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1 The Science of Love
Love is one of the most controversial things in the world. Many people are driven by this feeling, this idea or magical thing. Love has different definitions for different people. Despite the myths, different concepts and appearances of love, science has clear explanations behind it.
Have you ever thought about the scientific reasons of falling in love? Do you know the factors that trigger that mysterious feeling that you have for someone?
Psychopharmacology, or the study of drugs that affect the mind and behavior, concluded that social attachment can also be similar to addiction. They are the same in terms of the rewards that your body receives from these activities. There is a chemical chain of reaction in our body that triggers the feeling of love which affects the brain. Falling in love is a natural occurrence that we cannot resist.
When a person falls in love, his body releases a chemical and causes physical reactions such as fast beating of the heart, sweating of the palm and blushing of the cheeks. The levels of the substances Adrenaline, Dopamine and Norepinephrine increases in the body. The pitter-patter of the heart, the exaggerated feeling of joy and the mental state of being preoccupied by thoughts about someone are triggered by these chemicals.
MRI scans found out that love fires up the pleasure center of the brain. When a person is in love, the part of the brain which is involved in obsessive-compulsive behavior increases in blood flow. The serotonin levels are also decreasing which is similar with people with an addiction.
Love is most often defined as blind because you tend to idealize your special someone and see only the things that you want to see when you are at the early stages of the relationship. A study conducted at Rutgers University in United States reveals that there are three stages of falling in love. These three stages are lust, attraction and attachment. Each stage is driven by different chemicals and hormones.
The three stages of falling in love:
Stage 1: LUST
This is the initial stage of falling in love. It is basically stirred up by the sexual hormones in the body. These hormones are present equally in men and women’s body and arouse the feeling of lust within the brain. There are two basic types of hormones which are responsible on this stage and these are Testosterone and Oestrogen. Lust causes limbic processes in the brain that promotes health and reduces stress.
Stage 2: ATTRACTION
The second stage of falling in love is attraction. This phase is the most exciting phase of acquiring love. In this stage, a person starts to feel an unexplainable feeling of excitement, happiness, and affection. There are three chemicals or neurotransmitters involve in this stage and these are adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin.
Adrenaline
The initial symptoms of attraction involve attitude reaction, stress response and increase in adrenaline and cortisol. A person who is falling in love will encounter slight or extreme positive changes in personality.
You may feel that whenever you meet with your crush, your hearts beats faster; your senses decline and you become overwhelmed. You might also observe a change in personality and interests. These changes are usually influenced by the person you love. You suddenly love what they do, and feel good doing it. These effects are caused by the chemical adrenaline.
Dopamine
Couples who are in love have high levels of Dopamine. The minds of both male and female have large spikes of this neurotransmitter. This chemical stimulates the feeling of pleasure within the body. It triggers the intense rush of pleasure by stimulating the desire and reward signals in the brain.
Scientists describe being in love as similar to being addicted to cocaine or drugs. It is because Dopamine is a natural stimulant that leads to ecstasy. A couple may experience some physical reactions and changed behavior from the time they fell in love with each other. Some of the examples are a decrease in feeling hungry, less need for sleep or food, focused attention to someone, surge of energy and intense desire even in the smallest details about the relationship.
Serotonin
This is found to be one of the most important chemicals involved in the uncontrollable feeling of love. It is the reason why, when you’re falling in love, you can’t help but think of your lover all the time. It causes you to focus your thoughts on someone up to the point that you cannot stop thinking about him anymore. It bounds you to think about your lover and nothing else more. People who are in love have been reported to have thought about their beloved for almost 65% of their day. Studies show that women have higher levels of serotonin than men.
According to a Psychologist, a person who is in love idealizes his loved one, magnifying his good attributes and justifying his flaws and imperfections. It’s common to new couples to think of their relationship as more special than anybody else’s. However, this rose-tinted view is also essential because it makes a couple want to stay together and enter the next stage of love.
Stage 3: ATTACHMENT
Attachment is a bond that makes the relationship of a couple long enough for them to enter to marriage. After a couple passes through the two stages of falling in love, they will develop a powerful bonding with each other. Attachment is a stage where in a couple takes their relationship to a new higher level. It provokes the feeling of wanting to have children in the future and being with their beloved for the rest of their life.
Scientists discovered the two hormones that retains the love of a person with his special someone. These two hormones are Oxytocin and Vasopressin.
Oxytocin
This hormone is one of the most powerful hormones which are released especially during orgasm. It deepens the feeling of attachment and makes a person feel closer to his partner after they have a sexual intercourse.
