Waiting for Patrick

by Brynn Stein

  “What if he doesn’t?”

  Elliot shrugged a shoulder. “Let’s take it one step at a time.”

  “Elliot.” Daniel took his hand again. “I don’t want to see you cut yourself off from life.”

  Elliot studied Daniel’s face. “You believe me, though. Don’t you?”

  It was Daniel’s turn to shrug. “Weirder shit has happened.” Then a smirk slowly spread across his face and he pulled his hand away. “I just want to be here when you explain all this to Sheri.”

  Elliot slapped him.

  Chapter 17

  SHERI AND Malcolm came in later that morning, but neither Elliot nor Daniel said anything about the reincarnation theory. They didn’t need to in order to know what her opinion would be about it. Elliot concentrated on making plans to get back to Ben. With all his friends in Pennsylvania now, there was no one to go to the plantation house, so Elliot couldn’t ask Ben anything by phone, even if he wanted someone else to be there for his conversation.

  “I just want out of here as soon as possible.” Elliot sat in the recliner the hospital staff seemed to like to torture him with. From the chair he could see out his window much better than he could from his bed. The manicured grass rolled over a wide expanse lined with shrubs and flowers. Every single flower was in bloom in that bloom-or-get-replaced way that meticulously landscaped spaces have.

  Elliot’s room was too high up to see detail, but in his mind’s eye he could imagine curious butterflies flitting from one flower to the other, trying to decide which to kiss first. Bees would pollinate the prettiest flowers and head off to a nearby hive to make their nectar of the gods. Elliot loved honey.

  Birds were soaring in the sky, trees were bending in the breeze, and Elliot was stuck in a fifth-floor semiprivate hospital room.

  At least he had plenty of company. No other patient, for which he was eternally grateful, but all his closest friends were there. Sheri sat in the hard plastic chair beside him, alternately reading a book and yammering on about something to keep Elliot from getting bored. Daniel and Malcolm sat on the bed, playing cards. They had become fast friends and often ganged up together to pick on Elliot. Right then, though, they were picking on each other about who would win the latest hand of rummy.

  “I know, Elle.” Sheri answered the statement that had almost become a mantra. “Maybe the doctor will have good news when he comes in.”

  As if summoned by his mere mention, Dr. Sowder appeared.

  Elliot inclined the back of the chair as soon as he saw the doctor. “When can I get out of here?”

  “Well.” Dr. Sowder grinned. “Feeling restless is actually a good step toward being released.”

  “Great.” Elliot put the footrest down and leaned forward. “So, tomorrow?”

  Dr. Sowder smiled but looked at his chart. “Maybe not quite that soon.” He flipped a page. “You’re doing a lot better since the second surgery. The ICD is doing well. But there is still more arrhythmia than I’d like. Let’s see if we can get you to have a few days in a row where your heart is pretty steady.”

  “Two days tops?” Elliot rubbed his hand over the blanket covering his knees and used his best negotiation voice.

  “That’s not what he said, and you know it.” Sheri smacked his knee.

  “Okay, yes, I know that.” Elliot pushed Sheri’s hand off his leg. “But I want to get back to South Carolina.”

  Dr. Sowder paled. “I’m not sure you should be traveling so soon after you get out. Don’t you have a place to stay here in Pennsylvania?”

  “Yes, but I’m going home. As soon as I get out of the hospital.” Elliot made fists in the blanket. This wasn’t something he was willing to argue about. He was going back to Ben, and he didn’t care what the doctor thought about it.

  Sheri came to his rescue. “He has a private plane and pilot, doctor. So it won’t be like he has to stand in line or walk long distances to and from the plane.”

  “Well.” Dr. Sowder tapped his pen on the clipboard. “That’s a little better, but I don’t want him traveling by himself.”

  “Oh, he won’t be by himself. I thoroughly intend to travel with him on the plane.” Sheri turned from the doctor to face Elliot. “Whether he wants me to or not.”

  Elliot threw up his hands. If that was what it took to get him out of there, he’d take it.

