“Ha!” I put hands on my head and looked up at the sky above. I was so frustrated and there this girl answering in only a few sentences in a mysterious way. “Nobody can touch me.” I said as I contemplated the words. I looked at her directly in the eyes. “You were able to touch me earlier. You poked me on the back during the exam. You grabbed my hand in the lib—“
“I know that.” She cut me off. “It’s not just you who doesn’t belong here but also me. You just can’t remember or your mind won’t let you remember.”
I stared at her for a few seconds. “Are you nuts?” I asked as that could be the only possible reason she was telling me something so impossible.
“This day has already passed, Ash. We’re just going back to this day as what we are now.” She said each word carefully. “We’re only ghosts now.”
“You’re totally nuts.” I said as I shook my head at her. This girl was insane and she was rubbing it on me. “I even took the exam today and Mr. Clayton, the students – they clearly saw me. Even the libraria—“
“Those were just your memories of this day.”
“Rachelle saw me.” I pointed out.
“But she couldn’t touch you.” She said confidently like she was making fun of me.
“Why?” I asked. That was what I really wanted to know.
“You didn’t run after her when she went out of the library.” She said.
“I ran after her. You saw me, didn’t you?”
“You ran after her now that you’re only a ghost. You didn’t run after her when you were still alive on this day.” She explained like all that she was saying was making sense.
“Why do you keep on saying ‘this day’?” I asked. “If we’re both ghosts then why are we on this day, huh?”
“This is the day you died.”
I felt suddenly dizzy like my whole world just spun 360 degrees in a second.
“The day I died?” I repeated. “None of this makes any sense.” I said and shook my head for the millionth time in the last hour.
“What will only makes sense to you are the things that you only wanted to believe.” She said. “Ash, what’s happening is just a replay of what transpired on the day you died. You can’t and won’t still accept the fact that you’re now dead so you wanted to go back on this day. “
“Why are you here, then?” I asked. “How did I die?”
“I’m here because you brought me here.” She answered. “And as for your second question, you already know the answer to that. You just have to remember it yourself so I’ll leave that up to you.”
I exhaled heavily. “Okay then what about when I was with Rachelle earlier? What exactly happened? “
“I already told you. You didn’t run after her but in this replay, you did. That wasn’t part of your memory so there was no memory of you and Rachelle inside the ladies room. That was a new one and so she couldn’t touch you and you wouldn’t feel it even if she tried. You did the thing with Rachelle differently today because subconsciously, you wanted to change that part of the day. You wanted a second chance.”
“Of course.” I answered. “I want a second chance with her. I still love her.”
“Maybe.” She said quietly.
“Why maybe?”
“Maybe you love her so you wanted a second chance with her or maybe it was because you wanted to permanently bury what happened on this day, change it so you’d never get to the part where you died.” She paused for a moment before continuing. “But the thing is, no matter how many times you relive this day, nothing’s going to change. You’re a ghost now. You’re dead. You’re no longer alive.” She reiterated each word with conviction.
“That can’t be.” I murmured.
“Your spirit is in denial and you’re bringing mine with you. Stop this madness or you’ll become like other restless spirits in the world of the living.” As she said those words, her voice became colder and with the last word, there was a sudden gush of the wind as she disappeared into thin air.
My knees felt weak all of a sudden that they gave up and the next thing I knew, I was already kneeling on the ground. The grass of the school ground felt so real, so alive beneath me that I still couldn’t believe it myself that I didn’t belong in this world anymore.
I couldn’t believe that I had been reliving this day the whole time.
I was about to touch the ground, to feel it with my hands. I wanted to be alive again and to feel it. All of a sudden, I felt something warm in my hands like someone was holding it dearly. I didn’t understand the feeling but my wish of feeling alive again had been granted. Rachelle’s voice and face appeared inside my head. She was crying and begging me to come back.
I slumped on the ground.
I was already dead and what I was seeing inside my head must be Rachelle crying when I died.
Stop this madness. . . The familiar voice echoed inside my head.
I wanted to give up and to find peace but there was no way of doing that with so many questions still left unanswered. I couldn’t even remember how I died and that girl, a fellow ghost, wouldn’t even tell me.
I didn’t even know who she was. Remembering what she said earlier about me bringing her here, I started to wonder if she was of any significance in my life. I shook my head.
Not life.
Death.
Maybe she was something significant in my death.
Rachelle
“He still won’t wake up.” I said quietly as I took hold of Ashton’s hand. “He’ll come back, right?”
I heard Arlene’s gentle steps nearing me and then felt her hugging me from behind. “There’s no need for him to come back, dear. He’s still with us.” She whispered in my ear. “He’s with us and he’s going nowhere.” I knew she was just trying to be strong for me and I felt guilty for that. I should be the one comforting her because if it hurt this much for me, what more to his own mother.
I choked back a sob. “It’s been hours.”
