The Universe is a Very Big Place

by APRIL ASHEIM

  "I don’t love you, either," Sam hissed, grabbing her arm as he stood up beside her. "But I didn’t invest two years of my life for you to call it quits like this. You are going to march down this aisle and marry me. Do you hear me?" He pushed her out of the pew and ushered her into the aisle. "In five minutes," he whispered, digging his nails into her wrists. "You will be my wife."

  Spring felt light-headed and the room began to spin. She heard Pastor Paul pronounce the couple in front of them man and wife and Sam shoved her forward.

  "Dearly Beloved," began Pastor Paul, and Spring could hear no more.

  Twenty-Nine

  The clock on the dashboard said 3:20 and John was certain he had missed his one shot at stopping Spring from marrying Sam. He had made several loops through town and had not seen their vehicle. He turned his car around and headed back in the direction of Phoenix, flipping on the radio to drown out the sounds of Lanie and Bob’s slurpy kissing in the backseat. The newscaster announced that parts of Arizona and Nevada were going to have severe thunderstorm warnings until Monday at 10 a.m. He hoped he had shut his windows back home.

  And then he saw it. A giant billboard with a picture of a white-haired man holding the Koran in one hand and the Bible in the other.

  The Sedona Chapel of Infinite Knowledge. Three miles east of town. Exit 211.

  "We got it!" he said, spinning the wheel in a wild arc.

  "You sure?" Bob asked, unbuckling his seat belt and leaning forward.

  "Better be," John said, putting his foot on the gas.

  Spring and Sam emerged from the chapel, the sunlight forcing them to squint. A bird squawked overhead and Spring marveled at the beauty of Sedona. It was a vivid, Technicolor red and thirty degrees cooler than Phoenix. She wished she could stay. But Grandma Rosary was dying, and there was not much time. As they sloshed towards their car Spring thought she saw a familiar vehicle speeding in their direction. But it couldn’t be.

  "What the..." Sam’s voice trailed off as they watched the Mustang peel into the parking lot. In the vehicle were three humans and one barnyard animal. Spring recognized them all.

  John was the first out, throwing open his door and racing towards her, the car's engine still running. Lanie, Bob, and Buttermilk followed. "Spring!" John panted. "God, I’m glad to see you." He reached for one of her hands and held it in his. "I’m sorry I’m too late. But I had to let you know something."

  Spring exchanged a look with Sam. "John, why are you here?"

  "I love you, Spring. I love you more than the stars, and the moon and the sun and the rain and all that other corny stuff I’ve heard them say on the Oxygen Channel."

  Spring looked at Sam who was rolling his eyes.

  "You deserve the best, Spring. You’re beautiful and funny and smart, and no, that’s not normal. That’s a beautiful, amazing, anomaly. You deserve so much more than a normal life."

  Bob and Lanie were nodding behind him.

  "Look buddy," said Sam, pushing John back. "It’s been a long day and we want to get going, okay?"

  John held his ground. "I’m not asking you to come with me," John continued, ignoring Sam. "That’s way too much to ask. But I love you enough to want you to be happy." John pulled Spring into his arms and hugged her. "You deserve everything, Spring. Settle for nothing less." He kissed her on the cheek and let her go. "I guess that’s it, then," John said. "I had to tell you."

  "You came to save me." Spring smiled as the truth sunk in. "You came to save me!"

  "Someone had to do it," Lanie said.

  Spring gave the trio a disappointed look. "That’s where you are wrong." She held up her left hand revealing a ring finger without a ring. "Ta-da! Sam and I didn’t get married."

  John did a double take. "You’re not married?"

  "Nope. Still single. I just couldn’t go through with it." Spring smiled. That same smile that had disarmed him in the grocery store.

  "Any other suitors I should know about?" John pecked at the pebbles in the ground with the toe of his shoe.

  "Just one," Spring grinned, pulling him in by the shirt collar.

  "Can we get out of here? The suit is starting to melt onto me." Sam tugged at the tux which was clinging to him like saran wrap.

  "I have one more thing to do," Spring whispered to John. "And then I will come back to you. Can you wait here?"

