I had made my mind. On my graduation, I would introduce dad to Connor and everything would fall into place. I had planned on getting married to Connor after my graduation. Though Connor’s background was not exactly the wealthiest type, the type dad wanted for me, but he was doing well for himself. I planned on working too, to make things easier for us. I had visited Connor’s house last summer. I had no problem with the apartments in which he lived, but I knew dad would flip. For me, Connor’s love had always been enough; I had grown out of my materialistic beliefs.
I was soon done with my finals and I was pretty confident that I had done well. I called up dad to tell him that I was done with my internships and how well my exams had gone. He was excited to see me on my graduation. I told him that I had a surprise for him as well.
“A surprise?”
I could sense the apprehension in his tone.
I told Connor that I wanted him to meet my parents and he seemed pretty excited. That came as a relief to me; at least he wasn’t going to back down. The convocation day soon arrived and, honestly, I was petrified. I didn’t know how dad was going to take this, whether he would accept this or not. I couldn’t become another incident like Kenny. I wanted him to be proud of me and my choices and I wanted him to acknowledge my wants as a favor for all the years I had spent living my life according to him and his rules. I really wanted him to accept me and my choices for once.
I could see him waving his handkerchief from among the swarm of parents and graduating students. He was getting old, the corners of his eyes had begun to wrinkle and his hair had started graying. I hugged him tightly to remind him of the fact that I still loved him. He brushed my face affectionately.
“Another lawyer in the family, eh?”
I smiled back affectionately. I hugged him again. This was the moment I had been working for since the past 6 years. My dad was finally proud of me; the gap in his heart had finally been bridged. He no longer felt that his children were of no use or were rebellious against him.
“Dad, I want you to meet someone.”
His eyebrow rose in apprehension.
“It’s a friend dad. He helped me work really hard; all credit goes to him for helping me make it through law school. You’ll like him a lot.”
I waved Connor to come to us and I heard a grunt.
“Ugh! Mia! What is this!? Is this some kind of a joke?”
I looked at him with a confused face.
“Mia! Look at him? He’s... He’s… Ugh, MIA!”
“He’s black?”
“YES MIA!”
Connor was next to us. He could sense the tension between us. He was now shifting in his feet and I was furious.
“Dad, this is Connor Smith. He works for the Bar Associates in New Jersey and is a corporate lawyer. He is 2 years older than me and I love him!”
The last three words came out like venom from my mouth. It felt like I had spat my feelings at him and he was furious. It felt like he wanted to smack me and Connor. He grabbed mom’s hand and dragged her out of the ceremony. I was beginning to tear up and Connor was confused. He pulled me closer and hugged me. I broke into tears at how he had shown no concern for my feelings.
That night I cried my heart out to Connor, I told him that I had sacrificed my dreams, my life, everything for my dad and he couldn’t even accept the choices my heart made. I told him I regretted doing everything for him. Connor held me tightly and told me to talk to him one last time and if things didn’t work out, he would leave me for good. I jolted up and looked at him!
“Leave for good? Are you out of your mind! YOU IDIOT!”
I, then, realized that this was the man worth my sacrifices, my compromises, and my love, not my dad. My dad was a selfish man who wanted everything to run according to him, irrespective of the wants and desires of others. I asked him to promise me that he would not leave me.
The next day I packed my stuff and handed it over to Connor. He safely placed my luggage into the trunk of the cab and hugged me goodbye. I settled into the car and waved him goodbye. I left him a few chummy texts on my way home to remind him of the promise he had made about not leaving me. My heart was beating faster as we pulled into the driveway next to my house. I was petrified about facing dad after what had happened yesterday. I told myself to man up and got out of the car. I pulled my luggage out of the trunk and began to walk towards the front door. My heels began to click as I shifted from the pebble filled driveway to the paved and cemented curb. I rang the bell and was greeted by the hugs and affectionate words of my housemaids. We had always had housemaid to help mom around the house and take care of me and Kenny.
