it was wrong. Regardless of the involvement of the other girls, I want to take responsibility for my part. I feel the need to apologize to you for the bad example I was to Sam and for breaking your trust in me.”
“Oh, you sweet thing. Don’t give it another thought. Boy, your parents sure did things right with you. I’d like to know their secret.”
“Their secret is easy: God is a daily part of our lives. They live the way they want me to live, and they uphold His high standards for me. That’s all there is to it. Thanks a lot for your time, Mrs. Lowell. I have to be going now.”
Sam’s mom reached over and gave Lindsay a hug. “Say … if you can let any of that God stuff rub off you and onto Sam, I’d sure be appreciative.”
“I’ll do my best, Mrs. Lowell. I promise.”
For the last stop on her road to forgiveness, Lindsay pulled into the Monroes’ driveway. Macy was sitting on the front porch by herself, looking sad and bored. When she saw Lindsay pull into the driveway, she perked up immediately. “Lindsay!” Macy ran to her and hugged her. “I know I see you in school, but it seems like so long since I’ve been able to really see you.”
“I know, Mace. I miss you, too. It’s been a long month. Unfortunately, I’m not here for social reasons today. I promised my parents that I would come and do what I needed to do and then head home. Things are getting a lot better, though. It won’t be long until we can get caught up. I promise.”
“Okay, Linds. So what are you here for,
then?”
“I just need to talk to your mom, if she’s around. You can come, too, if you want.”
The girls walked into the cheery kitchen, where Mrs. Monroe was pouring hot coffee into a big mug. The dishwasher was running, and she had a magazine tucked under her arm.
“Mom, Lindsay is here to see you. She wants to talk to you.”
“Well, hello there, Lindsay. Why don’t you two come out to the back porch with me? I just finished cleaning up the kitchen, and I was about to take my coffee outside. So it’s perfect timing.”
Mrs. Monroe sat on the white wicker glider that faced the chairs the girls sat in. “So, what’s happening, Lindsay? What can I do for you?”
“Mrs. Monroe, I’ll get right to the point, and I won’t take up too much time. I am here to apologize to you for the things that I did and the bad influence I was on Macy. I really blew it, and the worst part is that you trusted me and expected me to have higher standards. So I wanted to apologize to you, especially.” Lindsay went on to tell her of all the things that she had learned over the past month. By the time they were through talking, all three of them were crying.
“Lindsay, even in the midst of the worst trouble you have ever been in, you still manage to become an example that I want to hold up before Macy’s eyes.”
“Mrs. Monroe, the thing is, I am just like each of us. I am a human being who makes mistakes. But I am also forgiven by God. He offers that forgiveness to everyone and then calls us to a higher standard. It’s perfectly all right to make mistakes, but it’s not okay to keep making the same ones or to stay mired in them. Does that make sense?”
“Complete sense. I hope that you continue to grow into the young woman that you’re becoming. And, please, don’t be a stranger. We’d like to see you around here more. It’s been awhile.”
“Thanks, Mrs. Monroe, I appreciate it so much. I’ll be back as soon as my parents start to
feel more comfortable with me having more freedom. It’ll just take some time.”
They hugged and wiped their eyes. Macy walked Lindsay to her bike in the driveway, and Lindsay hopped on and started for home. She felt so free. She had done what she set out to do that day, and it felt great. There was just one more thing to do.…
“Hi, girls.”
Lindsay was leaning against the big tree in front of the school when Macy, Kelly, and Sam got there the next morning. It was the first time since the last sleepover that Lindsay had joined them in the morning.
“Hi, stranger,” Sam said. Macy just smiled.
Kelly stared at her for a minute. “I don’t get why you’ve been hiding from us. I mean, are you angry with us?”
“I’ll admit, Kelly, I was angry. But I’m over that. I had to get to the point where I was accepting responsibility for my own actions rather than blaming you guys. I was mad because I felt like I wasn’t given the choice to not do the dare. I felt like my choice was to either just do it or lose your friendship. Like I said, I got over being mad because it was my choice, but I guess I felt like our friendship must not have meant as much to you if it was so easy for you to dispose of it when I didn’t do what you said.”
“Wow, I guess I can see how you would feel that way. We got carried away that night, didn’t we?” Kelly asked.
Lindsay chuckled. “Yeah, I think that’s safe to say. It’s okay, though. I really am glad it happened. It brought my family closer together and closer to God. I now truly understand forgiveness. It’s fine with me if you roll your eyes, Kell. It’s just part of who I am. Can you accept me for me or not?”
“Of course I can, Lindsay. I’m so sorry that I pressured you and made you feel like you would lose our friendship.”
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