  John nodded and watched as Spring and Sam drove away. Even as he watched her go, his heart soared.

  "You know," said Bob to Lanie. "This is a marriage chapel."

  Lanie arched her brows. "What are you saying, mister?"

  "I bet they have an open slot, since the Sam/Spring wedding didn’t work out. It would be sad to waste it, don’t you agree?" Bob adjusted his bow tie and Lanie grabbed his face between her hands and kissed him roughly on the lips.

  "That’s the most beautiful proposal I’ve been given," Lanie said, leaping into his arms.

  Somehow, John marveled, Bob managed to stay standing.

  Thirty

  When Spring returned, John was still standing outside of the chapel, his hands shoved deep inside his pockets. Lanie and Bob were nowhere to be seen. She could feel John’s eyes on her when she kissed Sam on the cheek.

  "The right woman will come along," Spring reassured Sam. "I promise."

  Sam laughed. The first sincere laugh Spring had heard from him in a very long time. "Oh, I doubt that, honey." Sam looked out over the red mountains and let out a weary sigh. "Guess you can get a ride home?"

  "I’m sure I can. Take care of yourself, Sam. I will keep all of your things safe until you can come back for them."

  Sam nodded and before Spring could open the door he leaned over and hugged her. "Thank you. For everything."

  Spring watched as Sam sped away towards his new life. She felt bad about the deception but it really wasn’t hurting anyone, she decided. And everyone would end up happy.

  "Hi stranger," she said, walking towards John. She had removed the rubber band from her hair and blond strands swung lazily around her face. "Fancy meeting you here."

  John smiled, drawing in a long breath. "I must be in heaven. The most beautiful place on earth and the most beautiful girl in the world. Doesn’t get any better than this."

  "Heaven minus the virgins," Spring teased.

  "Huh?"

  "Never mind." She reached up and grabbed his neck, nuzzling it with her lips.

  "Sedona is beautiful isn’t it?" Spring turned to face the red mountain ranges that dominated the landscape. "Too bad we can’t stay."

  John jingled coins in his pocket. "Why can’t we?"

  Spring threw her head back and laughed. “You’re crazy, John Smith, you know that?"

  John tilted her chin up, so that their eyes locked. "I’m serious. We’re both unemployed. Nothing to really bind us anywhere. Think of what the fresh air would do for the boys."

  "I guess Jason could park here just as easily. Though I might have to give him extra gas money." Spring wrinkled her brow and thought. "What would we do?"

  "Well, if you can throw caution to the wind and let your life unfold as it will, then Spring, my dear, we can do anything we want."

  Spring smiled and the sun touched her face. Yes. They very well could. "I still can’t believe you came all the way out here to save me," she said, leaning her head on his shoulder.

  John kissed her on the top of the head. "I had to. How else was I going to collect the twenty bucks you owe me for this week?"

  Lanie and Bob emerged from the Chapel of Infinite Knowledge, giggling like high school sweethearts. "Guess what?" said Lanie. "I got hitched."

  Spring squealed and embraced her mother, falling into the warm folds of her flesh. Then she went to Bob. "Hurt her and you deal with me."

  "Hell with that,” said Lanie, flexing. "Hurt me and you’ll deal with me." Bob beamed and tenderly patted Lanie’s behind.

  "Not a bad way to spend a Saturday," said Spring as they stood in the shadows of the red mountains
.

  "Not a bad way at all," agreed John. "And who knows," he whispered so softly into her ear that she almost didn’t hear it. "Maybe someday that will be you and me in the Chapel of Infinite Knowledge."

  Spring turned to whisper back. "Not a bad way to spend a life."

  Buttermilk snorted.

  Epilogue

  Forging the marriage certificate was easy and ingenious. Sam was surprised that Spring had come up with that herself. Why hadn’t he thought of that before? And as much as he hated to admit it, it was a decent thing for her to do. She didn’t ask for anything in the deal, just that they part ways on good terms and he get those bobble heads out of the house as soon as he was able to.

  They had picked up the stationary at a local shop, created their own certificate from a printer at a cyber café, and stamped it with a seal stating that the couple were now certified Reiki healers. His grandmother would never know the difference.

