Maybe This Christmas

by Sarah Morgan

  Could he ignore it?

  Tell her to search the internet?

  He ran his hand over his face and cursed under his breath, knowing he couldn’t ignore it or leave something that important to a search engine.

  It wasn’t as if she had her mother to ask. He was the only parent in her life. And right now she was probably thinking that was a raw deal.

  “Jess!” He yelled after her, and when there was no response, he strode out of the kitchen and found her tugging her boots on in the hall. “Get in the car. I’ll take you to the store.”

  “Forget it.” Her voice was muffled, her hair falling forward over her face. “I’m going to walk over to the house and ask Grandma to drive me.”

  “Grandma hates driving in the snow and the dark. I’ll take you.” His voice was rougher than he intended, and he stretched out a hand to touch her shoulder and then pulled it back. To hug or not to hug? He had no idea. “I was going to the store anyway.”

  “You were going tomorrow, not today.”

  “Well, now I’m going today.” He grabbed his coat. “Come on. We’ll pick up some of that chocolate you like.”

  Still not looking at him, she fiddled with her boots, and he sighed, wishing for the hundredth time that teenage girls came with an operating manual.

  “Jess, it’s all good.”

  “It’s not good,” she muttered in a strangled tone, “it’s like a massive avalanche of awkward! You’re thinking this is your worst nightmare.”

  “I’m not thinking that.” He gripped the door handle. “I’m thinking I’m messing it up. I’m saying the wrong things and making you feel uncomfortable, which is not my intention.”

  She peeped at him through her hair. “You’re wishing I’d never come to live here.”

  He’d thought they’d got past that. The insecurity. Those creeping, confidence-eroding doubts that had eaten away at her happiness. “I’m not wishing that.”

  “Mom told me she wished I’d never been born.”

  Tyler zipped up his jacket viciously, almost removing a finger in the process. “She didn’t mean that.” He dragged open the door, grateful for the blast of freezing air to cool his temper.

  “Yes, she did.” Jess mumbled the words. “She told me I was the worst thing that ever happened to her.”

  “Well, I’ve never thought that. Not once. Not even when my socks are wet because you’ve let the dogs drag snow into the house.”

  “You didn’t sign up for any of this.” Her voice faltered, and the uncertainty in her eyes made him want to punch a hole through something.

  “I tried to. I asked your mom to marry me.”

  “I know. She said no because she thought you’d be a useless father. I heard her telling my stepdad. She said you were irresponsible.”

  Tyler felt the emotion rush at him. “Yeah, well, that may be true, but it doesn’t change the fact I wanted you, Jess, right from the start. And when your mother wouldn’t agree to marry me, I tried other ways of having you live here with us. Why the hell are we talking about this now?”

  “Because it’s the truth. I was a mistake.” Jess gave a tiny shrug as if it didn’t matter, and because he knew how much it mattered, he hesitated, knowing that the way he responded was vitally important to the way she felt about this whole situation.

  “We didn’t exactly plan to have you, that’s true. I’m not going to lie about that, but you can’t plan every single thing that happens in life. People think they can. They think they can control things and then whoosh—something happens that proves you’re not as in control as you think. And sometimes it’s the things you don’t plan that turn out best.”

  “I wasn’t one of those things. Mom told me I was the biggest mistake of her life.”

  His hands clenched into fists and he had to force himself to stay calm. “She was probably upset or tired.”

  “It was the time I snowboarded down the stairs.”

  Tyler managed a smile. “Right, well, there you go. That’s why.” He dragged her against him and hugged her, feeling her skinny body and the familiar scent of her hair. His daughter. His child. “You’re the best thing that happened to me. You’re an O’Neil all the way, and sometimes that drives your mom a little crazy, that’s all. She doesn’t have that much love for us O’Neils. But she loves you. I know she does.” He didn’t know that, but he reined in his natural urge to speak the truth.

  “Her family isn’t close like ours, and that makes her jealous.” Her voice was muffled against his chest, and he felt her arms tighten around him.

