Soul Love

by Lynda Waterhouse

  I never had much time for poetry at school, particularly old stuff, but I was enjoying dipping into Vintage Verse. I’d open a page at random and read the poem to myself over and over until the words stuck in my brain. I found a poem to match my mood. It was a sonnet by William Shakespeare. Repeating the last lines over and over made me feel a lot better.

  For I have sworn thee fair, and thought thee bright,

  Who art as black as hell, as dark as night.

  Then I moved the bed and sorted through my clothes. I even attempted to colour-code them, but as I’d only brought five T-shirts and one hoodie, it was a pretty pointless task.

  I had just laid out all my clothes on the bed when Sarah knocked on my door and announced, ‘Charlie’s here.’

  I’d completely forgotten about issuing my pizza declaration. I raced downstairs to cancel, but Charlie was wearing a new shirt, freshly washed jeans and no beanie hat. Sarah was asking him about how I was doing in the band. He didn’t seem to know what to do with his hands as they moved from his pockets to behind his back to dangling in front of his body.

  I didn’t have the heart to say I’d made a mistake. So we caught the bus to Netherby.

  I wasn’t that hungry, but Charlie didn’t seem to notice. He kept ploughing through his pizza. As long as I kept asking him music questions, he was quite happy to keep on chatting.

  ‘How’s Freddie?’ I asked.

  Charlie grinned. ‘I left him in his room brooding.’

  ‘I was a bit harsh.’

  ‘You were wonderful, Jenna. Your eyes sort of flashed in a scary way. It knocked me sideways, but you’ve made Freddie sit up and think.’

  ‘I owe him a huge apology. I hope I haven’t scarred him for life.’

  ‘He’s more scratched than scarred.’

  I was beginning to enjoy myself. Charlie was good company. I regained my appetite in time to sample the all-you-can-eat ice cream bar.

  The restaurant was small and every table was full. As I glanced around the room it was no surprise to me now that there were lots of familiar faces. We were sitting opposite the vicar and Sheila, the Netherby Hall tour guide. I wondered what the local gossips would make of that.

  On my way to get my third helping of ice cream, I overheard some of their conversation.

  ‘So do you think I should speak to Lord Netherby about my plan, vicar?’

  ‘It’s an excellent idea, Sheila, but I should leave it a couple of days.’

  ‘But it’ll soon be the festival and no one can contact him then.’

  The vicar lowered his voice, making my ears prickle. ‘This is delicate, but I’m sure I can rely on your discretion, Sheila.’

  Sheila twittered something in response.

  ‘Today is the anniversary of his first wife’s untimely death, so I don’t think it is proper for you to discuss opening a tea room in Netherby Hall at the moment.’

  ‘Oh, I see.’

  And so did I.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  I woke up early the next morning. Tallulah blinked and purred at me in delight as I filled her bowl with cat food to stop her meowing and waking Sarah as I sneaked out of the house.

  It was a beautiful morning with a light breeze. The air was filled with birdsong. I felt quite chirpy myself. I cut across the field like a regular country person and made my way towards Netherby Hall.

  I wasn’t exactly sure what was going to happen, but I knew that I had to see Gabe. I didn’t want to give up completely on our relationship. Now that I knew about the anniversary of his mum’s death, I had to try and understand what he was going through. I couldn’t begin to imagine what my life would be like without my mum.

  As I walked up the drive I practised what I was going to say. My first idea was to pretend that I’d found a book that Gabe wanted. Then I changed it to a rare record that I’d found that I thought he could give me some advice on. Or would it be better to say it was something to do with Goats in a Spin … I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I didn’t notice the sound of a lawnmower chugging away and the smell of freshly mown grass.

  I looked to my left and could just make out a familiar dark head bobbing over the hedge. Gabe was manhandling an ancient lawnmower around a large tombstone. He was dressed in his tattiest pair of jean and an old jumper. He badly needed a shave.

  ‘Hello,’ I said as I walked towards the lump of stone and traced the inscription with a finger.

  Gabe turned off the mower and wiped some sweat off his forehead with his hand. He looked at me warily.