It had been hours since he was operated. He suffered from a lot of blood loss and a few dislocated and broken bones. Just thinking about the five gunshot wounds he had received aside from his broken neck made me felt like I had received them myself.
Arlene’s cellphone vibrated on the table and she immediately went to get it. “Hello?” I heard her say. I looked at her as she kept on nodding on the phone and saying ‘yes’ and ‘okay’ every now and then. The bags under her eyes were already darkening and she looked like she aged five years in a matter of hours. I wasn’t surprise as I probably looked as stressed and tired as she was.
“Thank you. Bye.” She said and then the call ended. “That was the police.” She announced. “The suspects are already in their hands and they already started interrogating them.”
That might be a good news but there was no space in my heart to feel relieved and so was Arlene. Here we were in a hospital room with Ashton still lying unconscious on bed and we didn’t know if he was still going to wake up.
I turned at Arlene. “Is that all they said?”
She shook her head but stayed silent.
“What is it?” I asked.
“They said Ash was just in the wrong place at a wrong time.” She said in a low voice. “They were really just after the girl and they found Ash there after they killed her. One of the suspects said he probably witnessed everything so they killed him. They really thought he was already dead.”
“He’s not.” I murmured as I rest my head on Ashton’s bed while still holding his hand. “Stay with us, Ash.” I told him as I rubbed my hand against his cold hand and kissed it.
Ashton
I opened my eyes and realized I had fallen asleep on the school ground. I looked around and was confused that there was no students around anymore. I glanced at my watch and I realized that it was already past two o’clock in the afternoon. Most students were probably in their own classrooms by now. I was about to hurry up to go to my class but immediately felt down remembering that I was j
ust replaying this day. I had to remind myself that this wasn’t real and that I wasn’t in the present living world.
“I’m dead. I’m dead.” I told myself. “I’m dead” I was chanting those words again and again and as I repeat each sentence, I felt colder and more lifeless.
“You’re dead.” A voice agreed.
“Why do you keep on appearing and disappearing?” I asked as I turned to the direction where the voice came from.
“I’m here the whole time – observing you.” She said.
“That’s creepy.” I pointed out. “Why can’t I do that? We’re both ghosts, right?” I asked though I wasn’t really interested in the answer. I was just trying to lighten this thing up for myself because I could feel like I was about to go crazy.
“Accept that you’re dead.” She said like it was a command. “Embrace death.”
“I’m not dead!” I shouted and with that, I felt a strong beat of my heart. “What is this?” I asked as I held my chest. “I’m alive.”
“That was just a memory.” She said. “You’re still in denial, I see.”
“I’m not in denial.” I argued. “I’m alive. I feel alive.” The more that I said and believe those words, the warmer I felt.
“Follow me.”
Feeling that all of my questions were finally going to be answered, I followed her without a second thought.
We walked out of the main gate of the university but what I saw was different from what I expected. Instead of the usual six-lane road and different cafés and bookstores, there were only two motels in front of us with a narrow passageway in between. I looked back but the familiar gates of our university weren’t there anymore. It was like we were magically transported to another place and also time for it suddenly got darker. I looked at my wristwatch for confirmation and how surprise I was that it showed that it was already 6:30 in the evening when it was just 2:00 pm the last time I checked.
I was about to ask her what we were doing her but she was no longer by my side anymore. I felt myself turned into vapor for a moment when three guys passed through me and into the passageway. I stared at them more carefully and realized that the one in between was a girl and she was being harshly dragged by the two men.
I was about to take a step forward but then I noticed someone at the other end. He looked paralyzed for a moment when he saw what was happening but then he started to move away to probably hide. I myself was also paralyzed not because of fear but because of complete shock for the guy I had just seen looked exactly me.
I turned my attention towards the two men but they didn’t seem to notice the other me as well. I ran towards them, to confront them and hopefully to stop whatever they were about to do but I just passed right through. I was only mere inches away and was now right in front of them. They didn’t pay me any attention and it was like I was non-existent.
The taller guy of the two harshly pushed the girl on the ground. The other one rolled her over so she was facing up. He ungently got her hair away from her face and I immediately recognized who the girl was.
“Enough!” She shouted and I thought she was talking to the guys who were hurting her. They suddenly disappeared and she stood upright like nothing had just happened. She looked neat again but we were still in the same place.
“What was that?” I asked.
“That was how we died.” She said.
“You didn’t show me all.” I whispered.
“Well I’m sorry if I didn’t want you to see how exactly they shot you at the back of your neck.” She said sarcastically. “You were even lucky that you died instantly.” Her words were bitter.
“So I’m really dead?”
She nodded. “Just like me.”
Rachelle
“Poor girl.” Arlene said as she shook her head while reading the newspaper.
It was already the morning after and the story of what happened with Ashton and the dead girl was already in the newspaper. Apparently, the girl had been kidnapped, drugged and tortured by the two men who had now already been captured by the police.
“What was her name?” I asked.
