The Other Girl: A Midvale Academy Novel

by Sarah Miller

  “Thanks, you can stop there, Mickey. Anyway. I want Devon to be on ATAT. And I’m going to text you in a little while. And when I do, you call him and tell him that as long as he’s on ATAT, he gets free Ecstasy. Deal?”

  “Deal.” Mickey ran back to his dorm for his hotly anticipated alone time with his hand and memories of Pilar’s spectacular nudity. I made my way toward my room. It was dark, and we had to go get Devon, and get him to say he’d be on ATAT before dinner, or else my plan wasn’t going to work with Nicholas. Pilar was quiet enough for me to tune her out, and she wasn’t thinking about Gid, but I listened to her anyway.

  I remember back when I was a little girl and I was smart. I was smarter than Madison. Way smarter. And then I got pretty and I didn’t care anymore. And now I forgot how to care. And I care. I can’t believe I didn’t get that job. I’m such an eediot.

  Poor Pilar. I never thought I’d say that. Yes, I was jealous of her. But I also felt increasingly that it must be hard to be Pilar. How were you supposed to not be a dumb hottie if everyone thought you were so hot? Maybe she was actually really smart, but she just didn’t bother trying because no one cared.

  Shit. I’d promised Mickey he could see her naked again. Well, I’d show him tomorrow. Then I would get out of her head.

  I must be still smart. If I weren’t smart, I wouldn’t be able to dress so well. That’s a kind of smart, right?

  She grabbed a pad and pen on her nightstand. Her pad was from the New York Sherry-Netherland, not the Buffalo Marriott. She wrote: Every day: Meditate five minutes on how to have a smarter mind.

  Wait. My pants feel kind of tight. Wait. How am I going to do this eef I feel fat? I mean, every time I feel my stomach, I have to think about it and how it ees fat. I want to be smart, but I can’t be smart until my mind can think about something other than my stomach.

  I should probably get a flat stomach first. But I can’t meditate on just that. It’s, like, too shallow. And since I am not going to see Madison that much since she is mad at me, I need to always see someone else whose stomach makes me jealous.

  Pilar opened up her laptop, went on iTunes, and downloaded a Mala Rodríguez video. She watched it, her eyes riveted to Mala’s stomach.

  Then she ripped up the note on the Sherry-Netherland stationery and on a new one wrote: First my stomach, then my mind. Five minutes watching video to motivate flat stomach. When stomach is flat, switch to meditating just about my mind.

  Then her phone rang.

  It was Gideon.

  “Hey,” he said. “I just called to tell you that Madison Sprague is a bitch. You shouldn’t worry about what she said today.”

  “I know,” Pilar said. “But seriously…I am going to undergo a self-transformation.”

  “OK,” Gid said amiably. “Starting when?”

  Pilar thought about what Madison had said earlier, about how she flirted with Gideon for practice on other people. She squeezed her eyes shut against the shame. This was true! She couldn’t deny she had been pressed up against Gideon the whole trip, just for the attention. Just because she knew he liked her. But then she had backed away. And even though she liked his calling her now, liked having someone call, she really had to think about herself.

  Pilar said, “Starting now. Good night.”

  She hung up in the middle of his good night.

  It was a good night indeed.

  Edie was sitting on her bed reading Angels & Insects when I came back. “I got Mickey,” I said.

  She put a bookmark in her book. “How?” she said.

  “I just asked him. He said no at first, but I told him there would be hot girls there, and…” My voice trailed off.

  I saw her trying to decide whether she was going to tell me she didn’t believe me. She finally sighed and stood up. “Do you want me to go with you to talk to Devon?” she asked.

  “Yes, absolutely,” I said. “Please, I could use the help.”

  She gave me another look to let me know she knew I was just being patronizing, that I didn’t need her help at all. But she came with me anyway.

  I was pretty sure we would find Devon in the Proctor rec room, playing video poker with his best friend, Liam, and I was right. Devon wasn’t so bad. A fat guy who wears barrettes couldn’t be altogether hateful. But I disliked his best friend, Liam Wu, intensely. He was good-looking and soulless, the embodiment of everything about Midvale, and in fact life in general, that sucked.

  “We should get another hobby,” Liam said as one game ended and they began another.