Oxytocin plays a huge role in affiliations in humans and develops the depth of love. It causes a substantial boost in the ability of a person to interpret cues from the other person’s eyes. It improves the connection between a male and a female by constant interaction. Through this chemical, you are able to read the mind of your partner by interpreting the social cues that he gives.
Vasopressin
Vasopressin is another essential hormone in the attachment stage. This hormone is known as an anti-diuretic which works with your kidney to control thirst. It is released quickly after a sexual intercourse. Both male and female release this hormone from the pituitary gland.
This hormone plays an important role in promoting long-lasting relationships. It leads to greater spousal support, less negative communication, more attachment security and good relationship maintenance.
Science has discovered the physical reactions and the chemicals behind the complexity of love. It also reveals the chemical reactions involved in stirring up lust, attraction and attachment between couples. Since falling in love is caused by many chemicals and mechanisms in the brain, you cannot simply avoid the natural reactions of love. However, you are responsible in your choices and decisions.
Being aware of these natural occurrences in the brain will help you understand your behavior when you are falling love. It will help you know what to avoid and what to do in order to gain control of your feelings. The next will tell you about the effects of this chemical in the behavior of a person. It will show you the symptoms and signs that occur when a person is starting to fall in love.
2 The Effects of “Love” Chemicals and Hormones
You have known the chemicals and hormones which are responsible in making a person fall in love. Cortisol is said to be a stress hormone while Dopamine triggers the feeling of pleasure. These are just some of the examples of those hormones and chemicals which have different effects in a person.
When you like someone, your cortisol increases while serotonin drops. Your brain pumps out dopamine and produces norepinephrine. Therefore, when you’re in the process of falling for someone, the hormones that make you energetic are increasing and the one that kee
ps you stable decreases.
Here are some of the outcomes or effects of these changes in the amount of chemicals and hormones in the brain:
Increase in energy
You might observe that people who are in love have higher energies than people who are not. They can stay up late just to chat with someone and still able to do a lot of things with their partner even if their body is tired. This energy actually comes from Norepinephrine. It is produced when dopamine increases. That is why when you feel a desire or arousal for someone; you will have a feeling of sleeplessness and excessive energy. It gives you the ability to stay up late at night and then wake up the next day, still full of energy. Dopamine drives you to seek for a reward and once you get it, you feel satiated.
That addictive feeling is the reason why you keep on doing the things that gives you pleasure. It makes your mid-brain function of instinctive drive stronger than your consequence-driven decision making. That is why, even when you know the consequences, you still choose to let your feelings drive you.
Excessive thinking about a person
When you like someone, you can’t help but think of that person the whole time. From the time you wake up until the night comes, that person still lingers on your mind. We can find this idea common to people who are in love, but it actually has a scientific explanation behind it.
When a person is falling in love, his levels of serotonin are getting low. This chemical is a mood stabilizer which helps a person feels in control and calm. It is a neurotransmitter which maintains the mood balance and stops an obsessive-compulsive behavior. When the amount level of Dopamine is greater than Serotonin, you will have far less control over your behavior and thoughts. That is why when you like someone, you can’t just stop checking your phone, doodling his name on class, and thinking about him throughout the day. Lack of Serotonin is the cause of obsession.
Focused Attention
Increase in Dopamine leads to feeling of anxiety and exhilaration. That is why whenever you talk to your crush, you can feel that your heart beats out of your chest and your hand trembles. Aside from these symptoms, dopamine is also associated with unwavering motivation and focused attention to a certain person. This pleasure-and-reward seeking hormone will lead you to do anything necessary to get the feeling of delight.
That is why even when you still have important things to do, your energy focuses and repeatedly turn to the person you like. You do this until you feel happy and satisfied.
Risk lovers
People who are in love will continue to be with each other even in risky situations. Even if parents are against, friends hinder, and timing is not right, a couple still choose to be together. Behind this behavior is a hormone called Cortisol which is released when you are stressed out. It gives a feeling of excitement that pushes a person to continue what he does. When cortisol is raised, dopamine also increases. That is why in exciting and risky situations, the more you become addicted and crave for satisfaction. This is the reason why there are couples who stick with each other even under external pressures.
3 How to stop yourself from falling in love
Love may sometimes feels like beyond your control. You may think that you cannot do anything to resist it. However, according to psychologists, there are actually ways to control this wild feeling.
Studies show that the feeling of intense love is actually activated in a region in the brain called nucleus accumbens. It is associated with rewards and is responsible on out-of-control addictions. Love activates the part of the brain which is also involved in the addiction of cocaine, cigarette and drugs. Therefore, an uncontrollable feeling of love should be treated with the same way with an addiction.