“Well . . .“ She paused and cleared her throat. “Coincidentally, her first name was Rachelle, too.”
We both fell silent until a nurse came in and checked Ashton again. They had been constantly monitoring his vital signs as they were steadily below normal except for when it was 4 a.m. earlier. His heartbeat suddenly went up to normal rate for only a few minutes but then it went down again.
When the nurse went out, I reached for Ashton’s forehead and gave it a soft kiss. “You have to fight, Ashton. Fight to live.”
Ashton
“What’s this I’m hearing?” I asked her. We were back in the school again and were sitting on a bench by the school cafeteria. I didn’t know how but her head found its way to lean on my shoulder. I wanted to push her away but stopped myself from doing so. I felt like I was now stuck with her.
“What do you mean?” She asked.
“I constantly hear my girlfriend—“
“You’re already dead.” She interrupted. “She’s alive. You don’t belong to each other anymore.”
“Bu—“ I was cut off again.
“You have to set her free, Ash.” She said soothingly. “Don’t listen to the voices in your head. Your mind is just making those up because you still can’t fully accept the reality of your death. Once you fully accept it, those voices will be gone forever, trust me.”
You have to fight Ashton.
I tried to ignore it but I couldn’t. The voice sounded so warm and hypnotizing. It felt home.
Fight to live.
I want to li—
“What is it?” The R girl asked, interrupting my train of thoughts. “If it’s that voice again, ignore it!” She looked so angry that I wanted to walk away from her.
“I want to li---“
“Don’t dare say it!”
“I want to live.” I said directly to her face. “For Rachelle and for my mother.”
I could feel my heart beating faster and louder.
“I want to live.” With that, my vision went blank and what I could only is light all around me. I didn’t know exactly when but I fell out of consciousness.
Rachelle
I felt a hand soothing my hair. Although I knew I was sleeping, it felt like I wanted to sleep again if that was possible. I heard a soft giggle somewhere behind but I just squeezed my arms more around me. “Ssshhh” I heard a gentle voice. “Let her sleep.”
His voice sounded very much like that of Ashton’s. Thinking of Ashton, I remembered that I was still in the hospital, with him still unconscious on the bed. I must be imagining things. I got up without opening my eyes and stretched my aching arms. They felt a little numb and my eyes still felt too heavy.
I heard another giggle and so I opened my eyes and saw Arlene stifling a laugh and looking so happy seated on the sofa. “Is that sofa so comfy that you’re laughing at it?”
“You just look so damn cute.” A male voice said so I spun my head quickly on Ashton’s direction. He was still there on the bed but his eyes were opened and he was smiling at me.
“You.”
He chuckled. “Me.”
I ran towards him and hugged him tight. He let out a painful groan. “Can’t you see I have a neck brace?”
“Of course I know that, you idiot!” I sobbed. “I was looking at you for so many hours that I already memorized how many pores you have on your face.”
“Now, that’s so creepy of you.”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “And I love you, too.”
I stayed in the hospital for about a week until the doctor was finally convinced that I was already ready to be taken home. My mom and Rachelle were helping me pack my things inside the hospital room when I told them that I wanted to visit Rachelle’s grave. The other Rachelle.
“Well you can but don’t you want to go home first?” My mom asked me.
“Mom, please.�
� I pleaded.
She looked at Rachelle for her opinion and she gust gave her a big smile. My mom looked back at me. “Fine but we’ll go with you.”
“Of course.”
My mom had to drive thirty five minutes to get us to the cemetery where the black-haired Rachelle was buried. She decided to stay in the car while Rachelle, my Rachelle accompanied me.
We walked for only a few meters away from where my mom’s car was parked to reach her grave. Written on the gravestone was:
In loving memory
of
Rachelle Balkhali
December 12, 1994
to
June 22, 2015
“I hope she’s at peace now.” Rachelle whispered beside me after she placed and lit two candles on the grave.
“I do hope so.” I said as I took her hand.
“Your letter.” She reminded me and so I fished the folded letter out of the back pocket of my jeans.
I’d written that letter the night before and Rachelle was there with me the whole time. I had told everything that happened while I was unconscious and she believed me.
I had also remembered what happened that night. I remembered when the cold steel touched the back of my neck. I thought he was going to shot right away but he hit me with the back of the gun so strongly that I had to wear a neck brace for days in the hospital. I remembered when they repeatedly punched and kicked every spot on my body. I remembered when they decided that it was finally time to end my life. They’d shot me multiple times.
The last thing I remembered was muttering Rachelle’s name before falling into darkness.
I placed the folded letter and put it inside the flower vase that was already in place.
“Rest in peace.”
Dear Ms. Rachelle,
I’m sorry for not being able to help you or more accurately, for not even trying to help you. I was so scared and selfish that I only thought of my own safety. I won’t beg for you to understand as I can’t even understand myself.
A Bride Worth Billions Page 24