  ‘So this is Septimus Netherby’s monument to his beloved Brutus?’ I said, remembering the time we’d met in the long gallery. Gabe nodded as he walked over towards me.

  ‘I won’t stay long. I just wanted to say that …’ I fumbled around for the right words. ‘It must be hard for you without your mum … oh … I don’t know what to say.’

  Gabe traced his little finger along the inscription. To the memory of a beloved friend who stood by me in fair winds and foul, whose loyalty never wavered and who is greatly missed.

  Our little fingers touched on the stone. I looped mine around his. He squeezed it back. He had tears in his eyes.

  ‘Septimus could write with so much feeling about his dog. I wonder how he would have felt if he’d truly loved another human being,’ Gabe said.

  ‘Or been loved,’ I added.

  ‘It’s been a tough couple of days for me, Jenna. I should be more prepared for it with each year that goes by, but I’m not – I’m always taken by surprise by the force of my feelings. Mum had been through lots of bad patches. Trips to the hospital when I’d prepared myself for the worst thing possible to happen. And it never did. She always recovered. Then when it was a beautiful sunny day and she wasn’t feeling bad she just slipped away when I was out at the shops. That’s the thing that I can’t get over. The way she left me, Jenna. I don’t ever want to feel like that again. I just can’t bear to get close to anyone and then have it all fall apart again.’

  I put my arms around him and held him. I felt closer to him than ever. After a while I said, ‘Why don’t we play truant for the day? Go off on a big walk or something. I could leave a note for Sarah and make some sandwiches. They’d have to be tomato because that’s all we’ve got in the house.’

  ‘I’d love to.’

  We started meeting up again every evening after that.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  I was finding out all sorts of things about myself. Who would’ve thought that I would become an expert haggler? When people brought books in to sell or wanted a discount I would drive a hard bargain. Julius called me ‘top notch’, which I’m pretty sure is a compliment.

  I was reading a lot more too. I had chomped through some old battered Penguin Classics books and a modern cult novel that made more sense when I read it backwards. I had attempted to teach myself Russian, but the accompanying tape had got all chewed up.

  One day Ava asked me, ‘Don’t you miss being in London? When I was fifteen I longed to be a sophisticated city girl.’

  For the first time in ages I thought about my life in London. ‘I do miss browsing in clothes shops, eating junk food and being in a crowd of people where you don’t know anyone.’

  ‘Netherby has its comforts and consolations,’ Ava said, smiling knowingly at me.

  It was comforting to be there. Sarah would’ve pined dead away, and Tallulah would’ve been all fur and bones without my trips to the Mini-Mart to replenish her food. The bookshop would have gone to rack and ruin. And I was singing again. And there was Gabe.

  As my relationship with Gabe got deeper so did my interest in Vintage Verse. I loved some of the lines by Arthur Symons:

  As a perfume doth remain

  In the folds where it hath lain,

  So the thought of you, remaining

  Deeply folded in my brain,

  Will not leave me: all things leave me:

  You remain.

  I’d never realised
before how useful poetry could be in expressing how you feel, when ordinary words sounded corny or cheap.

  There was also the battered book of quotations. I felt sentimental about it and kept it by me on the counter. ‘Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast’ being my favourite quotation, of course!

  I was enjoying spending time with Ava. She was teaching me the correct way to trim hair and how to do her trademark bouffant hairstyle. She also showed me how to make pom-poms. This had given me a brilliant idea for an art installation. I was going to cover Mrs Kelly’s office in pom-poms!

  What was I doing planning on going to back to Coot’s Hill? Even if they begged me I wasn’t going back there. Mum had hinted in her e-mails that she had a few new school options arranged for me, but I hadn’t asked her about them. I wasn’t ready to think about them just yet. I had a few ideas of my own and I wanted to see how things developed with Gabe.

  I was settling down with Vintage Verse on a rainy Tuesday morning when the bell rang. I didn’t look up at first. I was engrossed in a poem by Ben Jonson. I was particularly taken by the lines:

  Join Lip to Lip, and try …

  Each suck the other’s breath,

  And whilst our Tongues perplexéd lie …

  Someone coughed. I looked up and saw it was Cleo.