  “We should. Problem is, there’s not that much you can do stoned that makes you feel smart,” said Devon.

  “Hmm,” Liam said. “Good point.”

  “You see?” Devon said. “That wasn’t a good point at all. But it seems like one, because we’re stoned, and we’re playing video poker.”

  When the game ended I cleared my throat and Liam whipped around. “Whoa,” he said, jumping up. “How long have you guys been there?

  “Long enough to hear you guys acting like retards,” I said. “Devon, we’re here to see you.” Liam scowled at me and reset the game to play alone.

  Devon got up off the couch, hiking up his pants. Devon was a good thirty pounds overweight, wore barrettes to keep his greasy red hair out of his sort of bulging eyes, and he had a faint odor that wasn’t totally pleasant. That said, he was a self-proclaimed pussy magnet. His eyes lit up when he got a load of Edie and her new look.

  “Well, hello,” he said. His pants were crooked, and he straightened them out. A tight blue T-shirt was riding up the hunk of fat that hung over his waistband. He had once told Gideon—Gideon didn’t know I knew this—that wearing tight clothes was all part of his game. “Chicks respect the balls it takes for me to think I am hot,” he had explained to Gid. “Without the fat, I would just be your average douche…like…well, like you.”

  “Go ahead,” I whispered to Edie.

  “So, what we’re looking for, uh,” she began. I could tell she was flustered from Devon’s attention. His green eyes skipped between her chest and her face. “We’re looking for someone to be on ATAT because—”

  “Who else is on it?” he said.

  “Molly, me, and Mickey Eisenberg. And people you don’t know.” That was Sergei and Dan.

  “Really?” Devon said. He leaned against the back of the couch, clearly flattered.

  “Get your fat ass off my neck,” Liam growled.

  Devon moved a little bit to the left. “So,” he said. “You’re on it too, right?

  “Right,” Edie said.

  “Do you think I’m smart?” He gave her a penetrating stare.

  Edie looked scared. “Uh, it’s not me who chooses. It’s Mrs. Gwynne-Vaughan.”

  “So you don’t think I’m smart? Remember when we were in elementary school together?” He shifted on the couch again, and once again his butt came close to Liam’s head. Liam turned around and punched him.

  “Ow,” Devon said. He shook his head at me and Edie. “Do you believe he just punched me in the anus?”

  “Yes,” Edie said. “I do. Uh…not about believing that he punched you in the anus part. But yes, I believe you’re smart.”

  Devon stared at her a long time. “Admit it, when you saw my name on the list you were, like, oh, that kid I went to elementary school with? Who used to eat his boogers? He’s not smart,” he said.

  “I don’t think you’re not smart,” Edie insisted. “I didn’t think anything. I don’t remember you eating your…your…”

  Edie was flustered.

  Devon’s phone beeped. “Pardon me for a moment, will you?” he said to Edie, as if he were actually polite. He checked his phone. “Shit. Mickey Eisenberg said he’d give me free Ecstasy all semester if I do ATAT with him.” He smiled. “Fuck off,” he said aloud as he typed the same into his phone. “Send,” he said, winking at Edie.

  We all waited a sec. The phone beeped again.

  “Free everything,” Devon rea
d out loud. “Awesome. So. What is this? Like, a match every weekend?”

  Edie nodded. “And lots of practices.”

  I thought that might make Devon change his mind. “Whatever,” he said. “Clearly, I’m going to be so high, it’s not going to matter.”

  “So you’re going to do it?” Edie said.

  “Yeah,” he said. “Why not?” Then he whispered, “Watch this.” He jumped up into the air, landed on Liam’s lap, and let out a thunderous fart. Liam struggled to get out from under him, but his friend outweighed him by a good fifty pounds, and he was reduced to futile squealing and flailing limbs. “You love it!” Devon shouted. “You love it!” He called after us. “Hey! Hey! I was going to do it anyway, but don’t tell Eisenberg. I want him to think he’s doing something useful with his drugs!”