I handed over my bags to Nana, my nanny, and my favorite housemaid and hugged her. I walked towards dad’s study, my heels clicking against the marble floor of our luxurious villa. I couldn’t spot mom anywhere and guessed that she would be out for her salon appointments, a classic excuse to get away from dad.
My heels stopped clicking as I stood still outside dad’s study room. I knocked on the huge door and waited for him to approve of my entry. My house was like a kingdom, everything needed consent. He opened the door and did not bother to even greet me. He rushed back to his reading chair and slouched into it. I sat next to him, on the couch, and looked aimlessly around the room.
“You’ve extended your reading material.”
I said, in an acknowledging tone. Another grunt came from him and he nodded. I hated when he used to grunt, it was very offensive and derogatory. I sighed and straightened my shoulders. I knew this was the right time to put my lawyer skills into use and defend my love situation in front of my father.
“Dad, about the other day. Connor is a really nice…”
“Negro? Yes, I guessed.”
“DAD!”
I snapped at him. What he had just said was sad and repulsive. How could my father, the most intellectual and educated person, talk in such a demeaning way about another person.
“THAT IS VERY OFFENSIVE AND RUDE! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK ABOUT HIM LIKE THAT!”
“Oh! I’m sorry. The broke Negro. Is that better?”
I was bursting with anger.
“HOW DARE YOU!? DAD, HE’S MY BOYFRIEND!”
“NO HE’S NOT!”
We both were yelling at this point, years of grace poise went down the drain in a matter of seconds.
“YOU ARE NOT GOING TO SEE HIM OR MEET HIM! HOW COULD YOU BEFRIEND A BROKE BLACK LIKE HIM! HE LIVES IN THE SLUMS! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT A SLUM IS MIA!? OF COURSE NOT! YOU WERE RAISED IN VILLAS AND FARMHOUSES! I BET YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO SPELL THE GODDAMN WORD ‘SLUM’”
“DAD! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!”
I regained my composure. I knew yelling at him won’t make me any better than him.
“Dad. I love Connor. We have been together since the past three years...”
I could hear him grunting and shrugging like my life meant nothing to him.
“We’ve had our share of exposure of each other’s lives. I know where he lives and I have no problem with that. Connor might be...”
My voice shook.
“Black and broke. But his capabilities are far beyond race and economics. He’s a man of abilities and that is what I honor the most. As far as I remember, you grew up on the streets right? At least Connor is better in that regard.”
He shot me a death glare and I settled into my couch. He sat right next to me and grabbed my hand.
“But Mia, honey, he’s black! Don’t you see that?”
“No Daddy, I’m color blind!”
The sarcasm came out as a reflex.
“I love him. That is it. If you can accept that, well. If you can’t then I guess I’d have to remove 2 names from the wedding list.”
And suddenly dad started having fits of rage. He started tossing his books and furniture around and was swearing all kind of cuss words I never thought he knew. I couldn’t tolerate this, so I got up, pushed the wrinkles out of my skirt and left the room, my heels still cli
cking against the marble floor. I asked Nana for my stuff and went to my room.
The next few days were emotionally and mentally crippling. I had often visits from mom and dad who would try to convince me that this was wrong. Dad even got offensive when he said to walk with Connor and my kids on the street would be like a walking zebra crossing. I couldn’t have enough. This racism was too much and dad pushed it when he asked Connor to leave, from the front door of our house. That was the first weekend in two years that I didn’t get to see Connor.
The last straw was pulled when daddy asked Kenny to come home and talk to me. His hypocrisy was beyond me. How once he had asked the same Kenny to leave his sight and never return, and how he was using the same Kenny to manipulate me out of my love. He knew I looked up to Kenny more than him, it was Kenny who looked after me in school when dad was away, leading court cases in other states. He knew that Kenny and I were best friends, rather than siblings. He was aware of the fact that if he let me see Kenny after 6 years of separation, I was bound to break down to his request.
