Redeeming Lottie

by Melissa Ellen

  “I know, Grams. I don’t need you to lecture me on how I’m an asshole.”

  “Don’t put words in my mouth, boy. That’s not what I said. I just don’t want you two making the same mistakes you did before. You need to talk to her.”

  “I tried.”

  “Well, then try harder.”

  She squeezed my shoulder before leaving me alone with my regrets.

  After dropping Grams back at her home on the farm, I took Lily for a burger and fries. I even allowed her to talk me into letting her get a strawberry milkshake. It didn’t take much convincing on her part. I’d give that little girl anything to make her smile. Plus, I’d already felt guilty for not coming home before she was in bed the last few nights.

  I knocked on the cracked door of the bathroom. I could hear Lily splashing around as she chattered to herself in the tub. I was sure the floor would be soaking wet by the time she was done.

  “Lil, you need to drain the tub. It’s gettin’ late.”

  “Aww, man, but my fingers aren’t even wrinkly yet.”

  I chuckled under my breath. “Five more minutes, little lady, then it’s bed time.”

  “Okay!” she agreed before starting to sing loudly and off-key.

  I walked back down the hallway to return a missed call from my older brother.

  “Hey, man,” Wes answered on the third ring.

  “Hey, what’s going on?”

  “Not much. Just wanted to check-in on Lily pad.”

  “She’s good. Trying to get her to bed in the next few minutes. She doesn’t want to get outta the tub.”

  “Sounds like Jamie at that age. Never wanted to go in, but never wanted to get out.”

  “Yeah, she’s like her mini me. That’s for sure.”

  “You guys coming for dinner tomorrow night at Grams?”

  “Yeah. I’m working in the morning, so Lily will already be there all day with her.”

  “All right. I’ll see you guys there.”

  “Dad coming?”

  “No. You know how he is during harvest time.”

  I was relieved to hear he wouldn’t be there. My father and I hadn’t seen eye to eye since the day he decided to meddle in my personal life. It only got worse after I told him I didn’t want to run the family farm. I needed distance from him. I needed something for myself.

  “Yeah. I do…I better go before Lily has the whole bathroom soaked from splashing around.”

  “Okay. See you tomorrow.”

  I hung up the phone, walking back toward the bathroom. When I opened the door, Lily was already at the sink, brushing her teeth with a towel wrapped around her. She looked at me through the mirror with a big smile, the toothpaste foam falling from her mouth. I smiled and winked at her.

  Jamie and Lyle entrusting me as her guardian was the best damn thing to ever happen to me. She was a good kid. Even if they hadn’t appointed me, I would have fought to be the one to have her.

  After she finished brushing her teeth and dressing herself in her pajamas, she crawled into her twin bed covered in her favorite Disney princess—Ariel. She burrowed down below the comforter, settling in for a story with the old Raggedy Ann doll that once belonged to her mother. Lily had found it buried in a chest of old toys at Grams shortly after the funeral. She slept with it every night since.

  “All right, Lily pad, lights out.” I closed her favorite book after reading it for the fourth time in a row.

  “One more time. Pretty please, Uncle Tuck.”

  “No, ma’am. That cute smile isn’t gonna work this time.”

  She stuck out her bottom lip.

  “Neither is the pouty lip.”

  “Fine.” She let out a dramatic sigh. “Who was that girl from earlier?”

  She had now moved on from cute manipulation to a change in subject. It was one of her normal antics when trying to avoid bed time. That or asking for water and then needing to go to the bathroom.

  “Just an old friend.” I stood from her bed, tucking her in tighter.

  “I like her.”

  “You barely met her.”

  “Yeah, but she reminded me of Ariel and Raggedy Ann, so she must be the coolest. When will I get to see her again?”

  I wasn’t sure what the answer to her question was. And telling her most likely never seemed a little too harsh of a statement to tell a five-year-old. So I took a page from her book—avoidance.

  “Good night, munchkin.” I kissed her temple. “See ya in the morning.” I switched off her lamp before walking toward her bedroom door.