  “You may skip classes, but you’re not stupid.”

  Jess pulled away, her cheeks streaked pink. “Is that why you don’t want to ever get married? Because of what happened with Mom?”

  How was he supposed to answer that?

  He’d learned that with Jess, the questions came with no warning. She bottled stuff up and held it inside until she burst with trying to contain it.

  “Some people aren’t the marrying type, and I’m one of those.”

  “Why?”

  Tyler decided he’d rather ski a vertical slope in the dark with his eyes closed than have this conversation. “All people are good at some things and bad at others. I’m bad at relationships. I don’t make women happy.” Just ask your mother. “Women who care about me often end up being hurt.”

  “So you’re never going to get involved with anyone again? Dad, that’s really dumb.”

  “You’re telling me I’m dumb? What happened to respect?”

  “All I’m saying is it’s okay to make mistakes when you’re young. Everyone messes up sometimes. It shouldn’t stop you trying again when you’re older.”

  “Jess—”

  “Maybe you’ll be better at it now you’ve got me. If you want to know how the female mind works, you can ask,” she said generously, and Tyler opened his mouth and closed it again.

  “Thanks, sweetheart. I appreciate that.” Deciding that the conversation was getting more awkward, not less, he dug out his car keys. “Now get in the car before both of us freeze in the doorway. We need to get to the store before it closes.”

  “It would have been easier for you if I’d been a boy. Then we wouldn’t have to have embarrassing conversations.”

  “Don’t you believe it. Teenage boys are the worst. I know. I was one. And I’m not embarrassed.” Tyler’s tongue felt thick in his mouth. “Why would I be embarrassed by something that’s a normal part of growing up? If there’s anything you want to ask—” please, God, don’t let there be anything she wanted to ask “—you come straight out and say it.”

  She tugged on her boots. “I’m good. But I need to get to the store.”

  He grabbed her coat and thrust it at her. “Wrap up. It’s freezing out there.”

  “Can Ash and Luna come?”

  “On a trip to the store?” He was about to ask why he would want to take two hyperactive dogs on a trip to the village, but then saw her hopeful expression and decided the dogs might be the best cure for awkward. And hopefully, they’d take her mind off her mom and the complexity of human relationships. “Sure. Great idea. Nothing I love more than two panting animals while I’m driving. But you’ll have to keep them under control.”

  Jess whistled for Ash and Luna, who came bounding out, ecstatic at the promise of a trip.

  Tyler drove out of Snow Crystal, slowing down for the guests who were returning from a day on the slopes.

  The resort was half-empty, but it was still early in the season, and he knew visitor numbers would double once the Christmas break arrived.

  And across the Atlantic in Europe, the Alpine Ski World Cup was underway.

  He tightened his grip on the wheel, grateful that Jess was chattering away. Grateful for the distraction.

 
“Uncle Jackson told me the snowmaking is going really well. Loads of runs are open. Do you think we might have a big fall of snow? Uncle Sean is here.” She talked nonstop as she stroked Luna. “I saw his car earlier. Gramps said he was here for the meeting, but I don’t get why. He’s a surgeon. He doesn’t get involved in running the business. Or is he going to be here to fix broken legs?”

  “Uncle Sean is working up a preconditioning program with Christy at the spa. They’re trying to reduce skiing injuries. It was Brenna’s idea.” Tyler slowed as they reached the main highway and turned toward the village. The snow was falling steadily, coating the windshield and the road ahead.

  “How come Brenna is the one in charge of the outdoor program when you’re the one with the gold medal?”

  “Because Uncle Jackson had already given her the job before I came home, and because I hate organization almost as much as I hate shopping and cooking. I’m only interested in the skiing part. And Brenna is a great teacher. She’s patient and kind, whereas I want to dump people in a snowdrift if they don’t get it right the first time.” He glanced briefly in his rearview mirror. “Are you going to sleep over with Grandma tonight?”

  “Do you want me to? Are you planning on having sex or something?”