  We opened the door of Proctor, and I found myself face to face with Gideon, Cullen, and Nicholas. Cullen and Nicholas tucked their heads to the ground and just kept walking, but Gideon and I locked eyes immediately. It was terrible to look at his face. When I didn’t see him I could kind of pretend he didn’t exist. But to look at his face, his beautiful face, and feel all that terrible, useless want. After an awkward second, Edie proceeded out the door, Gid and I just stood there, staring at each other, until finally he said, “Hi, how…how was Buffalo?”

  I said it was fine. God, it was weird not being able to tell what he was thinking. Was that sheepish look on his face because he wanted to run away, or because he was afraid I would, or…

  “Did you have a good time?”

  “What kind of a question is that?”

  That just popped out of my mouth.

  Gid looked confused. “Molly, if I did something wrong, I mean, can’t we talk about it?”

  “Something wrong,” I repeated. “You didn’t do something wrong. But there was something wrong with us.”

  Gid stepped inside and into the corner. When he saw that we were alone, he said, “What? What was it? Tell me, and I’ll fix it.”

  He looked so sincere, and sad. But I shook my head. “You can’t fix it. It’s too bad, but you can’t.”

  “But…but,” Gid sputtered. “Why can’t you just tell me?”

  This was a good question, but I had an answer. “If you can’t fix it, what’s the point?”

  I left the dorm. I knew he was looking at me as I walked away, because the door never shut. He must have just been standing in it, watching me walk back to my dorm. It took all my will to not turn around, and I realized that, to get over him, that’s all I had to do. I just had to keep not turning around. I would try to see him as little as possible, and if I thought of him, I would tell myself to think of something else.

  He would have to go away eventually.

  Unfortunately, my whole avoid-Gid plan would have to go into effect after the next morning because my ATAT/Nicholas plan inadvertently involved him.

  “Explain this to me again,” Edie said. She was even dressed kind of sexy for bed. She used to wear just sweats and old, long T-shirts, but she’d bought a few of those little sleeping outfits, little tanks and little shorts.

  “Hey,” I teased. “Did you read one of those women’s magazine article about how wearing sexy clothes at night makes you feel cute during the day?”

  Edie looked kind of serious. “Molly, I don’t want to be a bitch, but I kind of meant what I said.”

  I felt really stupid.

  “Let’s restrict this conversation to ATAT, OK?”

  What could I say to that? Luckily she started the conversation again.

  “So. Nicholas. You want us to just show up and work out tomorrow? At the track?”

  I nodded. It was sort of a half-baked idea, but time was of the essence, and I didn’t know another place I was sure to run into him.

  “And we don’t tell him about ATAT, but you think you know how to make him ask us about it? And even when he does, we don’t tell him we want him to be on it?”

  “That’s right,” I said.

  Edie put her book down and turned out her light. “Well. You’ve gotten everyone so far, so I guess we’ll go with your plan.”

  She didn’t say good night.

  I sat in bed that night, half studying, half waiting for Pilar to go to sleep. She had put on black silk pajamas, and she’d even found a pair of reading glasses that she wasn’t going to wear out of the room, but would help her, she thought, feel like a serious person. She sat on her brocade sofa with a blue angora blanket around her bare ankles and read the novel they were reading in English, Tess of the D’Urbervilles. She got up to see what page they were supposed to be on: 125. She was on page five. I’m hungry. I guess I will watch the video again. She did and she felt better. She read five more pages and fell asleep, thinking of her new life as a serious person with glasses, a person who read before bed and woke up feeling thin, too. Her last thought: soon I will be perfect.

  I thought, soon I will stop lying awake thinking about Gideon. It was my last thought too, but it went on a lot longer than hers.

  Chapter Thirteen

  I got up really early and went to the bathroom and sat in the big window overlooking the campus. It was a cloudy day, and a layer of mist hung ghostly and white over the quad as I wrote Dr. Whitmeyer another text message.

  Hello? Help!

  So you’re in this young woman’s head. How extraordinary!

  “No!” I shouted. Enthusiasm was not what I wanted right now.

  Tell me how to get out!!

  You can’t control this.

  This was alarming.

  I have to get out. I have to.

  A long silence. Then:

  Remember to think about why. Why do you want to get out of that girl’s head?

  Because she’s annoying. All she does is think about how pretty she is and then think it’s bad to think she looks pretty and then, when she’s not doing that, she thinks up ways to make herself prettier. It’s like, get a life.