Just like fighting an addiction, if you want to stop thinking of the person entirely, get rid of the objects that remind you of him. There are actually a lot of ways on how to trick your brain not to fall in love. All you have to do is to make yourself think of people as profiles and organize them in a mental filing system. In this way, you’ll be able to categorize who to think of in a special way and who to ignore. If you want to stop your growing intense feeling with someone, here are some of the tips that could help you manage your emotions.
Avoid hanging out with the person
This is the most common and obvious way but this strategy is easier said than done. You may decide to do it but you still find yourself spending time with the person you’re falling in love with. This common sense is so hard to put into practice.
You will find it easier not to fall in love with the person if you are not always around him. By doing this, you are reducing the amount of shared memories and emotions you have with each other. If you need to be with them because of some important reasons, keep yourself occupied and focus on your task. Try to be small and invisible so that they will not notice you. In this way, you are preventing yourself from feeding the energy that builds the potential feeling. If you really don’t want to fall in love with someone, then don’t make him a part of your life.
Be realistic
In order to train your brain, you need to practice being realistic. Stop thinking that you are in a fairy tale or a romantic movie. Avoid daydreaming and approach the situation logically. Face who they really are and be aware of their flaws and negative attitudes. It is not being a pessimist, but it is more about thinking of the consequences if you will let yourself fall in love with the wrong one.
Once you have gathered the ideas why you don’t want to fall in love with this particular person, remind yourself of these often. By doing it, you are preventing your brain to put them back on the pedestal.
Also, think if that romantic feeling can complicate your life. Be aware of the negative consequences of the relationship that you might have. Allow your brain to reason that it might be a bad idea to let yourself fall in love with a wrong person. Be strong, practical and be wise in choosing relationships.
Set boundaries
To keep yourself from falling in love, you need to draw a clear line by vocalizing your intention. You have to be direct. Be clear in your motives and decisions. Declare this boundary to the other person as well. Be firm in your decision and show it by your actions. If you really want to control your feelings towards another person, always remind yourself of your pure intentions. Stick to the boundary and guard your thoughts.
Make yourself busy
Do anything that will preoccupy your mind to prevent yourself from being focused to someone. Instead of wasting your time thinking about a person, do something useful and productive. Boredom can lead your mind to think and obsess over people who might be wrong for you.
You can do house chores, plant a flower, volunteer at the local library or find a part-time job. There are a lot of things that can be done to get your focus off that person. You should always think of ways on how to use your energy in helping your family and your community. Make a plan on how to use your time and be a productive person.
Focus on yourself
This is a great way to stop thinking about someone. Focus your attention on your personal goals and plans on how to achieve them. This is a positive strategy in shifting your brain gears. Not only that, you are also building a personal strength and confidence as you choose to forget those silly things.
Accomplish your goals in a timely fashion, sign up for classes that you like and participate in different activities. Plot your calendar events and prepare the materials that you need. Do things that will help you discover your talents, improve your skills and nurture the gifts that you have. In this way, you will not only forget about the other person, but you are also helping yourself to become better.
Control your actions
Most often, actions don’t compliment with your decision. Your feelings often lead you to continue doing the things that feed your attachment with someone. If you don’t want to fall in love, you have to act as if the other person does not exist. Cut off all your communication. Limit your conversations with them by not sending texts or emai
ls anymore. To minimize the energy between the two of you, act cold and blunt so your feelings will not grow. Avoid looking at the person, stalking his Facebook accounts and talking about them. Don’t give him any attention. Stick to your firm boundary and be strong in your decision.
By doing these things, you are keeping your brain from receiving the reward signals that feed the feeling. You are also preventing the increase of chemicals and the hormones which are responsible in falling in love. You cannot stop yourself from liking someone but you can do something to keep yourself from falling in love. You can actually help your brain normalize by not feeding your emotions with actions. Discipline your thoughts and control your actions. In this way, you will be able to control your growing feelings with someone.
4 How to make yourself fall in love
Most often, people fall in love unexpectedly. They believe that you cannot teach yourself to love a particular person. This is the idea that love depends on fate and chemistry alone. This concept is somehow accepted today. However, you can do things that can influence your mind’s natural bonding process. There are actually a lot of factors that triggers a person to fall in love. There are situations and circumstances that cause a person to have this feeling.
A man and a woman who is involved in the same activity or group have a great possibility to fall in love with each other. You become more attracted to a person who has the same interests and hobbies with you. You like a person when you find him attractive and appropriate for you. The feeling grows when you see kindness and intelligence in that person.
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