  In a panic, I glanced back at my book to give myself time to think.

  Maybe she had just come in to browse …

  ‘I want a word with you,’ she said, her voice as sharp as a stiletto heel.

  ‘Plenty of words around here,’ I said, trying to make her laugh. If I could make her smile, then maybe just maybe she wouldn’t kill me. I gripped on to the spine of my poetry book.

  ‘Stop bothering Gabe,’ she said in a steely voice.

  I swallowed and frantically searched my brain for something to say. Bothering? He certainly didn’t seem very bothered.

  But Cleo was in no mood for an in-depth discussion. She leaned over the counter, jabbed me in the chest and said, ‘Leave him alone.’

  ‘Hey,’ I said, weakly, as her finger seemed to have superhuman powers and knocked me a little off my feet. The high street was deserted. Where were all those prying eyes when you needed them?

  I took a deep breath and attempted to get some of my fighting spirit back.

  ‘Isn’t that for Gabe to decide?’

  Cleo frowned. ‘He doesn’t need you messing him around. I’ve seen the way you look at him.’

  The venom she put into the ‘you’ was scary. I was a low-life, repellent, foul-smelling scum of the earth.

  I forced myself to look in her eyes. Her lips were curled into a sneer, but her eyes had a startled look like she was afraid. I suddenly felt a bit sorry for her.

  I decided to try the soft, reasonable approach.

  ‘I know that you and Gabe are friends and I don’t want to spoil that.’

  Cleo’s eyes flashed. ‘You haven’t a hope in hell of knowing the extent of our friendship.’

  ‘You’re right. I can’t know what it’s like to grow up without a mother.’

  Cleo stopped short and spluttered, ‘Gabe told you that? He had no right telling you. You are totally messing with his head. Wheedling your way into the band so you can be with him. Just back off. Because in the long run, you’re wasting your time.’

  ‘My time to waste,’ I snapped back and cringed inwardly. This situation was heading into a slapping match and there was nothing I could do or say to stop it.

  ‘Gabe and I have a special bond that you will never have!’

  I was literally saved by the bell as Ava walked in. She was wearing a bright pink plastic apron and carrying a large plunger.

  ‘Blocked sink. Thought I’d pop in and check on you, Jenna.’ She waved the plunger menacingly in the air and turned to Cleo. ‘Everything all right at the café? Backed-up drains can create havoc. Not to mention the smell.’ Ava sniffed theatrically. ‘There is a faint whiff of something unpleasant in here.’

  Cleo treated us both to one more glare and left the shop.

  Ava rustled her way towards me, plonked the plunger on the counter and said in a whisper, ‘Watch your back with that one. It has claws and sharp teeth.’

  ‘What have I done to her?’ I said.

  Ava nodded and said theatrically, ‘You’re young. You’re beautiful with a shady past. You’re competition.’

  I wasn’t convinced. Cleo was afraid of something more than just a rival for Gabe’s affection.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  What if Gabe and I hadn’t kept the secret as well as we’d thought? Someone could’ve easily seen us scrambling up the treehouse or walking through the fields. Cleo was definitely suspicious. She’d been to the treehouse a couple more times, forcing Gabe and me to stay away. Ava was driving me nuts by winking knowingly at me at every opportunity.

  But why did it matter so much?

  What was it about me that made boys embarrassed to be seen with me? Jackson had always shifted the ground from under my feet. Doing things like texting me all the time, but then never being quite sure if he was available when I suggested we meet up. Or he’d ask me to meet him for coffee and then I’d find out he’d asked Mia and about six of his mates along as well. With Jackson I always felt that I had to impress him to get noticed.

  Gabe could be moody, stubborn and totally paranoid about people knowing his business, but when it was just the two of us it was different. I felt that I could be myself again. Maybe, deep down, he was ashamed to be seen with a delinquent like me. Whether he liked it or not he had a position in the community, being the son of Lord Netherby.