  “Nite, Uncle Tuck.” She yawned as I closed the door halfway.

  I grabbed a beer from the fridge before settling in on the couch to watch the sports channel. Lottie invaded my thoughts the way she had nonstop since arriving in Billingsley. I needed to apologize. I should have never said those things to her, even if they were true.

  I picked up my phone wanting to call her, then realized I no longer had her number. Shit. I tossed my phone on the couch cushion beside me, taking a pull from my beer. It was probably for the best. I needed to keep my distance from her. She was taken. Plus, it seemed all I did when we were around each other was make her cry.

  7

  Lottie

  The pounding of the hammer striking nail heads into the new wooden boards echoed through the open air. The only other sound was the country music that played from Billy’s radio. He’d stopped by early this morning to repair the steps and replace some of the other shoddy boards on the porch. Once he was done, I planned to help him refinish and stain the whole thing this afternoon.

  I made us a pitcher of iced tea and joined him outside to keep him company while he labored away. I couldn’t deny the view of him shirtless and sweaty wasn’t half bad as I worked from my perch on the porch swing. After checking my email and ignoring another plea from David, I surfed through various fashion blogs on my laptop. I was grateful for the occasional breeze blowing across my skin that was slathered with a bottle of sunscreen. Being a redhead, I was already prone to sunburns. But having lived in Seattle the last twelve years had only made my skin even more sensitive to the hot Texas sun.

  I’d switched from fashion blogs to Pinterest when I heard a truck coming up the dirt road. The white farm truck slowed to a stop behind Billy’s. Wes Monroe sat behind the steering wheel with Grams seated on the passenger side.

  Billy and I both stood from our spots. I took a few steps toward the front edge of the porch as Grams climbed out of the large truck. Billy, being the gentleman that he was, jogged over to help her.

  “Thank you, Billy.” She smiled, taking his hand. Once her feet were firmly on the ground she released it with a squeeze.

  “Lottie, I hope you don’t mind me stopping by.”

  “Not at all, Grams. You’re always welcome.”

  “Sorry I haven’t really had a chance to visit with you since you got back to town. I was hoping to rectify that by inviting you for Sunday dinner this evening at my house.”

  Grams still lived in the original farmhouse on the Monroe homestead while Beau, her eldest son, lived in what was now considered the main house. Wes and Tucker had both moved into one of the ranch hand cabins when they first graduated from school. I assumed Wes, unlike Tucker, was still working the farm and living there.

  “There’s no need to apologize. I should have come by to see you sooner myself.” As in years ago.

  Grams was another one of those bystanders, like Leighton, who I hated to lose contact with but was a necessary evil. Had I contacted Grams, it would have just made it harder for Tucker and me to let each other go.

  “Well then, it’s settled. Dinner is at seven. You can bring a cobbler.”

  “Uh…o-okay,” I stuttered. I hadn’t even made up my mind whether I wanted to go.

  “You remember how to cook, don’t you, dear?”

  “Yes. Of course, Grams.”

  “All right then. See you tonight.” Her cheek twitched with her roguish grin. “Billy,
make sure to tell your parents hello for me,” she added as she turned to leave.

  “Yes, ma’am,” he replied with a nod.

  As she climbed back in the truck, Wes saluted me with a tip of his hat. Then they were gone, disappearing back down the dirt road.

  Billy shook his head, chuckling while picking his hammer back up to work. “I guess age hasn’t made her any less scary.”

  “Who? Grams?” I grinned. Grams had never been scary to me. She was one of the only adults I could depend on growing up.

  “Yep. I’ve been scared of that woman since the day she caught Jamie and me messing around in the garden shed behind her house. I was pretty sure she was gonna shoot me with that shotgun of hers.”

  I laughed, taking a seat on the top step. “You and Jamie? I never knew.”

  A grin played on his lips. “Yeah. It was nothing serious. Just a summer fling after she graduated. I think she was just trying to piss off her daddy by hooking up with me. Not too long after, she and Lyle started dating.”

  “Sounds like I missed a lot over the years.”