  You should be thinking about what you have in common.

  What? We have nothing in common.

  Pilar was awake now and getting ready to work out. So what else was new? But she put on two bras. Two bras?

  I hope I am alone at the track. I don’t want anyone to see that I run like a duck. No one needs to know that.

  Pilar was going running.

  Dr. Whitmeyer, I have to go. The girl…Well, it’s an emergency.

  Just keep trying to think about how you really feel.

  As if I could forget.

  I ran back to the room. “We can’t go,” I said. “We can go tomorrow.” I didn’t want to be in the same place at the same time with both of them. But what if Pilar was running tomorrow too?

  Edie was in workout clothes and tying a sweatshirt around her waist. “We’re late,” she said. “We have to go,” she said. “Otherwise we’re never going to get to talk to him. I mean, you are right. Every other part of the day, he’s with Cullen and Liam and Devon and Gid. At least right now he’s only with Gideon. Which, I guess sucks for you, but…”

  “It’s not that it sucks,” I said. I was totally lying. “I just don’t want Nicholas to think that I’m, like, insanely stalking Gid.”

  “Who cares what he—” But then Edie just shook her head impatiently. “I’ll just go by myself,” she said, leaving the room.

  Our old roommate, Marcy Proctor, came out of her room in a towel as I was chasing after Edie, and I almost knocked her down. “Hey, Molly,” she said. “How are you doing?” She had that fake-sympathy look that always means someone wants gossip.

  “Fine, Marcy, how are you!” I said, not bothering to stop or slow down. I caught up with Edie on the stairs.

  I stepped in front of her on the landing. She looked at me without any emotion. “I’m sorry,” I said.

  She made a noise of impatience. “Molly, I am sick of Gid. ‘I have to see Gid. No, I won’t see him. I have to see him. I can’t see him.’ If you are so freaked out, just go out with him aga
in. You’re the one who broke up with him!”

  Two girls in junior squad lacrosse uniforms stepped around us, their eyes wide with their contained giggles. I waited until they scampered down the stairs. “It’s complicated,” I said.

  “I’m sure it is,” Edie said, “for a ten-year-old.”

  “Edie—” I hated the pleading tone in my voice, but I couldn’t get rid of it. “If I could just explain to you what…I know you’re mad, and—”

  “Thank God you can’t,” she said. “I’m not mad. I am bored. This friendship bores me.”

  I wanted to burst into tears. But let’s face it, nothing would be more boring than that.

  “Let’s just go,” I said. “Let’s just go down to the field and follow the plan.”

  Edie rolled her eyes at me.

  “Give me a second,” I said. Heading back to the room, I made a plan to recoup my dignity. We’d get this ATAT recruitment out of the way. I would get out of Pilar’s head, and I would silently and with great fortitude white-knuckle my way through the months it took me to forget Gid. I would get my scholarship and this would be over. Somewhere along the way, I might develop a tolerable personality again, and Edie might regain her interest in being friends with me. This was all, of course, dependent on my not killing myself.

  I had two jump ropes underneath my bed that I’d swiped the night before from the gym Cullen’s dad had built with money earned by making diet cheesecake out of, essentially, air, olestra, and Splenda.

  “We’re just going to stand out in the middle of the track and jump rope and hope Nicholas talks to us?” Edie said.

  “That’s the plan,” I said.

  I was not looking forward to watching Gideon watch me, knowing he thought I was a crazy stalker.

  It was a depressing morning. On a nice day, a prep school can charm you. The brick buildings look pretty against the blue sky, and the institutional neatness of it all seems reassuring. But today, the sky was gray, everything else was brown or yellow, and Midvale just looked like a jail. The train whistle sounded, lonely and stark, cutting through the screaming of a thousand crows. An icy wind blew in from the mountains, and the air smelled of pine needles and, as always, the cheap bread that went moldy so fast in the cafeteria. Edie and I crested a small hill, and down on the flat below, Gideon and Nicholas, in unison, moving with ease, and Pilar, clunky but determined, ran around the track. Running wasn’t the most flattering activity for her. Everyone now knows I run like a duck. Oh well. I guess that ees just the breaks of trying to have a flat stomach.