  “Well, we have a couple of days at least before it’s an issue, but that might be okay.” The doctor brought the pen to his mouth, and Elliot thought he was going to start chewing on it like Elliot himself did sometimes when he was deep in concentration. But Dr. Sowder didn’t. He simply tapped the thing at the side of his mouth and finally said, “I can go over with you things you need to know for the ride back. And I’ll contact your cardiologist and get an appointment for as soon as you get back.” When Elliot opened his mouth to protest, the doctor added, “Nonnegotiable.”

  Elliot shut his mouth. He could live with that.

  But the doctor added, “And I don’t want you in the house by yourself. At least not for the first several days or until your doctor clears you.”

  Sheri started, “I can stay w—”

  At the same time, Elliot said, “I won’t be by myself. Ben will be there.”

  “Oh hell no. Don’t even start that.” When she saw the confused and mildly disapproving expression on the doctor’s face, she explained. “I don’t give a damn that he’s in a relationship with another man. But Ben is… well, he isn’t in a position to care for Elliot’s needs.”

  “He helped last time.” Elliot was enjoying Sheri’s predicament. It was obvious the doctor thought her to be a homophobe and didn’t like it.

  Daniel jumped in on Sheri’s side, though, literally scooting on the bed so that he was closer to her. “You’ve got to admit, Elle, Ben’s bedside manner is a little… transparent.”

  Malcolm joined in. “He’s a little light in the medical training department.”

  “You can see right through his motives.” Daniel turned toward Malcolm as they tried to one-up each other with bad puns.

  “You can even say he’s haunted by his own limitations.” Malcolm was enjoying this too much.

  “Oh for crying out loud.” Elliot pushed his head against the headrest and reclined his chair. This might take a while. “Alright. Ben isn’t the best nursing assistant.”

  The poor doctor would, of course, have no idea why these people thought it was so funny to tear down an absent friend, but he obviously put it aside and repeated his position. “Well, I think you need someone with you. I’ll leave it to you to decide who that will be.”

  “We’ll see,” Elliot finally capitulated, raising the foot of his chair. “But if you think I need that much medical care, then keep me in the hospital. Once I’m out, I want my life back. And that does not include having a shadow 24-7.”

  Malcolm chuckled and slapped Daniel’s shoulder. “That’s a whole line of jokes we forgot, Daniel.”

  Daniel slapped him back. “Shadow, shade, all sorts of material there. Why didn’t we think of that?”

  Elliot couldn’t even imagine what the doctor was making of all this, but like any good professional, he seemed determined to stick to the main conversation. “Well, that’s all in the future anyway. Right now I want you to stay where you are.”

  “Great, doc,” Elliot deadpanned.

  The men chuckled and Sheri patted Elliot’s hand, trying to cheer him up.

  THE DAY finally came when Elliot walked through the front door of the plantation house in SC. Malcolm and Daniel had flown back the day before, and Sheri had accompanied him on the plane as threatened. He knew Sheri planned on staying with him at the house for at least a little while, but he hadn’t realized he would have three escorts. Malcolm and Daniel met them at the private airport and drove him out to the house.

  “How many people does it take to get me safely home, anyway,” Elliot snarked, glaring at Sheri as she stepped inside the doorway.

  “Apparently
three,” Sheri answered back, giving him a no-nonsense stare. “Since that’s how many there are.”

  “It doesn’t take that many people, Cher. I’m here now.” He tried to shoo her back out the door before Malcolm and Daniel squeezed in. Too late. “I’m home. I’m safe. I’m fine. You all can go now.”

  She glared at him and started toward the living room. “We’re going nowhere, Elliot.”

  Daniel shuddered exaggeratedly. “Oh no, the whole first name. I’d quit while I was ahead.” He followed Sheri, and Malcolm sauntered away right behind him. They looked like a line of ducklings following a particularly smug mother duck.

  Elliot had no choice but to join them in the living room, but he refused to step in line with the other ducklings. He purposely stepped two feet to the right before starting out. It was the principle of the thing.

  They all found seats once in the room. Malcolm and Sheri on the couch, Daniel in the chair; they’d left the recliner for Elliot. “Seriously, Cher.” Elliot collapsed into the chair, feeling more exhausted than he’d realized. “I’m just going to go to sleep. I may not even make it upstairs first. This actually feels pretty comfy right here.”