  Tyler almost swerved into the ditch. “Jess—”

  “What? You said I could talk to you about anything.”

  He steadied the car. Focused on the road. “You can’t ask me if I’m planning on having sex.”

  “Why? I don’t want to get in the way, that’s all.”

  “You don’t get in the way.” He wondered why this conversation had to come up while he was driving in difficult conditions. “You never get in the way.”

  “Dad, I’m not stupid. You used to have a lot of sex. I know. I read about it on the internet. This one article said you could get a woman in bed faster than you could make it to the bottom of the slope in the downhill.”

  Feeling as if he’d been hit by another avalanche of awkward, Tyler slowed right down as he approached the village. Lights twinkled in store windows, and a large Christmas tree stood proudly at the end of Main Street. “You don’t want to believe everything you read on the internet.”

  “All I’m saying is, you don’t have to give up sex just because I’m living with you. You need to get out there again.”

  Speechless, he pulled into a parking space by the village store. “I’m not having this conversation with my thirteen-year-old daughter.”

  “I’m nearly fourteen. You need to keep up.”

  “Whatever. My sex life is off-limits.”

  “Did you ever have sex with Brenna? Was she one of the ones you had a relationship with?”

  How was it possible to sweat when the air temperature was below freezing? “That is personal, Jess.”

  “So you did have sex with her?”

  “No! I never had sex with Brenna.” Sex with Brenna was something he didn’t allow himself to think about. Ever. He didn’t think about those abs. He didn’t think about those legs. “And this conversation is over and done.”

  “Because it would be fine with me. I think she really likes you. Do you like her?”

  Realizing he’d just been given permission to have sex by his teenage daughter, Tyler raked his fingers through his hair. “Yeah, of course I do. I’ve known her since we were kids. We’ve hung around together for most of our lives. She’s a good friend.”

  And he wasn’t going to do anything to damage that. Nothing. Not a damn thing.

  He’d messed up every relationship he’d ever had. His friendship with Brenna was the one thing that was still intact, and he intended to keep it that way.

  Jess unclipped her seat belt. “I like Brenna. She’s not all gooey eyed about you like some women are. And she talks to me like a grown-up. If you could give me some money, I’ll go and buy what I need. I’ll buy some stuff for the fridge, too, so if Grandma drops by she’ll be impressed by your housekeeping.”

  “Gooey eyed?” Tyler pulled his wallet out of his pocket. “What is that supposed to mean?”

  Jess shrugged. “Like some of the moms at school. They all wear makeup and tight clothes, in case you’re picking me up. The other day when Kayla picked me up, there was almost a riot. Sometimes the other girls want to know if you’re coming or not. I guess their moms don’t want to bother with the whole lipstick thing if you’re not going to show up.”

  Tyler stared at her. “Are you serious?”

  “Yeah, but it’s okay.” Jess tugged her coat around her skinny frame. “I’m cool with the fact my dad is a national sex symbol. But if you’re going to pick someone I have to live with and call Mom, I’d like you to pick someone like Brenna, that’s all. She doesn’t flick her hair all the time and look at you with a dopey smile.”

  “No one is coming to live with us, you won’t be calling anyone Mom and, for the final time, I’m not going to have sex with Brenna.” Tyler spoke through clenched teeth. “Now go buy whatever it is you need.”

  Jess slid down in her seat. “I can’t.” Her voice was strangled. “Mr. Turner has just gone in there with his son, who is in my class. I want to die.”

  Tyler breathed deeply and then rummaged in the mess in his car until he found an old restaurant bill and a pen. “Make me a list.”

  “I’ll wait until they’ve gone.” It was dark in the car, but he could see she was scarlet again.

  “Jess, we need to do this before we both die of hypothermia.”

  She hesitated and then snatched the pen and scribbled.

  “Wait here.” Tyler took the bill from her and walked into the store. If he could ski Austria’s notorious Hahnenkamm at a speed of 90 mph, he could buy girl stuff.