  When he presented it to Grandma Rosary she was beside herself. "You got married! Oh, thank God. Now you will go to heaven." She hugged him as hard as her bony arms could hug him, and for a moment Sam felt a stab in his gut at the deception. But it was making her so happy, and would make him happy in return, so he pushed the feeling away.

  "In the top drawer of my bureau is the key to the building where I’ve kept the books," croaked Grandma Rosary. "Your grandfather built it himself, and I didn’t have the heart to move them. I hope they bring you much happiness."

  Sam had to check his own heart to make sure that it was still beating. "Thank you, Grandma. I love you." And he meant it.

  The building sat on the far side of his grandmother’s property. It resembled a large white barn. Sam’s pants tightened as it came into view. He felt like an archeologist who happened upon some great discovery that had been lost for millennia. He wished that he had not let Spring talk him out of the Indiana Jones hat and whip set they saw in the Discovery Store.

  Sam waved at the landscapers along the way, who appeared to be leaving for the day. He could only hope. This would afford him some privacy while he sorted through his treasures.

  His fingers trembled as he pushed the key into the old, rusty lock. The place had probably been sealed off since the time of his grandfather’s death twenty years before. After some minor protest the doors swung open and Sam fell to his knees.

  "Oh sweet mother of Buddha," he said, feeling richer than King Solomon.

  The room was large, perhaps as large as his own house, and twice as tall. Each wall was lined in shelves––shelves housing hundreds, perhaps thousands, of books. All hardbound and glorious. A tall ladder was fastened to a rail that spanned the perimeter of the space, making navigation among the tomes easy for those who weren’t afraid of heights.

  He picked up a book that had somehow fallen to the ground. It was covered in dust; Sam had to blow the cover clean in order to read the title. A Christmas Carol. First edition. Signed by Dickens. His legs felt sticky.

  Thunder boomed in the background and Sam saw a flash of lightning that coincided with the darkening of the sky, as if God had turned off one switch and turned on another. He looked at his watch. It was going to be full darkness and night soon and he knew he should leave, come back the following day when he had sunlight on his side. But he couldn’t go. Not yet. He had waited too long for this.

  He raced to his car and opened the hatchback. He ran to and fro, carrying whatever books he could shelter in his arms. When the rain began, he tucked the books beneath his shirt to protect them.

  "Fuck me," he said, when his car was full, but the storage unit was still overflowing. "I guess I'll rent a U-haul." Sam shut the doors to his car as water fell in thick drops all around him.

  As his fingers inserted the key back into the lock, he was suddenly reminded of the portrait of God and Adam in the Sistine Chapel. God breathing life into Adam. A shock jolted through him and he collapsed, reaching for books as he fell through a hole in the Universe.

  "I’m not sure what he’s saying," said the joweled one who kept trying to offer him a towel. "He’s been blubbering like that since we woke him up."

  Sam looked at the man and his lips tried to form the words Fucking Idiot but all he could muster was bu-bubu-bumm-bum.

  "T’aint never seen no man sleep through a storm like that," said the skinny sidekick who was wearing overalls with so many patches Sam could hardly see the denim beneath.

  "That weren’t no nap he was taking, you ignoramuses. He was hit by lightnin’. Why you think he’s smellin’ like burnt toast?" This was the fat one who had a few years, and pounds, on the others. "Lewis will know what to do. Lewis always knows what to do." His lackeys nodded dumbly. The three turned their attention to a dirt road, awaiting the mystical Lewis.

  Sam looked at the building behind him for the first time since his awakening. The doors were swung open and there were books everywhere. A few were charred. Most were wet. Everything was ruined. Armageddon had come. But only to the storage house.

  "Gone," he wept, picking up book after book and watching it turn to mush in his hands. "Everything. Gone."

  "Hey, he said something," said the skinny one, nodding encouragement. "Good boy. Goooood boy." He reached down to pat Sam’s head and Sam swatted the hand away.