There was a knock at the door and I knew who it was. Without even asking, I asked Kenny to come in. He tiptoed to my bed as he thought I was sick. I had been in bed all morning, coughing occasionally. I got up and looked at his bright face; it was still cheerful as ever. I hugged him and tears rolled down my cheeks. I suddenly felt hatred for the man I had loved and respected all my life, my dad was taking away every relationship which mattered the most to me. He had the audacity to take my brother away from me and now he was trying the same with Connor.
I crawled into Kenny’s lap like childhood days and rocked back and forth. He brushed my hair with his fingers.
“I know he’s up to it again. Trying to control everything, trying to crush hopes and dreams.”
“What have you been up to all these years Kenny? Do you know how much I have missed you?”
“I know Mia.”
His grip tightened around me.
“I’ve been going places; seeing the world. I have been to Spain, France, England, Scotland, Malaysia, Venezuela, Australia, Denmark, and God knows places I can’t even pronounce.”
I could see his eyes light up with ambition and satisfaction.
“I was even invited to Julliard’s for a course in playwriting. It was a crash course, spent 6 months there. Mimi, those were the best 6 months of my life. I have been places, seen things, met people I can’t even begin to explain. Life is so much more than roaming around an air conditioned office, sipping coffee, going through awful cases all day long. It’s about exploring what you like, doing what you love.”
I suddenly noticed a scratch on his arm and began to inspect it.
“Oh, that’s nothing. I went surfing last summer in Australia. The Aussies are the best hosts Mimi. They taught me how to surf and I was so clumsy, I smashed into a rock. A ROCK Mimi! Geez, I was really embarrassed.”
I could see how content Kenny was with the choices he had made. I was expecting him to enter this room and sob about the remorseful choice he had made. But I was wrong, wrong on so many different levels. Kenny was happy with the choices he had made; he was not a broke, miserable man. He was a proud play writer who had been invited to Julliard’s for a course in script writing. Who gets invited by Julliard’s?
“I know what’s happening in your life, Mimi. They explained it to me. I could sense the disgust dad is feeling by the way he said ‘that negro’. You have got to understand this Mimi; everybody has their own mindset and choices. I dislike courts and wearing suits all day long, I dread that. But that does not make me an awful person. The same way dad has his reservations about people and their….”
He hesitated.
“Tones. But you don’t have to hate him for that. He spent his youth working his day and nights so he could give us a life of luxuries.”
“I love him, Kenny.”
My voice was shaking; I was trembling with pain and anger.
“I know Mimi. And here’s the thing: You’ve gotta do what your heart tells you to do. It’s your life, Mimi. Dad is not going to bear the burden of the choices you make. You will. If you love him and are sure about it, then what are you here for? Shouldn’t you be in a room, writing wedding vows and making wedding papers for the two of you?”
“Dad won’t approve.”
“Well, he’s not the one who’s going to be kissing him in the morning when he goes off to work!”
I chuckled. Kenny was so bright and so lively. He could light up a situation without even any effort. My brother was the most amazing man on this planet and I couldn’t be close to him. I hugged him.
“Are you going to stay?”
“I gotta go, Mimi. The old man won’t let me stay here for any longer.”
“Mhm.”
He got up, brushed his pants and walked towards the door. Before leaving, he turned around, looked at me and said:
“You’ve gotta do what your heart tells you to do.”
And I knew, at that moment, what my heart was telling me to do. I got out of bed, took a shower, dressed up pretty and asked Nana to help me pack my things. While she was busy folding my clothes into perfect little squares, I grabbed a notepad and began scribbling words into it.
“Dear Dad,
Kenny said that every man has his own reservations and that does not make him worth hatred. He disliked law and the law routes and that does not mean you hate him. You dislike the black and the poor, which is sad, but that does not mean that I hate you. What makes you worth the hatred is that how you have zero regards for the worth and feelings of your family. Have you ever wondered why mom always has salon appointments when you’re home? Or why Kenny grew distant from you in high school years?