  “Nah. For the most part nothing’s changed ’round here. Same faces, same gossip. You did the right thing leaving, experiencing new things, meeting new people.”

  “You’re probably the only one who thinks that.” I looked down at the painted toenails on my feet.

  “No, I’m not… Look, Lottie”—his tone took a firmness, causing my eyes to flick to his face—“I know you have this crazy idea in that pretty head of yours that you should feel guilty about not being here for your mama, but you shouldn’t. I know she didn’t tell you. I also know had she, you would’ve been on the first flight home to take care of her.”

  I gave him a weak smile. “Thanks, Billy.”

  He nodded, returning my smile. “It’s the truth, Lottie. There’s no need to thank me.”

  “Billy…did you know the whole time?”

  “No.” He rubbed his neck. “I didn’t find out until a few weeks before. I’d already been helping her ’round the place when I figured it out. She’d been keeping it quiet. Seeing a doctor from another town to avoid gossip from spreading.”

  “Why?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t really know, Lottie. Maybe after what your dad put her through all those years, she was tired of being the talk of the town—people always whispering behind her back.”

  I could understand her not wanting everyone in town to know. But why not tell me? It didn’t make sense. I knew I likely had the answer in my hands, hidden away in the bottom of my suitcase. But I wasn’t quite ready to read it. Afraid of what it would say.

  As Billy went back to work on the porch, I slipped into the house in search of a cobbler recipe.

  I held the glass pan of peach cobbler in my hands as I followed the old, overgrown path from my house to Grams’. I’d decided to walk in lieu of driving. I’d found my old pair of cowboy boots in my childhood closet and slipped them on with my blue sleeveless minidress. I’d left my big, natural curls falling down my shoulders. The farther I walked, the more I regretted all my decisions for the evening. The cobbler grew heavy, the boots rubbed—fitting tighter than I remembered—and the curls started to stick to my sweaty skin. I really hoped it wasn’t a sign for what was to become of the evening. I’d contemplated backing out, but then decided against it. I needed the distraction and it would be good to catch up with Grams.

  The woman had been my first mentor. The first one to encourage me and my love of fashion. She bought me a sewing machine, teaching me how to use it, so I could try to make some of the clothes I saw in the magazines. I wasn’t much good at it, but she never made me feel bad about my lack of skills as a seamstress.

  Abby Taylor, on the other hand, had no problem pointing it out to all our classmates in the halls of Billingsley High. She’d always made sure there was an audience for her ridicule. I’d cried silent tears the whole way home on the bus that day, stripping my body of the shirt I’d worked so hard on and throwing it in the trash as soon as I crossed the threshold of my home. I was humiliated. Her squad of evil minions had surrounded Leighton and me at my locker, sneering and criticizing everything about my shirt. The more onlookers who neared, the meaner she got and the harder it was to control the tears welling in my eyes.

  “Are you crying?” Abby mocked some more.

  I clenched my teeth and forced the tears back.

  “Cut it out, Abby. We all know you’re just jealous.” Leighton came to my defense.

  Abby’s eyes narrowed on Leighton as she opened her mouth to start in on my friend when Tucker pushed his way through the crowd.

  “What the hell is going on?” His eyes scanned my face before turning to stand beside me. Tucker took my hand, pulling me closer to him.

  “Nothing, Tuck.” Abby’s voice immediately sweetened as she roamed her evil eyes over Tucker. “We were just messing around. It’s not my fault Lottie Dottie can’t take a joke.”

  Her minions snickered beside her as she spun on her heels, flinging her long, blond hair as she went. She smiled over her shoulder, giving Tucker one final glance before whispering something to her friends as they all walked away, their laughter echoing down the halls at whatever she’d said.

  I shook the memory from my mind as Grams’ house came into view. When I was ten feet from the steps of the porch, a blur of brown curls came spiraling at me. My legs were suddenly restricted by tiny arms, nearly causing me to stumble and drop the cobbler.

  “You’re here!” a little voice squealed from below.