  * * *

  TEN MINUTES LATER, Brenna Daniels walked into the store, relieved to be out of the bitter cold.

  Ellen Kelly came out from the room behind the counter, carrying three large boxes. “Brenna! Your mother was in here earlier today. Told me she hadn’t seen you for a month.”

  “I’ve been busy. Can I help you with those, Ellen?” Brenna took the boxes from her and stacked them on the floor. “You shouldn’t carry so many at once. The doctor told you to be careful lifting.”

  “I’m careful. Storm’s coming, and people like to stock up in case they’re snowed in for a month. We’re all hoping it’s not going to be as bad as 2007. Remember Valentine’s Day?”

  “I was in Europe, Ellen.”

  “That’s right, you were. I forgot. No snow at all in January, and then three feet in twenty-four hours. Ned Morris lost some of his cows when the barn roof fell in.” Ellen rubbed her back. “By the way, you just missed him.”

  “Ned Morris?”

  “Tyler.” Ellen bent and opened one of the boxes. “And he had Jess with him. I swear she’s grown a foot over the summer.”

  “Tyler was here?” Brenna’s heart pounded a little harder. “We have a meeting back at the resort in an hour.”

  “I’m guessing they had an emergency. Jess stayed in the car, and he came in and bought everything she needed. And I do mean everything.” Ellen Kelly winked knowingly and started unpacking the boxes and transferring the contents to the shelves. “I never thought I’d see Tyler O’Neil in here shopping for a teenage girl. I remember people had nothing but bad to say about him when Janet Carpenter announced she was pregnant, but he’s proved them all wrong. That Janet is as cold as a Vermont winter, but Tyler—” she arranged cans on the shelf “—he may be a bad boy with the women, but no one can say he hasn’t done right by that child.”

  “She’s almost fourteen.”

  “And looking like a different person from the one who arrived here last winter, all skinny and pale. Can you imagine? What sort of mother sends a child away like that?” Ellen clucked her disapproval and bent to open
another box, this one packed with Christmas decorations. “Disgraceful.”

  Brenna was careful to keep her opinion on that to herself. “Janet had a new baby.”

  “So she gave up the old one? All the more reason to keep Jess close, in my opinion.” Ellen hung long garlands of tinsel on hooks. “She could have been scarred for life. Lucky she has Tyler and the rest of the O’Neils. Would you like decorations, honey? I have a big selection this year.”

  “No thanks, Ellen. I don’t decorate. And Jess isn’t scarred. She’s a lovely girl.” Loyal and discreet, Brenna tried to steer the conversation in a different direction. She didn’t mention the insecurities or any of the problems she knew Jess had suffered settling in. “Did you know she made the school ski team? She has real talent.”

  “She’s her father’s daughter all right. I still remember that winter when Tyler skied down old Mitch Sommerville’s roof.” Smiling, Ellen sat an oversize smiling Santa on a shelf. “He was arrested of course, but my George always said he’d never seen a person so fearless on the mountain. Except you, perhaps. The two of you were inseparable. Used to watch you sneaking out when you should have been in class.”

  “Me? You’ve got the wrong person, Ellen.” Brenna grinned at her. “I never sneaked out of school in my life.”

  “Must be a real blow for Tyler, losing his career like that. Especially when he was right at the top.”

  Brenna, who would rather jump naked into a freezing lake than talk about another person’s private business, made a desperate attempt to change the subject. “There’s plenty to keep him busy up at Snow Crystal. Bookings are up. Looks like it might be a busy winter.”

  “That’s good to hear. That family deserves it. No one was more shocked than me to hear the place was in trouble. The O’Neils have lived at Snow Crystal since before I was born. Still, Jackson seems to have turned it around. There were people around here who thought he’d made a mistake when he spent all that money building fancy log cabins with hot tubs, but turns out he knew what he was doing.”

  “Yes.” Brenna picked up the few things she needed, wondering if there was such a thing as private business living in a small town. “He’s a clever businessman.”