  “We’ll just quietly watch a movie or something.” Sheri scooted toward the edge of the couch, no doubt getting ready to choose one of the DVDs she’d left here on their long-ago movie night.

  Elliot rolled his head to look at Malcolm. “Could you please talk some sense into her and take her home?”

  Malcolm pulled himself back against the sofa and threw his hands in the air. “Don’t look at me. I’m just the chauffeur. I’m not getting in the middle of this.”

  Daniel sniggered. “He doesn’t want to risk his steady supply of poontang.”

  Malcolm glowered at Daniel, then pointed. “I don’t see you standing up to her either.”

  Sheri, for her part, seemed to enjoy the respectful fear. “If you had the sense God gave a muskrat, I wouldn’t have to make sure you got here safely,” she told Elliot. “And more importantly, stayed here.”

  “Ben will make sure I stay,” Elliot told her, then looked around the room and slightly toward the ceiling. “Won’t you, Ben?” He hadn’t realized until then that his laptop was still packed up and sitting in the pile of bags by the door.

  Daniel seemed to know the moment Elliot thought about it, and was out of the chair and headed toward the foyer. “I’ll go get it.” He had already taken it out of the bag and was powering it up as he approached Elliot. He laid the open computer on Elliot’s lap and plopped down in his chair again.

  “Ben? I’m home.” Nothing. The keyboard was completely still. “Come on, Ben. Help me out. Throw some furniture at these guys. Make them leave.”

  When there was no indication that Ben was around, Elliot turned toward the other three with a confused expression.

  “Maybe he’s waiting to be alone with you, Elliot,” Malcolm suggested. “It’s been a while. He probably doesn’t want an audience.”

  Daniel added in a singsong voice, “He probably wants to make all sorts of hearts and kissy-face emojis.”

  Elliot grinned and looked at the keyboard, half expecting one of those things to pop up on the screen.

  Nothing.

  “You’re always trying to get him to cross over,” Sheri offered, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees. “Maybe he finally did.”

  Elliot felt a rush of instant panic. “No. Not now.” He looked around. “Not now, Ben.” He shook the laptop as if he could will the keys to move. “You have to be here.”

  A book flew off the bookshelf on the opposite wall. “Oh thank God.” He looked at the floor where the book had landed. “Why didn’t you answer me sooner?”

  “He was probably pissed that no one had come out here and told him what was going on with you,” Daniel proposed, and another book immediately sailed off the same table. “Is that you agreeing with me? One for yes, two for no?”

  Two books rocketed in rapid succession toward Daniel’s face, but he dodged them easily.

  “So,” Daniel said with a smile. “That’s a no, but you were using the code, so it’s really a yes. You’re agreeing with me.”

  Elliot had to laugh. “That’s my Ben.”

  One of the books that had landed near Daniel’s feet rose up and tapped Elliot on the top of the head. Everyone broke up laughing. Elliot was pretty sure Ben was chuckling too. He could sense it.

  He looked at the air in front of him. “I have a lot to tell you, Ben. I’ve figured something out. A revelation of a lifetime. Of two lifetimes, even.” He sat the laptop on the chair-side table.

  The laptop keys clattered almost immediately.

  Really?

  Elliot was so relieved to be talking to Ben again. He had missed him so much.

  <3 :-) <3

  When Elliot chuckled, Daniel looked over from where he sat in the chair. “Emojis?” Elliot turned the laptop around so Daniel could see it. “I told you he was waiting to give you hearts and emojis.”

  A book rose from the floor, but Elliot caught it and chortled in reply. “Ah come on, Ben. You have to give that one to him. You did use hearts and emojis.”

  LOL. Okay, no book to the face……………………this time.

  Elliot doubled over with laughter. It felt so good to be home, so normal to be teasing with Ben and the rest of his friends. Sheri put on a movie, and Elliot slumped back in his chair and half listened to it, but he soon fell asleep.

  “ELLIE,” SHERI whispered while tapping his shoulder. “Let’s get you upstairs before we leave. Okay?”