  At last, a newly-painted yellow station wagon came into view. Sam watched as a face appeared behind the wheel, belonging to a round man with large, square-shaped frames balanced precariously on his blunt nose. The three yokels cheered in unison and Sam wished that Allah had taken him when he could have. Lewis emerged from his car carrying a brown leather briefcase. An expensive one from the looks of it.

  "I’m Lewis," said the man slowly, stooping to meet Sam’s gaze. He seemed familiar. "I am here to help you." He touched the small of Sam’s back to show that he was non-threatening. Sam nodded and took the handkerchief the man handed him.

  I’m not sure there is anyone who can help me, thought Sam, his lips not quite ready to form a sentence of that magnitude. Instead Sam buried his head into his hands and sobbed.

  "There, there," said Lewis. "I’m going to take you to the hospital and see that you get proper medical care. Then I will request that you be released to me and I will help you through this trying time. I’m a lover of books myself."

  Sam nodded, blowing his nose.

  "I know you’ve suffered a loss but your grandmother tells me the books were insured. That’s got to be some consolation."

  Sam looked at his library that sat in ruins. His life’s dreams lay fallen like the city of Gomorrah after God’s wrath. He sniffed twice.

  "I’m gonna set you up for therapy twice a week until the crisis is over. It will be okay," Lewis said, lifting Sam’s chin to meet his eyes. Beautiful, gentle, warm eyes.

  In a moment, all of the books that had been lost were forgotten. Sam nodded and the man squeezed his hand. When Sam squeezed it back he knew that everything really was going to be okay after all.

  6 Months Later

  Spring drove down the highway, smoothly merging into the right hand lane of traffic. She smiled and nodded at familiar faces that she passed. The boys sat buckled in the seat behind her, talking excitedly about their second-grade field trip to the Sedona Art Faire.

  "Where are we going, Mommy?” Blaine asked, craning his neck to see evidence of familiar landscape. Towering red rock formations on either side of the car formed an interesting corridor and Spring smiled to herself. The scenery of the land never failed to amaze her.

  "Home. I wanted to try out a new route."

  "That rock looks like the one in John’s paintings," Shane said, pointing to a smaller mound alongside of the road.

  "They all look like the ones in John’s paintings," Blaine laughed and Shane nodded in agreement.

  Spring found her exit and pulled onto a narrow rocky path right outside of town. The boys bumped in their seats. Spring stopped the vehicle in front of a row of three trailers that sat on a large plot of crimson sand.
>
  In front of the middle trailer, Lanie and Bob were engaged in an elaborate, snake-like dance while Buttermilk watched from the porch. "It’s my boys!" Lanie stopped dancing and turned to face the twins, opening her arms wide to receive them with a hug.

  "Grandma!" they said in unison, covering her cheeks in kisses. Bob adjusted his glasses and smiled warmly before nodding at Spring.

  The door of the far right trailer swung open and Jason emerged, carrying a guitar that had lost one of its strings. "Hey, beautiful," he said, winking at Spring as he settled on to the steps of his front porch. "Want to hear me play Sister Goldenhair? I’ve been working on it all day."

  Spring smiled. "Not now, Jason, but maybe tonight. I’m sure your sons would love to hear, though." Jason shrugged and began to pick away at the instrument. Bob took Lanie’s hands and twirled her around as the boys patted Buttermilk.

  "I’m gonna go for an hour," Spring hollered out to Jason and her mother who nodded in response. "But I will be back to feed the twins dinner." Spring ascended the three steps into the first trailer and made her way to a small card table near the kitchen. On it sat a stack of mail that Spring quickly sorted through and stuffed in her purse. She hopped down the stairs and into her car. "Bye, then. See you in a bit."

  It wasn’t a long drive. Within five minutes he was within view. Her face warmed as she took him in, leaning against his truck, arms relaxed and folded across his chest.

  "About time you got here," he said, his eyes twinkling. He opened an arm for her and she settled into the nook.

  "Sorry, had to drop off the twins. They said your stuff was quite the hit at the fair today."

  "Yeah, tourists never get tired of rock paintings, it seems." The sun had settled itself behind a large chunk of rock, casting an ethereal orange illumination in all directions. "Wish I had brought my paints."