The matter of the fact is, you don’t care. You don’t care what goes on in the minds and hearts of other people. All you care about is what you want! You wanted Kenny to go to law school, but he had bigger dreams. He refused and you cut him off. Did you ever care or think about how mom and I would feel? You stripped my best friend out of my life dad! Kenny was my best friend.
You could only look at Connor’s house, bank balance and color. Did you ever look past that? Did you ever look at how smart he is? He is working in a law firm bigger than yours! I’m sorry, but that’s the truth. He is going to buy a house in a few months. He is doing better than you managed to do in a decade after you left high school. You might as well be jealous of the fact that a “Negro, broke” man has the ability to outperform you and also manage to acquire and guard the feelings of your daughter.
I’m sorry dad, but you’re a miserable, manipulative ad cunning man who I feel sad about referring to as my father. I sacrificed my dreams for you. I never complained, like Kenny, what I wanted to do with my life. I was a good daughter, but I can’t be that anymore. My love, the one who respect and cherishes me, waits for me. I cannot turn him down for a man who never had the heart or mind to acknowledge all I’ve given up for him.
I’m sorry daddy, but Kenny is right. I’ve gotta do what my heart is telling me to do. Inform me about any legal documentation regarding the property and my expulsion from it via mail. I don’t want to hear from you from now onwards.
You’re Daughter,
Amelia Benedict.”
I slipped the letter into dad’s study while he was out. Mom was at the salon again, typical and I had the perfect chance to leave without any drama. As the cab moved away from the house, my eyes began burning and tearing up. I took one last look at the place I had spent my entire childhood at.
The car parked outside Connor’s apartment and I ran to his place. I rang the bell dozens of times, I was too anxious to see him. He opened the door, still looking like an angel. How could my dad call this man a Negro? He was so wrong about him. I hugged him and told him what had happened. I could feel his arms tightening around me.
“You have me, Mia. I’ll always be here for you no matter how old or groggy you get.”
I chuckled. I looked at the man I had
left everything for. This was the man I was going to spend my future with.
It’s been 5 years since the day I left my dad’s house and got married to Connor. We have 3 beautiful kids now, all with hazel eyes and brunette hair. Kenny says we look like a walking talking zebra crossing, to which Connor snorts and tears up laughing. What I had found offensive all this time was surprisingly hilarious to him. We had moved out of Connor’s old apartment within the first 4 months of our marriage. I worked at a law firm to support our changing lifestyle for only a year till I got pregnant and Connor said that I should stop dreaming about being a working woman.
I turned around the bowl of salad that I had been preparing since the last 20 minutes, drizzled some olive oil on it and picked it up in one hand. With the other hand, I took off my apron. I walked towards the TV room, my heels clicked against the marble floor of the lavish house Connor had bought for us. I entered the room and all of my boys were crammed onto a single couch.
“There are more couches, boys.”
“We know mom! But I wanna sit in Uncle Kenny’s lap and Jacob wants to yell with dad.”
This was the life I would have missed out on if I hadn’t listened to Kenny that day. That day my heart had told me to stop being an obedient daughter and own up to the promise I had forced Connor to make to me. That promise was not a one sided thing, but I had to honor my end of the bargain as well. That is what my heart had told me that day.
I looked around at my house and my family and realized how everything was beautiful and almost perfect. I walked up to my room to fix my hair. I looked into the mirror and saw a content and relaxed expression which I had experienced 5 years from today. I had seen the same expression on Kenny’s face 5 years from now when he was explaining about his life. Maybe if I was in Kenny’s place today, I could tell someone about the beautiful experiences I’ve had with Connor and my beautiful two sons. Even I could tell someone, now, to follow what their heart was telling them to do.
A Bride Worth Billions Page 26