  He moved automatically, letting Daniel help him up the stairs, closely followed by Malcolm and Sheri. Daniel turned down the bed and guided Elliot to sit.

  “Where are your pajamas, Elle?” Sheri’s voice came floating toward him from a distance. He didn’t answer; he rolled on his side and grabbed at the blanket, trying to cover himself. He was barely aware of someone taking off his shoes, lifting his legs onto the bed, and pulling the blanket up over his shoulder.

  “Night, Ellie.”

  HE’S SITTING on the edge of the bed across from Ben, who reaches over and brushes Elliot’s hair out of his face.

  “So tell me about what you discovered.” He’s grinning from ear to ear. “In these multiple lifetimes you were talking about.”

  Elliot smiles back and leans into his touch. “You know very well what I discovered.” Elliot can’t help but tease him just a little. “I found Patrick’s journal, so now I know all about his life before he died, even though I couldn’t get him to answer me.” Ben’s expression falls so quickly and completely that Elliot can’t continue the ruse. “I’m teasing, Ben. I figured it out. I know now… I’m Patrick.”

  Ben surges forward and envelops Elliot in the biggest hug, toppling them over sideways on the bed. “Oh thank God. I didn’t think you’d ever remember.”

  They get comfortable on the bed, facing each other, and Elliot traces Ben’s cheek with a finger. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

  “I couldn’t.” Ben runs his fingers through Elliot’s chestnut locks. “First of all, you wouldn’t have believed me. But there’re rules. I couldn’t tell you.”

  “Rules?”

  “Well, sort of.” Ben ruffles Elliot’s hair but immediately smooths it down and goes back to carding it. “It’s not like there’s a manual. But you had to remember on your own.”

  “Why didn’t you want me to go to Pennsylvania, then? Surely you had to know I’d stand a better chance of remembering there.”

  Ben gets a worried look on his face. “You stood a better chance of dying there too. You shouldn’t be completely alone like that.”

  “Okay, okay.” Elliot scoots in close to Ben. “I’ve already been properly chastised.”

  Shuffling closer still, Ben caresses Elliot’s cheek. “I know, and I don’t mean to fuss at you. It’s just… that’s in the rules too. You can’t get back here if you die somewhere else, and if you simply cross over
, this whole thing will start all over again.”

  “What do you mean?” Elliot tucks his head in Ben’s neck, and Ben rolls to his back, taking Elliot with him. “What whole thing?”

  “There hasn’t only been Patrick and Elliot.” Ben strokes Elliot’s back as he lies half on, half off him. “There’s at least one, maybe two lives in between where you didn’t make it back here at all.”

  Elliot can feel Ben’s shuddering breath as he whispers, “I don’t want to lose you again, Pat… Elli….” He shakes his head. “I don’t want to lose you.”

  Elliot runs his hand up and down Ben’s chest. “You can call me Patrick if you want.” He molds himself along the right side of Ben’s body, head on Ben’s shoulder, legs intertwined. “But how can you tell there have been more lives? Are you omniscient now or something?”

  He taps the top of Elliot’s head as a chastisement. “No. Of course not.” Then he places a kiss on the exact same spot before continuing. “I don’t only see the outside anymore, though. I see souls. That’s how I knew you were Patrick from the moment you walked in the house. But each life leaves a… I don’t know, a mark, for lack of a better word. So I can tell there have been other lives besides simply Patrick and now this one. I can’t give details, but I can tell your soul has been around longer than just those two lifetimes.”

  “Why don’t I remember the other lives too?” Elliot trails the backs of his fingers down Ben’s left side. He feels Ben’s shrug more than he sees it.

  “I don’t know.” Ben goes back to petting Elliot’s hair, and Elliot loves the feel of Ben’s long, slender fingers running over his scalp. “Because you don’t have a reason to?” He pauses, seemingly thinking about something. “You didn’t find me during those lifetimes. So memories of those wouldn’t have helped you realize who you are. Well, who you are in reference to me, at least. I mean, you’re those people too, but….”

  Elliot raises his head, takes in the beautiful sight of a flustered, tongue-tied Ben, and then kisses him silent.