  I looked down at Lily, who had me in a tight grip. Wes strolled out behind her, taking the cobbler from my hands with a toothy grin. I patted the little ball of energy on the top of her head, not sure how to react to her overly affectionate greeting.

  I’d never really been good with kids. They always made me feel awkward and nervous. I often imagined they could see into my soul simply by looking into my eyes. And I was terrified of what they’d discover. I swore the tiny humans were like dogs with the instinct to know good from evil.

  “I am. I didn’t expect you to be here, though.” I smiled awkwardly, telling her the truth as I pried my legs from her tiny clutches.

  She continued to look up at me with her big, green eyes that reminded me of her uncle Tucker’s. I quickly shifted my eyes to Wes, avoiding her all-knowing stare.

  “Wes, how are you?”

  “Good. It’s nice to see you again, Lottie.” He gave me a sideways hug. “Sorry I didn’t get out of the truck earlier this morning. Grams said she wanted to keep it quick.”

  The screen door opened again. This time Tucker and Grams emerged from inside, and suddenly I knew why Grams had been so insistent on me coming to dinner. The old schemer. Tucker’s expression told me he had no idea I’d be joining.

  “Well, come on in, hon,” Grams commanded. “No sense in us all standing out here in this heat. I’ve got some fresh iced tea made up.”

  Wes and Grams led the way while Tucker held the door open for all of us. Lily took my hand in hers, determined to stick by my side.

  “I like your dress,” she complimented me as we took the steps up to the porch.

  “Thank you, Lily. I like your dress, too.”

  “You haven’t been ’round many kids, have ya?”

  “No. Not really.”

  “Why not? Don’t ya like kids? Uncle Tuck says I’m the coolest kid in the whole world. I like your hair too. I wish I had red hair. You’re really pretty, but kinda funny,” she rambled on from one subject to the next as we passed through the front door.

  Tucker snickered under his breath, turning his head to the side as he poorly faked a cough to conceal his laughter.

  I arched an eyebrow at the little doll of a girl, a spitting image of her mother. “Funny?”

  “Yep,” she chirped as if that was all the explanation needed.

  “Funny how?”

  “You patted my head like I’m a dog…but I’m not a dog.”

&nb
sp; “You aren’t?” I widened my eyes, exaggerating my surprise. “I must have gotten confused with all that yapping you’re doing,” I teased, placing my one free hand on my hip. The girl could talk the ears off a mule. “You sure you’re not a miniature schnauzer?”

  “No!” She giggled.

  “Come on, Lily pad,” Wes swooped in, scooping her up in his arms. “Come help me with the grill and give Lottie here some space.”

  Her sweet laughter rang through the room as Wes carried her away, tickling her sides. The room fell silent as they disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Tucker and me alone. The atmosphere was suddenly full of tension.

  I faced him, his eyes already on me, scanning my body. I instinctively did the same. He looked like he’d just showered, his hair still damp. He was dressed casually in jeans and a dark blue T-shirt, slightly wrinkled but not enough to look unkempt. More like he’d rushed to get ready for dinner. As he stood there with a charming aloofness, I became more skittish about us being alone together.

  “She is pretty cool.” I nervously broke the silence.

  He smiled fondly after her. “Yeah. She is…” He pushed a hand through his hair, his eyes falling to the ground. “Look, Lottie, I—”

  “Tuck”—I held up a hand, stopping him—“Let’s not do this. Not now. Let’s just try to make it through this one dinner without fighting. Then I’ll stay out of your life. I’m sorry for intruding on your family dinner. I didn’t know you guys would be here or I wouldn’t have come.”

  “Lottie…” He took a step toward me, and I retreated.

  I couldn’t deal with any more of his hateful words and especially not his touch. Anytime he touched me, a current of tingles shot through me. It made me feel things I refused to feel again. That sensation was dangerous. Especially knowing he was no longer spoken for. He was still off-limits, though.

  I whipped around, needing some distance. I walked through the dining room into the kitchen located at the back of the house where Grams was still preparing dinner. Wes and Lily were both out back tending the fire in the grill.

  “Do you need any help, Grams?” I offered.