  As for my shady past, as Ava had put it so dramatically, it was time for me to face facts. Mia was not going to do anything for me. That wasn’t how our friendship worked. We were social friends not deep soulmates. Being known as her friend had made my school life easier, but that’s all. The sooner I faced up to that sad fact, the sooner I could move on and make some real friendships.

  I was left with two choices. I could do something about the situation myself or shut up and live with my bad girl reputation. That really made me think about how easy it is to get a bad label stuck on you. And how hard it is to take it off once people have made up their minds about you.

  I was just about to close up the shop when the bell went and Freddie and Charlie ambled in.

  Freddie said, ‘Bodacious news! With only days to go, the Stale Pumpkins have pulled out of the festival and we have been offered their slot.’

  ‘Is that good?’ I asked.

  ‘Does a cat like cream?’ Charlie said.

  ‘Does a bear …’ Freddie began.

  ‘OK, I get the point,’ I cut in.

  Charlie went on. ‘It’ll mean loads more rehearsals. Only problem is we can’t have the village hall. It’s been fully booked up by other festival bands.’

  They looked at me like a pair of lost puppies until I cracked and said, ‘It’ll be a bit cramped, but I’m sure Sarah wouldn’t mind us practising here. If we gave her something towards the electricity. Besides, I owe you something, Freddie, by way of an apology for being so rude to you the other day.’

  I’d hardly got the words out before Charlie had leaped on to the counter and given me a big kiss. Then he blushed the deepest red I’d ever seen a face go.

  ‘Way to go, bro,’ Freddie cheered before he slapped his hand over his mouth and said, ‘Oops, what I meant to say was, “What a fantastic idea!”’

  Charlie bundled him out of the shop.

  As I was mulling this over, the phone rang. I was of two minds whether to answer it or not. I wasn’t in the mood for answering book questions. So I put on my snootiest voice. ‘Sarakai Books, how can I help?’

  ‘I think the question is more, what can I do for you?’

  ‘Mia, is that you?’

  ‘No, it’s her body double speaking.’

  ‘How did you find this number?’ I asked.

  ‘Ways and means, ways and means. L
ook, I can’t talk long. Just thought I’d ring to let you know that I …’

  ‘You’ve told the school, I knew you would. What did they say?’ My voice went racing on and on.

  There was a long pause at the other end.

  ‘It’s the summer holidays. There’s no one in school at the moment. I was calling you to say that I got your e-mail. A bit threatening for my liking … but Jackson and I are coming down to see you. We’ve got tickets for the Netherby Festival.’

  ‘I thought you weren’t allowed to associate with me.’ My mouth felt dry.

  Mia laughed. ‘Justin is driving us down if we pay his petrol money and buy his ticket. Mum hasn’t made the connection between you and Netherby.’

  ‘I’m touched at the lengths you’ll go to see me,’ I said sarcastically.

  ‘I’m borrowing a tent. It should be great fun.’

  ‘I’ll be working. I’m running a food stall with Sarah,’ I said. The thought of Mia and Jackson in Netherby unnerved me. Mia and Jackson were part of my London world. They didn’t belong here. I was a different person here and I didn’t want them to spoil things.

  Mia continued chatting. ‘I want to hear all about your mystery boy. Or was he just a product of your fevered brain?’

  Why had I bragged about Gabe in that first e-mail I sent her? Stupidly trying to impress Mia. I couldn’t bear the thought of her knowing about Gabe.

  ‘He’s called Charlie and he’s really funny.’

  ‘Dying to meet him,’ Mia said, then her voice changed. ‘Yes, Rebecca, I think you’ll find that is the correct use of the apostrophe.’

  Her mum must’ve come into the room. I put the phone down.

  After Mia’s call I felt unsettled and stifled. I needed a temporary change of scene. I’d heard that there was a cool café in Netherby, so after work I decided that now was a good time to check it out.

  Netherby was a smaller version of Greater Netherby. The shops were mainly antique and bric-à-brac. This would’ve been a much better location for Sarakai Books, I thought.

  Every shop window was full of posters advertising the coming festival. One small antique shop had a poster that said: Boycott Netherby Festival. Keep thugs out of our village!